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View Full Version : Do I stay or walk away?


jazaan
Nov 23, 2010, 02:00 AM
I have been happily married for nearly 4 years and have two young boys (26 months and 6 months). Recently I met another mad who is 17 years older than I am and married to a good friend. I know its worng, and he does too, but there is definitely a connection, and I don't know what to do about it? Do I walk away, even though everything inside tells me to go for it?

pandead
Nov 23, 2010, 02:23 AM
"Everything inside" tells you to "go for it"?? Go for what exactly?
Cheat on your husband with your good friend's husband? Then what, leave your family and your kids for him? Do you think he'll leave his family for you? Even if he does, are you comfortable with it?

Or go for "friends with benefits", then meet his family like nothing happened?

You know it's wrong because IT IS. So yes, you KNOW what to do about it : nothing.
Stop fooling yourself. You are married, he is married, so off limits. If you're looking for adventure go hiking, bungee jumping or camping. Leave other people's husbands alone!

Zakumi
Nov 23, 2010, 07:26 AM
Temptations will always be there, you know it is wrong to cheated on your family what do you what us to say?? Go for it!! Will you be able to live with yourself and look your kids and hubby in the easy and say I LOVE YOU, don't be selfish and stop dreaming this is not love but lust. He will never live his family for you.

answerme_tender
Nov 23, 2010, 08:09 AM
I have told this story of my friend before, but to give you idea. She went for it, left her husband. The guy left his wife. They moved in together, and guess what couple years later well he found someone else how he had a special connection with. So she had given up her husband, her kids never forgave her, her friends turned from her, her family was still disappointed with her becoming the cheating whore of the town. So here she was all alone, he is all happy, left small town moved to big city live with new woman and is all happy go lucky. She gets to go to bed with her anti-depressants. You know what his ex-wife tried to warn her about what kind of man he was, but she just wouldn't listen, why the ex was just jealous, he was the greatest, and besides he loved her and wouldn't do those things to her. Guess who was right!!

I hope you aren't one who has to learn the hard way. But if you are then just remember the say" What goes around, ALWAYs comes back around".

Before throwing away your entire life, marriage,children's way of life, ect---Would it take anymore time out of your life to go with your husband and get some professional counseling. See if there is anyway to salvage your marriage. If you cannot, then get a divorce FIRST. Don't lose yourself respect.

Jake2008
Nov 24, 2010, 08:09 AM
If you have already expressed an interest, and talked about your mutual attraction to each other, this has already gone too far. It is, a disaster just waiting to happen.

You are happily married, and you have a two year old and a six month old. You have an obligation to these three people, who's happiness and well being should be put at the top of your priority list, and not their destruction, yet you try to figure out if you want another man. To add insult to injury to your family, this man is married to a good friend of yours. So, at least when you betray those that trust you the most, you really do go for it.

I think it is a moot point, or should be otherwise obvious, what you should know and realize, are the consequences. There will be victims here, should you choose to carry on with this other man. Your husband, both your children, your friend. All the extended relationships, and the emotional fallout, financial fallout, and destruction of two families will affect every aspect of your life. And you will be responsible for all of it. Why would you choose this path. Why choose to destroy your marriage, purposely put your children in a broken home. Why would you betray a friend in such a horrendous way, and why would you subject yourself to even thinking about it, let alone wondering how to make it happen.

I take it if it has already gone this far, you have a secret relationship with him. Perhaps texts, messaging on the computer, finding a way to talk to him in person, etc. The two of you must have created some way to communicate that 'there is a connection', and that that 'connection' is somehow strong enough to have you about to make the biggest mistake of your life.

You already know that you need to put a stop to this. Come clean to your husband and tell him the truth- he deserves to know- that you came perilously close to leaving him, and destroying your family. Tell him that you don't know what came over you, but that you didn't go any further than you already have, and regret even considering ending your marriage. As long as you keep this deception going, the more resentment he will have, and rightly so. The two of you will have to work out this situation that you have allowed to happen, and created, in order for him to be able to begin to trust you again. That, is all a part of being responsible for your own actions, truly being remorseful, and honestly wanting to repair the damage already done.

If he doesn't already know something is up, he will at some point be suspicious enough to start checking and asking some questions, and the deceipt and denial from you will have to become far more creative. In the end, when he does know, and if you keep going the way you are, there will be no turning back for him, should you carry on and actually make the mistake of having an affair. Everything you do, is parallel to living a double life, and eventually they will collide. You may very well find that your husband no longer wishes to be married to you, because of what you have done.

While you still have an opportunity to save your marriage, and your family, please do the right thing. Let this other man make his own decisions as to whether to stay with his wife, or find somebody else on the side. He is not your problem. You are your problem.