My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. We have never actually had sex though we have had oral. In the beginning everything was more passionate than it is now. I have known for some time now that my boyfriend watches porn. Normally this is not something that would bother me. However he doesn't say I love you unless I say it first. He never tells me Im pretty anymore, and he has no interest in any type of physical intimacy with me at all, that even goes as far as simple kisses. I have woken up on several occasions to him watching porn. Often I find that he does it as soon as I am gone or asleep. Im feeling very hurt and worried that he has an addiction. We have talked about it and I told him how it makes me feel and he has said he understands and then that night or the next day he is back on porn sites. What can I do?

Are you still not having sex?

It sounds as if he may already be addicted to the porn. It's just not normal for a man to love a woman and not want to have some type of intimacy with her.

Try to talk to him about the possibility of addiction and your concerns, then try and convince him to see a counselor. If he refuses, you need to re-think this relationship. Think about it - do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling lonely and unloved? Surely not!

Move on asap!!

What reason is it you do not have intercourse, and how long have you been together, and having just oral sex??

Comment on doingmybest82's post
No, no sex.

Comment on talaniman's post
We've been together 2 years. Reasons 4 not wanting sex. He doesn't want to get me pregnant, he thinks we should wait until we're married, and he doesn't have the drive. The drive comment bothers me the most cause I know he masturbate.

Oh, and I should clarify that I want to have sex with him. If I try to touch him he pushes me away. It is because he does not want to have sex that we are both still virgins.

Thank you for the added information. I take it you live together, so why have you not gotten married, and have you discussed birth control? Masturbation is personal, and really has nothing to do with your partner, or how you feel about each other, but like all things, when overdone, can have effects on sexual drive, and expectations of your partner.

Don't take his habits personally, get facts first through honest, calm communications, and resolve them to the benefit of you both. That's the best way to understanding each other, as I doubt this is about his desire for you at all, but his own way of dealing with the situation as he sees it.

Comment on talaniman's post

When I asked about marriage he said that he wanted to marry me, but he isn't ready yet. I believe he thinks we will be married in time. He talks of our future together like its set in stone. I don't know why he's not ready but I want to give him time

Yes, we've discussed birth control. I am on the pill and bought condoms when we first started getting physical. We tried to use them once but... it was a bit of a disaster, neither of us knew how. Ive never needed to pull them out since then.

I can't help but take his habits personally. I seems like he doesn't want to have sex, not at all, but with ME. If it were a moral compunction than why the porn? How can he be OK with looking at other women nude but tell me to go put clothes on?

You both could use some Relationship 101, and some Sex Education basics. Get some books, and read them together and talk about what you have read because you should know why he isn't ready for marriage, and how to help each other in bed. That's what couples do.

Watch a porn flick together, and play with each other some. Acknowledge with him that you are both learning, and are inexperienced, and have a lot to learn.

Leave the personal feeling of hurt and fear out of this, as its more about how you relate than his habits of pleasuring himself. Heck most guys masturbate, married or single, and quiet as its kept, so do females. Have you never tried it? No wonder you don't understand it, and take it so personally as a big problem when it doesn't have to be.

Of course I masturbate My issue isn't that he wants porn rather that he doesn't want me I try 2 touch him, he pushes me away I have a book he hasn't picked up yet When I turned porn on with him there he told me 2 turn it off. Ive been trying!

Wow, sorry to say that after 2 years you have had enough of a preview of this fellow to see what life with him will be about. You have a decision to make, for yourself. He has issues to work on, and maybe you leaving will be his wake up call, maybe not, but at least this farce at playing house will end.

I really didn't want to tell you that without facts, but that's what I see, you being in an unhappy life with no real connection to this guy, and him not seeing your misery, or making even token attempts to communicate, or work on your concerns.

I feel bad telling you this but, the relationship has hit a brick wall. Time to consider other options for your own sake, and be as selfish on your own behalf as you need to be. You deserve it, and deserve to be happy.