So the last time I posted a question I had during a difficult time the help that I received was good and worth while and now that I'm in another difficult spot I'd like to see what the good people here think. I apologize for the length but there's a lot to this:


I'm in the ROTC at my university and around September I started hanging out with some of the people that I realized were actually cool, regular people in the ROTC (if you've spent anytime in the ROTC you'll notice there are many strange/awkward people). One of the people in this group was a girl (I'll call her GI Jane) who it seemed could look cute but because of the uniform I really had no idea and never gave it any thought; well as it turns out, she was really cute in civilian clothes. I have become really good friends with many of the people in this group and we hang out a lot. One night at a bar, we were all really drunk and our sober people began taking us back to someone's house. During the ride back, I started making out with GI Jane and back at the friends house we had sex. Neither of us had really remembered too much of why or how it happened only that it happened. The next day was a barbecue at a different house so both of us made it our personal goal to keep that day as non-awkward as possible, and well, it worked and we both had a significant amount of fun with each other. The barbecue went into the night and before we all went our separate ways I asked if she wanted to get dinner in a few days.

This is where things started to get confusing. Dinner was great, we talked and laughed a lot and ended up making out on the beach. There was no sex that night because she's living with her parents while in school and we were a long ways from where I live so I just took her back to her parents house. A week later I took her out again with the same result, except this time it was back to my place. We had sex and the next day she just staid at my place and hung out, we had sex a few times during the day and she ended up staying the night again. The following week she came over the day before I was flying home for Thanksgiving and cooked me dinner and we had sex again. I came back on a Saturday and we went out to a movie that night with her friend and her friends sex buddy. I took her back to my place that night and it became like an on and off sex fest from then until Monday morning when she left to classes. That week (this past week) she was at my place Monday night to Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday night to Friday morning just leaving to go to classes, only we didn't have any sex at all this week. Its now Sunday and I just dropped her off from spending the night after a light dinner; once again, no sex. We are still having a lot of fun but there is air of awkwardness that is developing. I really care for her but I have never been apart of anything that has moved this fast. While I would like to have a relationship with her, I just don't know what her intension's are and I don't have any idea how to proceed. So here is essentially what my question is:

How do I find out if this is just a sex thing or if she wants more and how should I proceed? I really don't want to just ask her because, well, if you read my last post you'll understand I'm a little skittish with the whole tell her exactly how you feel, honesty thing.

P.S. If helps the understanding of the situation, I'm 22 and graduate in May and will go on active duty as an officer within a year after graduating. She is 21 and still has a year to go before graduating.

During the last few days when sex did not occur did you ask her why if you felt it was correct to do so?

I would further explore her motives and TALK that is the answer. Conversation may find your answers for you.

Stringer

She's probably confused about what you want, also. You really should talk to her. It doesn't have to be serious and scary - Keep it light and see where she goes with it. You could very well be reading things into it that aren't there (such as the awkwardness). If she is feeling awkward, it's better to talk and let her know you are interested in more than sex.

So I take it the foundation for your relationship was a little conversation between sex and the odd social event where sex didn't take place. I didn't once hear you mention that the two of talked about anything significant about each other, let alone talked about the sexual attraction, and then move onto any talk about an actual exclusive relationship.

It's like having a giant ice cream sundae. Those first few bites are heavenly, sweet and absolutely delicious. You work your way through the Sundae, eating the best parts first. The cherry on top, the real whipped cream, the chocolate sauce with a little bit of ice cream, savouring every single bite. Then you start to get a little full, and the ice cream is leaving you a little thirsty. You slow down, continue to eat, but at a slower pace, until you finally reach the end of the dish, and you are left with a few drops of what once was, a delectable, sweet treat.

And that is how your relationship is going with this girl. You enjoyed the best parts of the sundae first, and then found yourself wondering where all the good stuff went. But, it was gobbled up and gone before you knew it, and you just can't keep repeating yourself by eating the same dish over and over again. You are no longer satisfied with what you had, your appetitte is now looking for a bit more substance, and you're thinking steak and a baked potato. You are tired of dessert all the time.

You need to eat better. Healthier choices, more balanced meals, and realize that ice cream sundae's will not sustain you. You might even want to consider adding more to your menu, like salads and fruit. But, skip the dessert until you are sure it can come at the end of a real meal, instead of being the meal itself.

Start over with this girl. Start by talking, getting to know her, and conrolling your impulses. Even if she is quite willing to settle for the dessert first, try to turn that around, and see if there isn't any real substance between you. Talk to her. Tell her you are attracted to her physically, but you need more in a relationship than a constant supply of dessert. Agree to abstain for a time, and develop a relationship based on mutual respect, common goals, character, honesty, and trust.

When you have established that there is something there worth working toward, everything else will fall into place.

But to keep up by going backwards with this girl, will not result in anything substantial, fulfilling, or meaningful.

Jake2008 is right - maybe the thrill just went, especially because there appears to be nothing else going on in the relationship.

Since you don't talk too much and don't seem real open to one another, is it just possible that it's her "time of the month"?

Well you seem to have gotten the sex down pretty well, but the real test comes later as you talk more. See this as a shared fun time for now until you both find out what you have going on after the lust has worn off.

Most people get sex, and love mixed up but lust fades, and love grows, and I think starting with lust, confuses things, and complicates the feelings you have. I imagine both of you are wondering what the hell is going to happen next. You already spend a lot of time together and have gotten comfortable physically with each other, but the danger here is whether you build a dialog of understanding because trust me, intense feelings whether love or lust will make things move rather fast, and that is what will change things.

Recognize you are still strangers getting to know each other, before you jump into anything radical that changes your lives, like moving in together, or making a firm commitment to be together, because the fact is, its much to soon to know if you are compatible in other more important levels, than just sex.

Maybe slowing down the sex, and exploring other things like talking, but for now, don't think you can build a relationship out of a good sexual relationship. That's what you have, and maybe with your future obligations, that's all it will be. For sure you will soon find out, and the important thing is not getting to carried away so soon because it appears to be all lust right now.

Take your time to learn more about her before you start giving your heart away, or your life. You will know more facts about each other in a few more months, or a year, if it goes that far, than you do now. That goes for you both as feelings do change with time. Especially after the lust is gone.

What's the hurry? Too much, too fast, crash and burn.

Others may disagree, but I would just enjoy the time you have together. If you have fun, great! If you have fun and then have sex, great! Just remember (to validate what everyone else has said), good, long lasting, solid relationships don't usually start from getting drunk and banging the cute girl in your class.

If you are looking for a exclusive relationship with this girl, you more than likely took the wrong path. Relationships develop over time through trust, communication, and understanding. What you have here is a friendship based on lust. If this is what you want, then that is what you have. Once the lust fades, the friendship becomes awkward and will probably fade as well.

Speed kills, but sometimes it's a fun ride. Just be prepared when the ride ends.