Multiple threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread

I've been through more than enough sufferings in my lifetime. But once I met my boyfriend, he changed everything... He didn't have much to bring to the table but I knew we'd be perfect without perfection... In the beginning, we connected, had such a bond that was beyond image. We planned a family, welcomed our daughter to the addition. Then, I wanted more to a simple life inside the box. I decided to live outside the world I once knew... My failure to our little family, struggled us to this point where I am here asking for help. Needless to say, I'm lost in love... I've pushed him away, I would like the same connect but more realistic. Putting my efforts and actions to fight for the love I still have for him. But he'll not let me in, he doesn't show any reaction to anything I do. Yet, we've been through a lot in our life together... I'd like to know if my life with him would last. I'd suffered enough to not know if we'll be able to keep our family together. He reminds me of how I can easily lose him. But I'm fighting for this, does he want our love to last? Help anyone...

What exactly happened?

Unfortunately, as we've all discovered. No matter how hard you work to make things go, it takes 2 to tango. Without knowing the details its hard to know, but it sounds like you want this more than him, and there's no forcing him to want it. All you can do is what you feel is right. Crappy answer, I know, but typically these things end up out of our control anyway,

Ur releationship needs god! He will guide you 2 in the right direction. How i c it if he doesn't want to forget the past, u move on to the future

Thank you for want I needed to hear. And there's a lot more to what we're going through. But in due time I'll let everything out. I still need answers but I do apppreicate what I've read.

It is hard to give answers when your question is so vague. I'm not understanding what happened. What did you to to push him away?

I agree with Homegirl---I don't understand your question. I don't know what happened to your relationship to give any type of advice. Please explain what happened.

In the life I have with my boyfriend... Not all days are the best but there was those times when everyday was blissful. I do what I can to make up for the time when I wanted more. But was I being selfish? Hear me out. When our relationship was so amazing and our life together with our daughter wouldn't have been any better. I notice that I failed to keep my social life, having time with friends and family; full-time with him. Before I met him, my plans were U of A in the fall... until then I'll take this time with my family. During that time, I met Him. He was so amazing in many ways. So I decided to stay with him, showing me more of life without a price. I adored the feeling and took the chance at love... Well, I didn't have much Me-time... And when I notice, I made the effort to have a life without him always being there. I informed him about how I felt, my life with him but not having one of my own. He has friends, a lot of friends and family that would be in his life and he would have time with them. But once I wanted a life like that of my own, he refused. We fought about my social life, school and a job... He didn't think I needed that. Nor did he want me around other men. I reminded him that I was devoted to our happiness and nothing would change. He'd enforce that I'd not mention that again. I was disappointed. So I knew that I was treating unfairly, so I made my decision to leave him. I told him I'm leaving with our daughter, that I wasn't able to be happy without having friends, College education and at least a part time job. So I stand my ground, but he was determine not to let our love fail. I still have butterfly love for him and caring for him is always on my mind... But was I selfish. He asked if I were to come back into his life, for months he asked. I said only if he'd accept that I'd have a social life, school and job... But he stopped calling and his attention for our daughter ended.. I am still deeply in love with him. But once I've notice he's lack of connection. A month later, he calls happy to say that he met someone. He was saying how much she was so like me but more. My heartache worsten but I accepted that he found someone. Then, he started to visit saying he wanted a life with that woman and I. But the thought killed me. I refused. He left me alone and began the life with her. Unfortunately, many members of his family came to me, needing to talk about that young lady. I wasn't interested but they were worried about the relationship he had with this lady. The information wasn't pleasing, my boyfriend was dating his own cousin and she knew the whole time... From what was told to me. He pleased her more than ever and put everything aside for her. I called him, he was delighted to hear from me, I asked if we could meet up. So we did, I let him in on the little secret but important information. He rejected every detail and put it in denial. I hate to have told him but I loved him so much, I didn't want him to suffer from the lack of information his own family was hiding from him. The same night, he was knocking on my door. Drunk, displease with himself. I felt so horrible for him... I let him in.. took him under my wing. He stayed with us, I felt so happy but he wasn't. He reminded me of her and how the life with her was so amazing... It's been months since then. But every time she's around or mention he has this glow... What am I suppose to do? I'm in love with him but I'm still suffering for being "selfish." I let him back into my life after his mistake on dating his relative. But he still reminds me of how I ruin our life but wanting a life aside from the amazing life we once had. Was it wrong of me? I don't know what to do. I'm still with him and still deeply in love with him. Yet, I know I'm losing him.

I've wrote a second part. Hope I put more detail to make things more understandable. Thank you for your help. Needless to say, I really do appreicate.

I've written a second part. Hope I put more details to make it more understandable. I do thank you and appreicate the help.

I don't think you were being selfish. I think he was wanting to control your life and you were not happy with that.
You let him back in and out of guilt will you let him try to control you again?
There is nothing wrong with a woman having friends and a career. You were not even married to him.
Let him go. The only reason he came back was because of problems with this other woman.

We have our daughter and expecting one more addition to our family...
Once we met, I didn't think anything more than becoming new friends. We first met in his hometown, where my family home was reside. I was such a young happy 19 year old. My plans were set off to College in the fall with nothing to hold me back. The summer before College plans I met him while visiting with my family. I thought 'summer crush' but once we started talking and getting to know each other. I decided that I couldn't let him go, I've asked if he would join me while I attended U of A. But he didn't want to leave his family and life. So I assume that College could wait, since I found him. But beyond the happiness. He had problems with his ex-girlfriend of 7 years... The problems weren't told to me until a few months into the relationship. He pulled me aside, poured out his heart saying how he didn't want to lose me. But I needed to know these facts, if I were to accept or reject. But I heard him out, he informed me that she was pregnant and he'll be there for his unborn child but he hasn't been with her for months. I adore children, I agreed that I was okay with his situation but how does she feel? Yet, he didn't care for his ex-girlfriend. She was upset with our relationship and taking it out on him... She'll physically attack him with object... It was crazy to see but I know she was angry about what he wanted. I kept out of that business, she didn't like me much but that didn't matter to me. I was there supporting him and his child. Months pass, they were blessed with a baby boy. He was very supportive for her needs during pregnancy and after their child was born. He paid for her apartment and everything she needed... I knew she needed his help and I was understandable about it all but daily he'd help her. I've asked myself this so many times, why none of this bothered me. Yet, she didn't mention to anyone that he was in a relationship with me. I trusted that he knew that too. But to this day, I still wonder why none of the past problems with his ex-girlfriend was important. But soon after, he notice that there was a triangle. I thought he was only there for his son and nothing more. Months past, she kept their son away from him... asking for more child support. Given in to her was all he'd ever do. During the time, we were planning on our own little family. I start by taking on a healthier lifestyle so our child could endure it all... Finally, our plans were set. I was expecting... Was it my time to let go before all of this?. But I'm blessed with children I've been wanting. Yet, I didn't know that I'll have to go through so much just to have my own family...

Now, I'm here asking for help. Needless to say, why should I have to come this far to not know what to do next... Was it wrong of me to put my life goals aside for a life of confusion and losing the man that changed me.

If I were you, I would stay independent, and keep the life that makes you happy because, he has a bunch of issues to deal with and I doubt you will ever be happy with a control freak.

You don't have to live together, or be married to take care of family obligations, or even raise kids together, but I doubt if a fellow with another baby mama, and an affair with his own relative, is a very good life partner to begin with.

I think you buried your head in the sand an awful lot and you're still doing it.
This relationship is filled with drama that shows no sign of going away. Take care of you and your child and leave this guy to straighten out his mess.

Live by yourself, not with him. Your obligation is to you and yours not him. Stop ignoring what is staring you in the face. Leave this man alone. He has already gotten you to pt your life on hold once, don't allow him back in to control it again. Build your life on a different foundation.

Comment on talaniman's post
Thanks for the advice, I did leave him. I took my daughter and left everything of value. The only asset is my daughter and my heart... I've grown to know what's best, I'll suffer but I know that I'll have a chance at love again. But thank you.

Comment on Homegirl 50's post
Thank you for your advice. I decided to leave him, took my daughter and left values in life. The only asset that means the most is my daughter and my heart. I grown to know that I'll have a chance at love again but I do thank you once again.

I think that's a great move, and think that you were leaning that way any way. Glad to see that you will take care of what's most important, you and your daughter.

Good choice!
I wish you well