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blahblah_eel
Nov 13, 2010, 12:24 PM
I have a really obnoxious clingy friend. She is obviously insecure and needy because of that, but I am a very independent person and her clingyness makes me angry. This is a typical senerio with her:

We both get out of Spanish class and we're walking down the hall. The only thing on my mind (because I'm starving) is to get my lunch and eat. Clingy friend comes up behind me:
(CF= Clingy Friend)

CF: Why didn't you wait for me?
Me: Oh, I just thought I'd get my lunch and meet you down there.
CF: BUT YOU DIDN'T WAIT FOR ME!!
Me: Sorry.
CF: Why are you angry with me? What did I do?!
Me: (?) I'm not angry with you..?

Etc. Etc. Etc.

Obviously insecure, but I really hate hanging out with her. I would like to tell her that she needs to give me some space, but she doesn't listen. She is such a drama queen, so she needs as much drama as possible and when I don't feed the situation, if I ignore her until she comes to her senses she makes a HUGE deal out of it all. I would love to rid myself of her but she thinks I'm her best friend and rags about how awful I am if we get into a "fight" ("fight" here meaning that she is angry at me because I'm "angry" at her... bleh). Everyone else hates her so there is nowhere else she can go if we ditch her except to the group of my other friend who is not even part of the whole thing and is told by the clingy friend to call me a "B****" or something similar even though it is clear that she won't because she and I are much better friends than clingy friend and I. It's very obnoxious. Here is the most recent "fight" that is now over (thank the lord):

One lunch clingy friend comes up to me and says,
"Let's go eat!"
Me: I have to get my lunch first, can I meet you?
CF: Well... Okay...
Me: Okay see you in a few minutes :)
CF: Okay
I am walking away and my other friend comes up to me. (Other friend =OF)
Me: Hey.
OF: Hey,clingy friend told me to come with you so you can't ditch us.
Me: What?
OF: Lets ditch her!!
Me: Sure, whatever (angry because now I apparentally need a babysitter, and worn out from dealing with clingy friend, I oblige)
OF: Lets go!!

When we come back inside from lunch clingy friend comes up to me and says,
CF: I'm glad YOU think this is so f****** funny! (runs away)
Me: Wait--- clingy friend!
CF: Don't even talk to me!!
Me: OOkay... talk to you later..
OF(s): (Come up to me) Clingy friend is so awful! She is such a b****!
Me: Yeah... I know, whatever, this happens so often I don't even want to deal with it.
OF (s): Agreed!
Because I felt bad, I apologised to one of my other friends who OF and I ditched that day. He didn't even care.all he said was, "That's okay, but I wished I was with you and not with Clingy Friend."
Everyone hates her! She is very annoying, so so annoying, the kind of annoying that makes you want to rip your hair out because that night I got a text from clingy friend (I rue the day that I gave her my phone number) saying,

"What is going on??!"
"What did I do? Can you tell me?!"

Well, clingy friend, what a cliché thing for you to do, and not like I hadn't TRIED to tell her seven times "what was going on" and "how to fix it". I just want her to go away, but I don't want everyone else to think I'm a horrible person for abandoning this "poor" "friendless" girl. Because I know that if I DO abandon her she will be saying to everyone, "____ is such a b****! She is so horrible, and such an awful friend!" I've tried telling her cordially in the heat of a "fight and afterwards, but she only gets defensive and won't listen. Please, any suggestions on how my friends and I can rid ourselves of her besides calmly telling her what she has done wrong, because that obviously doesn't work. No criticism please, I've been feeling very guilty lately that I've been being mean to such a fragile person. Just suggestions, don't you agree that the way she acts is totally ridiculous? :)

adam_89
Nov 13, 2010, 12:31 PM
Well that was very difficult to get through but I did. Very confusing I should say or maybe it is just me.

Anyway, have you calmly told her to stay out of your life and you don't want to be friends anymore? If that doesn't work then I guess avoid her until she gets the point.

Wondergirl
Nov 13, 2010, 12:40 PM
This seems like an awful lot of drama (and screenplay?? ) whipped up around someone who could be avoided (and who will soon be posting questions here as to how she can regain friends whom she has apparently upset in some way, e.g. "Am I Too Clingy?").

SeirraA
Nov 20, 2010, 04:56 AM
Okay, she is actually getting on my nerves lool.

Find her some other lonely friend... I guess.

vickychic12
Jun 15, 2011, 11:06 AM
I would kick her up the ***!

Kcl2.0
Sep 18, 2011, 12:56 AM
Id say just get her to shut up, no matter how long it takes and then remind her that you need your space, because obviously she follows you because she has no other friends, so she follows the person she asmires the most, so this is really a COMPLIMENT, then introduce her to new people, and not just likr one person, lots of people that you think shed get along with, then shel even out her "clingyness" because she has more people to hang with, so she won't seem as attached to you, then she might even become pretty chill. Trust me, I was the "clingy"one, and my best friend started ignoring me over night, people "ditched" me in those exact words, and it hurts man, sends you to dark places. So don't be mean to her, just help her gain back some friendship she obviously lacks.

NoOne567
Oct 17, 2012, 12:01 PM
As you said, she's obviously insecure, this means that she constantly needs attention and approval from people. It's not her fault, insecurity isn't something someone chooses.. it might've been because of traumatic event in her life like divorce or a screwed up childhood. If you really want to help, ditching her and ignoring her aren't the solution, you need to make her feel secure about your friendship (that is if you want to keep her as a non-enemy). How you do this without giving her so much hope that she gets even more clingy? Well make sure you let her know that she IS a friend but not your ONLY friend. For example, CF says "let's go have lunch" if you don't want to go, just tell her "i'm really sorry, but I already planned to have lunch with OF, I'll see you in class though :)" or "I kinda wanted to talk with OF about something...do you mind if we chill tomorrow instead?" and you got to make sure you look sincere.. Also, ask about how she's feeling and make sure you pass along as a caring person.
For the after class example:"as you leave class, give her a smile and say see ya later!" she'll get the hint that you don't want to hang out with her after class and that you're not running away from her (even though you are I'm guessing)... if she doesn't get the hint and she chases you out, just explain that you got to go, that you're meeting up with a couple of other friends, that you don't think it's fair for her to not let you hang out with other people... etc
Kcl2.0 's response sounds like great advice, just make sure they don't get so lovely-dovey that turn against you.