I broke up with my ex 5 months ago. Because I was not a loving and caring boyfriend according to her.
I called her and msgd her for 4 months but now I am applying NC and it has been 1month. After break up every time I asked her to meet me and discuss about break up she said no. but then I forced her like jerk, but whenever she came to meet me she always cried and said "i know whatever i am doing is not right and very selfish". She also told me that she likes a boy in her college who proposed her 2 years back but she said no to him because at that time she was with me and that boy proposed her again and she is going to say yes. But when we met and I asked her about that boy then she said that boy proposed her again but she said no and she doesn't want anyone till her graduation. And she lied about that boy so that I will leave her. Now I don't know what to do. I have done every mistake calling 10 times a day, sending messages and try to persuade her. But I really love her and this NC is now killing me. How much more I should wait. please help.

Wait so that boy who "proposed wasnt real" if that's true you need to be nicer to her try to be a good friend then get back into a dating type thing.. you have to earn her trust back. If you can't do that you have very slim hope... it also sounds like she has moved on a little.. try to meet up with her and tell her how you ACTUALLY feel. Your going to have to put your heart out there on your sleave!

No... the boy is real and they are good friends... she has told me about him when we were together... what should I do?? Should I contact her??

Ya a fone call. Make sure she is alone. Try to get to meet up with her. Like I said you have to tell her how you feel and if she doesn't feel the same way you must accept that and try to be friends or move on..

She won't meet me... I know... because the way I acted in last meetings. I was very angry and tried to persuade her evrytime we met.. she even changed her no. and didn't give it to me... I was thinking of a hand written letter..

Hand written letter would show sincerity.. but you also don't want to seem like a creeper. it sounds like you really like her but youwere a MAJOR jerk the last few times.. you've convinced me a total stranger that you have changed now convice her

Its going to be harder than convincing me I promise.. you are going to have to work your a**off to convicne her.. that your different.she still thinks of you as the old mean you admit you were a jerk and you are changing for her. Tell her you want to betr

Once a good friend of mine talked to her at that time. At that time she said she needs some time. She said there are so many negative emotions in her now and more we talk the they will grow harder... so we should not contact for few months

She also said I have done many good things for her... but she don't know why she only remembered bad things

how much more i should wait.
You wait forever. She has already made it clear that she does not want to be with you. She has moved on and you should too.

Do not contact her by phone, text, IM. As hard as it is, you need to cross her out of your life completely and chalk this up to a lesson learned.

Remember what you did wrong in this relationship so that it doesn't happen in the next one as well.

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Sounds like she is almost scared of you.. she's afraid of being hurt.. like many girls are. Be a friend. Use your own judgement on when to contact her.. try to work through the wall that the negative thoughts have built up.. I see both sides of this

She is scared for her own well being and that's normal.. you must gain that trust back from her. It will be hard but it can be done.. make sure she knows how you feel. I cannot stress how improtant that is!

So you think there is no hope... can't I proof her that I am a changd person now... have you ever been through this kind of condition??

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There might be hope, I can't say for sure that there isn't. The only way to know for sure is to give her the independence she wants. If you continue on this path you become stalker-like and she will just resent you that much more.

You are actually making this worse for yourself by continually contacting her. She said leave her alone, so do that.

Get yourself healthy. Go to the gym, find a hobby, spend time with friends, but leave her alone.

But why scared?? And worst thing is all her friends took my side and left her alone... and she thinks m doing all this.. she is al alone and I can't even help... and I don't want that boy to support her right now...

And when should I contact her... please tell your opinion...

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That's what I am doing... I have not contact her for last one month... but how long I should wait??

thats what i am doing... i have not contact her for last one month.... but how long i should wait???

You wait until she contacts you. If she contacts you. Period.

What if she won't contact me??

Sorry for all the comments... I thiknk there is always hope. Yea I've been through this before not this extreme but very similar. She is scard you haven't changed and that its going to repete what you did last time... you have to make her feel safe around you. Compfortable . Like she could tell you anything this is going to take time and guts(you are going to have to tell her everything. Manly how sorry you are) and just saying you haved changed won't work. You have to prove it. You are going to need to give her space... I would say two months since your last contact or attempted contact with her. Doing so will hopefully give her time to think. Start working on that ltter.

Raja, how old are the two of you?

FarmRacer is only 13, so her advice, while valid for a 13 year old, may not necessarily be valid for your particular situation.

OK.. so you saying I should write that letter... because previously you were saying no... and when should I give this letter to her... right now or after one month when I will try to contact her and what exactly should I write... and I think you are right... she is scared of me.. but it was her fault also... she didn't meet even when I was begging to meet and that's what made me angry..

I am 21 years old my ex is 19 years old... so what do you think I should do??

Hey farmracer... how old are you??

So what if she won't contact me??

Do not write her a letter. You are too old and mature to do that.

What do you do? You leave her alone. Just like she asked you to. If she doesn't contact you, then you move on.

It's time to act like a grown man, not a teenager. These games are for teens, not adults.

She broke up with you. She has found someone else. She has made it quite obvious that it's over between the two of you.

hey farmracer... how old are you???


Im 13 and this guy ive known since iwas like 7
You can read for yourself here. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/can-girl-who-13-date-guy-whom-16-a-529866.html

The advice she is giving you is good for teens, but you are an adult now. No letters, no phone calls, no texts.

But I really want to give this relationship one more chance. I really believe in it... and I don't think she is with that guy... is there no other way??

but i really wana give this relationship one more chance. i really believe in it.... and i dont think she is with that guy... is there no other way???

But SHE doesn't want to give this relationship a chance. You might believe in it, but she doesn't. It takes two to tango and you are dancing solo.

NC is the only way to go.

I don't know... I really don't know... I have read many books on break up... also the "magic of making up"... they always says there is always a chance no matter how worst the condition is... I am thinking of one last call to just tell her how beautiful person she is and I really respect her and her decision.

Please reply...

Situations like this are always difficult and I'm sorry to say she definitely sounds like she's moved on and is trying to tell you. If she's making up stories of marriage proposals to get you to move on that's pretty drastic. Your best bet if you even want a chance of maintaining a friendship is to maintain no contact and maybe... just maybe, she'll contact you. Believe me it happens. I went through a very similar situation a few years back and though it took probably 5 or 6 months to get beyond I realized that by dwelling and pouring all my being into the situation I did nothing but hurt myself. I let friendships and promising opportunities pass by. Looking back on it, focusing on getting her back was the worst thing I could have done. It takes two to be in a relationship and if she doesn't want the relationship I'm sorry to say it won't happen. When you're in the thick of it, nothing else seems to matter but believe me- down the road it will seem quite trivial in the grand scheme of things. Take this time to explore yourself and reflect ( I know its cheesy but believe me it helps.) On the days when nothing seems to matter, go out and do something you love. It'll help. Keep your chin up! The future is bright!

THANKS MAN...


But SHE doesn't want to give this relationship a chance. You might believe in it, but she doesn't. It takes two to tango and you are dancing solo.

NC is the only way to go.
CANT I make her believe in this relationship??

You can't MAKE anyone do anything especially when it comes to relationships. She has to come around on her own. Like anything in life... if you force it you'll break it :/

I WANT TO MAKE a last phone call and want to say sorry for what went wrong...

Sorry Raj, I am at work right now. We are all just volunteers here and post in our spare time.

Have you ever heard the ancient Chinese Proverb...


If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect.

I know you want to man, when I was going through this same situation I wanted to call her every day. Send her a message apoplogizing for everything... but I didn't. And you know what? Things worked out for the better and we're close friends now. But if I kept at her and kept at her all it would have done is drive her farther and farther away. No matter how much you try, all your going to do is push her away and delay any chance of salvaging the relationship. If you want to apologize or show your truly sorry, respect her wishes for space and independence. She'll appreciate it more than you can imagine. She really will. It'll show your maturity and self control.

I know you want to man, when I was going through this same situation I wanted to call her every day. Send her a message apoplogizing for everything... but I didn't. And you know what? Things worked out for the better and we're close friends now. But if I kept at her and kept at her all it would have done is drive her farther and farther away. No matter how much you try, all your going to do is push her away and delay any chance of salvaging the relationship. If you want to apologize or show your truly sorry, respect her wishes for space and independence. She'll appreciate it more than you can imagine. She really will. It'll show your maturity and self control. OK...

Your girl contacted you or you did? Because I didn't contact her for a month.. should I contact her now?

No, you should accept what has happened, and totally leave her alone. Stay No Contact until she contacts you. Now get a life of your own without her, and keep your dignity, and self respect. Yes break ups suck, and its very hard to accept, but that's the good part, you will eventually heal and look back at how devastated you were but have recovered. That's far in the future, and for now you suffer through and keep your chin up like the adult you are, or want to be.

Get it in your head she dumped you and wants nothing to do with you, and leave her alone.

Talaniman Rule-If you can't handle the consequences, don't do the action.

Now if you need closure so bad, and feel it will help if she curses you to leave her alone, for you to get what she has already told you, contact her and have at it. Some people need a brick between the eyes because they don't take subtle hints very well, so if you are like that, have at it, and ignore every ones advice.