Hi, this is the worst situation I have ever been in in my life. I ve recently been having an affair with a girl who is engaged with a child to someone else.

To keep the details short and sweet - she told me yesterday that she is pregnant. This is after she assured me she was on the pill which I saw her take. She assures me she will be getting an abortion and I've been asking indirectly today for further reassurance that she will go through with it. I feel now like she is toying with me.

Basically I have broken up with her now on two occasions. The last time I broke up with her was last week. She said after the first split approx seven weeks ago she forgot to take her pill after we'd spent two days in bed. Now after I split up with her and to be honest was pretty ****ty about the whole situation, she says she is pregnant and has known for a week or two. All of her story seems to tie together, but I don't trust her, and just last night after she'd told me I found a tampax in her new bag.

Eitehr way she has me absolutely over a barrell. She says she expects what we are now to be better than the last time we had our affair, before we split. And obviosuly holds the keys to my life if she decides she doesn't want an abortion. She says she has had abortions before with other men she has had affairs with. I feel awful about this, she was a rebound from my girlfriend of 3 years leaving me back in March. I sold all my morals away including getting a very bad reputation at work and now could have ruined my life, just because my ego was bruised.

I don't trust this girl at all and I am trying to be there for her if this is legitimate but I feel like I am completely trapped.

My question is aside from the absolute IDIOT that I have been and please my year has been awful and I have learnt the biggest lessons of my life. What do I do? Im feeling very blue about this and can't talk to anyone about it.

Nothing you can do at this point. You'll have to wait and see if she really ends up having an abortion or having a baby. This is what happens when you mess around with people you shouldn't be messing around with.

Thing is as well she says she would never leave her current situation as she has a 6year old and I cannot provide the type of security her current fiancé can

Thing is aswell she says she would never leave ehr current situation as she has a 6year old and i cannot provide the type of security her current fiance can

You should have known better!

She is a liar. She lies to her fiancé about these other men.

She sounds like a classy girl... PFFT!

She uses abortion as a form of birth control.

Very slefish woman, I must say.

All I have to say to you is that if she doesn't go through this abortion, you had better put your big by pants on and man up and take care of this child.

You play, you pay...

Um. Stop putting your **** in that? Use condoms. If you're really concerned with birth control you will provide a little of your own.

Regardless you're in this situation and you've learnt your lesson. Which is "Never be that guy who a woman cheated with." The best you can do is assume that she will keep her word. You'll know by summer.

The second thing you need to do is break up with her. Stop it. If I had a rolled up newspaper I would hit you on the nose. I think you need to find a woman for yourself. Instead of piggybacking on someone else.

Good luck.

I know - I'm ill over this she has assured me again that she is going to go through with it. She has blackmailed me used guilt against me, and now this - I've been trying to get out of this situation for the past 2 weeks and now she says this has happened. My life (which I haven't taken responsibility for) has gone down the total tubes this year.

I know - im ill over this she has assured me again that she is going to go through with it. She has blackmailed me used guilt against me, and now this - ive been trying to get out of this situation for the past 2 weeks and now she says this has happened. My life (which i havent taken responsibility for) has gone down the total tubes this year.

Get out of this situation for the past two weeks?

Sweetie, get a grip on reality, you are STUCK in this situation. Now man up. Yes, it's unfortunate that there has to be all of this drama. You made your bed...

How do I communicate with her? Need to know that if its real (as we had another 'scare' a few months ago) she is going to go through with it and I'm going to leave this psycho alone. Do I give her lp service until I have further clarity?

I realize that you are remorseful, but I have to wonder if it's remorse over the affair, or remorse over the fact that you're now in this situation.

Here are the facts. You slept with an unsavory woman, someone that was in a relationship (which you knew about), someone that has no problem spreading her legs for any guy that comes around, uses abortion as a method of birth control, and now has her hooks in you. Too bad you didn't realize this situation was bad before you dove in.

You may now realize that this was all a mistake, but if she is pregnant, and does decide to keep the baby, and it is yours (I'd get a DNA test to be sure) than this is your responsibility, the price you pay for having an affair with this woman.

The only thing you can do is wait, hope that she's either lying, or does have an abortion. If not, it's time to man up.

I know it's hard to hear, and you wish this hadn't happened, but the sad fact is that this was all in your control. You have only yourself to blame, when you play with pigs, you get dirty.

She lied to me from the start, she kept telling me she never had affairs before when I started to see her more and more - more people told me that shed done these types of things before. Now - just so happened to forget her pill for two days when I broke up with her. I mean the chances of her gettign pregnant in that two day window, missing her period two weeks last Tuesday ago then doing a test on the Thursday, positive, apparently - I've seen no evidence, though she says shed take a test in front of me.

Im going to bide my time - she says she won't have this child as her own situation is too secure, she did say though that she did think about having sex with her current fiancée and pretending it was his. The total *****. I hate her. I can't show that to her cause god knows what it will send her off to do.

I do feel like she is punishing me after I treated her badly over the past two weeks and tried to break up with her in a messy fashion.
Biding my time - is this the best way to deal with it?

That's really all you can do, bide your time. It's in her hands. If she's pregnant than it's her choice if she wants to carry the child to term or abort it.

I would ask her to prove that she is in fact pregnant, go to the clinic with her and have a pregnancy test done there.

The pill isn't 100% effective, so it's very possible that she conceived way before she missed those two pills. Heck, considering the kind of person she is it's possible she was never on the pill, or that she forgot pills before this incident. By not using a condom as a back up you screwed yourself royally. Never leave birth control up to someone else, especially not someone like this woman.

I know that it's hard to wait, and I know that you're upset, but that's your only option. If she is pregnant and decides to keep the child you'll have a 9 month wait before you can do a DNA test to make sure it's yours.

There's no way to speed this process along, it's in her hands now, you just get to sit there and hope for the best.

Hopefully all of this has taught you something. I really do hope that it all works out for you, but be prepared that it may not.

She lied to me from the start, she kept telling me she never had affairs before when i started to see her more and more - more people told me that shed done these types of things before. Now - just so happened to forget her pill for two days when i broke up with her. I mean the chances of her gettign pregnant in that two day window, missing her period two weeks last tuesday ago then doing a test on the thursday, positive, apparently - ive seen no evidence, though she says shed take a test in front of me.

Im going to bide my time - she says she wont have this child as her own situation is too secure, she did say though that she did think about having sex with her current fiancee and pretending it was his. The total *****. I hate her. I can't show that to her cause god knows what it will send her off to do.

I do feel like she is punishing me after i treated her badly over the past two weeks and tried to break up with her in a messy fashion.
Biding my time - is this the best way to deal with it?



K, I just want to point out that even being the birth control, she CAN still get pregnant. So, yes. Certainly during that 2 day window, she could have gotten pregnant.

I feel sorry for her fiancé. I really hope she doesn't make that poor man think that that is his child, if it's not.

Yes, you will have to just wait, as Alty and others pointed out. I think that Alty's last post said it all.

Now, with all do respect, I think it's time for me to unsubscribe to this post, as I am getting very frustrated over this entire post, as I myself have been on the other side of the spectrum.

Good Luck and Good bye.

Can someone please help me delete this now - I don't want her gogling this up - that's what she does

You can try reporting it and see if any of the mods can delete it. But generally unless a post violates site rules nothing gets deleted.

Beetlegeuse

Something else you haven't mentioned is that she could try and get pregnant by her fiancée just to get you hooked if it turns out she isn't pregnant now. So make sure you get an DNA test if she does come up pregnant.

I would also ask her if she has told her fiancé that she is pregnant? See what her reaction is to that question. If she turns out not to be pregnant, I would consider moving to different job or even town to get as far away from that situation as possible. You maybe getting a second chance here. Get your life together, and for the love of pete find where you left your morals and get them back in place!!

Thank you for all your comments - either kicking me in the *** or being somewhat sympathetic. Its just been a total nightmare, I've tried to appease her as we have a mutual circle of friends and colleagues and I didn't want her making my life difficult.This is what got me into trouble - I've tried to be so nice about it, that its got me into more trouble.

I lost the love of my life so far this year. After 3 years, and made some very bad choices, so bad that I have now got a reputation at work for being a male tart. All because I couldn't swallow down and not dive on the first things that came along when I unexpectedley became single. I just hop ei can trust her with this. I had such high hopes for the future and this year has messed my head up to the point wheere I am now. Please let this be a warning for anyone who is dumped and feelign down. Just bide your time, don't have a rebound and heal before you do anything,

Beetleguese, I doubt that the mods will delete this, and unless you used your real name (I doubt beetleguese is your given name ;)) you have nothing to worry about. You're anonymous here, which is what makes this site so great. Unless you tell her your username I doubt very much she could find this thread.

I can sense that you are indeed sorry that this happened. I hope you can understand why we've been tough on you. The adage "you made your bed, now lay in it" comes to mind. But, no matter how anyone feels about your part in all of this, it's the future and your actions then that matter.

If this turns out to be false, or she does get an abortion, than move on, put this in the past and realize that your past does not define you, it's what you do in the future that matters. Maybe this mistake is what you needed in order to learn who you want to be.

If she is pregnant, has the child, and it's yours, than make the best of the situation. Remember that no matter your feelings for her, the child is not to blame for either parents mistakes. You'll have a long time to think about this. If this is the scenario that ends up being played out than be the best dad you can be, make your future mark with the child in mind.

If you need help getting over the stuff that has happened to you this last year, the things that have brought you to this point, there are many wonderful people here that can help you get through it.

This site is wonderful. We don't always tell you what you want to hear, and we can sometimes be harsh, but one thing I can tell you for sure, we'll always be honest with you and no matter what, if you're honest with us, we're here to help.

I hope you keep us posted and I wish you all the best.

As one of the Supermods, no we don't delete posts, unless they violate the site rules ( and this does not) Posts stay here to be used for advice for 100's of others as time goes by. This is clear when you read the rules prior to joining

Just get tested period, not just DNA testing either.. EVERYTHING.

We've now gone from me not wanting to see her at all to now she wants to meet me for a drink tomorrow? How the hell do I look her in the eye? How do I play it, I'm so damn angry today its untrue, I am totally trapped in this situation and I HATE her for it

We've now gone from me not wanting to see her at all to now she wants to meet me for a drink tomorrow? How the hell do i look her in the eye? How do i play it, im so damn angry today its untrue, i am totally trapped in this situation and i HATE her for it

She claims she's pregnant? But wants to meet you for a drink? And you two are supposed to be broken up?
How do you play it? Um, don't go! The only thing you should be focused on right now is determining is she's really pregnant with your kid or not and if not run as far and as fast as you can from the lady.

Ok, I may have jumped the gun in my lasy post. It just hit home a bit. I realize though, that you feel lost and confused. I want to ask you this question, if it does turn out that this baby is yours, then are you going to be apart of the baby's life?

That's OK. Yes, I will be the best dad I possibly can if it does turn out that way.

What worried me is that she said after we split, she was considering, albeit a joke, having the baby and pretending the baby was her fiancées, this is what is really getting to me.

I just don't know how to interact with her, any time we've spoken since Sunday, she's just been closing in on me more and more, telling me she loves me and she actually said at one point, 'no matter what goes on between us, id miss you too much for you not to be in my life' - I'm petrefied. And I thought my ex-GF, the one who broke my heart earlier this year was a bunny boiler - this one is a firecracker.

Thats ok. Yes, i will be the best dad i possibly can if it does turn out that way.

What worried me is that she said after we split, she was considering, albeit a joke, having the baby and pretending the baby was her fiancees, this is what is really getting to me.

I just dont know how to interact with her, any time weve spoken since Sunday, shes just been closing in on me more and more, telling me she loves me and she actualy said at one point, 'no matter what goes on between us, id miss you too much for you not to be in my life' - im petrefied. And i thought my ex-GF, the one who broke my heart earlier this year was a bunny boiler - this one is a firecracker.



You mentioned that you broke up with this girl in a harsh manner? Would you please explain how you broke up with her?

Also, what are her thoughts as far as this Fiancé of hers?

It was just I messed her about, because she spends all her time texting mr and obsessing over me - it was like id split up with someone who I'd known for years, and I was confused so I went back on it and text her the day before her birthday to say I then made a mistake - the day after her birthday I of course get second thoughts she picks up on this and flys off the handle - which is a given as I was a moron. We split again on that day with it being her call this time after some heavy insults toward me and the how could you do this/ this is just a game to you speeches. I wake up the say after to a text that says she doesn't want to hate me and we should meet as she has something important - I coax it out of her that she is pregnant.

Re: fiancée - he has to know what is going on, this girl is on god knows what number affair now and she texts me 24/7 which really does my head in, and I was seeing her at least twice three times a week. He's recently, apparently, started talking about marriage and more kids - v recently - which is why I tried to leave her the first time.

It was just I messed her about, because she spends all her time texting mr and obsessing over me - it was like id split up with someone who I'd known for years, and I was confused so I went back on it and text her the day before her birthday to say I then made a mistake - the day after her birthday I of course get second thoughts she picks up on this and flys off the handle - which is a given as I was a moron. We split again on that day with it being her call this time after some heavy insults toward me and the how could you do this/ this is just a game to you speeches. I wake up the say after to a text that says she doesn't want to hate me and we should meet as she has something important - I coax it out of her that she is pregnant.

Re: fiancée - he has to know what is going on, this girl is on god knows what number affair now and she texts me 24/7 which really does my head in, and I was seeing her at least twice three times a week. He's recently, apparently, started talking about marriage and more kids - v recently - which is why I tried to leave her the first time.



Ok, so you don't even know for sure that if this child is yours. According to your story, it could be any ones baby.

I think that she should be honest with her Fiancé, but that's something that she will have to do on her own.

For now, it is just the waiting game.

I'm just curious how she is going to tell her Fiancé that she's pregnant. Is she going to say that it's his?

My heart goes out to you in a sense. You have really gotten yourself in a situation. It would have been one thing if you two were exclusive, no other lovers on her part, then that way you would know for sure if it's yours. The fact that you don't know, well, I would wait until the child is born to get a DNA test.

For now, I would just tell her that there really is no need to speak to each other untl the baby is born, UNLESS, of course, she is going to be honest with her Fiancé, by telling right away that she is pregnant and it could be yours. Then some decisions need to be made.

You can also say that if this child is yours, that you are willing to take responsibility.

For now, I don't see any point in having a drink, lunch, etc, with her to discuss any thing.

I can see your hate for her. She sounds like a rotten selfish mess. Unfortunately if this is your child, then I hate to say it, but you two will have contact for the rest of your lives.

If this child is yours, please be an active parent in his/her life. As this is NOT the child's fault. If this is your child, then you better find a way to get along with this woman, because she can make your life a living hell.

You have a long hall ahead of you. I know that and you know that. People f##K up! This too shall pass.

Hang in there. Just remember that this is an innocent life inside of her, and it will be your duty to love and protect it. That is, if it's yours.

So, the next time she texts you, I would just say that you will wait to see if it's yours after it's born and that you two really don't have any thing to talk about at this moment in time.

That's just me though... You need to do what you have to do.

Does that all make sense?

I find it very troubling that she has a fiancé yet is positive the baby is yours.? Sounds like if you just give her a thumbs up and propose marriage, she would dump this guy in a heartbeat. Also sounds like this is not even close to what you want to do.

Look, you both haven't acted like mature adults here. That being said, she sounds like a primo number 1 manipulating nutty. My advice: from this point on, keep it in your pants buddy. If you want out of this "relationship", do not have sex with her ever again. Tell her she is with another guy and the reason you have acted like an idiot is that you have been eaten up with guilt over the situation, and you wouldn't want someone to mess around with your woman the way you have with his. Tell her if she is pregnant and she decides to keep it that is her decision and if, after taking a paternity test you find out the baby is yours, you have every intention of fulfilling your parental obligations and will not walk away from the child. But, as far as the two of you go, you will not marry her and the relationship is completely over. If she starts throwing a tantrum again, or starts trying to hold the "baby" over your head, tell her that if she insists on playing that card, it is time for you both to have a nice little chat with her fiancé and you will tell him everything that has been going on with the two of you. I think you will find that when she realizes you are serious and it is absolutely over between you two, AND now there is the possibility of losing her fiancé too, she will either tell you she had an abortion or she was never pregnant. Because I truly believe she is not pregnant. I think she is attempting to create a situation that she knows will keep you from leaving her at the same time "paying you back" for breaking up with her in the first place. You need to stop freaking out and grow a pair of big boy clackers if you know what I mean. Time to stop getting sucked into the head games & stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take control of the situation instead of allowing it to control you. AND, if she really turns out to be pregnant, decides to keep it, and in 9 months you find out it is yours, then follow through on your promise to take care of the child.

Yea she says that I'm the only person she's been having sex with since we started. Also every time we got in a silly argument she would laud over me the fact that she will have sex with her fiancée to get back at me. I thought my last relationship was nuts, I know now to screen better for girls. I was so vulnerable emotionally when I met her that I've kept her going because it makes mr feel better I realise that this was wrong. I have the feeling as well that she has had numerous other affairs with people at work

According to what you have written here she has a child from a prior relationship (not the fiance's kid). The current fiancé is pressing her for marriage and children. She had no compunction in engaging in a sexual relationship with another man yet she was able to get away with being celibate with her fiancé? How do you think the conversation went when she completely cut him off from sex a few months ago when she started in with you? Or, do you think she was able to get off the hook by complaining about a headache every time he attempted to initiate sex during this entire time? **scratches head** Hmmm. And he was still willing to stick around because... she has a magnetic and sweet personality? Really? :rolleyes:

I think you believed what you wanted to believe because at that time you found someone who was readily available sexually. You thought sex would help you get over the sorrow of losing your girlfriend. You used the wrong head and now you are paying the price of your poor judgement. She is not the only one who has handled herself poorly here. After this relationship, I suggest you spend some time alone and give yourself some time to heal. If you need sexual relief, make your right hand your best friend.

Right now, you need to stop analyzing why you did what you did and what she probably has done in the past. You are trying to put off the inevitable. That is a very immature way of coping with a problem. Accept that you made a VERY serious error in judgment. When you hooked up with this woman, by your own admission you chose poorly. It doesn't matter whether she has had numerous affairs with other people at work. Get yourself extricated from this mess. You have learned a very tough but old lesson. Don't crap where you eat! Smart people avoid work place affairs for the simple reason that if it doesn't work out, they don't have to deal with the complications of having to deal with that person every day at the office. In my previous post, I gave you specific advice on how to end it. If you have questions about it, I will answer them. Otherwise, unless you have changed your mind, you need to bite the bullet and end the relationship now. It may seem hard to do, but the longer you delay this, the worse it will become. Right now you are miserable and unhappy. End it and although there may be some sticky loose ends, you will feel relief. Eventually you will look back on this whole situation as a life lesson that will help you make wiser choices and deal with future relationships on a more mature level. Good luck.

Actually the child is her fiancées, everything seems so coincidental now- Jim asking for kids and marriage just a few days before she finds put she's pregnant. She has now text me asking for some wild sex on Friday as well as meeting up. I've declined this - simply stating, until we have dealt with this there will be no sex. The guilt has started coming from her now I have declined this .

How best to do this - text or in person.

Actually the child is her fiancees, everything seems so coincidental now- Jim asking for kids and marriage just a few days before she finds put she's pregnant. She has now text me asking for some wild sex on Friday as well as meeting up. I've declined this - simply stating, until we have dealt with this there will be no sex. The guilt has started coming from her now I have declined this .

How best to do this - text or in person.

I would just respond one last time in a text for her to contact you after the baby is born to confirm if this is your child or not. That's it.

I wouldn't meet up with her or have text/phone conversations with her.

I would not respond to her any longer after you make it known for her to contact after.

You had better pray to God that this isn't your child. She sounds to me like a game player.

Good Luck.

So, now she is positive she is pregnant with Jim's kid. He is still her fiancé which means she still has intentions of marrying him. YET, she still wants to keep her little sex toy on the side. What a great life she has.

You had unprotected sex with this woman (not girl) at the same time she was having unprotected sex with another man. How does she know who's kid this is IF she is even pregnant? Ridiculous. Give it a bit more time and you will hear her sad story of how she lost the baby and wants you to console her with some "wild sex."

Do you work with Jim too? Or has she been babbling on about this guy so much you feel like you know him?

Someone mentioned earlier that you should get tested for all diseases. I think that is a wise suggestion.

I know Enigma doesn't agree with me and that is okay. I understand why she feels you should have no further contact. But, you have continued to talk with this woman after you broke up with her a couple of weeks ago, and she appears to believe you still have a relationship. Even in your last post you are telling her "until we have dealt with this there will be no sex." What?? Do you want to end this or not? I don't like the idea of ending any relationship with a text. Since you work with her, I don't think you can just ignore her and expect her to stay quiet. Considering she appears to be extremely selfish and unstable, I think either texting a break up or simply ignoring her will piss her off and she might do or say something even more outrageous than she already has, such as make a public scene at your office.

Meet her in a public place where there are plenty of people around and you can make a very quick exit. A busy street corner? The entrance/exit of a busy store? Don't sit down for a chat over a drink or a cup of coffee because it will give her an opportunity to corner you into a long drawn out conversation. Make it short and sweet. Tell her that if she is pregnant, she can't know for sure whose baby she is carrying. So, if she has a baby, you expect her to contact you so you can take a paternity test and do the right thing. But, as far as the relationship you had with her, it is over and it is not open for further discussion. You are done with her. Tell her not to contact you anymore except after the baby is born, and if she can't respect your decision and continues contact, you will contact Jim and spill the beans about the relationship and she will find herself completely alone. Then, walk away. Fast. Do not allow her any opportunity to manipulate you into discussing this any further. Guaranteed she doesn't want to lose all the men in her life and if she really believes you will tell Jim, she will back off. She obviously feels the need to always keep someone dangling. Let it be Jim. I do feel sorry for him but their dysfunctional relationship is not your problem. That is between them. After you have made it clear to her where you stand, stop all personal contact with her. Do not respond to any calls or texts. Do not give her any opening to have a personal discussion with you. Stick to your decision and ignore her. If she chooses to be a loose cannon and confronts you in the office, tell her that it is the last straw and you are calling Jim. I expect she will then back off if she believes you are deadly serious. You have to convince her of that during your break up. BTW, as long as you two are still working in the same office, you will know within 6 months whether she is actually pregnant or not. If she starts to show, you can remind her that you will be requesting a paternity test. And, follow through with that. If you have brought a child into this world, you need to step up, take responsibility, and be involved in his/her life as a father is expected to be.

AND, in the future, when you eventually enter into another relationship, please use a condom even if the woman is using contraception. Until you know that the new woman is stable, free of STDs, and someone you would like to have children with, you need to use protection. I am sure this current soap opera filled life of yours is enough to last you a long time so why put yourself through the emotional wringer again with a repeat performance? Good luck. Let us know how you do with all of this.

Sorry lemming I meant the actual child is her fiancées - her current child is her fiancées kid. I agree with your comments and I'd rather do it face to face - she is adamant that she is going to go through with this abortion and I don't want to add any fuel to the fire and be an arse so that she changes her mind not to abort - IF she is actually pregnant.

However once the smoke clears and it is apparent what course of action she is taking then I will definitely heed your words to the absolute letter.

Can you believe though, asking me for sex today - two days after telling me she is pregnant. I'm furious about that. There are some red herrings i.e tampon in her new bag; she did go to the toilet alpt on Sunday which I noticed and wanting sex with me in spite of her going through all this emotional torment

She sounds like an emotionally disturbed woman who will stop at nothing to get her way. She is relentless. She may not even be pregnant. In your case, I hope she's not.

You do know she might have actually been taking her birth control pills... we have members here that were on the pill, were using condomes AND spermacide cream... at the same time... and still got pregnant. So yeah... it happens. Plenty of reason not to have recreational sex if AIDS and Herpes wasn't enough on its own. You never mentioned condoms so you were willing to take that risk not knowing for certain who else she has slept with the last 5 years or so and who they have slept with... etc.

Opinion here... I've known women that sound just like her... I've kept my distance. Sometimes you are better of beating your meat than hopping in the sack.

Like was mentioned... pray like you've never prayed before this new kid isn't yours. And don't assume she got an abortion unless you were there with her.

Because if she fooled around with you on her fiancée... you will be next in line when she gets bored with you... and that WILL happen eventually when the new meat excitement wears off.

Thanks for your responses guys, I really do appreciate this totally unwarranted support.

She's just told me she's going up to the hospital tonight for her consultation, second one.

Now in and amongst texting I said id be there, she said no just rest up, then I said id get a cab there, as she couldn't come get me, she responded yes but she has her daughter with her, now she knows I won't go anywhere her daughter is. However I kept on and I think we were calling each others bluff, which has ended her now going to the hospital with her daughter, or so she says, and then I have to go with her next week (which she confirmed, this will be the date - before she actually found out the date if that makes sense, which is weird also)

Anyway, the big hoo-haa kicked off and she called me on testing her, ending with she will do a test in front of me to prove her situation.

If she is willing to get the abortion... pay for it willingly... and run out the closest exit after she gets to the recovery room AFTER it happens. So you know to not stop payment on the check.

Next time you won't be so lucky.

Im just concerned that I keep causing conflict at the moment with her and she might turn round and say not going to have an abortion. Horrible and as selfish as this is, I never thought id be saying these things... god one more chance please and I will give so much back to this planet instead of taking.

It just seems strange that all of a sudden she has her daughter with her and her fiancée was stuck in traffic so she had to take her.

She knew I wouldn't go if her daugther was there.

Anyway I've got to stop looking for loopholes and just deal.

In the end... thats all you can do. In reality much of this is out of your hands.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Don't bother watching her take the test. Tell her you will take her to the hospital the day of the procedure and you will make sure she is okay and gets home safely. Let us know what her response to that is.

Ive already said ill go with her, which she said she is fine with, and told me tonight, not to come but to be there at the procedure next week. So we will have to wait and see, I just can't stop gettig angry every time she texts me - its starting to show I think, should I back off the anger, and just let time takes its course. Also, bizarrely I had a phonecall from my ex tonight, she was in floods of tears about some unpaid bill we have and the fact they are threatening legal action. It is a bill from when we lived together so its half mine also, but just her name on it... what a head****. Had to deal with them both in the space of about 30 minutes.

She's just told me she's taken the tablets for the abortion. She has to take some more in 24 hours and then that's it - its done. ***?

Shes just told me shes taken the tablets for the abortion. She has to take some more in 24 hours and then thats it - its done. ***?

If that is the route that she has taken, then so be it.

You will have done your part. You offered to take her, instead she has chosen the pills. You also mentioned that if the baby was yours, you would have taken care of it.

You did your part, so there is nothing else to do. Just only make sure that the pills worked. After confirmation, I would leave it alone and walk away.

Let this be a learning lesson for both you and she.

Especially you!

Play it safe in the future with whom ever you sleep with. Make sure that both are single ad committed to one another.

FYI, I got pregnant using protection, so that's not even 100%.

Good Luck.

I have to spread it Enigma but I agree.

Beetlegeuse, tread lightly. Whether she is really pregnant or not, just keep your anger in check at least until you have the confirmation from her that she is no longer pregnant, as Enigma stated. Then end your interactions with her.

I really feel for her fiancé. The guy has been, and continues to be played. If she really is/was pregnant, the baby might be his. He wanted another child. Her actions are so selfish and heartless. Do not backslide here. Distance yourself as soon as you are able. Let us know how you are doing.

I guess it's dealing with the Enotional fallout Now- also how do I know she was truly pregnant and did truly get an abortion?

also how do I know she was truly pregnant and did truly get an abortion?
You don't. I will state, if she tells you the pill worked and starts talking about getting together again tomorrow (Friday) for wild sex, she wasn't pregnant. No woman can abort and comfortably engage in sexual activity that quickly. Another thing that makes me suspicious about the pregnancy is the talk of going to the hospital for the appointments. Usually these things are done at a doctor's office or a clinic, not a hospital. But, in any event, there really is no way of knowing if she is being truthful or not. She has proved herself to be an adept liar from the beginning. Look at how she has managed to keep her fiancé from finding out about you for all this time. I do believe she has created the pregnancy story as a way of trying to tie you to her. But obviously, I don't have any way of confirming it, and you don't either.

Keep doing what you have currently been doing. I understand now why you told her no talk of sex until the situation is resolved. If she thinks you are still willing to continue your relationship and the only hold up is the "pregnancy", she will make the issue go away if that is what she thinks she has to do to keep you. So, text her and ask her how she is feeling. Don't give her a clue that you plan on completely ending the relationship until after you have been told she is no longer pregnant. Put off any get together she has planned. Tell her that until this is resolved, you don't want any contact and besides, from what you understand, she needs to relax and recuperate. When she tells you the pills worked and she is no longer pregnant, you can tell her that this whole scenario gave you a huge wake up call and you don't want to continue the relationship.

What happens in the scenario that she says she didn't actually get an abortion and is still pregnant, when I try and end it? Im obv not going to do this now... im so unhappy with this, I just want my space back... she occupies all my time thinking about it, I can't relax, I can't enjoy myself. I have learnt an incredibly grave lesson.

What happens in the scenario that she says she didnt actually get an abortion and is still pregnant, when i try and end it? Im obv not going to do this now....im so unhappy with this, i just want my space back...she occupies all my time thinking about it, i can't relax, i can't enjoy myself. I have learnt an incredibly grave lesson.

She might try and pull that card to.

I mean, what exactly does she want from you?

Is it support, sex, what?

Have you heard from her since she has taken the first pill?

She says she's in love with me, she won't leave her current situation, and loves the sex we have. I have spoken to her since, just to see how she was doing, she tried to pull loads of guilt etc, I really don't want to see her agai, we're so entangled at work. I mean I don't mean the girl any harm at all, I want to be amicable about it.

Usually it's the other way around... Its a married guy fooling around with a single woman and HE wants to have it both ways...

Back away slowly... but expect the very real possibility of it blowing up. THis is one of the reasons I NEVER even sugest fooling around with anyone you work with... even IF you are both single and unattached.

Not a good time to have to be looking for a new job to get away from a woman on a rampage. And that could happen all too easily and cost you both your jobs.

Wish I personally could suggest something sure to work ( I don't know of any)... fact is when you have a woman and an emotionally attached one at that... anything can happen. Yesh, before the ladies go off, yeah it applies if it's the guy that's emotionally attached as well.

Never saw any good come of office affairs... of ANY sort at any employer in the last 30 years I've had a permanent job. And I have seen some monumental blowups... one where the police were called even. And more than I can remember where at least one ended up fired. Many of them I knew as friends.

She says shes in love with me, she wont leave her current situation, and loves the sex we have. I have spoken to her since, just to see how she was doing, she tried to pull loads of guilt etc, I really dont want to see her agai, we're so entangled at work. I mean i dont mean the girl any harm at all, i want to be amicable about it.



I don't believe for one second that she is "in love" with you...

You don't treat someone that you are in love with like this. Also, she doesn't want to leave her Fiancé.

What I do believe, is that the sex is great between the two of you.

So I believe that she is in lust with you. There is a big difference between love and lust. The sex is fogging her mind, making her believe that she is in fact in love with you.

You are opening yourself up for more bs by contacting her. Let it be. You have asked her how she is, now it's over.

What happens in the scenario that she says she didnt actually get an abortion and is still pregnant, when i try and end it?

Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. After she has confirmed she is no longer pregnant, wait a day or two then break it off with her as nicely as you possibly can. If she then states she is still pregnant, don't respond to her immediately. Come back here and tell us exactly what she is saying to you. We will do everything we can to help you through this.

Thanks guys - massive appreciations.

So we've had a bit of text back and forth tonight, she asked me how I'm feeling so I was honest - I said I absolutely hate myself, I think I'm a tool basically, etc etc. She said she is always here for me but sense another break up on the horizon... I didn't neither confirm nor deny this.

Ive just been trying to keep things amiable, I don't want to hurt her really.

You are handling it just fine. Being amiable is the best course of action at this point. Keep up the good work. Stay strong.

Nope... no reason to get nasty with her... it might prompt some sort of retaliation and your really don't need that since you both work at the same place. Feel it out, swallow your pride if you have to... but try to make a peaceful retreat out of the relationship. Eventually she will find another sucker... hopefully sooner than later... and she'll forget about you.

So I managed not to meet her last night, saying that I am full of bad feeling with myself at the moment, she was fine with this but then somebody posted something on my FB (which she somehow saw - despite me blocking her) and she want crazy saying how I'm getting away with thi situation, I just ignored it and she apologised, I am reiterating to her how bad I feel that I've let her down and I can't bear to look her in the eye etc, I'm trying to retreat, peacefully with as little as bad feeling as possible, but all our communication is via phone and id prefer to do it face to face as we do work for the same company - or do you think I should just do it via phone?

Guys your advice has been invaluable to me and although I am a complete asss for this whole scenario, I thank you and will never ever get into this situation again.

If you want to do it face to face, then do it at a public place without coffee, drinks,. as I suggested in an earlier post.

I don't really understand how she can state you are "getting away with this situation." She is the one that chose to go outside of her relationship. Although it takes two to create a baby, (if she is really pregnant) this "situation" of not knowing whose baby she is carrying is entirely of her own making. BTW, what is the status of the pregnancy? Has she said anything about the pill working?

Anyway regarding the break up, tell her you want a normal healthy loving relationship. You don't want to be someone's piece on the side. The lies and guilting are too much for you to handle. If she tells you that she loves you and is willing to leave her fiancé for you (I am assuming you don't want that), tell her that you mentally can't handle all the fallout that will occur. You don't want to be a stepfather to her child and deal with a pissed off fiancé who will always be in your life because of the child. Too much drama for you to live with. Also tell her that you are sorry but you can never fully trust her. You are positive she will cheat on you as she has cheated on her fiancé and there is nothing she can say or do that will change how you feel about it.

So i managed not to meet her last night, saying that i am full of bad feeling with myself at the moment, she was fine with this but then somebody posted something on my FB (which she somehow saw - despite me blocking her) and she want crazy saying how im getting away with thi situation, i just ignored it and she apologised, i am reiterating to her how bad i feel that ive let her down and i can't bear to look her in the eye etc, im trying to retreat, peacefully with as little as bad feeling as possible, but all our communication is via phone and id prefer to do it face to face as we do work for the same company - or do you think i should just do it via phone?

Guys your advice has been invaluable to me and although i am a complete asss for this whole scenario, i thank you and will never ever get into this situation again.

Just end this once and for all. Tell her you are not interested in any sort of relationship with her and you no longer want her to contact you in any way. Then do just that... do not respond to anything. Get her off your FB (block her), do not answer any texts, calls, nothing.

* you don't know if she really was pregnant or not
* if she were, who's to say it was your baby
* you don't know for sure if she had an abortion (or if she even really needed one)
* she has proved herself to be a liar and a cheat
* she has played with your emotions numerous times
* she's not available to have a relationship with... SHE HAS A Fiancé!

Why are you putting any more time into this? Stop getting caught up in the drama and move on. Chalk it all up to a costly lesson learned.

If this continues, it is only because you are allowing it to continue.

She has said the abortion is currently underway and she has taken a second set of pills and that it is working. She has a check up in two weeks to confirm the preganancy has been terminated.

I am meeting her tomorrow and she said that 'if we choose to leave it there (end it) then that's fine, because her feelings have changed for me' because of all of this and the way I have acted. Putting all the focus on me. That is not who I am but it has been an effective strategy.

All loose ends will be tied up tomorrow.

She has said the the abortion is currently underway and she has taken a second set of pills and that it is working. She has a check up in two weeks to confirm the preganancy has been terminated.

I am meeting her tomorrow and she said that 'if we choose to leave it there (end it) then thats fine, cos her feelings have changed for me' because of all of this and the way i have acted. Putting all the focus on me. That is not who i am but it has been an effective strategy.

All loose ends will be tied up tomorrow.

Let me ask you this...

Why do you even need to see her tomorrow?

Seeing her, I think, is not a good idea. The abortion pills seem to be working, so that's it. Done. She will have a follow up appt. to confirm in two weeks.

Have her let you know in two weeks if it terminated completely and then good bye to her.

Why do you have to see her?

She has said the the abortion is currently underway and she has taken a second set of pills and that it is working. She has a check up in two weeks to confirm the preganancy has been terminated.

I am meeting her tomorrow and she said that 'if we choose to leave it there (end it) then thats fine, cos her feelings have changed for me' because of all of this and the way i have acted. Putting all the focus on me. That is not who i am but it has been an effective strategy.

All loose ends will be tied up tomorrow.

So she started the abortion process but was wanting to meet with you last night? If she is in the middle of the abortion process, she would not be in any condition to be meeting up with people.

I'm sorry... why would you even be considering maintaining some sort of relationship with her? "If we choose to leave it there?" She is not even available to be in a relationship with you! Why are you doing this to yourself? A strategy for what? To stop seeing her?

Why are you meeting her? If you want to end the relationship, just tell her you no longer want to see her. Remind her that she has a fiancé and a child to think about and THAT is where her focus should be. You don't need to meet her to tell her that.

It appears, for some reason, that meeting up with her will ease your conscience, so do it if that is what you want. Just be aware that you don't let yourself get drawn into this even more and make sure you definitely end it. Unless there is some reason you feel compelled to hold onto this?

So she started the abortion process but was wanting to meet with you last night?? If she is in the middle of the abortion process, she would not be in any condition to be meeting up with people.

I'm sorry....why would you even be considering maintaining some sort of relationship with her? "If we choose to leave it there?" She is not even available to be in a relationship with you!! Why are you doing this to yourself? A strategy for what? To stop seeing her?

Why are you meeting her? If you want to end the relationship, just tell her you no longer want to see her. Remind her that she has a fiance and a child to think about and THAT is where her focus should be. You don't need to meet her to tell her that.

It appears, for some reason, that meeting up with her will ease your conscience, so go ahead and do it if that is what you want. Just be aware that you don't let yourself get drawn into this even more and make sure you definitely end it. Unless there is some reason you feel compelled to hold onto this?


You're absolutely correct. My thoughts exactly!

I am starting to think that he doesn't want to end the relationship with her, (well, at least the sexual part of the relationship).

On one hand he expresses how much hate he has towards her, then on the other, he feels the need to have to clear the air.

To the OP, buddy, just leave it alone. You are playing with fire.

Also, I agree with Doula, if she is in the Process of going through the abortion, with pills, then she would not be in any mood to "hang out".

She would be going through a lot of pain (what would feel like a very bad period).

Okay, I've read this entire thread. I'm confused. As a L&D nurse, I'm not sure what "pill" she is talking about. There is the morning after pill, but it's too late for that. Methotrexate (a chemo drug) is sometimes used, but that's usually for ectopic (tubal) pregnancies.

Because she is only 6 weeks, there are pills available here up to 9 weeks of the pregnancy, she was prescribed these apparently on Tuesday and she said the process is grim, she is havign like really bad period pains.

As for the other questions, I do definitely want to end it, that is my intention tomorrow, ill do it amicably and make sure there are no further implications later on down the line, I feel in this situation it is best to meet her due to our mutual work and social life - which I will be changing, as I can't bear the thought of seeign her when I'm out partying. I think it is important to make it very clear once and for all that I will not be pursuing any kind of sexual or romantic or relationship with her. Totally out of the question.

Okay, then, it's the "abortion pill." It's called RU-486 or mifepristone.

At this point I think it best that you limit ALL contact with her. Speak to her at work on only a professional level.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

I understand that you're in a fix. I also understand that you seem to feel like a VICTIM. You were not raped. You were not overpowered, and made to perform a sex act that resulted in an unwanted pregnancy. You chose to be involved with, by means of UNPROTECTED sex, with ANOTHER MAN'S fiancé. Let's get that straight up front.

And how would your co-workers have known what you do or don't do? I wonder.

I am not judging you on your actions. I am judging you on your RE-ACTIONS. I have been where you are. I was not cheating on someone with a liar, a cheat, a sl@t. She was someone who I met at a bar, and had a lonely, drunken, unprotected sex filled night with. Long story, but she swindled over two thousand dollars out of me for "appointments, services, and etc". She wanted me to marry her. She made a point of involving MY PARENTS, even though I was in my mid twenties. I had had enough. I contacted an attorney. It turns out that she was never pregnant. I learned my lesson from that and it cost me. But I never once felt sorry for myself. Me, and my penis got me in that situation, and I took it like a MAN.

If she is indeed pregnant with your child, then she is going to need you. Then, and only then, would I have contact with her. You're going through her purse looking for tampons. That's pathetic.

This woman is willing to let another man think that the child he is raising is his. THAT is unforgivable.

We all make mistakes. We learn from them, and they make us stronger for the trouble.

This is not the end of the world for you.

And remember that YOU, and only YOU, got yourself involved in this mess.

I do wish the best for all involved.

Especially Jim. And her existing child.

Ok so I told her that I want nothing anymore, at first she seemed to take it well. She confirmed the pregnancy is over. Now she is sending me horrible text messages, so I'm going to wait this out and hopefully it will blow over soon

Thank you to all for your support and this really has put me on a track to regaining my sanity and will put my life back on track.

Ok so i told her that i want nothing anymore, at first she seemed to take it well. She confirmed the pregnancy is over. Now she is sending me horrible text messages, so im going to wait this out and hopefully it will blow over soon

Thank you to all for your support and this really has put me on a track to regaining my sanity and will put my life back on track.

Good luck... don't get sucked back into her drama. Ignore any further reaction from her... make no response. It would not only continue to cause you much grief, it may even become an issue at your work. Avoid her like the plague.

Find yourself a nice, trustworthy girl, who is actually available, doesn't come with so much baggage, and who treats you well.

Yes defintiely, this year has been the worst of my life. I will make a stand to ignore her, she has said some horrible things via texts, saying she hates me etc... we will have to watch this space to see what happens re: how *****y she will get on me through work etc.

I fully expected her to blow up if you did it over the phone or via text. It you weren't working with her, that wouldn't have mattered. Well, you tried it the manly way, face to face. That is all you can do. Please follow Doula's advice and ignore this woman. Do not interact with her anymore unless you have business to conduct with her. Going forward keep it purely professional. I hope your job will be secure if she chooses to create a scene at the office. If you are capable of easily finding another job in this market and you don't care if you leave the company you are currently at, you might want to start looking around. The last thing you need is to get fired and have to explain to a prospective new employer why you left your old company. Definitely let us know how you are doing.