http://www.horder.com.au/images/starfish_relationships.jpg, backstory: I've never been in a relationship before. I'm a freshman in college, and recently began dating (after courting) a sophomore who lives in my hall. He is white, but his parents are missionaries in Mexico so he's technically Mexican (speaks Spanish, grew up in the culture). We're both Christians and I want to learn Spanish to become a foreign language Education Teacher. He is becoming an English Literature teacher.

So, he started pursuing me a little bit, and I noticed, and I began to like him. After about a month and a half of just friendship and talking and getting to know each other, he asked me to be his girlfriend. (I had been hinting very obviously that I wanted this to happen.) So, when he asked me, he also kissed me. (He said he wouldn't kiss my lips until I was his girlfriend. I had stolen one from him before that, much to his chagrin because he wanted to do the first one). Anyway, I used to really want to kiss him and be close to him, but now I'm not so into it. We were just kissing... and I like to snuggle him, he's very cute to snuggle with... but the actual kissing I wasn't so interested in.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_PE3mTj5XhYc/SabVSLrrZ4I/AAAAAAAAA9Y/OqEWuTjOj5I/s400/HoldingHands.jpg

To be more specific, what I think is happening is that I'm losing my sensivity to his touch... the first time he held my hand, I was really... turned on, for lack of a better word. Now holding hands does next to nothing for me. Kissing used to be very enjoyable, but now I just kind of tolerate it... I mean, I like it, but it doesn't do to me what it used to at the beginning of the relationship. This is my first relationship, by the way, so maybe I was just overly-sensitive to his touch in the beginning...and now I'm just getting used to it? I'm not sure...would that be normal?

Anyway, he's a wonderful person. I can tell he cares about me deeply, and he's attractive... I just feel like I feel nothing for him. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. I feel it about my friends, too, sometimes. I just don't feel emotionally attached to them... and that's probably my problem. Is it that I'm just not able to connect to people in general? I feel like that's a problem I have. I never feel like I'm able to truly connect to people very well...

One more element to this that I think is importatnt is my past "relationships" although they're not really relationships. I once forced a boy into kissing me (stole his hat, wouldn't give it back until he kissed me), and at that time I hated kissing. It was gross. So, I liked that boy until I kissed him, then I never spoke to him again. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's in the past.

So, I don't want to hurt this boy. He's special, and I care about him as much as I can. He's said he loves me... but I don't feel the same way, I think. I think that I won't be ready to say I love you for a while, but I've already said it to him... because I do love him... but I don't think I'm in love with him. Last time I loved a boy, he turned out to like boys, and I got left in the dust after he'd hit on me for quite a while. So, I might be scared to put my trust in him. Actually, that's a fact. This boy knows I don't trust very easily, and he has told me that I can trust him, but I don't know... it's very hard for me to put my trust in him... and now that he's asking me to do so, I think I'm withdrawing emotionally to preserve myself...keep myself safe, or something. Does that sound plausible? Hm... I just found this chart about relationships... maybe it will be useful...

I guess my actual question would be, what's going on inside me? Do I just not like him? Why would I not like him now, but like him before? He's a funny, intelligent, goal-oriented people-loving man who cares about me a lot... and is attractive. Anything anybody thinks would be helpful. Sorry this is so long.
http://www.community4me.com/images/relationships.jpg

I think you like someone, and move much to fast with them, instead of taking your time, and enjoy interacting for a while, (surely more than a month, try 6) as you get to know them well enough to trust them, or know exactly how you feel about them.

Its easy to be scared, and confused when you don't really know what you really want from someone, or have been hurt in the past. That's when its wise to venture into the unknown slowly, and carefully.

Thank you, talaniman. I really appreciate you reading this. I know in my head that slow is safe... but I think I got caught up in the thrill of the new relationship at first. I think things between us are going to go a lot more slowly now. To be safe.

I have to agree with Tal.

Seems like your boyfriend is wanting a relationship NOW and is pushing for it and you're not ready.

Why not be open and honest with your boyfriend and tell him that you care about him, but you feel things are moving way too fast?

It takes time to develop true love for someone!

I think your more into the book version of a relationship then the reality. The books make it seem to much--MORE. Some people are more into the actual CHASE of a relationship and once they have caught that chase, the high is gone. Unfortuantely these people go from one chase to another, never being satisfied. I think it may have to do with themselves esteem, when they were younger never getting enough attention so now they need that extra ego boost.

For whatever reason, don't continue to let this man believe he is in a relationship, because you don't have those feelings for him. Im not sure why you disconnect with others, but the question is what are you doing to improve this situation?

Have you tried getting some counseling? Iam sure there are counselors at your school, go and talk to them about your feelings, see what they have to suggest. Don't get into any serious relationship until you get some answers.

Oh, and thank you for your post--the visual were great!! Good luck