I have a now 2 month old son from a man that I had a brief affair with about a year ago. Soon after it was known I was pregnant he decided he wanted to save his marriage- then cut off all ties with me knowing I was pregnant.
I had found his work number and called him once to let him know the sex of the baby and that he was o.k.
He didn't want to know anything about the baby and said he'd rather wait for the 'legal stuff'.
I did not try to contact him again until after the baby was born only to discover he had blocked me from calling him at work.

A week after I filed with the TX AG he called me- from a blocked number, offering to pay for a dna test and said that he wanted to be in his sons' life. He is still married and turns out his wife is infertile too I might mention. I stupidly agreed to the test and of course the results came back proving him the father.

We each got the results on a Monday. He did not bother to reach me until the following Friday and that's when he told me he wanted to have equal custody (50/50) and that according to the child support calculator he would pay 370/month but if he had equal custody he'd only pay 150/month.
I told him I did not believe 50/50 was good for a baby and that maybe that would be an option when our son was older and that my saying that had nothing to do with money.

HIs response was that equal custody wouldn't work when the baby grew because of school (which tells me he intends on fighting for full custody in a few years). He told me he wanted to come up with an agreement that we both could sign, have notarized and then a judge can sign off on. Mind you we had a mediation appt. set up 5 days from them with the state. I suggested we meet 2 hours before the appointment to talk about this more. It was agreed that he, his pastor and myself would meet there at 8 a.m. to try to come to an agreement before the mediation.

I went to the mediation appt. and so did he with his wife. When we were called in he let it be known that he had gone and filed with the county courts on Monday (3 days after our phone call) He gave me a copy of the papers he filed and he is claiming that I seek to exclude him as the father of our son!

I don't even know where he can make such a claim when he was the one that did everything in his power to make sure I could not contact him, and considering that he never even asked about his son or to see his son on that one day that he did call me after we got the test results back prior to the mediation appointment.
He stopped me from attempting to get child support by filing that claim. And now he is threatening me that if I do not come to an agreement with him and sign the agreements he will take me to court seeking immediate 50/50, but as of now he's willing to do a step stair parenting plan that basically makes it so that he had 50/50 time with our son by the time he is 19 months old.

I have no intention of keeping my son from his father. I would not do that to my son. I am mature enough to know my personal issues with his dad are just that MY personal issues and should not have any baring on him having a relationship with his father.
I would like to see his father have visits that stair step from 3 days a week for 2 hours unsupervised gradually working up to where he has him 10-12 hours on Saturday and Sunday of each week as well as a 2 hour visit during the week. I would like to believe our son would be ready to start over nights by then.

This man is working with Fathers for Equal rights and I'm beginning to see what other Mothers have said as well as other Lawyers about how these groups try to bully women. That whole mediation deal was just sooooo wrong. How can this man tell me we will meet 2 hours early, and go file with another court instead and thing that is not being sneaky or going behind my back? (That's what he says... that he filed without my consent just as I filed with the TX AG without his--- how was I suppose to consent him? He made it impossible for me to contact him minus beating down his door and sorry but I'm just not going to do that!)

Was this state ordered mediation and what was the results of it?

Also by asking that he have no overnights with the child is asking him to stay away from the child and showing him you want full physical custody.

Where does everything stand at this point?

Who filed what where?

First, you did not make a mistake with the DNA test. It would have had to happen at some point.

But its clear that he is getting legal advice. Which means you need to hire an attorney NOW! I think it's unlikely he will get 50/50 until the child is weaned. But once that happens it is a good possibility.

He can claim anything he wants in court papers. You will have to prove those claims are false. That means you need to assemble and evidence you have that you tried to contact him and give him a chance to be part of your son's birth and life.

What did you file with the AG? Was it just for support or what?

But he is the father, and joint custody is not only fair in my opinion, it is getting to be more and more common in today's court.

The old fashion idea that the women is the person who is automatically the person with custody is going out with the same idea that women get lesser pay and that women can't do the same work as a man.

I guess my question is why should he not get equal visits and/or custody. He is a threat to the child, is the child in danger.

Merely him not wanting you and choosing to stay with his wife, is not a sign of being a bad father for a child.

We did not get to have the state ordered mediation- he prevented this from happening by opening a suit against me with the county courts. The mediator ended the session as soon as it began.

I never said I do not want him to have over nights EVER,

I would prefer to work up to a 50/50 agreement by the time our son is 3. I would like sole physical custody with an agreement to have the orders modified when our son is 3.
At this point he is telling me I can agree to his terms or be taken to court

He filed in. In Texas

It is hard to contact someone who makes it so he is uncontactable. He deleted his e-mail address back in March which was my only means of communicating with him during our relationship. I found his work number & asked if he wanted to know the sex

Of the child or how the baby was doing when I was still pregnant. He told me he did not want to know and would rather wait for the 'legal stuff'. I did not try to call him again due to his obvious disinterest after our son was born to discover that

So... get a lawyer, go to court, and show his absolute disinterest in the child up to the point of birth.

Frankly, I'd have a lawyer ASAP, if I were you. I don't think he quite realizes yet that his wife and his es-mistress are going to be interacting for the rest of their lives, and he's NOT going to be able to just take the child and cast you aside.

You need someone on your side to fight as hard as he is, and representing yourself, you WILL lose.

Actually while he has to have some interaction, the exchange of the child can happen at a neutral location ( common), Here in Atlanta, many parents exchange the child at a fire house or a police station to keep arguments to a nill.

First please do not use the Comments feature for followups. As you can see the amount of text is limited. Use the Answer options instead.

I totally agree with Synnen. Get a lawyer and fight him. But forget about getting sole physical custody. It is unlikely to happen. And if you ask for it, it will reinforce his claim that you are trying to keep the child from him. What you should be asking for is PRIMARY physical custody with limited visitation initially getting longer as the child is weaned.

Also you never answered what YOU filed. If you filed with the AG first, you may be able to cite that as a prior suit and have it take precedence. But, again, you really need an attorney to help you strategize. He's shown his true colors now, so you have to deal with it.

I actually have located a lawyer who is willing to take my case on a payment plan. The Father has filed pro se
So I think that should give me the upper hand. I did file with the AG first and he went and filed with the county courts 2 days before our scheduled mediation.
Kind of funny since when we talked 5 days before the scheduled mediation we agreed to meet up there 2 hours early to see what agreements we might make prior to the mediation. He has been very sneaky!

His wife has asked more questions about my son than he has and I noticed that on the copy of his petition he gave me under Temp. Orders he is requesting he is requesting that we have JMC and that I be the Primary custodial parent and as far as what he will do money wise- he only offers to pay health insurance premiums and 50% of medical costs but fails to mention anything about child support.

I think it's pretty obvious his main concern is the rights of keeping more money in his wallet. He hasn't even bought ANYTHING for his son. Not a stuffed animal or a bag of diapers or pair of socks. This guy is ridiculous. It will be hard for him to prove I've sought out to exclude him from anything. My lawyer will be contacting my home phone provider to request documents of calls I made to his work after I found out the baby's sex and after the baby is born. I have everything documented in a diary and local friends that are more than willing to testify to his excluding himself all this time.

Since he's known beyond any doubt this is his son he's only asked about his son's well being once...
When I asked how to reach him if, God forbid there is an emergency with our son- he said I'll have to call his Pastor at his church! - Really sounds like he cares doesn't it?

I can't wait to go to court right now. This ought to be down right amusing.

By the way Fr Chuck-
I broke up with him after I caught him trying to cheat on me too. He tried to talk me into continuing on with him and I refused and said I just wanted to remain friends for our child and that he could still come to the Dr. appts and be there for the birth- he agreed that he wanted to, but never did. - His choice to exclude himself not mine.

Synen,
Actually this boob has told me he thinks that it will be best if he and I do not talk at all and I go through his wife for all communication regarding our son!

I find this to be awfully immature. I did not make a baby with her. She seems nice enough and I have no problem talking to her, but I think it's hilarious he's trying to act like I still want him or something. I'd rather play in traffic than be with this scum bag. I can't believe his wife has chosen to stay, but that is her choice to make so it is really of no concern to me.

I find it odd that he wants 50/50 which everyone knows means the parents will have to work together even more than with traditional custody/visitation yet he wishes not to speak to me.

I know they plan on fighting me for full custody assuming they can gain 50/50 now. He already made that one obvious when I first told him 50/50 would be more of an option when our son was older. His reply to that was that we couldn't do 50/50 then because it would be too hard when he started school.
So am I suppose to trust and believe that while he wants 50/50 so bad right now he will give up his 50% once school starts?

He has some nerve! I really think he's a sociopath.

And, yet again, you mention filing with the AG but not WHAT. Also what is JMC? You have to remember that acronyms may be local and not everyone will now what they mean.

Clearly there are some logical shortcomings in his petition and I'm sure your attorney will point out those shortcomings to the court.

And, yet again, you mention filing with the AG but not WHAT. Also what is JMC? You have to remember that acronyms may be local and not everyone will now what they mean.

Clearly there are some logical shortcomings in his petition and I'm sure your attorney will point out those shortcomings to the court.

Im not as confident as Scott that your attorney has it all together. Hes already starting on the wrong foot. Its almost not even relevant that your phone records get into court. And its not just those few calls but ALL of your records are going to be exposed and part of public record. So everyone you called on it will be on it and open to question. Another thing is calling his work doesn't mean you actually talked to him. You could have talked to anyone. And for him to get your records it may take a sopeana and there goes a lot of money chasing nothing.

I see his stratagy. Its sad your not seeing it and instead making yourself feel better by name calling. Take that into court and it will be smackdown time. You really do need to be much more careful and diligent even with a lawyer at your side. It can get very expensive very fast and cost your ex virtually nothing to go there.

Sorry I filed for child support and dna testing to be done. JMC- Joint Managing Conservator. It was my idea to get phone records since he unblocked me after I gave his blocking as an example of him excluding himself.

So what is his strategy? I won't name call in court- I will keep my venting outside of the courtroom.

If you look at what he is doing. Hes getting advice from somewhere.

1) he is isolating himself from you through a third person. That way he always has a witness.

Another thing he is doing is making sure you can't get a restraining order against him as that is a common tactic in the courts.

And all this is making you more frustrated and closer to messing up. Think before you speak. DO NOT name call. Not to anyone. He has the right to call anyone as witness and if he asks did "she" badmouth me. They are compelled to tell the truth. Also it doesn't matter who's idea it was for phone records your lawyer should have already advised you that its not a great idea at this stage. And your wasting funds doing so.

Well yes I was aware of all of that. I know he's a member of Fathers For Equal Rights here in Houston and they've been advising him. That's who is coaching him to fight this pro se too. I have not bad mouthed him to his face. I keep everything civil!

I actually had to practically beg him that we communicate over e-mail just so I could have everything documented. Thankfully in one e-mail he admitted that he did not believe yanking our son from me was good but if I would not agree to Equal custody that is what he will ask be done in court. It's like his trying to bully me here.

I honestly would be fine with joint physical custody or as they call it here JMC, with me having primary custody. I have always wanted him to do right for his son by stepping up to the plate but I think it's ridiculous that he wants to have 50/50 by the time he is 19 months old.
He's also saying he wants full day visits in just 3 months from now.

Hopefully his judge makes the same crazy eyes everyone else makes when I tell him the game plan he's talking about!

Hopefully his judge makes the same crazy eyes everyone else makes when I tell him the game plan he's talking about!

Umm YOU don't tell the judge ANYTHING about his plans. You let HIM present them to the court. You present your own plan and make sure its reasonable.