Can I as a father of a Six yr old give up rights as a parent and not have to pay Child Support. My Daughter's Mother my Ex will not let me see her and I as a parent do not think it is right. I have to pay child support and can not see my daughter. The last time I was able to see my daughter was 3yrs ago. Her mother has not let me see her since. I just don't think it is right . Can anyone help me please??

Can I as a father of a Six yr old give up rights as a parent and not have to pay Child Support. My Daughter's Mother my Ex will not let me see her and I as a parent do not think it is right. I have to pay child support and can not see my daughter. The last time I was able to see my daughter was 3yrs ago. Her mother has not let me see her since. I just don't think it is right . Can anyone help me please?????

There is a sticky at the top of the Family Law forum regarding termination of parental rights, which can be read here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/signing-over-rights-read-first-116098.html

Either you are allowed visitation rights by the court, or you are not. If you are allowed rights, the mother is in contempt by interfering with your rights. You are allowing her to walk all over you by not taking the initiative and enforcing your rights; instead, you are looking for a way out. Personally, I just don't think that is right.

Take it to court and explain it to the judge. She can't keep you from your child so long as visitation is court ordered.

No its not right that you don't get to see your child. But what have you done about it?

As noted you can't give up your rights and you definitely can't get out of owing support payments. So forget that happening.

So what you do is fight her for the right to see your child.

*I* don't think it's right that you want to stop supporting your child. YOU helped bring her into the world--the child is YOUR responsibility. Grow up and deal with that first.

NEXT--what does your court ordered visitation agreement say? Do you even HAVE one?

YOU have to get that visitation order from the court--the mother certainly isn't going to volunteer it up to you. If you already have one--why aren't you enforcing it?

It's not right that she doesn't let you see the child--but I have a feeling there's more to the story than just that. Most women are reasonable about visitation if the father wasn't an out-and-out jerk when she found out she was pregnant, or if he didn't walk away when she needed mental, emotional, and monetary support after giving birth. So... how did you tick the mother off? She's not denying visitation for absolutely no reason--and I bet HER side of it says "he hasn't even tried to see her in three years! Why should I give him visitation and partial custody?"

It's not right that she doesn't let you see the child--but I have a feeling there's more to the story than just that. Most women are reasonable about visitation if the father wasn't an out-and-out jerk when she found out she was pregnant, or if he didn't walk away when she needed mental, emotional, and monetary support after giving birth. So....how did you tick the mother off? She's not denying visitation for absolutely no reason--and I bet HER side of it says "he hasn't even tried to see her in three years! Why should I give him visitation and partial custody?"

I'm going to play the devil's advocate for one minute. I agree with what you've posted because I also believe the OP isn't holding up his end and doing what he needs to in order to see his child.

That being said, my hubby's ex is a real... shall we say "peach?" In the middle of their divorce, she requested that he be placed on supervised visitation - my husband has no criminal record, has never been abusive in any manner, and has never abused drugs or alcohol; she just didn't want him around "her" children. He would call her and ask if he could see the children during the week, she'd say yes; he'd drive out to her house and she and the children wouldn't be home.

And she told everyone else the same story - "He left us, he doesn't want to see the kids, he doesn't pay child support." In reality, she kicked him out and filed for divorce, she wouldn't let him see the kids, and she was collecting support before there was even a divorce to be heard of.

Another case: a friend of mine "adopted" a baby girl that he knew wasn't his. He ended up marrying the mother, they had another baby - a year later, she started seeing the daughter's father again, kicked out her husband and filed for divorce. For the past four years, she has done nothing but harass him - text him and say he's a terrible father and should sign away his rights, call him and demand he return their son because she didn't get "her" child support, tell everyone who will listen that he's a deadbeat, etc. She even went so far as to accuse him and his new wife of beating their son and refused to let him have the child - the commissioner later reprimanded her for withholding the child.

All right, I'm done preaching... for now :)

Sorry Synn, I have to agree with This here. Same thing happened to me with my boys when they were in the custody of their father.

I would drive over 600 miles for my summer visitation only to find they were sent off to summer camp without so much as a phone call.

Forgot to add something else: the kids have lived with us since August 2009. Last year we had a brief battle over where to send the kids to school; she didn't want them going to a Lutheran school(even though we're paying the tuition) because she claims the kids are Catholic. Commissioner gave my husband sole custody in regards to school choice for that year because Ex wouldn't stop hemming and hawing.

Kids get enrolled - we tell her about PTA meetings, invite her parents to Grandparents Day, give her copies of all the report cards. Make any and every reasonable effort to tell her what's happening in the kids' lives.

She calls the school at the end of March, tells the secretary she had "no idea" where the kids were attending school, we haven't given her any report cards and she wants to meet with their teachers.

Once again, we're the "bad guy" even though we did everything the right way. Sometimes, it's just in a person's nature to be nasty.

True--but think of how MANY posts we have on AHMD regarding "My baby is 3 years old, the father has never seen her or paid support, and now he wants custody and I don't want him near our child!"

It works both ways.

BOTH parties end up nasty in a breakup or divorce most of the time. That affects the children because people don't view them as a joy, but either as a weapon (for the nastier person) or as an unwanted responsibility. Yes, most parents care and work together for the best interests of the children.

But I still maintain that anyone asking for a "get out of jail free" card to not pay support doesn't care about the best interests of the child--they care about their OWN best interests.

Otherwise the OP would have filed for visitation already, and would be asking how to get that enforced---NOT how to get out of paying for his responsibility because he doesn't get to see the kid.

True--but think of how MANY posts we have on AHMD regarding "My baby is 3 years old, the father has never seen her or paid support, and now he wants custody and I don't want him near our child!"

It works both ways.

BOTH parties end up nasty in a breakup or divorce most of the time. That affects the children because people don't view them as a joy, but either as a weapon (for the nastier person) or as an unwanted responsibility. Yes, most parents care and work together for the best interests of the children.

But I still maintain that anyone asking for a "get out of jail free" card to not pay support doesn't care about the best interests of the child--they care about their OWN best interests.

Otherwise the OP would have filed for visitation already, and would be asking how to get that enforced---NOT how to get out of paying for his responsibility because he doesn't get to see the kid.

Agreed. Both parents have a responsibility to encourage a relationship between the child(ren) and the other parent. It's just very hard when you're the one always getting kicked down; yes, you can file for contempt but let's be honest - no one has the time, energy or money to file for contempt every other weekend and to keep running to court because one parent is being a jerk.

/shrug... that's when you file for CUSTODY.

I realize that there are a lot of obstacles when one parent is being a jerk. There's also a lot of EVIDENCE too, then.

And sorry--I have not a lot of sympathy for the whole thing. I'd do almost anything to have a child, and half the time think that parents that won't fight for it don't deserve it anyway. Yes, that makes me cold-hearted in a way, and yes, it's due to my particular circumstances.

If the OP wants visitation, he has to go to court to get it, and KEEP going to court to make sure it's enforced.

/shrug...that's when you file for CUSTODY.

I realize that there are a lot of obstacles when one parent is being a jerk. There's also a lot of EVIDENCE too, then.

And sorry--I have not a lot of sympathy for the whole thing. I'd do almost anything to have a child, and half the time think that parents that won't fight for it don't deserve it anyway. Yes, that makes me cold-hearted in a way, and yes, it's due to my particular circumstances.

If the OP wants visitation, he has to go to court to get it, and KEEP going to court to make sure it's enforced.

It's kind of a vicious circle. The court tells you to call the police when it happens, the police tell you to take it to court.

And you know I'd do anything for my kids - even the ones that didn't come from my body.

I just think the courts should be harder on the parents who make it hard in the first place. Like I said, my friend's ex-wife kept their son away from him for months. There was an ongoing investigation, GAL was involved, obviously they found no evidence of abuse and the child later admitted that his mother told him he needed to lie and say his father hit him. Did she get in trouble for any of it? Nope. The commissioner yelled at her for withholding the child; that was the end of it. She didn't get held in contempt, she didn't get in trouble for lying to the GAL and forcing the child to do the same. Absolutely nothing happened.

It's kind of a vicious circle. The court tells you to call the police when it happens, the police tell you to take it to court.

And you know I'd do anything for my kids - even the ones that didn't come from my body.

I just think the courts should be harder on the parents who make it hard in the first place. Like I said, my friend's ex-wife kept their son away from him for months. There was an ongoing investigation, GAL was involved, obviously they found no evidence of abuse and the child later admitted that his mother told him he needed to lie and say his father hit him. Did she get in trouble for any of it? Nope. The commissioner yelled at her for withholding the child; that was the end of it. She didn't get held in contempt, she didn't get in trouble for lying to the GAL and forcing the child to do the same. Absolutely nothing happened.


Ive seen many of the same things. I applaud this8384 for speaking out. I know from what I had to go through how the courts truly favored the mother no matter what the issue was. She could lie between her teeth and the courts nodded in her favor. It was like writing a blank check for whatever she wanted the courts were ready to dish out. I agree that persons that lie under oath should be dealt with harshly and not given a pass.

Is there a solution? Going back to court only means more building of walls to confine and define the space the children have to live in. Most parents don't agree and the courts love that. That is how they survive. The main thing that needs to happen is that both parents need education and a trial run before judgement by the courts. Let it play out and see what's really going on. That way the courts can be better prepared to render a decision rather then towing the line. When you want to see the NCP's of the world (mostly men) check the states "standard" and you will find them everywhere. Its common to give visitations and not overnights as most courts like to split it. And as a man and father it hurts to have your children ripped from your life. And from then for the rest of however many years be told exactly what you can and can not do. The courts need to change and so do the rules for child support. The time is overdue for both to receive a large overhaul. The system is broken and needs to change.

Ive seen many of the same things. I applaud this8384 for speaking out. I know from what I had to go through how the courts truely favored the mother no matter what the issue was. She could lie between her teeth and the courts nodded in her favor. It was like writing a blank check for whatever she wanted the courts were ready to dish out. I agree that persons that lie under oath should be dealt with harshly and not given a pass.

Is there a solution? Going back to court only means more building of walls to confine and define the space the children have to live in. Most parents dont agree and the courts love that. That is how they survive. The main thing that needs to happen is that both parents need education and a trial run before judgement by the courts. Let it play out and see whats really going on. That way the courts can be better prepared to render a decision rather then towing the line. When you want to see the NCP's of the world (mostly men) check the states "standard" and you will find them everywhere. Its common to give visitations and not overnights as most courts like to split it. And as a man and father it hurts to have your children ripped from your life. And from then for the rest of however many years be told exactly what you can and can not do. The courts need to change and so do the rules for child support. The time is overdue for both to recieve a large overhaul. The system is broken and needs to change.

I'm going to chime in once more. I do not applaud "signing away your rights" unless you are 100% uncapable of caring for the child yourself and s/he would truly be better off being adopted by another individual. However - I can absolutely relate to the frustration and heartache when the other parent is withholding and alienating the child(ren) from you. I have two children, not my own, who when they stated they wanted to move in with my husband and I, were told they could not live here because I "am crazy and won't take care of them." Not my kids, but it still put a knife in my heart.

I've been told that I treat these kids better than their own mother does and honestly, I have to say that I do. I would never imagine telling them the things she does, treating them the way she does, telling the lies and twisting their minds just for the sake of pitting them as us vs. her.

She took a parenting class during the divorce - think it did any good? Nah. She went to the class, pretended to listen, got her papers signed, and just kept doing the same thing.

A person can only do so much. When the courts refuse to help by not making sure everyone's playing fair, it makes it harder on the NCP. Do I think signing away your rights should be an option because the custodial parent is withholding the child? No - I think the custodial parent should get into trouble for their selfish actions. But of course, there's no law for that so it's up to the NCP to grin and bear it.

I agree that NCPs get screwed by the courts fairly often. Custodial parents get screwed too, though. My sister has shared custody of her kids with her ex-husband---a man she ran from in the middle of the night with nothing but her kids and the clothes on their backs. And he got HALF CUSTODY! Because she couldn't "prove" the abuse (she didn't report anything until he tried to kill her) and because HE didn't want to pay child support on 5 kids--which, in Wisconsin, is something like 65% of your paycheck. So--he fought for half custody and got it. He fought dirty, and lied, and made my sister have to go through a psychological examination to prove that she wasn't crazy and exaggerating to keep him out of the kids' lives. They believed him and thought she was just lying from spite--and now her kids spend half their lives with their dad, who doesn't give a damn about them, doesn't have food in the house when they come, and regularly hits them beyond what is necessary---and I believe in corporal punishment. This isn't spankings, this is beatings that don't bruise badly enough to prove to a doctor by the time my sister gets the kids back again.

If she withholds the kids, she's in contempt and can go to jail. If she sends them, they're subject to neglect and possible abuse.

So... the bottom line is that we ALL agree that the courts are not the best option for figuring out what is best for the child. Sadly, the parents aren't always the people looking out for their children, either.

And what really sucks in all of this is this: I would give ANYTHING to have a child. To hear people want to sign away their rights to get out of responsibilities just makes me think they should just be sterilized and call it quits. If you have a child, you FIGHT for your child, and do the things that make your child's life better.

Signing rights over to clear the way for an adoption--in the child's best interests--is different altogether.

But frankly, too many people only want to do it to get out of responsibility. And to be honest--I'm so sick of women crabbing about the "sperm donor" who ran off, and men complaining that "she never lets me see the child because I broke up with her" or whatever. Children are not WEAPONS, and I'm sick of hearing about them being used as such--by EITHER parent.

Sorry if this is rambling--I've been interrupted 100 times since I started writing it, and I'm not sure what my original point was at this point. I'm just tired of people not being adults and raising their kids (or at least taking monetary responsibility for them), regardless how they feel about their ex-partner.

I agree that NCPs get screwed by the courts fairly often. Custodial parents get screwed too, though. My sister has shared custody of her kids with her ex-husband---a man she ran from in the middle of the night with nothing but her kids and the clothes on their backs. And he got HALF CUSTODY! Because she couldn't "prove" the abuse (she didn't report anything until he tried to kill her) and because HE didn't want to pay child support on 5 kids--which, in Wisconsin, is something like 65% of your paycheck. So--he fought for half custody and got it. He fought dirty, and lied, and made my sister have to go through a psychological examination to prove that she wasn't crazy and exaggerating to keep him out of the kids' lives. They believed him and thought she was just lying from spite--and now her kids spend half their lives with their dad, who doesn't give a damn about them, doesn't have food in the house when they come, and regularly hits them beyond what is necessary---and I believe in corporal punishment. This isn't spankings, this is beatings that don't bruise badly enough to prove to a doctor by the time my sister gets the kids back again.

If she withholds the kids, she's in contempt and can go to jail. If she sends them, they're subject to neglect and possible abuse.



If you would like to start a new thread about this issue and how to change it please do so and Im sure we all can put our heads together to offer the best advice possible. As is the case with this8684 it may be possible to set the tracks straight and make change happen. That's up to you and your sister to decide on posting her situation.

I'm in complete agreement as well. We've heard many instances where the NCP is handed the short end of the stick by the court system. The shame in those situations is that the children suffer the most.

But we don't know what the situation is with the OP here. Hopefully he will return and tell us so we can see whether there are avenues to help him.