OK well there is this girl who I have been talking to for about 6 weeks. It turns out I really like her, and from what I can see from her she likes me also. Like she smiles, laughs, and when we talk there is a lot of eye contact. I have made it clear that I like her without actually saying it. So I asked her if she wanted to hang out and she said she was busy. I asked later... she was busy again. I was confused about that then I realized she has a boyfriend. So I guess I can see why she did not seem to want to hang out. But anyway, I know she has talked about me to her friends and even her boyfriend. And I asked for her number and she said not yet, I have to earn it. She didn't really want to explain what she meant.

I really just want to spend more time with her, and eventually go out. But the problem is that she has the boyfriend now and I think it is going well. I mean they live in the same dorm building and I think they hang out a good amount. But even though I think that, it still seems like she likes me. So what should I do? Do I just keep doing what I am doing until something happens between them, or do I try to be more assertive and tell her how I feel(or ask her how she feels)?

If she has a boyfriend, she's off-limits. Respect that relationship. Do not tell her how you feel. Talk with her, be friendly, but fill your life with other people so you don't become obsessed with her.

Even if she breaks up with her boyfriend, you don't want to move in because you will simply be a rebound and won't last long.

And the "you have to earn it" comment means nothing. She's off-limits.

I agree... if she is in a relationship then take that as a red light... mean no, off limits. Yeah, and you don't want to the "rebound". They don't tend to have lasting status in the relationship.

Also, think about it... if she is flirting with you while she has a boyfriend... you don't want her then. Who wants to be with someone that isn't faithful? Don't think that you are going to be "the one" that they are faithful to... I would just stay away from that one... and find someone that is single and free to date.

The thing is that I am pretty sure she rushed into her current relationship, so it may not be true. And I know she is off limits but that does not mean I distance myself from her. And I don't have to be a rebound. I would wait until she is over him...

How to steal another man's girl, HUH?

It's always tough to be smitten with someone who's already spoken for.

The best way to handle this is to leave her alone. What if she WAS your girl, and some guy like YOU comes along trying to slip in, waiting for the right opening.. How would YOU feel about THAT?

You are crossing the line with someone who may or not be so conceited that they feel someone has to "earn" their phone number.

What her boyfriend does, or doesn't do, or how long they have, or have not been together, is none of your concern.

You are grasping for the high hanging fruit. That's probably sour anyway.

Move along my friend. Find a girl of your own. Just shake her out of your head.

I agree "mostly" with what has been said so far with one caveat.

First, I agree you cannot DO anything to actually pursue someone in a committed relationship, regardless of how you perceive the quality of that relationship.

But, unless the person is married I find nothing wrong with letting your feelings for them be known. With that you make it clear that you can not / will not / do not condone cheating in any way, so she has nothing to fear from you regarding your feelings, but if she finds herself available in the future you would be eager to pursue those feelings at that time.

Yes, you risk being the rebound guy, but hey, life is risk.

So in my mind your two options are:

1) Remain silent and choose your own time in the future to approach her when she's single

2) Reveal your feelings to her, then still force yourself to do nothing until she's single again.

So to try and make this short, I will sum up everything. Basically there is this girl I like who has done some things which make me think she also likes me. I asked if she wanted to hang out but she was claiming to always be busy, and I was confused about that but then I found out that she has a boyfriend. They have been going out for about 2 months now, I think. I do not know details about their relationship. Just to make it clear, I do not want to mess with their relationship.

I just have a couple questions... How long will typical college relationships last? Should I ask her how she feels about me? Should I just wait their relationship out?(assuming it does not last too long)

It always helps to put yourself in someone else's shoes, see how it feels and live things in your mind, considering things from all angles before you do them. If she does like this other guy and is in a relationship, there are things to consider.

Have you ever liked someone and had someone else trying to get your attention? That person can kind of seem like a nuisance and blow a chance to make a good impression later, so you could run that risk. Also if someone is in a steady relationship and not seeing other people, and you do get her attention and she starts doing things behind her boyfriends back, as often happens, it usually doesn't turn out well. And do you want to be involved with someone who has snuck around to be with you? She might start a relationship with you that carries baggage into it from the past experience. And you may wonder if she is doing the same to you-sneaking around.

I know you said you don't want to mess with their relationship. But I also don’t think it's a good plan to waste time by having your attention focused on waiting, watching and hoping that she will break up and be available. Your time could be spent creating your own good times and memories.

I’m just throwing some things out there to consider, not being negative. It’s always nice when you can just meet someone and you both seem to be interested and you are both available.

I agree that it is inappropriate and should be off limits to pursue a woman, who is involved in a relationship with another man.

I am wondering why you don't know that already. It is also not a nice thing to do to another guy, to pursue his girlfriend; you should have a little more respect for him.

As to her shooting signals your way, that does not speak very highly of her. In the six weeks she's been flirting back and forth with you, and the two opportunities to tell you straight up when you asked her to hang out, that she had a boyfriend, and didn't, isn't someone I would hold in particular high regard in the honesty department, to say the last.

Telling you you have to 'earn' her phone number, is another flag as to the signals she is sending you here.

It will be up to you to not only stop messing with another man's girl, but also up to you to stop sending her signals that you are interested, because she doesn't seemto want stop herself.

If she should contact you, I would advise you to set your own standard a little higher, and clearly tell her that you don't pursue someone who is already in a relationship, and, that if and when she is single, she can give YOU a call.

There is this girl who I like and I think she is into me also. Well she has a boyfriend, so I cannot go too far right now, but we walk with each other after out class we have together at college. So every once in a while she says I am creepy, but it is in a joking way--like she will laugh after she says it or after I respond to it.

So what does that mean? I am trying to figure out if she likes me, because I think she does...

She likes you for amusement because her boyfriend isn't there. She likes you because you come around to give her attention because her boyfriend isn't there. Ain't nothing happening while she has a boyfriend and you have to have the common sense to see she rejects you from being romantic TWICE, yet still you go back. What a loser move.

You are a vulture circling your prey until you see a chance to swoop in and get what you think is a prize. You don't care about being lead on, you don't care about being used for her own amusement, you don't care that she has rejected you TWICE, you don't care she has a boyfriend, you don't care she has not told you she has a boyfriend, ail you care about is does she like you, and will she give you the romance you want.

NO!! Because she may never break up, and you will still be around like her puppy dog, and wag your tail and be happy she even gives you ant attention at all. And that where you will stay until you think with the big head, and not the little one. Common sense would have/should have told you to get some dignity and respect about yourself, when she rejected you TWICE!

At least have the decency to ask her straight up to dump her boyfriend, and go with you, so you can stop dragging this drama out. Then you ask her how to you can earn her, so you will know how low you have to stoop to keep kissing her butt!


Just to make it clear, I do not want to mess with their relationship.
That's a lie, you are trying your best to move in on her, and mess them up, so you can really start chasing her, my gosh guy don't lie to yourself.


Should I just wait their relationship out?(assuming it does not last too long)
That's crazy? Waiting for them to break up! It's a waste of time, and you miss better options and opportunities while you wait for them to break up. What if they don't break up, what if they are planning to get married after college is done, now what?

Talaniman Rule - Never ever get to close to a person that has a committed partner in their lives.

Talaniman Rule- leave girls with boyfriends alone, and don't hold your breathe waiting for them to fail.

Talaniman Rule- If one person isn't available, there are millions that are. Don't get stuck on one who is BUSY with other things.

Talaniman Rule- Get your own partner and leave the other peoples partners alone.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that’s just plain crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Be honest with yourself, and be honest with others.

You seem to be breaking all the rules of good common sense and will pay the consequences of your actions if you stay on the path your on.

I guess some of us have to learn the hard way.

Comment on talaniman's post

There is more to the story than what is here. I tried to sum it up really quickly, but I guess that was a bad idea, because people may take it the wrong way. And especially the fact that people think she is messing around and unfaithful.

I am not going after her. Read my question. I am asking what I should do. Just because she is in a relationship, does not mean that I have to forget about her. I like her. My question was should I wait, or should I tell her how I feel?

I did not want some self-proclaimed big shot to come in here and take this the wrong way. You are not helpful. Answer the question, or do not post your response.

Don't get mad at me because the answers went over your head, or maybe you were to angry to read them. How is that my problem??

I am asking what I should do.

What part of seeking other options, and opportunities do you not understand. What part of my rules do not answer your question, or show you a direction to consider?? Don't get all emo on me for pointing out the things you either don't know, or have ignored. I know only to well how wanting something badly can make you see NOTHING else.

Open up your mind my young friend, don't be so stubborn or sensitive, you are hardly the first guy to be a fool for what you think is love. Been there a few times myself, that's why I am telling you what I know, and avoid the consequences that I paid and others here have paid.

Isn't that why you came to this forum? For advice based on truth, learned from experience?

If its meant to be you will find each other in the future. But as of right now don't focus on what could be, just live by the moment and see what life brings you.

You don't want to be the guy who girls calls creeps.

I don't know what was taken the wrong way. Read your question over again, and it clearly points to you wishing to actively pursue a person who is already in a committed relationship.

People who take the time to give you an honest answer, should not be subject to insults and criticism, because they give you a point of view, that you may not like. If you don't like an answer, move on, but please don't fire cheap shots at those with good reputations, who tirelessly add this website to their already busy lives, simply because they think they may be able to help people just like you.

Please show a little respect for those answering you.

And, it might be helpful to read the rules of this site. It is not okay to 'disagree' with an opinion, only with a fact. And, most of the questions we receive here are of a personal nature such as yours, and as such, do not deserve to be hit with negative comments, or a negative rating.

As I said, if you don't agree with an opinion, please post more information to clarify what you have said, and try to understand that answers, as opinions, are only based on what information you provide.

I am not going after her. Read my question. I am asking what I should do. Just because she is in a relationship, does not mean that I have to forget about her. I like her. My question was should I wait, or should I tell her how I feel?
When you asked her to chill and she came up with an excuse of why she can't, you gave away your secret. She already knows how you feel, but you can tell her anyway for peace of mind.

Consider the following:

You said she rushed into this relationship meaning she is impulsive, this is something you never want a girlfriend to be
If she leaves her boyfriend for you, she may leave you for another guy
Every joke has some truth to it, so when she says you're being creepy. . . you're being creepy


You don't have to forget about her, just don't creep and think too much about this.

OK, lets just stop answering. It has been taken the wrong way. It was probably the way I worded it... sorry? I do not want any more help unless the people know the whole story, and just not my summarized version of it. Thanks for your responses that you have given anyway.

You mean after a few pages you have left out some important facts that will change our minds??

What would those mind changing facts be??

Again, I am done with this question. You guys all have a negative light on the situation and especially the girl. I left out why she starting joking calling me a creep, I left out the reason I even started talking to her, and those are just 2 things.

Is just friends okay with you?
Are you open to dating someone else?
Do you see her everyday?
What would happen if it was you who was unavailable?
Does she seek you out?

Wonder what would happen if you had a date?

Comment on talaniman's post

For now, friends is fine, and if she stays with her boyfriend, we will stay friends. I am open to others... if I find someone. I see her everyday in class and we walk together after. If I was unavailable, I would let her know where I stand.

I would say she was the first to show interest. We talked for 5 min in our small class and I left w/o thinking about it, then she sat by me the next day in this large 250 person class(and every day since) & she delayed leaving class so we could talk.

That's fine, and logical, but don't let her block you from other options, and opportunities, and having a very BALANCED, fun experience during your college years. It really is a special time to learn, and grow, and find your life path.

Sorry I was rather harsh, its only because I care about people being all they can be, especially younger people. Hope there are no hard feelings, and you feel you can ask any question you have, and good luck, and enjoy your youth.

On a date?? I think she would need to be single for that, but that is just me...

I meant a date with someone else, not with her. Ask her, that would be an interesting, and revealing conversation for sure.

You would at least get some insights as to what's in her head.

Sorry, I wish I chipped in earlier, but check out this guideline: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/guidlines-what-do-do-if-person-like-already-relationship-463250.html

I suspect that it will give you some insights.

First this sounds like a fairy tail; the most thing I could say to you is that just be friends if they really like you; They will brake up with the one the like and go out with the one they love.

You should tell her how you feel. I am in basically the same situation with liking a girl that has a boyfriend. I really like her and I think she likes me a little. We used to talk like once everyday. And then I told her how I felt about her and I told her that "i really like her and i would like to have a chance with her, but i dont want to ruin her relationship with her bf." After I told her how I feel about her. We have been talking almost 24/7. So my advice would be to go to her and tell her how you really feel but make sure you let her know that you don't want to ruin your friendship with her. I hope all works out.