Last Wednesday my wife was brought home by a friend from work, she was very intoxicated and went right to bed. We've all been there at one point or another. What happened next was unexpected I gathered her things and put them away, her computer I pulled out of her briefcase did not turn it on and her cell phone which was blinking I plugged into the wall charger.
I hit the email icon and up popped a bunch of messages from her coworkers and one from a close friend and neighbor that had asked if she had gotten home OK? The irony was how did he know she was intoxicated? I began browsing her email activity for the previous 3 days and found a lot of very suggestive dialog between the both of them, only to read further that they had scheduled getting together for lunch. In the email my wife suggested to him that they met at a parking lot, so know one would see them, she had mention to him in the email there had been enough local problems with infidelities in our neighborhood that would be best to be far enough away so non of her coworkers or former coworkers would spot them having lunch. I've never been one to tell my wife who she could or could not have lunch with this ate at me for two days then when I found out the neighbor and his wife were coming over for drinks I had to press her on it, She said I thought you be upset by it?that's why it was a secret, and now that you know please don't tell his wife? Do you think they are having an affair

If you hadn't have read her e mails, you wouldn't be beating yourself up over this. It may be something really innocent, a planned party, something they are working on that is a secret for the neighbourhood. How would we know if they are having an affair?

We don't know your family, or for that matter, the neighbour's family dynamics.

You are just going to have to get it all out of her and find out.

Tick

Perhaps you should take another approach to this. Instead of getting upset with her, you could just simply emplain that you wouldn't be upset by them having lunch together and that she should be able to go to you about anything.

When I was married, I also had lunch with men and women, as well as my Husband. It wasn't a big deal as we were completely honest with one another.

Ok, this is where I might put a little blame on you here, but bare with me. I kind of find it funny how you were just "gathering her stuff together" and putting it away. It almost seems as if you were fishing around for some kind of evidence... You happened to hit the email icon and read them. See where I'm coming from here?

Just be honest with yourself, you were be nosy. Snooping around.

Communicate this with her and keep an open mind, for this may all be innocent.

Good Luck.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Enigma1999 again.

I agree that you need to start communicating without fighting!! I however think it's a little weird that she would be having lunch with a neightbor in a alley so no one can see them. I have no problem with her having lunch with anyone, but if there isn't anything to be ashamed of then why sneak around. So you see this were communication is going to play a big factor---this could be totally innocent, maybe he needed to talk to your wife about something's going on with his wife, NOBODY KNOWS UNTIL YOU ASK!! You know your wife and should be able to tell if she is telling the facts or not.

Tick this was a very lustful dialog? He talked about how he has long for her since we moved here 14 years ago he talked about when was then next time he would get to kiss her and see her in a little black dress without panties or a bra ?

Well, calo, I see your point, that was rather explicit. So you still have to sit down and get this all sorted out with her. We are willing to give you all the support you need, but when it comes down to the bottom line, its you and she and the kitchen table.

As for him, well, you may want to talk to him too. What about his wife ? My gosh, this is a real can of worms opening up between houses. And to be quite honest, I have been in that position once in my lifetime and it wasn't pleasant.

Stay tuned, my dear calo, because there are a lot of other members who will want to give you their point of view.

Tick

Tick this was a very lustful dialog? He talked about how he has long for her since we moved here 14 years ago he talked about when was then next time he would get to kiss her and see her in a little black dress without panties or a bra ?


There was no mention of this in your original post. This changes a lot.

The fact that she knows how he feels towards her and still continues to see him, well that is something that you need to talk to her about.

Carlo,

Its obvious that your wife is cheating with the next door neighbor.

Now that you know, what's the next step? Are you willing to talk to your wife see if you can salvage this marriage. You will need to BOTH agree to marriage counseling, and BOTH GO! If neither one or only one of you are willing to try and make it work, then I would still for your own sake get some counseling, you need someone to talk to, you are going through a loss, and will need a safe place to get things off your chest without losing your cool and without someone judging everything you say.

About the neighbor and his wife. In my opinion only, I would not tell her, it is NOT your place. It is on the other hand her cheating husband place to tell his wife that he has been cheating with yours!! Now I would let him know that you will be giving him a certain amount of time to explain the situation to his wife before all heck break lose!

Hi Calo, in lieu of the fact that your heading asks a question of infidelity, there is no doubt about it then is there?

It is really interesting when OPs drop little tidbits throughout their threads that opens up the whole reason of why they are here. Your revelation of the contents of the e mail really threw us for a loop as you can see from the above posts !

If you have any more to get out in the open, do it now and not being facetious, it will make a big difference to getting to the bottom of your problem.
Tick

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Tick this was a very lustful dialog? He talked about how he has long for her since we moved here 14 years ago he talked about when was then next time he would get to kiss her and see her in a little black dress without panties or a bra ?

Have you actually talked to your wife about all of the emails you read or just about the 'lunch appointment'? If it was just about the appointment, then why didn't you confront her about the kissing and black dress which would seem to indicate an affair even more than an appointment does?

Somehow, I get the feeling that all is not as it seems. What else has gone on among the three of you in the past 14 years?

I have to say your wife's reaction to you reading the emails and discovering the lunch date was very,well tame.

She's worried about the wife finding out,not you,her husband?

And you seem very calm also,all I'm saying is if that was me and the roles were reversed id be over there in a shot demanding to know what the hell was going on.

Talk to your wife and find out what's going on, then maybe a little chat with him.

I think it's suspicious that your wife is concerned about you telling the neighbor's wife. I mean she should be covering her *** and trying to protect you. I don't get it. Does she know that you read her e-mail conversations from the past? What does she have to say for herself? This cheating seems very obvious to me. What is she going to do about it? Are you going to confront the neighbor? I think I would even though it's probably not a good idea. If he knows that you know, he will be forced to tell his wife, though, and that's what should be done. It should all be out in the open that you and the neighbor's wife can deal with it with all the facts. Good luck!

Snooping or not, if I find such emails about panties and bras from any guy my wife was having a secret lunch with, the world would stop until I got satisfied with her answers, then she would be gone.

That's just me, and I guess I am not that understanding, on some things, nor tolerant. Shoot me.