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View Full Version : Girlfriend's shift in priorities/ my neediness


alvinw87
Nov 5, 2010, 11:11 AM
Hi everyone, I need advice on my situation because its been eating away at me for some time now..

Basically my GF and I we both go to college in London, I'm 23 she's 21. We've been seeing each other for about a year now, basically in the first 9months things were great, we stayed together and did literally everything together. And on the rare occasion that we were apart we would never fail to text. She's a bit of a party girl but ever since she met me she's toned down a lot.

Then summer came, she went for summer school for 2 months in Austria, where she partied every single week. I never mind when she parties. But when we met again in fall a couple months ago things have been going steadily downhill. Now she doesn't want to meet up as much anymore, wants to spend more time with friends and gives excuses for not sleeping over (lazy, work, lessons next morning... these never used to deter her) Sometimes when I initiate physical contact she pushes me away and says I'm acting weird. When we are apart, she never texts or calls anymore.

The thing is when I try to talk about it she accuses me of being demanding and tells me how hard it is to juggle me, her work and her friends. When I point out that she doesn't reply to my texts she says "well I'm not her mum". I guess I could come across as being demanding, but all I'm asking for is what she used to give me before summer break.

To be fair, not all of this was sudden - initially things weren't so bad but the more I tried to restore things to the way they were before the further she drifted. I now recognise of course that her priorities had changed this year and needed more space - I failed to recognise that and tried to cling on. We had a bit of an argument last night over this and at the end of it we hugged and told each other "i love you". But when I tried calling her later she rejected my calls.

She never gave me a heads up regarding her shift in priorities, so most of what I did initially to pull her back was by reflex. I wasn't really thinking. I know my mistakes now, but I'm not sure if the situation can be salvaged - if it can I guess the only way is to back off and give her all the space she wants. However I'm not sure entirely what this entails - do I refrain from meeting/calling/texting at all unless she initiates it?

Thanks in advance!

talaniman
Nov 5, 2010, 01:42 PM
Acting without thinking is impulsive and not very productive. Holding on to what was, makes you inflexible in the face of change, and prevents you from adjusting.

The honeymoon is over, and what defines any relationship is how well you communicate and work together. Obviously you place more on her, and this relationship, than she does, and your not a high priority right now.

That's cool, give her space while you do your own thing, and let her call you. Then its your choice whether you are busy, or unavailable for what she wants.

She is busy now, honor it. Then read my signature, and think about it.

Homegirl 50
Nov 5, 2010, 01:50 PM
You guys are no longer on the same page. It happens.
Give her space. Don't contact her, let her contact you. In the meantime "do you"

alvinw87
Nov 5, 2010, 06:17 PM
All right then, I'll refrain from contacting her at all until she does. Thanks for the responses guys!

talaniman
Nov 6, 2010, 06:33 AM
You are welcome, but don't sit and wait for her to call, do your thing, and have a great time doing it. Never know, you may attract a kindred soul who wants to share your happiness, and will make the time to do it.