I went behind my husbands back and got my girl spayed.. She is a 3 yr old black GSD and every time I brought up spaying her my husband had excuses... 1st excuse- Lets wait until she's had her first heat... 2nd excuse- she's a large dog lets wait until she's fully grown because it's better for her.. Then the best excuse of all.. We should breed her. I am totally against breeding because there are so many animals out there that need homes and you can never be sure that whoever you sell them to will be good owners... also all responsibility of breeding and taking care of the pups would fall on me... so last week I took her in and had her spayed and my husband has not talked to me since. I know I should have told him but he always fought me on it when I did... so I need advice on how I can get my husband to forgive me... I apologized for going behind his back but I also said I think I did the right thing.. Please could someone give me valid reasons to give him so he understands... I have never seen him so mad in 28 yrs of marriage.. any advice would be welcome... TIA

Well. This is interesting. Some people are funny about animals getting spayed or neutered. Like its against their natural way or something. The argument about waiting until they are adults sounds like it would make sense, but animals are sexual adults proportionally much earlier than humans are. Wanting to breed the dog? Unless that's what the dog was purchased for, really, why go through the mess and trouble? I do not have a magic way to get him to come around. But I can say that there is more here than just getting the dog spayed. What seems to stand out is that this is a significant deviation from what you thought was going to happen. People spay their pets. You spayed your pet. He won't speak to you. To be thorough, I ask that you consider the context in which this is happening. Is this really out of the blue? Or is this an extension of a theme? Such as him feeling he doesn't get his way enough. Or is he upset about something silly, and this incident gives him something more appropriate to express himself about. Either way, the reaction is not normal, and I would begin to address the problem by determining what the real problem in fact is. He's not stuck on this for no reason.

Sounds to me like you've already given him a valid reason for spaying her.

It's a shame that you two weren't able to make that decision together, but it's too late now. In the future, try to communicate with each other a little better.

You have apologized for going behind his back. I agree by the way with you having her fixed. There are way to many animals with no homes, some people don't have the courage to step up and realize that loving your pet also includes this issue.

I would let him get over this on his own, I wouldn't beg for his forgiveness, that would be admitting he was right in this matter and that isn't the case.

When he does calm down and approaches you about this matter, I would take the time to see what else could be bothering him and what you can do as a couple to fix it. 28years is a long time, and for whatever reasons we tend to hear sounds, but forget how to actually hear the words said! Good luck

Spay and Neuter Health Benefits ~ Pawprints and Purrs, Inc. (http://www.sniksnak.com/benefits.html)

Above is a link to a short list of reasons spaying is healthier for your pet.

Even though is my mind you did the right thing by spaying your dog,the problem has become much bigger now.

You did not just spay the dog,you broke a trust,you broke team.

Is this the first time this happened?

If this is in fact the first time you broke his trust,having an honest and frank conversation may clear the air.

If its not the first time, you may have deeper issues going on.

My advice is talk it out,the only way to regain trust is by positive actions,say what you mean and mean what you say.

I'm totally in agreement on the spaying. No, the dog doesn't have to experience a heat in order to feel complete, nor does she need to have at least one litter of pups.

Is the dog basically "yours"? -- you are her major caretaker and walk her, feed her, clean up after her, watch out for her?

I'm wondering if your husband has any other control issues, i.e. wishes/demands that he insists on and that you have to surrender to or end up getting "punished" in some way.

First I want to tell you that you did the right thing by getting her spayed. If you had allowed a litter you would have become a backyard breeder. For those that care about dogs, backyard breeders are the worst of the worst.

You also reduced the risk of many health concerns that your dog could have, like cancer.

Personally I don't understand why he's mad. It seems you two talked about it before, and all he could do was make excuses. I would tell him that you were tired of the excuses and did what was best for the dog.

I also agree with WG, he sounds like a bit of a control freak, his way or the highway, and now he's acting like a child and giving you the silent treatment. It's time for him to act like a man and talk about the things that bother him. Maybe if he had been willing to talk, and listen, this wouldn't have been your only option.

Thanks everyone for your replies.. I figured out why he was so upset. He was upset because in 28 yrs of marriage I always gave him his way and this time I was so sure of what I was going to do and I did it. We have talked and he apologized for being (in his words) A Jerk. He honestly thought we would be making tons of money out of a litter. I told him that after doctors and shots (if we even could sell all of the puppies) That we would probably not even make anything. And I told him that I would never be directly responsible for adding to an already awful situation. Thank you all for your responses... I showed my husband these answers and he realises I was right in what I did... Thanks once more.

Since this is part of your post, and even though things are okay, I feel that I have to add this, just in case your husband still has any doubts about what you did.

Backyard breeders is what you'd be if you hadn't spayed your dog and if you'd gone ahead with a litter. We call them backyard breeders because they do breed, but they don't do it responsibly. To breed responsibly takes years. You need a breeding mentor, you will shell out thousands of dollars for the testing that needs to be done, and you're right, you'd make nothing on the puppies, in fact, you'd probably end up paying out of pocket to have the puppies.

Breeders breed to further the breed standard of a dog, to breed the most healthy, the best possible representation of the breed. They don't breed to make money, because they rarely do.

Backyard breeders are in the same book as puppymills, only a page ahead. Because of backyard breeders and puppymills over 5 million dogs are killed each year in the US alone. Yes, 5 million.

Too many people think they're not part of the problem because they're only having one litter. It's like the garbage game. If everyone threw one piece of litter on the ground, how polluted would the earth be? If every person had just one litter, how many dogs would have to die because of over population? The number would astound your husband.

I can't tell you enough how very proud (I sound like a mom now) I am that you spayed your dog. Because of this one simple act you have saved countless dogs, because the backyard breeding game is never ending. A friend of mine on this site said it best (she's now deceased) and she called it the dead dog game. Your dog has a litter, let's say 5 pups. Yes, you find homes for them. All those 5 pups have a litter of five pups, and those pups have a litter, and so on and so on. It's mind boggling to realize the consequences of one litter. The truth is, over half those pups would at one point end up in the pound, and most of them would never find a home.

As you can tell, I'm against backyard breeding, and puppymills. It has nothing to do with not loving mixed dogs, or preferring breeder dogs only (I have 2 mixed mutts and one purebred), but it has everything to do with the death of the dogs being bred for profit only. I'd rather rescue than breed.

So bravo to you. Enjoy your dog, and I really do hope that your husband can now understand. :)