My boyfriend and I have been living together for 8 months now. We are deeply in love. Recently his ex-girlfriend found his unlisted phone number and started texting him trying to get him back. They were together for over 7 years and had a volatile relationship. She was verbally and physically abusive. He only stayed with her that long because of his low self esteem. When we met, it was instantly deep love and respect for each other. We were soooo close until she interfered. She had such control over him, that he is now confused and wants his space to think. We live in an apt and I can't afford to go anywhere and neither can he. How do we do the "space" thing?
I feel like there is a wedge between us now and there shouldn't be but he goes to her house now to see his dog because he told me that she has her (beloved pitbull) and he is working on getting the dog back by "being nice" to her. We can't have a pitbull at our apt-they are banned here. She recently threatened to give her away-I believe to get him to conform to her demands (control). I am so confused... help... I know I should respect how he feels and it is tearing me up inside to just sit back and watch this volcano erupt!!

This is just my opinion, but I would get out of this relationship asap! This man know how she supposively abused him. He is in a loving unabusive relationship,yet he is actually wanting to go back to her. First of all the should be some warning bells to you that he maynot of been as honest about of really bad of a relatioship they had. Sounds like he just wanted your sympathy, believe me I have been there done that myself!!

I would simply get my stuff and move out. Let him deal with the apartment. I wouldn't let him emotionally abuse me. He is getting off on the control he has over not only you but the ex. He know exactly how bad this is tearing you up,but you know what reallys sucks, is that he Doesn't CARE! Do you really want to be with someone who is obviously so shallow and uncaring as this man.

Get out and get on with your life!

To answer your question directly, you can't give him space while living together. One of you has to go.

. . . I know I should respect how he feels and it is tearing me up inside to just sit back and watch this volcano erupt!!!
Respect how he feels? He's completely disrespecting you by seeing his ex-girlfriend and forcing you to wait while he takes his sweet-a** time deciding who's the fittest. You're being taken for a ride. Respect yourself and leave him!

Wow! This is why I love this site so much. There is nothing like an honest answer! Thanks for all your input. I didn't think of any of this like you guys put it. I decided yesterday and did a lot of thinking today that I won't live like this and I won't let someone hurt me anymore. We have been living like room mates the last 6 days. I do my thing and he does his. I don't do his laundry, clean up dishes or anything anymore. And we sleep separately because I don't do seconds. Yuk! We are casual with each other. When he returned early this morning after being gone for 5 days (says he stayed in a hotel) HAHAH. I told him exactly how I felt about this situation. Just last week he told me that he loved me and wanted to keep this relationship and stay together. What a fool of me to think it is possible. He is totally disrespecting me and I know it, just thinking with my heart and not my head. Well, from now on it is thinking with my head and not my heart. He wants to talk tomorrow about this whole situation... too tired tonight... probably from all the fun he had over the weekend. This is almost amusing... someday I will look back at this and laugh... keep your advise coming... because I need it!

Stick to your guns--I agree with sloppy seconds. I just love the saying that I seen on this site about same situation---"It like wearing a woman used panties"!!

I love seeing people finding themselves here. I can tell by the way you talk that you've been a confident, strong woman before all this happened and now you're on the way to find you old self again. This is the right attitude.

Let him go back to her, live with their pitbull and their lame problems. He will regret it eventually, but it's too late. Bam!


PS. Answerme : eww!!

Update on my situation: Yesterday, he showed up and moved out and what do you know, her SUV to haul his stuff away (neither one of us has a car right now). I am now alone and am relieved, yet miserable. I will be OK, it will just take time. He is moving back in with her. I think he just wants a sugar mama if you ask me. She has a house, a car, a good job and most importantly, his DOG! He told me a couple weeks ago that his whole plan was to be nice to her to work on getting his dog back and that I just don't get what he is doing. He sure is right, I don't get it. He told me 2 days before he moved out that he loves me. Why would he do that... to keep me hanging on for him? OMG.
I was thinking last night after balling my eyes out that maybe he is just moving in with her to save his paycheck to get a place where he could have his pitbull and then dump her. I don't know or maybe I'm just wishing that he would come back because I know he truly loves me, I know he does.
I sent him a text the other day that said "I am not controlling, nor do I want to be controlled. You are a free spirit like me, don't let anyone clip your wings" He sent one back saying "Thanks for being open minded". Now what the hell is that supposed to mean... help!!

Thanks for the optimism, I feel it in my head, but my heart hurts