I'm almost 7 months married, just starting, but I've seen and feel that my husband change a lot. He starts to lie to me his reason because I would never allow him to go. Is it reasonable? (I'm having a hard time confronting him and telling what I really feel) he loses his sweetness to me because he said we're husband and wife. Everything change, but when we we're still bf/gf he is so sweet to me, he never lied to me, he is a good boyfriend to me but when we got married what happened? Sometimes I think its my fault, I loose his singleness.. help me.. what happened? I really do love so much my husband even if he is being rude to me and all the changes.. and maybe because we have a baby which is 3 months old..

Take it from an older guy, You are not carefree kids in love and just have each other. Everything has changed, and you have a child. It was a life changing event for you both, and now you have to make adjustments to your new responsibilities, and obligations, and it does take a lot of time, and hard work and your are just getting started.

Focus on being a happy wife, and mother while he adjusts to being a father to support you, and a husband who loves you. Men are slower than women (LOL, that's what my wife said), and the process may be slow, but if you make your home a happy one, and are sweet to him, I am sure he will want to be happy and sweet to you as well. Let him go out, and unwind after a hard day, he will be back, and be glad to be home, more than he is away.

That is if he knows he is coming home to a happy person, and not a mean mommy who complains and tells him what she wants him to do, or been waiting all day to bombard him with emotions over her concerns or frustrations. There is a time and place for all that, so greet him and not attack him.

Fairy tales are for princesses who don't know better, but reality is for a queen who can handle her castle. Look in the mirror, what do you see? A smiling QUEEN who knows what she has to do? Or a frowning spoiled princess who doesn't have a clue? That's what he sees also.


Look I know you have just given birth, and your body is still and will continue to go through some very traumatic changes. So will your moods and attitudes. But I think some visits to talk to other QUEENS especially those who have been there, and done that, will help you through this time of change, and adjustments, and some walks with your new baby will help you greatly.

Thanks..

It has to be really like this? Is this what husband are? Why boys are having a hard time to adjust being a husband? Having a hard time to sacrifice something?

When I got married, I sacrifice everything. Even going with my friends, but he can't do that?
Sometimes I find him that he doesn't what to take care of our baby. When I got just to buy something he wants me to be with our baby. Sometimes he doesn't care for her. Last time we went to his friend, we left our baby in my father in law. Were out for 8pm until 6 in the morning. I'm having hard time to convince him to go home because I need also to take care of my baby and we went for a long time already. But he answer me that his dad were their to take care of her.
When I went to the mall to see my college friends he wants me to bring our baby. Is it he doesn't want to take care of our baby? And is it right that wife are the one who will only take good care of the baby?

QUOTE by nanzylim;
Thanks. It has to be really like this? Is this what husband are? Why boys are having a hard time to adjust being a husband? Having a hard time to sacrifice something?
With all due respect, sacrifice is in the eye of the beholder, and we are all different in the way we view what we sacrifice, why, and when. You may have accepted the sacrifice you wanted to make, but you also have to see the sacrifice he has to make. Just because you don't see it, or understand it, doesn't mean he isn't sacrificing something. Is it fair to down another because they do things differently than what you want them too? In a shared sacrifice it has to be discussed and agreed upon, and that takes talking and listening. You seem to have assumed he knows what you expect of him, and unless you voice your opinion he cannot, and maybe he may not agree. That's what communicating is about, expressing what's on your mind, AND listening to what's on his. This is a process that may take months and years of constant practice with each other. Patience and compromise by both partners is needed during that process as well as courtesy, and respect.

when I got married, I sacrifice everything. Even going with my friends, but he can't do that?
Goes to what I was saying, as that's what you were willing to do, but have you discussed it before you made those sacrifices, or did you do it and expect him to do the same?


Sometimes I find him that he doesn't what to take care of our baby. When I got just to buy something he wants me to be with our baby.
I think this is very common with new babies. Most men that are new fathers are afraid to death of newborns. Their's or anyone else's. It takes getting use to, as they just don't know what to do, and have no instincts in that area. Its also common that he doesn't recognize your need for a break sometimes. A need to just get some air without being responsible. These are things you have to be explicit on, or he will never know and see this as a way of making him do what you want. Many will resist out of fear of doing something wrong while you are away. That's a problem with new fathers sometimes and where some calm talking is needed.

sometimes he doesn't care for her. Last time we went to his friend, we left our baby in my father in law. Were out for 8pm until 6 in the morning. I'm having hard time to convince him to go home because I need also to take care of my baby and we went for a long time already. But he answer me that his dad were their to take care of her.
I can understand a reluctance by a new mother to be away from her child. I really can, but I doubt he does but this is a perfect example of communicating with each other because he would expect you to relax and enjoy the time away, but you cannot because like all new moms you worry. You need to see that this was about your fear that your child needed you but didn't, and that no one but you can take care of your child the way you can. That may be true, but I doubt it. Be real, its you who could not relax away so long from your child, even though he was in good hands.

When I went to the mall to see my college friends he wants me to bring our baby. Is it he doesn't want to take care of our baby? And is it right that wife are the one who will only take good care of the baby?[/
That may be true with infants, but I don't agree that guys won't be more than happy to interact with their kids once the get a bit up in age, when dad's are more comfortable with them.

I think you have to stop expecting instant success by your man, and express yourself to him more, and as you both make adjustments, you will work together better, and communicate easier. 7 months of marriage is hardly long enough to be on exactly the same page all the time, so lighten up, or be unduly disappointed, angry, and frustrated because your husband will never be perfect all the time, and neither will you.

It's a process that requires work to make a marriage work, and having a ceremony, a ring, and a child is only the beginning. Be patient, and talk and stay cool, calm, and collected, so you can understand. Husbands and wives seldom see things alike, nor can read each others minds, and know what the other wants, or needs in real life. That's what talking, and listening is about.

Thank you so much.. I really appreciate it.

Can I ask one more thing? Does money matter?

In your first post, you say he lies to you, so that he can go somewhere. Why is he lying, and where is he going.

I find it odd that his 'sweetness' as you describe him, changed to him saying that he's different after marriage, because that's what happens when you become husband and wife. Somehow his role as a husband and partner changed, because you are now married?

So, if he's changed that much, right after you married him, I think it should be no surprise that he's not exactly stepping up in the new father department either. Why are you so intimidated that you cannot talk to him about your feelings as you said. Does he just shut you down because being married means he doesn't have to talk anymore, and he can do what he likes?

I don't know what the two of you were doing out from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. and why didn't you just leave if he didn't want to, at a reasonable hour.

You need to talk to him, and he needs to learn how to listen. And you are only guessing at what his words mean, until and unless the two of you talk to each other, and listen to each other.

Him being a father now doesn't have the 'opt out' button, nor does it have a separate rule book that makes his responsibilities less than yours. Having a baby turns everybody's life upside down, and I take it he's a frequent flyer in the going out with his friends department. Do you think he should be home more? Is his company what you miss more than him not helping with the baby?

While being a new husband, and a new father is a major adjustment in anybody's life, the fact that you are feeling that you are not being heard, and he somehow has a set of rules for himself that you aren't happy with, means you have to maybe try harder to assert yourself.

As long as he does his thing, and figures it's okay with you, because you remain silent, why would he change. And, what do you mean about money, and does money matter.

QUOTE by jake2008
In your first post, you say he lies to you, so that he can go somewhere. Why is he lying, and where is he going.
He's going with his friends (drinking and partying).


I don't know what the two of you were doing out from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. and why didn't you just leave if he didn't want to, at a reasonable hour.

We went to our common friend because he's celebrating his birthday. It really took us 10 hours and he is the only one who's been enjoying because since I married I never drink again.. I was the only girl that time. He asked me to come with him because he know that I won't allow him to go.


Do you think he should be home more?

Not just in our home but having time to bond with our baby..

I already talk to him and his been a little change. I just want him to realize that his not single anymore and have a limitations in everything he does. Like in time.

Yup, Does money matter? I don't know if I'm a bit crazy or what or am I just thinking of a bull**** situation. Between the two of us he is the one who's working (I'm taking care of our baby), when we got married, we collect some money for about 65thous pesos, after the wedding my husband used 5thousand to let his friend drink. After a week his mother asked him for some money (its kind of big). But nothing's return. It should be the money that we're going to used before when I gave birth and for our savings and expenses. My husband doesn't hear anything from me regards to that. It's like this. I asked him to buy me something (its my 1st time to asked him to buy me something), I'm very careful with my things. It could lasted for many years. He just replied me, it too expensive and it can destroy soon. But why is it like this? When he buy something for him even if it's too expensive its okey with him? And when I got his salary and when I spend it to buy some grocery for us, he asked what was the things I bought, he asked the price? Sometimes I'm thinking that he thought I steal some of the money. Sometimes I think that I have no rights to spend or to ask some money to him for my own goods. That why as much as I can, I don't want to asked for some money to him.

Thank you so much..

Takes years of talking to learn how to blend the ways of two people into a couple. Years of trying to learn, and grow through hardships, and personal immaturity and faults. Sure he isn't acting like you want, and I am sure you let him know when you are not happy about his habits, or behavior. Typical in the beginning, but I can only advise you to pick your battles carefully, and do as you have to, because you have an awful long way to go, and many trials, and tribulations that life will throw at you.

He has his ideas, and you will have yours, and I am sure he would say you have changed also. The truth is, you both have changed, and that's normal. I think in time you will both learn how to define boundaries, and set rules, and standards, so you can work together if you manage to keep talking, and give to get what you want, and need.

Sorry, there are no quick fixes, or magic potents to fix every problem that comes up, you just have to keep talking, and working until after many years (if you get that far), you finally work well together, or you will work well apart.

For sure a mad female will never change a boy into a man, nor will an immature man make a female a happy wife, so for now, do your part, and carry your own responsibilities out, and be a bit patient until he catches up. If he doesn't, well you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

You will even come together on the finances, if you talk to each other enough. That's the bottom line, you can accomplish anything, if you talk, and listen to each other enough.

Don't you have your own faults to work on?? Can't believe its all him. I know better.

Don't you have your own faults to work on?? Can't believe its all him. I know better.

Of course I know I have also my faults why this is happening. I'm just asking some advice. Even me, I'm not perfect.

Thanks for everything.

You need to talk to him. Sit him down, go over all your concerns, no matter how trivial they may seem to you, or how reluctant you are to bring them up. The more you stew about things, the further you are from resolving them, and they will just keep adding up.

Everything changes when you marry someone. Then everything gets even more complicated when you add the first baby. There are no rule books over who should be doing what, or what your 'job' is, or what his 'job' is. It is all, just one big job.

While you are home all day, your lifestyle has changed more drastically than his has. His routine is pretty much the same, going to work every day, and maintaining his social life. Your life before the baby, was probably similar to his, and probably included a lot more time with him. Now you are wrapped up in diapers, not having the independence of your own life, and the two of you are going in opposite directions. You don't have scheduled coffee breaks, and free time. New babies take up all of your time, and that is a 24/7 job.

I don't get the impression that he is the type of father who looks forward to coming home to spend time with his daughter, and offer to make dinner because you were up all night with a fussy baby. What I'm getting at, is his expectations of you, now, are maybe not what your expectations are of what he should be doing. He too, didn't come with a handbook on what the rules are.

There has to be communication going on, before resentment starts to build. If you can't talk to him, you aren't going to feel any better, and things will not change. He has to be willing to compromise his time to accommodate you and the new baby, and you have to be willing to tell him what you need. For all you know, he could be feeling totally inadequate and without any confidence in taking care of a baby. Has he ever changed a diaper? Given the baby a bath? Both jobs right there would give you 20 minutes to have a cup of tea and put your feet up. Figure out what you want him to do, and need him to do, and you may be pleasantly surprised.

As long as you don't take positive steps to communicate your needs, and allow him the opportunity to communicate his, by talking, neither of you are going to see any changes. As long as you think he sees you and the baby as 'optional', he's going to opt for going out with his friends, if I read you right. If you want him to contribute more, help more, stay home more, say something!

That he brings in the paycheque does not exclude him from contributing time with his family. As I said, it is only a part of the whole picture; a paycheck is not a 'get out of being a father' card, nor does it have special status, or importance, than you being home caring for a baby 24/7. Think of each of your contributions as being equal.

Talk to him.

####talanimans wife#####

I remember after our first how I loved taking my baby around to the park, and around my neighbors who became friends, and we had a regular coffee, and tea thing going, plus my sisters, and friends were always around to help, and keep me company.

I was enjoying it, and didn't care so much what he did half the time. And he learned to get his own meals when I was late, But the whole point is while you sit and worry about what he is doing, you could be enjoying your new baby, and wouldn't have time to freak out over his goings, and comings and be frustrated he hasn't quite got it yet. There are a gazillion things to do that don't include him, and a few peanut butter sandwiches is what he needs to realize you know more about your household budget than he does. There are so many ways to show and teach him what he needs to do, and what you would like him to do. First you have to know him and his habits and what he thinks his house should be about, once you know that it's a piece of cake to give him what he wants, and get what you want.

Talking with each other comes in a lot of ways, not just in words, but actions and just being observant, and you don't have to be a slave to what he does, because you MAKE time to do what YOU want. So get some friends, and family around you to love, and support you, and enjoy being a new mother and all that it means because life is to short, and kids grow to fast to be stuck on the every day BS of working hard to be unhappy, and not satisfied with whatever.

If you don't know how to do your own thing, that's not his problem to solve, you wouldn't like his ideas any way, then you will never be happy, with, or without him. My gosh woman, your baby is only 4 months old, YOU bond with him, because he will have plenty of chances to bond with his child his own way, in his own time. You have only been married 7 months, He will change many, many times over the next few decades, so will you, and they may not all be changes you like, but you can only control YOUR changes as you live with his.

We all have to make adjustments, course corrections, and even mistakes as we try our best to be happy. You and yours are no different and just have to take the good and bad in stride and love it. You get more with honey than with vinegar as they say and the way you go about your day is the way you will have to live it, so you can be happy and build a happy house, or sad and have a gloomy one. That's up to you, not him, so just be responsible for yourself, what's stopping you? Oh right, he is not co operating. So what? You really don't need him to, he is only a man after all, so what would he know about what you have to do for yourself? NOTHING, its all on you. You're lucky if he can take out the garbage on his own.

Enjoy these times now as you will laugh over it later.

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Yes dear is all I can say/T