My boyfriends wants me to have a three some with another man.. He says he needs it? Yesterday he was going to break up with me because I said I'm not comfortable with doing it and I don't think I ever could. He says he's in love with me and that but how can he be if he don't want to be with me unless I whore myself out?

tpepper, because of posting restrictions on the Adult Sexuality board, we need to know how old you are.

I am going to answer your question because the advice will remain the same whether the question remains here or is moved to Relationships.

I am going to be blunt and it may seem harsh, but it is not directed at you.

This male does not deserve the term 'boyfriend'.

He does not 'need' a threesome with anyone else (male or female). He will survive quite well without one. That you have said you don't want one and he is trying to guilt trip/emotionally blackmail you into going along with his fantasy is enough to show he doesn't love you as much as you seem to care about him.

If I were you and he kept up the pressure, I would relieve it by getting rid of him and any playmates he wanted to bring to my bed. I certainly wouldn't be getting back into his ever again.

Shared fantasies can be great to keep from getting into a rut. Threesomes for those who are fully prepared and consenting are good for them. However, NO ONE has the right to pressure anyone into acting out a fantasy the person is uncomfortable with.

If he truly loved you, he wouldn't be threatening to leave you because you want to remain exclusive.

Thank you very much :)

And I am 20 16/03/1990/

Don't do it!
When a guy wants a three sum with you and ANOTHER man means that he can use that to cheat on you or have a three some with another girl.
Don't have a three some with him and another girl either turst me its not a good thing.

He's a moron... you can find better than this. Maybe he just wants to smoke a sausage and tries this childish to justify it.

The only thing he NEEDS is a swift kick in the a55.

Honestly it sounds like he wants to experiment with another man, so it's less about you and more about him wanting to secretly have some intimacy with another man.

I wouldn't do it. Threesomes always end relationships - sooner or later.

Honestly it sounds like he wants to experiment with another man, so it's less about you and more about him wanting to secretly have some intimacy with another man.

I wouldn't do it. Threesomes always end relationships - sooner or later.

Just a point of order, threesomes don't always end relationships. If entered in complete honesty and respect they can be an exciting addition to your sex life.

Relationships end. Couples who have had threesomes split as well. There are couples who have split who have had threesomes but that isn't the reason for breaking up.

It is something that needs to be approached with frank and open communication. Though if you can't talk to your partner about sex then you shouldn't be having it.

I wouldn't do it. Threesomes always end relationships - sooner or later.

WRONG! I am personally someone who has had a relationship that has included threesomes, and we're doing just fine--married nearly 10 years, and together for 15.

Threesomes always end WEAK relationships. Relationships already founded on trust, honesty, mutual respect and communication can get through threesomes JUST FINE---as long as both parties want to do it.

Relationships that have jealousy issues, trust issues, communication problems, lack of respect, and insecurities WILL explode when adding a threesome--but those relationships would explode anyway.

You have to ask yourself:

What are the reasons behind me disliking threesomes?
Why do I consider it "whoring myself out"?
Do I think previous negative experiences with partners, especially when concerning trust (Ie: I've been cheated on before) has altered my viewpoint on sex?
Is the man worth my trust and respect? If so is it so bad leaving your comfort zone to try something new?


Remember that as humans we're not naturally monogamous, we're polyamorous and only recent changes in society have deemed our natural instincts as "bad" or "wrong".
It's these new beliefs that cause speculation, arguments and eventually broken relationships.

I have to agree that threesomes don't necessarily destroy a relationship, but the key point is that it's only okay when both parties want a threesome.

You don't, so that's the end of the conversation. You consider it whoring yourself out, and you have a right to feel that way if that's your belief.

You may change your mind some time in the future, which is fine, but either way I wouldn't be having a threesome with this guy. Heck, I wouldn't even be dating him. He threatened to break up with you if you don't do what he wants. That's not boyfriend material, and that's definitely not love.

Time to move on to greener pastures.

TheBartender does not find this helpful : Immature.

I suggest you read the rules pertaining to Not Helpfuls or disagrees...

THe action of her bopyfriend are exactly that childish and immature...

He NEEDS it? Really... whats going to happen if he doesn't get it? Absolutely nothing... the guy acts like a teenager trying the same old "he's going to die from blueballs if she doesn't put out. That's the true hallmark of imaturity.

TheBartender: Please review these rules on using the Rating/Comment features: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum-help/using-comments-feature-official-guidelines-24951.html


You have to ask yourself:

What are the reasons behind me disliking threesomes?
Why do I consider it "whoring myself out"?
Do I think previous negative experiences with partners, especially when concerning trust (Ie: I've been cheated on before) has altered my viewpoint on sex?
Is the man worth my trust and respect? If so is it so bad leaving your comfort zone to try something new?


Remember that as humans we're not naturally monogamous, we're polyamorous and only recent changes in society have deemed our natural instincts as "bad" or "wrong".
It's these new beliefs that cause speculation, arguments and eventually broken relationships.

I fully disagree with this advice. Telling the op to 'think about it' and examine why she is against a threesome does not take into account the emotional blackmail her boyfriend is attempting to use to force her to go along with what he wants.

IF her boyfriend had talked to her about it and she was unsure, then asking her to think about the pros and cons of threesomes would be appropriate. However, she said 'no' and said why she feels so strongly about saying 'no'. He said in effect 'I love you. If you love me, you'll screw another man with me or I am gone.'

Why would you think that something negative happened in someone's past to cause them to be monogamous or to not want to have sex with two other people at one time? She can trust him and not want to be used for sex by a third party if that is how she feels.

I find your opinion (I am taking it as opinion and not a spouting off 'facts'. If you are posting 'facts' and not your personal viewpoint, then I may need to formally 'disagree') about polyamory to be out of place and misguided in this thread. Polyamory is loving more than one person. Not having sex with more than one person at a time.

There is a huge difference between having emotional attachments to people and wanting to 'try new things'. While there are people who truly do love more than one person, it is a relationship that lasts longer than one night. A threesome is not a relationship. It is an event. An event among three consenting adults who know the rules and agree to the boundaries.

Your apparent definition of polyamory would seem to be justification for any sex that happens outside the boundaries of the 'couple'.

yesterday he was going to break up with me because i said im not comfortable with doing it and i dont think i ever could. he says hes in love with me and that but how can he be if he dont wanna be with me unless i whore myself out


This is more about him wanting to break up with you because you don't want to do something sexually that he wants, and asking someone to have a threesome is a biggie.
This is the reason you should not do it. You don't want to! That should be enough for him.
He does not need a threesome, he wants one and he is trying to pressure you into giving him what he wants. He does not sound like a keeper to me.

Spreading bad information about the man's sexuality and coming to the conclusion that violence is the answer is immature and could be very damaging to a relationship.

I can't help but feel we're not getting the whole story here from Tpepper9.

Spreading bad information about the man's sexuality and coming to the conclusion that violence is the answer is immature and could be very damaging to a relationship.

I can't help but feel we're not getting the whole story here from Tpepper9.

This is all about HOW he is demanding this from her... these are NOT things either a mature male does... nor someone that is truly and completely heterosexual.

He claims he NEEDS this... (Bullsh*t.) He threatens to leave her if he doesn't get it... (real mature that is... proves the relationship, isn't much of a relationship to begin with). He claims they don't have a relationship if she doesn't sleep around to suit HIS desires... He sounds like he has the maturity level of a 16 year old boy, not a man.

If it was a solid relationship... you don't make those sorts of demands from people who obviously are not comfortible doing it... or even want to do it.

I'll agree violence is rarely ever the answer... and is only in cases where ones physical well being or property is at risk. (E.G. - I feel you have the right to kill an attacker if you may suffer grave injury otherwise... or kill an intruder into your home that you catch trying to rob you.) Not so you can play pimp-daddy.

We do only get one side of a story... so reading between the lines can be as important as what is actually said.

OKay, putting a stop to this RIGHT NOW.

Discussing the ways we disagree about this is FINE. HOWEVER--let's keep the focus on the OP, and NOT keep arguing back and forth.

I personally agree that the guy's a jerk for making ultimatims about "needing" a threesome. I ALSO agree that stating it that way is akin to the blue balls teenage boys use to coerce teenage girls into sex. Does he have the RIGHT to ask for it? Absolutely! Does she have the RIGHT to say no? ABSOLUTELY.

Is he worth keeping around if he'll break up with her over it? Absolutely not.

If he wants to break up with you because you won't do this, let him. If you are not comfortable with the situation , or even the idea, then you do NOT have to compromise.

"and only recent changes in society have deemed our natural instincts as "bad" or "wrong".

Seriously?? Society had always had a puritanical outlook on what may be either "bad or wrong".