I am a 38 year old Hungarian woman, 4 years ago I met my husband on the internet , he is 52 years old, fell in love and I left my whole life in Hungary and came over to the USA and we got married. We are happily married, Í love him so much, he is the best husband ever.
Í do not have any children, but he has a 12 year old daughter who is being raised by my husband ex wife, almost all week, my husband sees her only Wednesdays and Saturdays.
Í have 3 degrees in teaching, Í was a higly respected English and Literature teacher in Hungary.I have a university degree as well.I always loved children and I always wanted to teach them. Í have taught about 1000 children while I was a teacher. and Í have learned children psychology for 4 years.
So when Í came over Í was so happy that we will have a nice family, she was 10 years old then. My husband explained to her he loves me so much, Í will be his wife and Í will take car of them as well. Í was very nice to them, Í pleased them, cooked for them, kept the house clean, took care of them. Í bought little surprises for her, baked her favourite cookies for her, cooked favourite meals for her. But she never accepted me, respected me, she is always against me, talks back to me, and anything Í ask her she says: Í do not know, Í do not care.

My husband talked to her again, that please be nice to her because she is very nice to you.I think she just does not want to accept anybody who is around her father!!
We have moved into a new house in June, we were very happy, and Í got pregnant, but after 8 weeks Í miscarried our baby. It was an unplanned pregnancy, and my blood suger and blood pressure were very high.
We told her that we will have brand new furniture, brand new appliances, TV everything, they were not cheap so please take care of everything. We set simple rules in the house: shoes off, clean after yourself, brush teeth, put pijama on, no internet after 10 etc.
She never listens to me, Í have asked her not to remove her nailpolish on the brand new table... she did not say anything, then she ruined the table with the nailpolish, and Í told her, look what have you done... she asked back: SOOOOOOOOO?? She hates me, and she hates everything which related to me.
Í have a wonderful sweet dwarf hanging ear bunny at home, she is our pet, she is free in the whole house, and Í brough her from Hungary. Every children was crazy about her, and my husband daughter never every pads her, she ignores her.

She is always bored at us, she never likes anything, so the last few weekends when her mother picked her up, she was always crying because she told her mother Í did not let her anything so Í am the bad person in her eyes.
Í take 4 medication for my high blood pressure, because usually it is 160 /100, Í was at the emergency many times with high blood pressure. Every Wednesday and every weekend when she is around my blood pressure is 210/140 Í am near the strokes or heart attack. Í do not need this. The doctors told me that my life is in danger with 210/140 blood pressure.
The main problem is Í try to discipline her or train her, because her father never tells her what she should not do. He has only 2 afternoons a week and he wants to be with her without disciplining.He is very blind, he always defends her daughter.
Her mom does not discipline her at all, she is very liberal, she lets her daughter doing anything.
We have reached that point two weeks ago that in a car, when my husband was driving, after an argument she kicked my shoulder very bad and talked back to me like trash.
After this Í have texted to my husband wife and asked for help and Í told her that Í have problems with her daughter.She was always nice to me and helpful. But after this she sent a message back, that Í am unreasonable, demanding, mean spirited and Í did not earn to the right for being a stepmom of her daughter. Í was shocked, she dared to say this after Í did everything for her daughter, and Í just asked for help.
And Í texted back to her, that Í did not expect this one, your daughter is very disrespectful and sassing, does not respect me, so she is not welcome in my home anymore with this behavior.
Since then she is not in my house Í am calm and peaceful, my husband goes and see her every Wednesday and Saturday. It is much better for me, but painful for my husband. Í think they/ must go to a family therapist or psychologist, because my husband wants to make a family, but he could not make it so far.

Please tell me your opinion about this situation, Í would like to show your opinion to my husband, maybe he will realizes that he was blind.

I think your husband needs to step up and parent his daughter. She should not be allowed to be disrespectful to you and your home. If she is this way at 12, I hate to imagine what she will be like when she is 16. Best set things straight now, as they should have been from the start, or you will have a much more difficult time later.

Too often parents, especially in a divorce situation, are afraid to parent because they don't want to upset their child or have their child "not like them". Plus it takes time and effort... something some parents simply don't want to put forth. It's not fun dealing with a misbehaving child, but to not do so, will only allow the problems to continue and grow. The child learns that they can do what they want, or behave how they want, if they put up enough fuss as the parent will either give in or not step up in the first place.

Parenting is not a popularity contest... it is a job that takes commitment, resolve, and patience. The job of all the parents involved is to give this child the foundation to become a decent, respectful, well-rounded individual... and sometimes that means being the "bad guy" to redirect them on the right path.

Family counseling would likely be helpful. It can take time to blend a family and everyone could gain some tools to make things easier.

It might also be helpful to have a family meeting with the three of you to discuss how things have been and how things need to change. Get everyone's input on ways to make things calmer. Establish some expectations for behavior and what the consequences will be, both good and bad.