heartbreak
Nov 8, 2010, 04:27 AM
Hi,
I am really confused and this has been going for a long time now.. almost 5 years. Let me start from the beginning.
I was 15 years old when I met my ex boyfriend. I was SOOO in love. Literally I was head over heels over him and he as well. We were young, passionate about each other, it was TRUE love. There were 2 problems heading our way. 1. My mother - since I was young and I am the eldest in my family, she didn't approve of my relationship with this guy. It is true, we did experiment sex and I did give my virginity to him but the truth was that I wanted it as badly as he wanted it. My mother and I ended up having huge fights - me wanting to go out, she locking me in not to meet him, curfews, she didn't even want me to go to his house alone.
On the other hand his mother was my second best friend. She loved me so much, and we had such a family feeling. My ex was feeling the rejection by my parents and although we had plans for our future he was unhappy with the situation.
The second problem was possibility of cheating. I'm not sure of this. All I know is that after a year and a half, I sometimes found messages on his mobile to other girls. Nothing serious - just hi swt or something like that. One of his friends warned me that he was cheating and that was the icing on the cake. I cracked. I loved him and I tried to get him back - he was angry at the situation because of my family situation. We had huge fights. I followed him, he followed me... It was a huge mess. His parents tried to help us as much as they could to get back together. During one of the fights I convinced myself that I deserved better. So after a week from breaking up, I went out with a boy to try to get over my ex and I was so lucky! We were kissing and guess who turns out in the same street? My ex with a couple of girlfriends. Just pure luck.
After this, my ex was deeply hurt but I was hurt too that he may be cheating. During our last fight I knew it was the end. I said goodbye to his parents and his mother told me that it might be a while but she was sure that we will end up in each others arms even if years pass. These words still ring in my ears.
After about 3 months I met my current boyfriend. I was trying to get over my ex which he still followed me around with his car trying to contact me, calling me, his mother as well. It was awful. And at the same time I was trying to hide it all from my current boyfriend. In fact one day I did fall into the temptatation and went to my ex house for the afternoon but I was afraid that I will get hurt again.
I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 years now. I have stopped my relationship more than once and I contacted my ex to get back with him twice. These 2 times I was so afraid I was going to get hurt and that I hurt my current boyfriend, that I had to go back to my current boyfriend because the guilt was so big and I was afraid of the risk. My parents love my current boyfriend and I do love him and care for him but it is not the same chemistry I had with my ex. We sometimes talk on msn - sometimes we spend nights - sometimes my heart aches so much for him. But then I refrain myself. I am afraid to hurt my current boyfriend as he was so good to me. He loves me so much. I do love him but my heart is not entirely his.
One thing I hate about my ex is that after our breakup he went out with dozens of girls and I am sure that he had sexual relationships. He always goes out with slutty girls and they are really not up to his standards. In fact he ends up being with them only for a few months.
I don't know what I shall do. I have awful days in bed crying about the situation. I feel I am in an ally and there is no way out. I really don't want to hurt my current boyfriend. We are planning to get married as well since we have been together for 5 years. Since my second encounter with my ex something snapped in me. I am not the romantic girl I used to be. I am negative and angry and so sad it hurts.
I am really confused and this has been going for a long time now.. almost 5 years. Let me start from the beginning.
I was 15 years old when I met my ex boyfriend. I was SOOO in love. Literally I was head over heels over him and he as well. We were young, passionate about each other, it was TRUE love. There were 2 problems heading our way. 1. My mother - since I was young and I am the eldest in my family, she didn't approve of my relationship with this guy. It is true, we did experiment sex and I did give my virginity to him but the truth was that I wanted it as badly as he wanted it. My mother and I ended up having huge fights - me wanting to go out, she locking me in not to meet him, curfews, she didn't even want me to go to his house alone.
On the other hand his mother was my second best friend. She loved me so much, and we had such a family feeling. My ex was feeling the rejection by my parents and although we had plans for our future he was unhappy with the situation.
The second problem was possibility of cheating. I'm not sure of this. All I know is that after a year and a half, I sometimes found messages on his mobile to other girls. Nothing serious - just hi swt or something like that. One of his friends warned me that he was cheating and that was the icing on the cake. I cracked. I loved him and I tried to get him back - he was angry at the situation because of my family situation. We had huge fights. I followed him, he followed me... It was a huge mess. His parents tried to help us as much as they could to get back together. During one of the fights I convinced myself that I deserved better. So after a week from breaking up, I went out with a boy to try to get over my ex and I was so lucky! We were kissing and guess who turns out in the same street? My ex with a couple of girlfriends. Just pure luck.
After this, my ex was deeply hurt but I was hurt too that he may be cheating. During our last fight I knew it was the end. I said goodbye to his parents and his mother told me that it might be a while but she was sure that we will end up in each others arms even if years pass. These words still ring in my ears.
After about 3 months I met my current boyfriend. I was trying to get over my ex which he still followed me around with his car trying to contact me, calling me, his mother as well. It was awful. And at the same time I was trying to hide it all from my current boyfriend. In fact one day I did fall into the temptatation and went to my ex house for the afternoon but I was afraid that I will get hurt again.
I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 years now. I have stopped my relationship more than once and I contacted my ex to get back with him twice. These 2 times I was so afraid I was going to get hurt and that I hurt my current boyfriend, that I had to go back to my current boyfriend because the guilt was so big and I was afraid of the risk. My parents love my current boyfriend and I do love him and care for him but it is not the same chemistry I had with my ex. We sometimes talk on msn - sometimes we spend nights - sometimes my heart aches so much for him. But then I refrain myself. I am afraid to hurt my current boyfriend as he was so good to me. He loves me so much. I do love him but my heart is not entirely his.
One thing I hate about my ex is that after our breakup he went out with dozens of girls and I am sure that he had sexual relationships. He always goes out with slutty girls and they are really not up to his standards. In fact he ends up being with them only for a few months.
I don't know what I shall do. I have awful days in bed crying about the situation. I feel I am in an ally and there is no way out. I really don't want to hurt my current boyfriend. We are planning to get married as well since we have been together for 5 years. Since my second encounter with my ex something snapped in me. I am not the romantic girl I used to be. I am negative and angry and so sad it hurts.