Hello Everyone,
I am 22 years old and I would really 'love' to finally move out of my parents house. I was not born and raised in the U.S therefore my parents are very old fashioned (must get married, then move out). I have been dating for over 1 yr and it was very hard for my parents to accept the fact that I have a 'bf' but the only reason they accept it is only because him and I are not engaged yet because I wish to wait till I finish my bachelors degree and this way I would also be a little older. Long story short, I love my boyfriend and we already planned that we will get engaged&married soon, but he keeps asking me to move in with him & I would give anything to be able to actually move in with him. Sounds maybe pathetic but I dream of that, because I know we'd feel even closer and why not try it before actually getting engaged&married!

Problem is my parents would honestly not talk to me, and I'm not 100% sure but they might even bane me from the family for a while. I am beyond afraid to make this move, because I love them with all my heart and do everything for them. I value them as well as respect them. Moving in with him though would actually make my life so much better and I would be much happier, because even though I love my parents, I am so tired of living with them. I need to live 'my' life! :( L

My boyfriend says the door is always open, but I just don't know what to do and now when I bring the conversation up to my mom she says with anger 'the door is open, but don't think you can come back, go if you want'! I don't want that to happen :(

Any suggestions please?

I know I'm old enough to make my own choices but being born & raised in a different country creates a few cultural barriers.

Respect your parent's wishes at this point. Your boyfriend obviously does not respect them or he would not keep pressuing you to move in with him. It would definitely make things much easier and convenient for him that is why he keeps insisting you move in with him. If I had loving parents like yours who watch out for me and my welfare I'd stick with them until I got literally married. Most women of your age have already made many serious mistakes such as living with guys, getting pregnant, only to find out that the guy now does not want to "bother" getting married any longer but just wants to keep living with the girl regardless of how many kids they have together. Do you want this type of relationship in your life or do you want to be a moral woman who is married before having kids? Guys will say anything to girls to get what they want. Smarten up. Look at the big picture here and you will find out that your parents are the way they are for a very good reason. They have morals.

Think of it this way... if you move in with your boyfriend now, what do you potentially lose with your parents? Would it be worth it to you?

If you could afford to live with him, and plan to become engaged and marry soon anyway, why not get engaged and start planning a wedding? How would waiting until you have your degree, and being a bit older, change anything in regard to living with him now or after marriage?

I agree with twinkiedooter... if he loves you and cares about you, he won't put you in a position of making such a difficult decision.

Thank you very much for both answers and you both have very good points. Regarding to what twinkiedooter said it def. opened my eyes especially being that he is the 'only' boyfriend I have ever dated. My family raised me with strict rules and I def. have certain values that I will not break until I get married. Also, losing my parents wouldn't be worth for no one in this world, because at the end of the day they are the reason I am here today. Thank you its opening my eyes to being able to figure this out and you are both right.

I can afford to live even alone based on my income, but having my degree its something that I always wanted to have prior to starting a new life with a loved one. Sounds maybe silly, but for some reason I always wanted that and I want to stick to it.

Also regarding to twinkiedooter "It would definitely make things much easier and convenient for him that is why he keeps insisting you move in with him." I never looked at it that way, but you do have a point, maybe it would be more convenient for him, because he did want to get married already and since I refused until I get my degree, (which he is very supportive) maybe me moving in it would be like 'us' almost being married to him.

I can afford to live even alone based on my income, but having my degree its something that I always wanted to have prior to starting a new life with a loved one. Sounds maybe silly, but for some reason I always wanted that and I want to stick to it.




There's your answer. Moving in now would likely not be much different than if you waited until you were married. Either way you would still be starting a new life with a loved one.

Hold onto your values... which can be difficult sometimes when you want to be with someone, but they make you who you are.

If you want to be living away from your parents, and can afford to, maybe move into an apartment on your own. You get to be on your own, and experience that, be able to complete your degree as you planned, do not risk problems with your parents, and you still see your boyfriend frequently.