My boyfriend and I have been together for about seven years and we live in Madrid together. My boyfriend is Spanish whereas I am originally from New York. I speak fluent Spanish and so in theory I have no problems communicating, but around certain people, particularly his family, I get all nervous and anxious and I freeze up completely.

I first met his family about six years ago and it has been like this since day one. His parents are both really intelligent and his sisters (one younger and one older) are both smart, too - one is a doctor and the other is training to be a classical pianist. I work as a chambermaid in a 2 star hotel in the city centre. Although they don't speak English, they all speak French and Italian and go on regular skiing or boating holidays every year, which I can't attend because I never had the money to learn to ski or sail. When we are all together they discuss intellectual or cultural things I don't really know anything about, so I usually just keep schtum.

Even when I do understand what they're talking about, I feel unable to share my opinion or answer their questions because I am too shy. I go red, I shake, my hands sweat (I have to sit on my hands so they can't see the perspiration).

My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, Cristina, is really good friends with his older sister. She has just finished her PhD in Philosophy and is going to begin work as a lecturer soon. Cristina's family and my boyfriend's family go on boating holidays together in the Mediterranean every summer, and they are all really close. Every time I meet Cristina she speaks in perfect English to me because they think I can't speak Spanish (due to me being too shy to speak).

Basically I need to know how I can get over feeling like such a schmuck every time I am around them - I never make jokes, I never tell stories, I never SAY ANYTHING because I am so terrified of looking like a bore.

Does anyone have any advice? We are going to a family wedding this weekend, Cristina his perfect ex will be there and I don't want to let my boyfriend down again.

I honestly believe the best thing for you to do is little by little start speaking to members of his family one at a time in spanish. If it is true that you are fluent and they have no idea you can speak it, converstation will pick up. You can even start to get closer with the family when ever they are doing some type of cooking or clean and ask them if you can help in spanish or english, which ever is more comfortable with you.I totally understand your situation, however to make progress you must start little by little. Don't feel so embarrassed around them or uncomfortable if you are not sure about the topic they are speaking of, that happens to every one. Still when they are speaking about a topic your are informed about let them know what you know. At the wedding try speaking to cristina in spanish about how excited or how great you think the wedding is, or how ever thing looks nice, just try and make some kind of conversation with her. Good luck. Hope this helped.

It's not easy to have a 180 degree turn and wake up full of confidence. Take one step at the time. Try this approach:

Every time you see a member of his family, put in a little more effort than the time before. Furthermore, since you can't expect to talk to everyone, focus your attention on only 1 or 2 people each time. Rotate between the members of his family each time you go to a gathering.

Focus on smaller goals each time you go so that you don't have to feel overwhelmed each time.

You guys been at it for 7 years which is a real long time, You should not ever compete with his ex although it is not a good sign if she is still a part of his family when she is not part of him. You should really speak and be yourself because you don't want to always be quiet where as there family will think you are not smart enough to be with there son. You are loved by him for a reason and you should show it to there family talk more to them. Tell them about stories you had with there son. It does not have to be breaking news or have to deserve a nobel prize but its simple talk you are making with them. If you are always quiet they will question him about you and always ask why would you want to be with her if christina seems so perfect for him. Im sure you are a very intelligent women but if you don't speak up it won't show. Your life is extremely interesting and he loves you and that's why he is with you, if you feel that christina is just too much to compete with then it is not wrong if you tell there family to exclude her from the summer trip. Its your turn to be the light of there life and especially his so you should start to open up to them and try by making jokes or going with them to these vacations they will love you for who you are. You should never have to change for anyone. Your dreams and goals should be shared with them talk more to them about anything that cross your mind. Christina may have a PHD but she doesn't have your man because you do. You should try to hang with his sisters more so then you would have stories to ell to there parents so that will be your ice breaker into not being so shy. Let his sisters understand you so then next time you are with his parents his sisters would try to include you in the conversations. Don't ever feel as if your not good enough for him because of christina he is with you and not her for a reason so always remember that.
Good luck.

I like toast :3