My Father lives in Riverside California and currently has guardianship through probate of my two nephews (4 and 5) because my sister has abandoned her children. She has not been heard from in over a year and does not provide any financial assistance. Much of this is due to her long history of alcohol and drug abuse and criminal history which is all well documented. However, the kids cannot stay with my father for much longer. He is unemployed and soon his unemployment benefits will run out. He receives no financial assistance from the state.

My husband and I have been happily married for 5 years with a daughter of our own. We would love to take my nephews in and give them a loving and stable environment. However, because my husband is an active duty service member we are currently stationed in another state. Our goal is to adopt the kids.

How to we begin?
What if we cannot contact my sister?
How much will this cost?
Will a judge award guardianship or custody to people if we do not live in CA?
Is an attorney necessary?

Any help would be great! If we could get in contact with someone who works in family courts or who works with children's services that would be even better!!

My Father lives in Riverside California and currently has guardianship through probate of my two nephews (4 and 5) because my sister has abandoned her children. She has not been heard from in over a year and does not provide any financial assistance. Much of this is due to her long history of alcohol and drug abuse and criminal history which is all well documented. However, the kids cannot stay with my father for much longer. He is unemployed and soon his unemployment benefits will run out. He receives no financial assistance from the state.

My husband and I have been happily married for 5 years with a daughter of our own. We would love to take my nephews in and give them a loving and stable environment. However, becuase my husband is an active duty service member we are currently stationed in another state. Our goal is to adopt the kids.

How to we begin?
What if we cannot contact my sister?
How much will this cost?
will a judge award guardianship or custody to people if we do not live in CA?
Is an attorney necessary?

Any help would be great! if we could get in contact with someone who works in family courts or who works with childrens services that would be even better!!!

Your best bet would be to contact an attorney; laws regarding adoption and/or guardianship vary greatly from state to state and you want to ensure that everything is done properly.

If your father currently has legal guardianship of the children, you'd probably be able to file for guardianship as he's willing to give it to you. But as I said, there could be a lot of legal hoops to jump through so an attorney will be your best bet.

Where is the children's father in all of this?

There are no known fathers.

There are no known fathers.

Then it sounds like there is an obligation here to find the fathers. And allow them a chance to participate in the children's lives. If adoption is a thought they may have to be found or searched for first. Why hasn't the mother or grandfather tried to determine who they are and to collect child support?

It would be nearly impossible to find all the individuals that my sister has slept with over the years. She has a history of prostitution that is tied to her drug usage. This is not an option

Comment on califdadof3's post

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It would be nearly impossible to find all the individuals that my sister has slept with over the years. She has a history of prostitution that is tied to her drug usage. This is not an option



When it comes to a judge your options may be limited. Also you need to get this straightened out before your father passes away so there is a paper trail otherwise the children could end up in foster care. Has the mother been proven unfit and stripped of her rights?

No, we have not gone to children's services because we do not want the boys taken away until the state or county can evaluate us. We feel that going through children's services would be more detrimental than it would be helpful.

If your sister's rights were stripped due to her neglecting the children, it sounds as if CPS has already been involved. CPS has no grounds to remove the children at this point, as you stated your father has legal guardianship.

I still stand by my original statement that you need to consult an attorney in your area. They will be able to best advise you on the situation. This is a very complex situation and it's being more compounded by passing the children from one family member to the next to the next.

We were hoping to file a motion to revoke parental rights on the grounds of abandonment since my sister has not had contact nor financially contributed to the kids in over a year. Then, if and when her rights are revoked we would petition for custody or full adoption.

We have contacted several attorneys but we seem to be getting a lot of mixed information.

We have looked into the CA state Family court Self Help website and printed off several forms.

I think ultimately we will have to find an attorney and take this to court but I want to feel prepared and know what we are about to start. This is all about what is best for the kids and how we can make a transition easier on them. Going to court and dragging them through the system is not what want but Im worried that that's what an attorney will do since it will get them more money.

If my husband is Active Duty military and we are stationed in another state can we still be appointed guardianship of children through probate court who currently live in CA so that we can have them come stay with us?

If so, how much does it cost to petition for guardianship?

How long is the process generally from the time the paperwork is submitted until it is finalized in court?

Who are the children, what is the relationship with you ?

Where are the parents and what is the children's current situation?

The two children are my nephews who currently live with my father who has legal guardianship through superior court probate. The mother has not been heard from in nearly two years. She provides no financial assistance. She has an extensive history with drugs, alcohol, and prostitution. There are no known fathers as we suspect they were conceived while she was prosituting. No men are listed on either birth certificates.

Her parental rights have not been terminated but we also cannot reach her. Children's services has never been involved.

My father cannot continue to care for them because of financial reasons among other things. He agrees the children should come live with us. These kids deserve a loving and stable environment. My husband, myself, and my family are happy to give them one but we do not live in the same state.

Can you apply for guardianship of children who do not live with you?
I heard we have to terminate his guardianship before we can petition for our own. What happens to the children in the meantime? We do not want them in limbo without an adult guardian. Also, if no one is their legal guardian during this process they are not covered under anyone's medical insurance.

This seems like a flaw in the system to me... Need real advice from someone with extensive knowledge of the family court system or someone who has dealt with a similar situation.

Let me get this straight. You posted:

My Father lives in Riverside California and currently has guardianship through probate of my two nephews (4 and 5) because my sister has abandoned her children.

To which I responded:

Your best bet would be to contact an attorney; laws regarding adoption and/or guardianship vary greatly from state to state and you want to ensure that everything is done properly.

If your father currently has legal guardianship of the children, you'd probably be able to file for guardianship as he's willing to give it to you. But as I said, there could be a lot of legal hoops to jump through so an attorney will be your best bet.

You then posted:

No, we have not gone to children's services because we do not want the boys taken away until the state or county can evaluate us. We feel that going through children's services would be more detrimental than it would be helpful.

To which I again responded:

If your sister's rights were stripped due to her neglecting the children, it sounds as if CPS has already been involved. CPS has no grounds to remove the children at this point, as you stated your father has legal guardianship.

I still stand by my original statement that you need to consult an attorney in your area. They will be able to best advise you on the situation. This is a very complex situation and it's being more compounded by passing the children from one family member to the next to the next.


Now you've given me a disagree with the remark:

AOK.family disagrees: information given did not apply to the situation described. respondant possibly did not read the entire question

So to summarize, you're apparently too cheap to hire a lawyer to make sure this gets done the proper way, and you're going to disagree with anyone who tells you otherwise. Got it.

While you're at it, try reading the rules you agreed to when you signed up:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedback/using-comments-feature-24951.html

We were hoping to file a motion to revoke parental rights on the grounds of abandonment since my sister has not had contact nor financially contributed to the kids in over a year. Then, if and when her rights are revoked we would petition for custody or full adoption.

We have contacted several attorneys but we seem to be getting a lot of mixed information.

We have looked into the CA state Family court Self Help website and printed off several forms.

I think ultimately we will have to find an attorney adn take this to court but I want to feel prepared and know what we are about to start. This is all about what is best for the kids and how we can make a transition easier on them. Going to court and dragging them through the system is not what want but Im worried that thats what an attorney will do since it will get them more money.

Who is "we"? You have no rights in this to bring any motion before the courts other then adoption or guardianship. And for the latter you wouldn't be filing to take the mothers rights away. Why don't you just file for adoption straight out and get it over with. If the sister resists then prove why the courts should remove her rights. Otherwise your going to end up with huge legal fees and a lot of nothing.

The child can still remain with the grandfather so long as your willing for it to happen. So close the links on the legal chain and proceed forward.

You have been receiving advice on this situation.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/would-like-advice-adopting-nephews-riverside-ca-help-526744.html


Please stop starting new threads unles the nature of the question is different.

I've merged the two threads. As noted, you need to keep your posts in the same thread so we know all the details.

If your father has legal guardianship, there is no reason he can't go to the court and ask that guardianship be transferred. I don't see any reason a court would not grant it under the circumstances. Your father should consult an attorney to make sure he prepares the request according to form, but that may not be necessary.

Getting the mother or father's permissions is not necessary for guardianship. If you were trying to adopt that might become an issue. But since dad has legal guardianship he should be able to transfer it. I think HE should initiate this in CA courts and you need to send him a letter stating your willingness to become guardians.

And yes, please do read the rules of this site. Your negative comment to This was totally inappropriate.

If it makes anyone feel better I clicked helpful although it was not. I do not feel his comment was correct. The children are not jumping around from home to home and children's services has not been contacted like I had stated. How was my remark negative. I felt he did not provide a helpful response. As the question asker I should think I get to decide what is helpful.

No, I am not too cheap for a lawyer. I was just hoping that someone here might be willing to provide a little advice as I am clearly dealing with something I am not familiar with. But I was obviously mistaken since so far all I am being met with is hollow responses and negativity.

I appreciate the individuals who were willing to share a little insight and not attack someone who is just looking for help.
I think the others really need to grow up. It is clear that this sight is no longer intersted in honesty or constructive feedback.

One thread was pertaining to adoption and the other was concerning guardianship between one or more states. To me these questions should be separated.

In any case, after reading the feed back and the responses to a clearly honest and non judgemental reply to whether I felt a comment was helpful I don't think I am going to get the information I was looking for without having to listen to a few bad eggs.

Shame, this site could have been a great resource.

If it makes anyone feel better I clicked helpful although it was not. I do not feel his comment was correct. The children are not jumping around from home to home and children's services has not been contacted like I had stated. How was my remark negative. I felt he did not provide a helpful response. as the question asker I should think I get to decide what is helpful.

No, I am not too cheap for a lawyer. I was just hoping that someone here might be willing to provide a little advice as I am clearly dealing with something I am not familiar with. but I was obviously mistaken since so far all I am being met with is hollow responses and negativity.

I appreciate the individuals who were willing to share a little insight and not attack someone who is just looking for help.
I think the others really need to grow up. It is clear that this sight is no longer intersted in honesty or constructive feedback.

One thread was pertaining to adoption and the other was concerning guardianship between one or more states. To me these questions should be seperated.

In any case, after reading the feed back and the responses to a clearly honest and non judgemental reply to whether I felt a comment was helpful I don't think I am going to get the information I was looking for without having to listen to a few bad eggs.

Shame, this site could have been a great resource.

Sorry but this site IS a great resource. The shame is that you didn't use it properly.

On the interface you are using (there are different ones) you click on a thumbs up or thumbs down icon. Clearly thumbs down would be a negative rating. But beyond that, the guidelines for using the feature state specifically that a negative rating should only be used when the response was factually incorrect. The response you rated negatively was not factually incorrect and was, in fact, on point.

You may not agree with a response, you may ignore the advice given, but unless it is factually incorrect, then it doesn't warrant a negative rating.

As to merging the threads. It is all part of the issue of what to do with your nephews. While the specific question may have been different, the background wasn't. But adding the question as a follow-up to this thread you give the people trying to help you more background to go on which can only help us help you better. Its better to ask a tangential question as follow-up in the same thread then to ask it separately.

I don't see where you were attacked at all, at least not until after you had given a negative comment that was not warranted.

Finally, ANY similar site you go to is going to be the same. Once you post on a site like this you open yourself to any comment that does not violate our rules. If you feel the response did violate the rules then you report it. We pride ourselves on the accuracy of the advice we dispense here. We try to answer the question correctly, not give the advice the asker wants to here. Sometimes that means breaking a few eggs. In reviewing the threads I think you have gotten very good advice on how to deal with your situation.

So then it is appropriate to attack someone if they say that the advice they were given was not accurate?

Comment on ScottGem's post
So then it is appropriate to attack someone if they say that the advice they were given was not accurate?

I did not say that. I simply said that you were not attacked. The only thing that MIGHT be considered an attack was posted after you gave an inappropriate negative comment. I do find it interesting, though, that out of my full explanation that is what you picked up on. I also said, that if you feel a post violates our rules than report it.

In all honesty I would like to know what the point of the "Is this helpful?" buttons are for?
If a comment truly was not helpful and you select that then how have you violated anything or made a negative comment.


Unless this site is just a hangout for a select few individuals who will not accept criticism from others. As I expect it to be.

I don't think your aware of how this site works. We have 2 basic areas. Areas of fact and areas of opinion. In the section your currently in it is a fact based section. What that means is the advice given must fall under certain guidelines that fit facts pertaining to the situation. Now if someone answer something because they misread it. But answered it factully. Then we don't tend to punish people for their answers. But if they are way off base as to the law that is another story. We all here are fully aware that sometimes we get it wrong. But for the most part we also police things here to so it ensures that mistakes aren't being made.

With your question there seems to be many assumptions when in fact your confusing yourself. Sometimes too much information is as bad as none at all. That is why you might not be looking at the big picture because your stuck in between.

I stand by what I have said all along. Seek adoption. Make it final. And that way you can make the decisions for the children.

In all honesty I would like to know what the point of the "Is this helpful?" buttons are for?
If a comment truley was not helpful and you select that then how have you violated anything or made a negative comment.

This is a fair question. But, if you read the guidelines for using this feature, you might have a better understanding. Part of the issue is that you see only one view of this site and one that has only recently been implemented. There are different "skins" to this site. The one you are using is very new. So the Helpful/Not Helpful designation is only in that view. Those Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down icons are tied to a ratings system. The unfortunate aspect of such a system is that people will often give negative ratings out of spite so the guidelines that I linked you to (you did read them didn't you?) give specific instances when a negative rating should be used.

Also, as CalifDad pointed out, there are two types of forums here. One type is technical (or fact-based) the other type is non technical (or opinion based). People are entitled to their opinions, whether you agree or not or find helpful or not. For that reason we set rules for using that feature that it ONLY be used to correct an answer that is factually incorrect. Another point here is that advice you may think or feel is not helpful, may actually be very helpful. In fact, you stated the response was not helpful because it didn't apply to your situation and then chided the responder that she didn't read the whole question. I've gone over and looked at the response and what you had previous posted and I don't see where the response DID NOT apply.

Now this does not mean you can't add a response to your thread in which you disagree with the advice given or state reasons you think the advice did not help. You are free to do so. It's just using the rating to do when there is no clear misstatement of fact in the answer being rated that is against the rules.



Unless this site is just a hangout for a select few individuals who will not accept criticism from others. As I expect it to be.

Now this is totally UNFAIR. When criticism is warranted its accepted. In your case the criticism has been very unwarranted. I don't know how much you have browsed around here, it appears to be minimal, but to make such a blanket statement with little experience is totally unfair and I might add, totally inaccurate. The people here donate their time and expertise to help others. You were given a lot of help, but instead of appreciating the FACT that people gave of their time to help you, you attack us simply because you didn't like what seems to be ONE answer. I wonder who is the one that can't take criticism here? In my opinion you owe the members of this site an apology for your crass and rude behavior.

We (being my husband and I) would like to seek adoption but so far have received mixed information from more than three attorneys both in our state and in CA. We cannot have the chidlren come live with us until we get some sort of guardianship because without guardianship they will not be covered by our medical insurance. Children need medical and dental. As long as they live in CA they are covered under a medical assistance program because my father makes under a certain amount of money but the Riverside county probate court parralegal assitance center says that we cannot get guardianship unless the children are in our care. This does not make sense to me.

They have to live with us to get guardianship but we can't get guardianship until they are living with us? Catch 22..

Adoption is the ultimate goal but we have been advised by two separate attorneys from two separate states CA and here that we have to have legal custody or guardianship before we can apply for custody.

We do not want to submit paperwork, pay the money, and have a judge say no. We feel in the long run it may look bad if we have been denied. Even if it was only because we do not live in the same state.

Have you only been consulting lawyers or have you contacted agencies in your area?

Here is some links if you haven't already found them.


California Adoption - Adopting in California. Adoptees, Adopt, Birth Mothers, Search & Reunion (http://california.adoption.com/)

CALIFORNIA ADOPTION PROCESS (http://www.adoption.org/adopt/california-adoption-process.php)

Adoption (http://www.childsworld.ca.gov/PG1302.htm)

First, it is correct that the children cannot legally come live with you until you get guardianship. Though, they could come to visit with a limited Power of Attorney.

But I really find it hard to believe that the current guardian cannot agree to a transfer of guardianship where the court would simply rubber stamp it.

I can understand not wanting to invest in an attorney, but there are fairly simple forms that can be submitted to the court for a nominal filing fee.

California Courts: Self-Help Center: Families & Children: Guardianship (Probate Court): Guardianship Forms & Instructions (http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/family/guardianship/guardforms.htm)

Or you can invest a small amount in a book that would provide help for you:
The Guardianship Book for California - Nolo (http://www.nolo.com/products/the-guardianship-book-for-california-GB.html)

Since your husband is active military have you tried asking for help from his service's legal arm?