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View Full Version : Relationship help - I got a needy and clingy character


mrpigz
Nov 1, 2010, 02:03 AM
Dear all,
Last year I had posted a question on this site on my bad experience in my first relationship. To tell the truth, I always fall deeply in love when I am in a relationship. I believe in giving the best to my partner and placing her as my first priority.
All this is good, but as time goes by, I realise in doing so, I always require my girlfriend to give me back their 100% attention as well. The longer the relationship is, the more I wish I can spend more time with her, and her spending more time with me. And at the same time I had this level of expectation that I hope my girlfriend can put me in the first priority as well.

This is bad as I would suffocate my love and end up, I fear I might lose her.
But the problem is, I just cannot help it. When she is not around me, I will wish to see her sms, hear her voice, or be able to talk to her.

Few months back, I am blessed to be able to find a lady of my dream.
She is very nice to me. And to her, she believes I am her soul mate as well. I was wonderful to her and she is as well wonderful to me.

But as time goes by, I find out that I started to cling on her, and I expect her to put me in her first priority of life.
We had been together for around half a year so far, and things are all looking good.
Sometimes, when I didn't receive much attention from her, I will feedback to her, and she will text me to tell me how much she love me and stuff like tat.

I know I am a super clingy person and an attention seeker to my partner, but I just can't seems to get rid of this bad habit or character.

I had talked to her about this, she didn't comment much, but just smile at my attention seeking character.
Recently, she went overseas for work. It is just only a few days, and I am starting to miss her terribly.
I texted her now and then, and had whine to her about how much I miss her and how much I want to talk to her.

She did her part by reply-ing to my text and try her best to get online to talk to me.
But yesterday, it was too much for what I did.

I wake up middle of the night trying to see her sms on whter she had reached the hotel safety but I didn't find it, so I am worried about her safety and I texted her and call her. In the end she replied saying yes she is back to the room and is already sleeping.

The next day, I told her I didn't get much sleep ( on and off wakeup to see whter she had texted me) becos I didn't receive her message that she had reached the hotel and I am worried. But I am really worried.

I know she is unhappy but she didn't say it out, she just told me not to be so emo and please don't be like this.
I think I am starting to strangle her already. I feel so bad. But deep inside, I cannot seems to control well, I miss her and I want to let her know, but in so is like strangling her, I guess.

The last message from her was asking me not to get so emotional and please don't be like this, and say everything will be OK once she is back and that we have a life time to spend together.
I truly love her and I do not want to lose her.

I want her to be happy with me, but I'm having this stupid mentality, clingy and attention seeking character that I cannot seems to control well.

I had decided to put up a post in here, because I really do hope I can have some sounded advice from people out there to help savage my relationship.

What should I do to be less clingy and how do I keep in contact with her and let her know I miss her but at the same time not strangling her.

Thanks.

gara
Nov 1, 2010, 02:55 AM
Hey bro how you doing , I think you post this question for long time I mean last year in februrary, any way here is my advice , first I notice the way you take care of her , it's me comparing to her father care , I mean it's kind of too much , man let me tell you something take it easy for yourself, I will tell you something, imagine if you went far away for work, is she going to take care of you the same way , well I would say don't attach to yourself too much for her , girls kind of hate and furistate about that , give her some space , I know you love her deeply , but the way you texting her every time it's kind of normal for us as guys , just listen what she says to you and follow her step by step from her words if she says to you calm down and don't get emotionaly then relax and trust her , but man I'm telling you for now on if you attach yourself too much to her like that , imagine the day she going to break up with you , I mean any thing can happened in this life , so don't you ever attach to yourself a girl you found like that , these type attaching love only family desrve it , so man take it easy , and tell her always if she ask you way you are like that , because my opinion girls will never under stand guys thing , tell her that you love her and you can't imagine if she leaves from your side a sec , and man let me talk to you as a guy to another guy , stop being worried like that , I will suggest test her one day , go far away , and see if she text you and care and worry about you the same thing, and man women hate portection and caring too much like that , you kind of reminding them to their father, so man if you trust her so much , stop being worry and don't let her drive you crazy like that , you the one have to drive her crazy and worry about you too much , I mean you are the man after all , so think about what I said to you .

Devorameira
Nov 1, 2010, 06:11 AM
Your insecurities are bad news in general. Being insecure is not healthy and it can bring impending doom to your relationship, so you've got to get a grip on it.

There's evidently something that's happened in your past that's made you feel this way. If you can't control it on your own you may want to talk to a counselor to get to the bottom of your feelings.

slapshot_oi
Nov 1, 2010, 06:59 AM
Do you have any hobbies or goals you're trying to reach, or is literally all of your time being devoted to either thinking about her or talking to her?

First, you can't keep telling you miss her over and over again and not strangle her, as you put it. She knows you miss her, so you don't have to say anything.

The only way to fix your issue for good—no, not counseling—is to step away from the relationship and live the single life for a while and learn how to live happily all alone. You believe she is unhappy, you're constantly asking too much from her and now she is telling you to stop being so emotional, and given your history, it seems to me like a break-up is coming. Ask for space, she'll be more than happy to give it to you. Bear in mind doing so will reflect good on your character because you'll show her that you are proactive in solving a problem when you realize you have one, women really like that. Easier said than done, I realize, but this is the only way my friend.

talaniman
Nov 1, 2010, 08:40 AM
Think long, and hard, before you act or speak, and do so until it's a habit, and second nature. Then you set boundaries for yourself, like only texting every other day, or whatever you both decide on, but foremost stop having her as your ONLY priority, and balance your life with other things you enjoy without her. That means have other friends, and activities that you get involved with. That gives you both some space.

Don't expect instant results, or to be perfect at first, as changing old habits takes practice over time, but I am sure she will appreciate seeing you trying, so start thinking first, about what you want to say, or do, and if its even good to do or say.

You must train yourself, and practice the training to make changes. And relax, you actually think too much, and act on those feelings, when you should be busy with things that you can do alone, and be happy with. Then you won't act like a junkie needing his fix.