Well, 4 months ago my GF broke up with me. She said she still cares about me, but she no longer loves me. This crushed me, especially since things appeared to be going so well. Her relative from Germany came to visit for a week, and my ex told her, and me to my face, that she can see us together a year from now.

In private my ex even said it. I took her to a big bad voodoo daddies concert, one of her favorite bands, and she had a really good time, the next morning we saw Toy Story 3. She was all smiles and kissed me and told me she loves me, then out of no where I get a call saying she wanted to meet, and then she dropped the bomb when I met her.

She told me I am sweet, caring, and I shouldn't change who I am, but even she doesn't know what she wants anymore. She was working on a research project for school, and she lied to me, telling me she was still working on it, when in reality she finished it a week ago. She was just to afraid to talk to me.

She told me she lost her feelings of love about a month before the breakup. She held on to hoping she could change her mind and her heart. But she couldn't, so she let me go.

I did tell her though, that I am willing to seek relationship counselling, but the offer won't be open forever. And I even told her that we can still be friends, as when we first started dating she said that if we ever broke up we could try to be friends.

What's worse, is that for two weeks before the breakup, she told me everyday she loved me, she told me I am the kind of guy she wants to marry someday and that she wouldn't mind if it was me. Her cousine even said that during the family reunion over the summer, she told anyone who would listen how much she loves me and such.

So for 3 weeks, she strings me along, saying give it a bit of time, she will decide if she is willing to go relationship counceling and she said we could get back together if we give it time. But she made this clear: If she didn't want to get back together she would give up dating for a semester because she didn't know what it was she wants. So for 3 weeks I waited.

Then surprise! On Facebook she announced she was in a relationship with another guy! I get so angry because I know then I was being used. SO her and I have a text message war that night and then we delete each other from Facebook.

During that war I accused her of cheating on me, because she was in a relationship with a guy who was her friend throughout our entire relationship. Everyone, including two different psychiatrists and her own mother said that there is almost no way she could have jumped him as fast as she did unless she was cheating on me when we were together.

Well a week later she contacts me and wants to meet. When we meet she says she never cheated on me, I give her the timeline and she says its true it looks bad but she never cheated.

SHe also revealed that the guy she is dating now had pursued her throughout our entire relationship and she kept saying no, till finally she gave in to the pressure and said yes after breaking up with me. Less then a week after leaving me, which means during the entire time she was giving me false hope she was already dating him.

She also told me she will always regret how she broke up with me, because she knows I love her and she did it in the worse way possible. She also says she doesn't deserve me and I deserve better. I say I will go NC because this is still so fresh for me, she understands and says she will either contact me in the future or I can contact her when I am ready to do so.

We both agree though, and this was her idea, that if an emergency happens like a car accident, then the other would be informed because she still cares about me SHe walks away after that crying her eyes out.

Its been 3 months since we last talked.

I have dated numerous people, but have all failed because I am still so in love with her.

Also, I have not seen her all semester till recently. Only for the last two weeks have I seen her everywhere I go!

Her mom called me and said that there's a distance between the new guy and her daughter and that the ex still has feelings for me, but is to afraid to do anything. She is afraid I will reject her.

Also, her mom said that almost as soon as she left me, her life has been hell. She has gotten illness after illness, her grades have dropped and she is suffering depression. She said if she was religious she would say that's a sign, and the ex agreed.

I really want to break NC, I will not mention that I want her back, but say that I am interested in opening communication again since I believe enough time has passed to do so. I know she isn't going to do it because she is afraid of being rejected. I want to know what everyone thinks.

Sounds like you've already decided what you're going to do, so I imagine this will fall on deaf ears, but here goes.

You really haven't given yourself enough time to heal from what you went through with her. Don't rush in and contact her, unless you're a fan of heartache.

I know you'd like to be, but you're not a prince on a white horse that can simply ride in and save her. Leave her alone and let her get her act together on her own.

I believe your suspicions about her basically using you while she figured out how she feels about this new guy is dead on. Happens all the time. Remember that as you ponder breaking NC and starting communication with her again.

Just because she is all depressed and feeling horrible doesn't mean that she wants to get back together with you. No doubt at this time she is all confused. She probably doesn't know what her feelings are right now so, how could she even tell you? If she 100% wanted to get back together with you( and you should accept no less) then nothing would stop her... not pride or fear. Do you want to try a second time with someone who doesn't have themselves together.

What's more likely to happen if you do get back with her( and I can tell you want to) is that you will help her out of her hole that she is in, things will be fine for a while until she gets back on her feet again and feels better about herself, then... boom! She will figure out she doesn't need you anymore... nothing but a crazy rollercoaster ride! It is always much harder trying to make a relationship work the second time around. Many issues have to be resolved before you can work on trying again. That's why so many couples fail the second time around.

I say only contact her if you have truly healed and are ready to do so. Resist the impulse to be her knight in shining armour... she really isn't a princess, is she?

I'm not looking to be a knight in shiny armor. I will admit I want her back, but what I really want to do first is contact her so we can talk again. I miss our conversations as she always made me think in ways I've never done before. I've always enjoyed that. I figured just by talking again is a step forward instead of always wondering.

SHe is afraid, that's who she is, she doesn't want to be rejected and every time I see her she acts like she is ashamed.

If you want to break NC, and rescue your little lost princess, and reclaim the glory you had, then go right ahead, but don't get mad at her for stringing you along yet again, as she heals, and gets over all she has been through, and is ready to fly solo again.

You want to take a chance and risk your own healing, then do so. Some people have to learn the hard way that people are just who they are, and love doesn't have a lot to do with it. But it is blinding!

I totally agree with Tal!

You seem to have it in your head that the reason she is all depressed and miserable is because of feeling guilty and sad about breaking up with you... missing what you both had and wants you back. This may be partly true, who knows. What she is going through probably has much less to do with you and the old relationship and more just about her. Sometimes you have to ask yourself "what's better for her?". Will you , coming back into her life, just confuse her more or is it better to just let her go(on her own) through the changes she needs, learning, growing and inevitably( hopefully) becoming a better person( just like you should be doing).

Sometimes , you have to be strong, not just for you but, for her as well. Stop wondering... what if. If you think about it the answer is very clear. Who would you rather risk your emotional health with to try again( especially someone who let you down), someone who is together and with it or a girl who is lost, depressed, doesn't know what she wants? Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

College Guy,

I agree with the others advice. Bottom line this is your choice, but keep in mind that you haven't healed from her DUMPING you the first time. I also agree that it seems a little funny how she replaced you rather quickly, geez do you think she let the bed even get cold before she SLEPT with him!! Why was she allowing this guy to pursue her while she was in a relationship in the first place? You better realize that for some that first time cheating is the hardest after that they don't seem to be as bothered by it!!

Most of us know exactly the hurt, and loss you are going through, and that your willing to swallow your pride in hopes to getting back to normal. But it won't be back to normal, she has told you she isn't in love you anymore. She used you before and she will again, and why not, if you allow it then you have NO ONE to blame but yourself this time! Once she is over the other guy she will be looking for the next guy, because once someone is no longer " In love" but "still loves you" they search for that passionate " In love" feeling.

The choice is yours obviously. Either way you will just be going through your own pain, but its comes down to choice of pride, and self respect. Good luck