Every time me and my girlfriend have sex she get this feeling that her orgasm is coming but she can't let it go. She says it makes her feel like she has to pee. So what can be the problem.

Time to move away from the "comfort zone"...

Can she get herself off? Can she reach orgasm manually?

Also... do you have a "safe place" for sex? Meaning that you are secure in your space, no rush, no interruptions, etc..

How old are you? How old is she?

She never tried masturbation before, and yeah we don't have to worry about any distractions.

How old are you? How old is she? It helps us understand the situation.

18

Does she feel that way when you give her oral?

How can she tell you what she wants or how to please her, if she has no idea what she likes or wants.

Yeah... she feel that way to both oral and penetration

18

A woman who doesn't masturbate might severely hinder her ability to understand her own body. Or might be lying. There is no one recipe for success here... but I'd like to know if she could get off with self stim. Or, as mentioned, oral... though again there is no one perfect way and the more the woman knows what she needs (which comes with experimentation and experience and sometimes education) the greater the chance shell get to orgasm.

So... why doesn't she have a vibe? Or two?

Doesn't have a interest in getting one

I agree with Kp and Chuck...

If she has never masturbated before and doesn't know how to please herself, then how will you know what pleases her?

If she wants to set up an account and come on here and ask how to masturbate, I'll give her guidance on how to achieve an orgasm.

Have you asked her why she doesn't masturbate?

I believe that everyone should know and understand how and what they like before hand.

Or else how are you supposed to please her.

It almost sounds like she is too tense and needs to try to relax and enjoy.

Do you also have four play before sex? (massage, kiss, caress, hold each other, etc... ) It's more then just sex. It's about a connection.

OK. Well. Come back in five or ten years when the same problem is happening and maybe shell buy a clue.

Great sex starts in your head. Part of that comes from confidence in knowing you can mentally release and be in the moment. Part of that comes from knowing your body. Part of that comes from touching your body.

She is 18. Orgasms come easily to some. Some never get them. Never.

So... at some point this will get frustrating enough and she'll try other routes. Different foreplay. Self stim. Different rituals.

A machine with batteries isn't the end all be all answer to all problems with orgasms... but its sure as hell not a bad place to start. Or forget that... a wet finger after a hot bath.

k. So tell her to let go. If she pees, she pees. You don't care.

Tell her the clitoris is right there next to the urethra. It can be confusing. The bladder can get pressured. And lets not get started on the female ejaculation debate.

Tell her to not hold back. To be in that moment when she chooses to just let go.

k. so tell her to let go. if she pees, she pees. you dont care.

tell her the clitoris is right there next to the urethra. it can be confusing. the bladder can get pressured. and lets not get started on the female ejaculation debate.

tell her to not hold back. to be in that moment when she chooses to just let go.

Lol

Or why not have her urinate before any play..

Or both. Empty the bladder completely and tell her just to not fret and to let go.

One woman who came with the same problem said she would hit that point of pressure, stop, go into the bathroom, come back, restart, and was able to hit orgasm.

Was it a mental reset? Physical reset? Does it matter? For that woman, she'd found what worked. It might not be the stuff of romance novels, but a relentless desire to not accept no can sometimes do the job... and, in my opinion, is sexy as sin.

Yeah we have foreplay she just never tried masturbation

or both. empty the bladder completely and tell her just to not fret and to let go.

one woman who came with the same problem said she would hit that point of pressure, stop, go into the bathroom, come back, restart, and was able to hit orgasm.

was it a mental reset? physical reset? does it matter? for that woman, she'd found what worked. it might not be the stuff of romance novels, but a relentless desire to not accept no can sometimes do the job... and, in my opinion, is sexy as sin.

In my personal experience, when I have had to go to the bathroom, I would, then come back and proceed.

The way I see it, is, no no, you're going to finish the job!

Bruce,

I really believe that this all has to start with her.

It's like the blind leading the blind.

SHE has to find out what she likes before you can do it for her.

Does this make sense?

Yeah, I understand

You could always try masturbating together. Not only do some find this hot but it can be educational.

All men should obligate themselves on how to be a sensual lover, and how to satisfy their woman. I agree with all the advice that has been given.

Orgasm is not a destination, it's a journey. Do research. Read sexuality books. Work with her on getting the satisfaction that you both want her to have. "The Sensuous Man" is a good book. I read my older brother's copy when I was 15, and have been glad for the trouble ever since.

The better you are at being sensuous, and romantic, the better lover you are going to be.

Good luck.

Bruce,

Keep in mind that you two are still young. You guys WILL figure it out.

Every one of us has been there before. We all weren't born knowing exactly what and how to do it.

If it makes you feel any better, I lost my virginity when I was 25, and I was scared out of my mind. I didn't really understand my body at the time.

It took me practice as it will take you two.

Make this a fun thing. Learn about each other and enjoy. Because once you have mastered it, My God is it awesome!

All men should obligate themselves on how to be a sensual lover, and how to satisfy their woman. I agree with all the advice that has been given.

Orgasm is not a destination, it's a journey. Do research. Read sexuality books. Work with her on getting the satisfaction that you both want her to have. "The Sensuous Man" is a good book. I read my older brother's copy when I was 15, and have been glad for the trouble ever since.

The better you are at being sensuous, and romantic, the better lover you are going to be.

Good luck.



Jm,

I agree with this. This was a great suggestion.

I also think that not only men should obligate themselves on how to be sensual lovers, but I believe that women should as well...

I think that the OP and his girlfriend should BOTH go to the Library and pick out some books together, and read them together.

His girlfriend should really learn how her own body works to better help him.

yep. Takes time (and experience and "failures") to understand how much sensuality drives sexuality, and some never get the difference.

how a deliberate buildup of sensual tension can do so much more than frantic "foreplay"... and I put that in quotes because most of what I consider foreplay has little to do with mashing, necking, etc. a couple can be having foreplay and it can be "wrong"...

and I'm always for sharing books. Big fan. Its one of the best ways to discover new things and to approach issues... you can say "this part really interests me" instead of "why dont you ever"... I remember when a lover first read Kerner's She Comes First... we were sitting in a big box store and she said out loud, within minutes of opening it, "this guy know how to go down on a woman!"... uhm... yeah... k... we're buying that book. Now. =) there are parts I don't care for and there are parts that are disputed... but if the result is positive, fine. It's a great example, in my experience, where sex (oral) with one partner that usually ended in orgasm for her changed to always ending in orgasm.

she didn't know what exactly she needed different. She was completely different from the previous love... so everything that was "right" for the other love did not work at all for the next. Reading a book and sharing interesting sections absolutely gave us a path to better sex.

and while I completely agree it shouldn't all be about the Big O... it surely doesn't hurt ones ability to mentally release when you trust your partner is tuned into your likes and needs. Bonus.

I have the same problem with my boyfriend. I'm 19 and I realize the feeling that I have to pee is the orgasm coming on but I also can't release the feeling. I have been trying to find a solution for a couple weeks now. I don't want to masturbate, I couldn't even turn myself on if I tried. It definitely requires a partner for me to get in the mood and the whole idea just throws me off. That doesn't mean I am uncomfortable or unfamiliar with my body. My problem is just releasing it. I know my boyfriend is doing everything right, it's just me. I don't feel rushed or stressed and I just try and take a few deep breaths but nothing seems to work. He's really supportive of me and just wants to make me feel good - sounds like you. Let me know if you find an answer!

I have the same problem with my boyfriend. I'm 19 and I realize the feeling that I have to pee is the orgasm coming on but I also can't release the feeling. I have been trying to find a solution for a couple weeks now. I don't want to masturbate, I couldn't even turn myself on if I tried. It definitely requires a partner for me to get in the mood and the whole idea just throws me off. That doesn't mean I am uncomfortable or unfamiliar with my body. My problem is just releasing it. I know my boyfriend is doing everything right, it's just me. I don't feel rushed or stressed and I just try and take a few deep breaths but nothing seems to work. He's really supportive of me and just wants to make me feel good - sounds like you. Let me know if you find an answer!

It would be quite a bit more effect if you posted your question as it's own thread instead of piggy backing it on another question. Each person's situation is a little different and it isn't fair to the original poster for you to hijack the thread.

Post this as your own question and we will be able to help you further.

Cheers,

I want to ask this, though others covered everything else pretty well, and this probably is not the issue.

I had HUGE issues of letting go at that moment. It subconcioiusly *without me knowing* terrified me and I blocked myself from achievieving that perfect zen. I spoke to my doctor about it and he said it was totally normal for people like me. I was raped when I was 11, and raped nearly nightly by my daughters father for 2 years. Sexual abuse and rape can have HUGE impacts on how you view sex. If you know about any sexual abuse in her life, that may be the answer, or ask her (in a loving way, show your concern not your judgement) if she had been.

I never thought that was the problem. I had assumed I was over it because I was repressing it. It didn't affect me on a conscious level so I didn't think it was the problem. It wasn't until after I went to sexual abuse survior therepy that I REALLY got past it and was able to truly enjoy sex and pleasures.

Good luck hon. I hope you guys figure this out.

It would probably be a good idea to get an update from Bruce before giving him anymore advice. He hasn't been back since November, 2010 so hopefully they have had positive developments.

That means she is going to be a squirter! I had the same problem before I started having orgasms. I always felt like I was going to have an orgasm but felt like I had to pee, but it's just the ejacuation fluid buidling up.