My partner and I are both 25, have been together for 7years and have 3 gorgeous sons together.
Although I truly and deeply love him from the bottom of my heart, I have found myself thinking of leaving him.

When we first got together, I was young and naïve. Being 18, I was so sure he was the one. He was caring, thoughtful, attentive and generous. He always showered me with gifts, surprises and I was very thankful for it.

Fast forward 7years later, he has become lazy, disrespectful, unsupportive selfish, greedy, incompetent, irresponsible, unhelpful, irrational, unappreciative, insecure, jealous, and basically I feel more like his maid/babysitter/cook/mother than his partner.
I constantly find myself asking him to be a bit more helpful around the house, with the kids etc, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Then I find myself yelling at him because I am so frustrated. What happened to the man I fell in love with?

We tried counselling. It never worked. So we tried a different counselling service, that didn't work either.

To top this all off, he is obsessed with money, weed and gangs. His money is HIS money. At the moment we are living with my mother because I have just started studying for a degree and she has agreed to help out with the kids. I rarely ask for his help with money when needs be, but he calculates EVERYTHING in case I may rip him off or something. I can't afford to buy myself luxuries, and have to really budget for my kids luxuries, yet my partner can go out and waste his money on weed or stupid things like a home brewing system and not think twice about our kids needs! Our oldest son turned five a couple of weeks ago, I really couldn't afford to throw on a party so my brother came to my rescue and helped out. My partner had money in the bank at that time, but couldn't even lend a hand, claiming he was saving up for son's birthday present, which I haven't seen yet.
And also, he is a huge stoner. Im not talking like a joint a day, I'm talking wake up in the morning and get stoned kind of person. It drives me absolutely insane. That's where the laziness and vacant-ness comes in. It does my head in!

I get a lot of crap if I want to go out for the night with my friends and cousins, as he does not trust me. We have huge fights and I always end up staying home. Yet, he goes out usually whenever he wants, and comes home whenever he wants.

Wow, this is one huge type up. Im sorry guys that I have to resort to the net for answers, but I can't admit this in person! And although I know that my partner does care for me in his own weird little way, I am ready to throw the towel in. I'm just not sure if I can go through with it all- the emotional backlash, dramas etc. I love this man, but I feel as though I am raising another kid. Im sick of it all, and would rather be a solo parent doing it all solo, then having a perfectly capable man sit around being a dumb stoner and not help me with anything.

Thanks for you time reading this :)

Are you married, or just committed partners with kids? The difference is in how you approach the court system for a divorce, child support, custody issues, property awards, but if your common law, you just kick him out, and get child support, and custody.

There is no need to suffer once you have seen the light. Just handle your business, and rebuild your life better without him.

Hi, I know that what you say makes a lot of sense, however this is the first person I gave my heart, my body and mind to. Its hard to think of the future without him, as we have quite a colourful history together. I know I sound so cliché, but I still love him deeply! I am a strong and independent woman, yet I love a man who doesn't value me as a partner, mother and woman.

I talked to him today and let him know how and what I've been thinking about. He asked me if there is anything he could do to make this work, which I replied no. If he hasn't made the effort to support his family from the moment our kids were born, what makes him think he can change now?
it breaks my heart thinking of re-building a life without him, our kids don't deserve this, but they do deserve a dad who is a positive influence and rolemodel. They deserve a dad who is hardworking, caring, responsible and fun. We deserve happiness, and I deserve respect and honor. Maybe I am asking for too much? We don't have anything in common anymore, we argue and fight more than we love and respect each other, we have different plans for the future which also clash, we have different views on everyhting, our childraising techniques are completely the opposite and we don't value eachothers opinion. OMG, what a drama.

I talked to him today and let him know how and what I've been thinking about. He asked me if there is anything he could do to make this work, which I replied no.

So it seems your mind IS made up. It also seems this is the first time you have spoken to him about how you feel. Is it fair to say you have argued, and fought but never calmly talked to each other?

Yes, it does sound fair to say that we argue and fight more than we sit down and talk calmly. However, after the phonecall, we both decided that yes, we do need to talk about our feelings on where we both stand.
It felt great opening up to him about everything that's been bugging me. We each made our own kind of vows that we both promise to adhered and obey. He said he is going to stop the dope smoking, find a job, and try hard to work with me in building our sons futures TOGETHER, and I am going to stop the nagging and give thanks when he is helpful. Will let you know how it pans out, considering its only day 1.

One day at a time adds up, if you both are willing. Glad to see that when you finally talked calmly, you seem to resolve a few things, and at least agreed to set some goals together. That's really what its all about. I look forward to you updates and questions, and good luck!

Well my dear for one that thing you have at home is not a man anymore the truth is he is not even a human I mean how can you be so blind he is an addict and no matter what counceing you and him go to nothing is going to work until he himself notices he has a drug problem himself and decides to stop what he is doing what you need to tell him he got to go and if he starts a show call the police make sure you let him know also that you will not let him back into your life or the children's life until he dicides to get his act toguether you need to put your foot down cause I had a father who was exactly like yours and it hurt a lot to see how my own father was capable of doing the things he did without even woring about our feelings I'm telling get yourself and those kids away from him soon before it is to late. Good Luck!

He is a druggie and I doubt he is going to change over night. He has no respect for you, I doubt that will change as well.

You guys have tried counseling twice, so he is not without a clue as to what he is doing.
You need to think about what your sons are growing up watching. What they are learning about manhood and what they are learning about how a woman is to be treated.
Put him out of your mother's house. He should not even want be there anyway. Let him get a job and take care of himself and his kids. Let him prove that he can or wants to be a father and a man to you.

For your own self respect he needs to go.
That's just my humble opinion.

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She_cool,

I understand that he is your first love and father of your children. I know that you want everything to work were you finally have that happy family.

You cannot change this man, you cannot force him to grow up and stop using smoking drugs, to actually start help raising his children.

You haven't just been with this man for just a short amount of time, you have been with him for years, given birth to his 3 children. You more then anyone knows his PROVEN track record. What makes you think that he is really going to change this time?
Oh, because he said so---please how many times has he said that, start to act better, then just stopped even pretending. How many times has he done this to you?

You are living with your mother, trying to get your degree for WHAT? To improve your way of life! You just getting an education isn't going to do that. Aren't you already living the single parent life.

You need to be your children's example. Show them that they can get their education and MAKE it out in the world. But if you continue to also show them that being a druggie with no job and deglectful father is all right, then how do you think they will be as a FATHER!!

You and your childrent deserve better, get on with your life. Continue with education and bettering your life. Stop pretending this man is ever going to be a good father or a good husband.