Dr naik,assalamu alaikum... am 25 yrs old female married,having a child... living with my in laws.. my problem is... I am a very honest person... true to my word,character... I can't fake my feelings... I don't hurt anyone intentionally... when am upset,I stay calm.. I don't throw away words and then repent later on... but am living with the kind of people who lie a lot,who gossip,who say something and then do something else,who love each other for the sake of worldly benefits... so in the whole family I stand out.. am the odd one... no one appreciates the goodness in me.. in fact everything I do seems negative for them... this causes a lot of problems between me and my husband... my parents tell me to be like one of them to win my husbands love... but am not able to get to terms with it... is there any reward for me in the hereafter for being truthful or not... or should I change myself and be like everyone else? /kindly help

I'm not big into religion at all quite frankly I'm not into it at all... but, no one should change the way they are two impress or seek acceptance or gratification from others.

Well, I hope you can understand the challenge in being able to read the situation for what it is... I am only hearing your side of how this situation really is.

But I personally think that you ought to be who you are and never forsake that, especially for a relationship. If you are forcing yourself to be someone you are not for the sake of saving a relationship, you ought to stop pretending right away. To win someone's love, you want it to be authentic and genuine based upon who you really are and not what you are pretending to be.

Now, I also think that sometimes living under challenging circumstances may require a bit of tongue-biting... it's not your house and you are a guest so being respectful of that is paramount. But, aside from that, the social dynamics of everyday life are give and take, take and give... disagreeing at times; refraining from commenting at times. You have to pick your battles. If the people you are living with (presumably on a temporary basis) are difficult to get along with, just bear them patiently. We all need to give people slack because we are pains in the arse at times too and if you don't think you can be, you don't know yourself.

Maybe you can try to learn something from these people and when you feel appropriate, perhaps you can share with them why you think gossiping is inappropriate. Take an interest in their lives and try to understand who they are. Sometimes being strongly opinionated is really just a ruse for being a snobby and insensitive jerk. I would advise you not to be such a person if life permits. ;)

Find an outlet while you are living there. If you don't have anything to do, your living arrangement will drive you nuts. Get out of the house and spend quality time with like-minded people. You'll find that you won't care so much what people are doing under your roof. And if they gossip about you, just know that they are miserable wretches who ultimately have no rest in their own souls and God help them to see their need for mercy.

Just a thought. Oh, and I don't think there's anything spectacular waiting for you on the other side by suffering the insolence of gossiping, biting, and hemorrhoidal people. I think the path to the other side was laid by another man already. But that's another topic.

Cheers.

If you feel like changing in this way will make you a bad person, when you are being good right now, then Hell NO! Keep doing what you are doing, you are doing things right its them who are messing up.

Good Luck,

Javi