Hi Guys,

I feel kind of crushed...

Background info: About 1 yr ago, this guy told me he likes me the day he left for another country to work. We tried to have a LDR but in about 2-3 months I realised I can't do all the emailing and Long dist calls. I just slowly slided away BUT we still kept in touch etc.

He has been away from 1 year and recently he came back for a friend's wedding and we met up just for a day.

Over this 1 year, even though I no longer see him in a romantic way, I really treasure him as a friend. He is from a very broken family and every time he tells me about it, it makes me develop a soft spot for him. He is rather loose with his expressions/words. He will ask me questions like, "when is it our turn to get married? " " i really think you will make a good wife" " i miss you a lot etc"
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The everyday when he came back. He texted me. " hey i am coming back tonight. can i see you? i am really excited to see you later" He touched down and he called me at 2.30am saying that he wants to meet up tomorrow afternoon.

I met up with him and his other friends, then after that we went to another place together. I felt the attraction for him was back again and we did have a very good time together. ( Just in case you guys are curious we did not make out, or held hands, or anything just went out casually but he paid for all the stuff)

Before he left for the airport, we just had a friendly hug goodbye and then immediately he texted me saying" hey thanks for spending the afternoon with me :) i really enjoy the day! kinda sad to leave but i know i will be back soon:) take care and dont work too hard" and just before he was boarding he texted again " boarding now, gonna miss you a lot. take care"

And from that day on, he continued texting me and etc, asking me to visit him over there and also asking me to move over to his country to work. And he kept saying he misses me , etc.

I had coffee with one of his frens and through our conversation, I was SO SHOCKED to find out that he has a girlfriend!! When I found out, I texted him, and just before he asked me again to move over, I questioned him if he is seeing anyone, and he said yes but she is living in another country. My heart shattered...


firstly, I think I do like him.. to what extend I am not sure.

secondly, I feel he didn't respect me as friend as he didn't not tell me he is seeing someone

Thirdly, If he is seeing someone and he is saying such stuff to me, it is really very disrespecful to me , I mean what does he take me as?


I feel so crushed... he texted me still to ask me stuff like how's my day n etc... and I am just not that responsive anymore...

I don't know how to bring this up to him to express my disappointment or should I just walk away silently and end the friendship...

I don't know why, I am so depressed over this matter...

Walk away. This guy sounds like a player.

You feel bad because you thought he was nice and honest and you found out he was leading you on.

What happened to the guy you were nervous about seeing at the party? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/how-should-reply-his-text-523815.html

Is the man in this thread the same one you are talking about in a previous thread? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-he-thinking-hot-cold-493893.html

This is a different guy but he is friends with the guy which I was nervous aboout seeing at the party. Guy which I was nervous about seeing at the party actually texted me the next day after the party saying that he was so sorry that he was quite busy during the party and we couldn't catch up because he was helping his friend with some stuff and I had to leave early. So he suggested that we try to catch up before he is outstationed in January. I said sure and let me know when. But he did not get back to me and its been almost a week.

I'm going to presume from Cat's response that this is the same guy. Thanks for that Cat, it gives a better perspective.

My impression is that the two of you have never really connected. Neither of you knows whether the other is 'interested', and now you have found out that his hesitation may be because he has girlfriend, and is in a relationship with her. He's not available, and he's testing the waters outside his current relationship, to see if there is something better out there.

I would give the person who filled you in that he has a girlfriend, at least a box of chocolates.

Because you have not invested more than curiosity, and the very odd date, or meeting up, or whatever you want to call it, you are in a very good position to use your head here and figure out whether you wish to pursue him.

He may very well have a girlfriend that he is not happy with for whatever reason. She could have been his girlfriend for only a few weeks or months. The point is, he has a girlfriend, and that should automatically rule out a relationship with you. Woman to woman, it is just not a nice thing to pursue another woman's boyfriend.

His girlfriend is also long distance, just like the way it was/is with you and him. Sounds like he has a girl in every port so to speak. Easy to do when the computer is your ship, and you are steering it any old which way you want to.

I recommend that you make a decision here. If you choose to continue on with him, in whatever form that takes, be prepared for not only the consequences of that decision (ie being dumped when the girlfriend finds out), but also be prepared to expect more of the same behaviour. If he has two girls hanging on a hook, he can easily add more, or interchange them at will.

If he is using his poor childhood as any sort of excuse to either keep you by pity, or to excuse his behaviour as an adult, these are also signs to consider. I don't know what kind of excuse he could possibly come up with to pursue you (if he truly is), while maintaining a current relationship with somebody else. And this from HIS friend! Perhaps this is behaviour that has happened in the past as well.

I would say, from the outside looking in, that his friend, gave you the heads up you needed to make a call, one way or the other. You can no longer use the excuse that he's available, because, he's not.

p.s. we posted at the same time. But regardless, judge the behaviour of the one you are talking about, by his actions, not his words.

Hi guys,

Its me again! I back, this time I am still feeling crushed its been like 2 months or something. In late nov I found out that he had a girlfriend, I wrote a long nasty email to him expressing my disappointed in toying with my emotions and etc and I also told him that I do not intend to continue our friendship since there's no respect at all. He replied briefly in his email saying he is sorry, and that he had mixed feelings for me that is why he's behaving in this manner and he tried really hard to control but still screwed things up.

Shortly after sending the email I left for a vacation for about 3 weeks. He still continues texting me. He would find every occasion to text me to saying happy birthday, merry xmas, happy new year etc. And the way he texts me is as if nothing happened before.

After I got back from my vacation I felt so good and refreshed that I was ready to move on and put this behind.

As much as I would like to move on, I get very affected when I receive a text from him. If I don't reply him, he would keep msging me, even if I give him a short and cold answer. I just hate it that although he has a girlfriend now, for his own selfish reason he just wants to keep me around.

So one fine day, I scolded the hell of him again, telling him that I don't want to talk to him and pretend nothing happened and I hate having small talks with him.

The next day I felt awful about scolding him in this manner and I texted him back and this time around, I don't know why, I just spilled out everything and I even told him why I was behaving in this manner ( getting really upset or giving him the cold shoulder) because I like him.

He told me that he likes me still but because we are both living in different countries he said it would be different for us to be together and that why he tried to see other girls and he knows that hurt me bad.


And he says that I am right that he is living his life in a lie and that he has failed miserably in work, family and even in relationships he can't handle them properly.

I have always had a soft spot for me to the point whereby I can no longer differentiate if I like him or I pity him.

So here it is, I have decided to cut him off, so I deleted his mobile no. blocked him on msn, gchat .

Should I take him off Facebook?

I am so scared that he would come back to look me up.

Its been two years since he has expressed his interest in me. I feel really sick and tired of this sometimes. He would call me at 2am and start telling me a lot of lovely dovey stuff , etc. I feel sick.

I don't know if this is strange,

I like him, but I don't want to be with him.

Because I am scared

I am scared that if I am with him I ll be taken for a roller coaster ride, one min I am super happy, the next min I am super sad.

I don't have a sense of security when I am with him.

But my biggest fear is, he will look me up again.

Take him off your Facebook page. Block him from everything.
Anybody who does this to you does not care about you.

It's difficult to understand what exactly was going on in his mind. He can easily be a player and messed around with many girls at the time. But on the other hand, he's trying to own up to his mistake by fessing up to you and making an effort to apologize. The fact that he's willing to put in the effort means that he still cares to a certain extent.

This is a very difficult situation, because if he really wanted to be with you, he would find a way to be in the same city as you. But the problem is, he might have a better opportunity over there, so he would rather you move there. But you can't just pick up and go either.

So he feels that he can't wait for you forever, because who knows if you will ever be together, so he starts dating other girls, while keeping you around because maybe something can actually happen between the two of you.

It's pretty much make or break time now. If you guys want to be together, then both of you need to take a massive step forward to make it happen.

But the problem is, he's broken your trust through his actions and it's not going to be easy for him to repair the trust.

You're in the driver seat now. If you don't believe that he can repair the damage, then it's best for you to move on. 100% no contact, (check out the no contact related threads in my signature).

I am glad you aren't allowing his behavior to affect your life any more. I think you will be much happier ending the confusion that he is generating.

Explain one last time that you are moving on and de-friend him. Keeping him as a friend would only give him false hope that you are still willing to play his game.

He has a girlfriend who should be getting the attention that he is attempting to give you. You deserve someone who wants to build a life with you instead of using you to stroke his ego.

I wouldn't trust him to tell you the truth since he could marry her and you would be none the wiser.

Enjoy your life.

Hi guys,

Thanks for your responses. It did make me feel better until I saw something earlier today >_<.

I saw the gf's profile pic on Facebook... and it made me feel really miserable. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to separate the two of them or cause any harm here, in fact, seems like she's a nice girl and I am happy for the two of them.

But I can't help feeling upset. It really gets me down =(

I keep thinking back what he told me, that he still likes me and because we are living in two different countries, he knows it won't work out.

Its kind of sad when you know both of you likes each other but can't be together because of other circumstances. And the guy chose to be with another girl because of that

Its really sad... isnt it?

I have been putting a lot time to do yoga and cycling to make myself feel really tired and clock in a lot of hours to rest to feel more sane.

I don't know what else I can do to make myself feel better.

Maybe to make things worse, recently a lot of my closer friends have gotten attached or married... all moving to different stages of their lives, and that's only leaving me alone starting all over again >_<

I am quite an independent woman, I have a good career n etc and I don't want to settle less for a lifetime partner or settle for someone I don't really love just because I am scared or feeling lonely. Because there's one such guy have been waiting for me... but I am very certain I don't like him. But I am also very certain that if I am together with him, I do not have to worry about him not loving me/ cheating behind my back etc and I know for sure he will be a loving husband, etc

where is my love life going.. I don't know...

Part of No Contact is not checking up on FaceBook pages that will will cause you confusion and hurt. So, get rid of links to their pages.

Yes, it is sad. However, what makes it sadder is that he is playing games. Once you face the actually facts of what he is doing he doesn't look to good. Take a step back and look at his behavior. He professes his feelings to you all the while he is dating someone else. He attempts to keep you feeling responsible for his 'failures' so that you keep playing his game. He gets an ego boost from keeping you on a string all the while he gets the relationship boost from a woman who probably thinks she is the only person in his life (unless he slipped up and she found out.) He is 'cheating' on her emotionally if he professes his feelings for you. I tend to wonder if you are the only one getting the 'if only... ' emails.

You seem to see two choices pine for x or settle for z. Why those two? Why not enjoy being single. Meet new people. Stay in touch with old friends, even if they are pairing up it is no reason not to still be friends.

Hobbies can be a great way to meet new people. Yoga and cycling can be done alone, but there are also clubs for people to enjoy them together. Volunteer work can open doors for you to meet people who can be good personal or even professional contacts. Continuing education-meet people and keep up with advances in your field or learn new skills. Community classes-learn a new hobby and keep yourself well-balanced. If you have a skill to pass on, see about teaching it.

Z may love you and wouldn't cheat on or leave you, but could you say the same? Would you really be able to stay committed to a relationship that you were not emotionally invested in? Even if you did stay physically faithful would you stay emotionally faithful?

Be true to yourself.

Stay off his page and stop making yourself miserable. There is a guy out there for you, it's not him.
Enjoy being single, go out for the sake of going out. You can go to dinner with a guy without it being a potential boyfriend. Every date does not have to be a relationship. Stop looking for one. Have fun, do things you enjoy.