OK, this is a long story, but I'll try to explain!

In a nutshell, I have fallen out with my best friend and I don't know how to move on. For some context, I'm a guy, my friend is female, and no, there are no romantic intentions at all (I know some may find that hard to believe!) Our friendship also includes another person, also female and over the last 3 years, the 3 of us have become incredibly close to each other, to the point where we are almost soul mates and have shared just about every emotion there is. I love them both dearly, more than I ever expected I could love a friend.

So, last week I found out that the girls have been planning, in secret, to go on a holiday to New York. The following day, I confronted my friends about it and from one of them, I received an apology and we are friends again. They had been keeping it secret as they didn't want me to feel jealous and I accept that and, although I am jealous, I have told them that that is my problem to deal with and not their's. There is some history of why I am feeling jealous, and it has felt to me for a few months that we do less things together and the two girls do lots of things.

However, the other friend did not talk to me about it other than sending me a text message to say I was being childish, and the next day I received an awful e-mail from her. Paraphrasing, it said she was incredibly sad regarding what has happened and that she feels so let down and that she does not want to talk about it.

I did eventually speak to her, without pressing her into it, and now she tells me that she is upset with something that I did 5 months ago.

She was seeing some guy back then who was being pretty nasty to her and she said to me and the other friend "If he comes over on Friday, then I'll see him, otherwise you guys can come over instead but I won't know till Friday daytime". This did annoy me and a few days later, I thought I would let her know that it felt like being treated like a second class person. I thought that was the end of it, but it seems she has been fuming over it ever since.

So since last week, we haven't spoken and I'm heartbroken. All I want to do is talk to her and try to sort it out, but I'm stuck in this state of limbo until something is done. What I don't want to do is go against her wishes and try to coerce her into talking to me for fear that it will just push her away again.

Some additional info about her. She has been feeling really, really low lately and that is obviously a factor. Also I'm not 100% sure that the 5 month old argument is really a factor and perhaps she only brought it up out of spite.

So, I have a couple of questions (if you have managed to read this far down! )

1. What can I do?
2. Have I done something wrong? Perhaps I have blowm things out of proportion? Please feel free to tell me the truth about how it seems to an outsider - I can take it!

Many thanks to all who read this.

If she is really your friend, then ask her those questions face to face. Don't text, don't call just go over and talk with her. I agree that if she has gone through a bad split in last 5 months she is more then likely depressed.

Its great that you have a great and wonderful relationship with two women, but you also need to keep in mind, woman and men do take things differently. Like your comment about being second class, you thought were just getting things off chest so didn't blow up to bigger issue. Where she took in as a VERY PERSONAL correction in how she was treating her friends. She took it has her not being a good enough friend, and then of course her going through breakup, which she may think she wasn't good enough person. Well she has been put down not just by the man she was involved in, but another man who is one of her best friends. Might have been a little too much for her to take, and so she has dwelled and maybe blown it out of porportion.

If you have been friends with these women, then you have to understand women do tend to live by our emotions. We like facts, but we will still fall back on our emotions.

Basically, you going to have to up front and honest with her. But most importantly your going to have to use some extra understanding. Make sure she understands that you didn't mean to hurt her, and how much you need her in your life, what a difference she makes!! Most of all don't under any circumstances act jealous of them doing things together without you. That will always happen so your going to have to learn to deal with it.

You seem like a great guy, and even better friend--good luck

answerme_tender,

Thanks for your response and taking the time to read my small novel!
Do you think I should give her some space before talking to her? I am extremely concerned that things might blow up if I go in too soon.

With regards the old boyfriend story, it wasn't the breakup that has been keeping her down but something else, but while I'm happy talking about my problems on here, I don't think it's fair for me to talk about hers. Suffice to say that she had a bereavement about 3 years ago. The old boyfriend only lasted a matter of weeks.

And the comment on the "second class" thing, my other friend also thought the same thing, but perhaps not to the degree that I did. She was probably more sensible than me and kept her mouth shut! I think I am mostly disappointed that this has blown up because I felt I could be honest with her about how I feel.

But I do agree that women and men have such a variance in the way we think, although that doesn't help the way I feel especially as I'm the kind of person that wears their heart on their sleeve. Perhaps I'm not like the average guy who I would say are more emotionally restrained.

I love your suggestion about being understanding and that I didn't mean to hurt her - that's exectly how I feel.

And such a lovely thing to say that I seem like a great guy, I imagine you would be a great friend too.

The best thing about having friends is, you can get mad from time to time with each other, and let the emotional dust settle, and do your own thing while they get over it. You will still be friends whether you see them for a while, or vacation occasionally, and the best thing is you will miss them and love them when you see them again. Friends don't have to fix their problems, just love, support, and understand, and let time do the rest.

I wouldn't make this into a drama at all, but let time and space do what you can't do in person. By the way, I see nothing wrong with the girls doing their thing without you sometimes, it should be no biggie, and they shouldn't have to keep it a secret. That's what being friends is all about.

How to deal with an argument with your BFF:

I am 14 years old so I am going through that time at the moment when you always fall out with your friends.
I am in the middle of one right now and so I know how people feel.
First I think you need to sit down by yourself and think about it. This really helps because you can think about it and how your friend feels as well. You also need to think about this person. It she/he a true friend? And if a similar thing has happened before with the same person you also need to think about that.
Genuinely they ignore you after the argument, so you need an ice-breaker. Try phoning them or going up to them and being the brave one. This is very hard but honest, it's the best thing to do! This way you can really express things. I have also slipped a chocolate bar and a note into her bag before. I found this helped because it showed her I really cared and wanted to become friends again. It may take a week or so but as long as you don't provoke it it won't get worse.