Move to its own thread.

I am dating my friend's ex now. I feel bad that my friend is not okay with it. But I also think it's selfish of her to say no to me and her ex because we like each other. They dated for more than a year but she was the one who broke up with him. Now she is happily married with a lovely daughter. It has been like 5 years already. And she said she has no more feelings for him. But she just doesn't want me seeing her ex because she said it's awkward for us and doesn't want to be reminded of her past that didn't work out for her. I think awkward is just a very shallow reason for me to accept and for her ex and me to stop dating. I feel it's so unfair. Literally, I know I am not doing anything wrong. He is single and so am I. Why can't she just be happy for both of us ? As my other friend tells me, it's like she threw away the lollipop and I picked it up and now she wants to take it back. Not because she wants to eat it but she just wants to keep it away from me. I am single and I feel lonely too for love and now that I have found someone I feel happy and comfortable with, who so happens to be her ex, she can't seem to be happy for me. Is she being selfish ? Or am I the one who is not a good friend. I feel guilty sometimes but I know I am not doing anything wrong either. Please help..

My friend refuse to support me and my dating her ex and she cannot be happy for us even thought it's been 5 years since their break up and she's happily married now. I think it's really selfish

Does the rule apply if my friend and her ex dated for a little more than a year but she's happily married now with a daughter and it's been more than 5 years since their breakup ?

You can date this guy, but you risk losing your friend. But you can't force your friend to stay friends with you either.

With that in mind, You have to decide what's more important to you. I would tend to side with your friend though, it does become awkward when our best friend dates our ex, especially if there was a lot of history.

This is going to be a hard decision. It seems like you can say yes to dating her ex and practically F U to her, or you can respect your friends feelings and stop dating him. What you can also do is not bringing him around her, she doesn't want to see him, don't talk about him when she is around and act like he doesn't exists when you and her are hanging out, then you will have all three of you happy. Because, it is fairly understandable that it feels awkward to her, it would to me.

Good Luck,

Javi

Maybe it's too much to ask for her to be happy for us considering she is happily married now. Still, that is what I would expect of a friend - to be happy for me. And isn't awkward a shallow excuse ?

Am I being selfish if I still insists on dating her ex ? Can't I be happy and find my own happiness too knowing my friend is already happy ? Is awkwardness really reason enough ? I mean, she can always try to adapt also.

And right now I am also feeling kind of mad at her for being selfish. After all she's happy now and it has been years. She was the one who broke up with him . And I, too, deserve someone and be happy and that person just happens to be her ex.

I mean is awkwardness really reason enough for us to stop seeing each other ? Isn't it true that we cannot dictate what the heart feels and chooses to love ?

You can't force her to feel a certain way. You got to find a way to accept the way she feels and move forward from that.

I'm sorry to say, but you can't have your cake and eat it too.

You know I have to agree with you , 5 years on is a long time and to me she should be over any demons that may have been between them.

But the bottom line is she has stated that it will affect your relationship with her , so whether she's right or being selfish , YOU have to decide which whether it's worth risking.

Hard call but one we can't really make for you.

I'm in a similar situation :( Except I'm not dating the guy yet and I haven't told my friend about this. I'm so confused at the moment.
Come to think of it though, at least she's telling you the truth. She could have told you she's fine with it but deep inside she wouldn't feel good about it. If you started dating him, especially when she broke up with him, it might seem to her that you think whatever legit reason that caused her to break up with him wasn't vaild/legit/reasonable/wrong. Like in other words she was wrong, and it might seem as if you don't care about her feelings. I was thinking about this today, he asked me out for dinner on the weekend but I really don't know if I should.

I don't think it's selfish at all, nor awkward. Date him! If your friend is actually a friend she'll forget her past and let you have your chance at love. Especially since she is happy now with a husband and child I feel it is SUPER immature of her to be so insistant on you two not being together. She is an adult and she is not acting like one. I would expect this behavior from a teenager, not a married woman. I hope everything works out for you!

It seems to me that the friendship is probably now over anyway. You feel your friend is being unreasonable an you are wanting to justify why you should see her ex... she is justifying why you shouldn't. If you continue to see this guy, then she Will feel disrespected and resentful towards you. If you break it if with him for her sake because of 'her awkwardness' you Will feel like she has no understanding for you and will resent her and hearing about her life. I can see both sides of the argument.