Well me and my ex broke up after 3 years and I started hanging out with someone I was attracted to and friends with for a long time priar. However she is engaged with a guy she's not to sure if she will be with forever. The other night she kissed me, I tried to stop her but couldn't last to long as I liked her before. Then one thing led to another and three days later we slept together. Although I hate myself for doing it, not because I didn't want to but because she is engaged and I don't want to be the reason they broke or break up. Now should I hate myself should I be mad at myself. She is the one that started it although I could have stopped it. She doesn't regret it and well maybe it would save her from marrying they guy she doesn't know if she can be with forever. Does this make me a bad person?

No, this does not make you a bad person.

You are single, you can sleep with who ever you want.

If she wants to cheat on her fiancé, then that is her choice.

It's not like there are children involved.

Although I wouldn't recommend dating this girl since if she can cheat on him, she can also cheat on you.

Yes, I would NOT get involved with this woman.

Please don't.

As I always say... ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER. SHE WILL CHEAT ON YOU ONE DAY - WITH OUT ANY REGRETS. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS. People who cheat have some weird wiring that they feel it's OK to cheat and try and justify inside that it's OK.

Obviously she shouldn't be getting married either. I feel bad for the schmuck that's marrying her... he has to have some gut insinct that she's no good.

Were not going to hook up its more or less just a fling so does it make me bad now?

P.S. who knows maybe one day but right now I highly dought we would ever get together.

I won't say it makes you a bad person but sleeping with someone else's fiancée isn't a good thing. She's definitely as much to blame as you are, in a sense even more so since she's the one who's engaged to someone else. If she's so unsure of having a future with this guy then she had no business accepting an engagement in the first place. I don't think you can rationalize having slept with her as a way of "rescuing" her from a unhappy marital commitment. Ultimately that's a decision she has to make for herself, whatever feelings she may have for you notwithstanding. It sounds like you care for this girl but if she were to break off the engagement with this other guy and become "available" I'd be very leery as it sounds like she doesn't use very prudent judgement. After all she slept with someone while engaged to someone else. If you and her become involved and she begins to develop some doubts (which is almost inevitable in any serious relationship) do you want her to "resolve" them by sleeping with someone else?

Yes it is a terrible thing, and you are no doomed to hell for all eternity.

What you want to here? Yes of course you should have not slept with someone that is enganged, and if she slept with you, she should break the engagement off, since it means she is not committed to this person, and if she as you said, does not believe she wants to be with him forever, she should break off the engagement.

Now you were "hanging" with her, of course you wanted her to fall for you and most likely yes you wanted to sleep with her. You are trying to rationalise it to make it sound like a noble thing.

Well first of course I don't believe in "sleeping" together if you are not married, so even if you were both free I would still condemn it but hey, that is my job, see the collar?

Now it does not sound like she wanted to be engaged, hanging out with other guys, saying she did not want to be with him forever, but that is her and most certainly her fiancés BIG PROBLEM.

I don't think you need to be invovled with her until she decides what she wants. Of course could you really ever trust her, would you see her doing with someone else what she did with you?

I don't think you're a bad person either. The one who is in a relationship is her and she initially made the choice to cheat on her fiancée. But I'm going to look at the other side of this issue. Some are saying.. "ounce a cheater always a cheater" I think that things in life aren't always so cut and dry, black and white. The question is: why did she cheat on her fiancée? It isn't impossible to fall out of love with someone even if it is a fiancée. How do we know that this fiancée didn't cheat on her and she felt it was payback? How do we know that there isn't something missing in her relationship that maybe she is finding in you. And lastly how do we know she regrets what she did. And possibly feels horrible about it.

Im not saying cheating is right. It never is. Im just merely pointing out the possible reasons she slipped up. And at this point she needs to ask herself if this man that she's engaged to is the right person for her, now that she's crossed the line. Did she ever tell you why she wanted to sleep with you. If I were you I would just back off for now.. no fling no contact. She's going to have to work this mess out on her own.

Though the flip side to this is what everyone has mentioned.. maybe she is a cheater and just doesn't care... in that sense you need to be weary of her.

I know that I probley shouldn't have done what I did however I did it and don't really regret it, although it did make life a little more difficult. I guess life will go on though, but it was one of the first times I just let life happen instead of trying to plan my every move. So it was kind of nice and one heck of an experience to walk on the wild side for a change, but I guess time will tell how wise it really was. I do think that letting life just happen to a certain extent is a great thing it keeps things spontainous and kind of keeps you on the edge of your seat. Thus making life a little more exciting and not so blan. However maybe I stepped over the line I don't know but whatever happens next is going to be a mystery for now and who knows. Anyway thanks all for you opinons they were better then I expected.

Hi, wrongful,
You have some very good answers already.
Just would like to add that "No", it doesn't make you a bad person.
Now, if you get more into it, and think about sleeping with a Married woman, then I would have to say "Don't even think about it".
What happened was a result of the girl, not you. She is the one who made the choice, and her engagement was in trouble long before she met you!

You are not the bad person here, she is. She is the one that has cheated on her partner and is leading you down a path of confusion. She has issues she needs to deal with quite clearly and if she does not want to be with her partner but is quite happy to be engadged to him then that's down to her. This is not your problem and it's you should not make it your problem.

At the end of the day she is the one digging herself a very big hole, so let her do so; but withput taling you down with her.

I don't believe you a truly a bad person for doing for you did, as its not you that cheated. But the fact that you knew she was engaged makes a slight difference I think. I would watch your next move though. You can't decide for her by saying it would save her from marrying the wrong person, sleeping with someone else is definitley not the right way of her making that decission. Id stay away until she makes up her mind because if you keep on seeing her you'll probably get attached to her, and then what if she still gets married!

Hi Wrongful.
I think you need to ask yourself what YOU really feel about the situation. The fact that you are asking if you are "a bad person" means that you may already have judged yourself that way, underneath the statements of "I do not feel guilty..."
If you find that you are feeling something negative about this you may want to look into your own values and see if you may have crossed a line somewhere. Only you can know the answer to that. If you have violated something there (important that its YOUR values, not someone else's that you think about) it may be a good idea to forgive yourself, plan not to repeat this violation of your own code... and press on.

You both are bad, naughty people.

Three Hail Mary's and 20 pushups now!

Look, you KNOW its wrong. It's a rhetorical question.

She's used you once and maybe she'll use you again as an excuse.

You are guilty of liking a person a lot and making a stupid choice...

" she is engaged with a guy shes not to sure if she will be with forever"... now how silly is that statement? If she's getting cold feet, she needs to figure it out.

As for you, you need a little more willpower. Tho' she's more seriously in error, sleeping with people who are engaged is bad. Not good. It takes two to tangle, tango, whatever.

I disagree that she'd doomed to forever be a cheater. She's obviously not ready to be married and not willing to break it off yet for some reason. But yeah, if you guys decide to make a go of it you'll probably be asking for trouble... at least until she figures out what she wants.

Cheers bizygurl, I have seen this happen to many times.

That pic of me and pete was taken last Friday - I thought it was rather cute and just had to display it as my aviatar. :) xxx

I would like to add to my previous comments. Although I know that its probley not right to sleep with someone who is engaged. The thing that gets me is this whole thing is against my nature, I mean never in my life have I done anything nor thought I would do anything like this, but I did and the funny thing is I'm kind of glad it made me look at life a little differently and realize and fix things that I could never imagine to do. In a sense its helped in the way that I can just let life happen and to an extent you have to and that's one thing Im going to take from this no matter what happens. However, the other funny thing is I don't regret it, and I have never ever felt like this about a girl. Now the feeling I have I'm not sure what it is I can't say its love I can't say its not. I can't say its anything specific its just different and I never had this feeling before. The cool thing is that she did say she will never forget me and to be honest I don't think she ever will. I think there's this weird connection between us that I have never felt nor had with anyone else but only time will tell what kind of a connection it really is. The only thing I'm worried about now is if she gets married to this guy but he's not the right one. I don't know if he is or isn't only she knows that, I just hope that when she makes that decision she does what it is she honestly thinks she should do and what she wants to do. Whatever it is I will support her... sorry... I will not hate her for any decision she makes. I know that me and her are most likely never to become anything or even give it a try, but for now I'm enjoying the time with her.

I would also like to say that once a cheater always a cheater is a false statement. Now I have never cheated on anyone and hopefully never will so can't be 100% sure but I do know that just because people have cheated for whatever reason they might not... sorrry... won't if its someone there really hard core about someone who they can't afford to lose because if they do there world is destroyed so just because someone cheated or made a mistake in there life doesn't mean they will always do it.

Have you ever made a mistake? But later stopped and never made that mistake again... I have and guess what Im sure you have too people can change its not easy but its possible and they will change if they really want to. Keyword IF.

I would like to add to my previous comments. Although I know that its probley not right to sleep with someone who is engaged. The thing that gets me is this whole thing is against my nature, I mean never in my life have I done anything nor thought I would do anything like this, but I did and the funny thing is I'm kinda glad it made me look at life a little differently and realize and fix things that I could never imagine to do. In a sense its helped in the way that I can just let life happen and to an extent you have to and thats one thing Im going to take from this no matter what happens. However, the other funny thing is I dont regret it, and I have never ever felt like this about a girl. Now the feeling I have im not sure what it is I can't say its love I can't say its not. I can't say its anything specific its just different and I never had this feeling before. The cool thing is that she did say she will never forget me and to be honest I don't think she ever will. I think theres this weird connection between us that I have never felt nor had with anyone else but only time will tell what kind of a connection it really is. The only thing I'm worried about now is if she gets married to this guy but hes not the right one. I don't know if he is or isn't only she knows that, I just hope that when she makes that decision she does what it is she honestly thinks she should do and what she wants to do. Whatever it is I will support her...sorry...I will not hate her for any decision she makes. I know that me and her are most likely never to become anything or even give it a try, but for now I'm enjoying the time with her.

I would also like to say that once a cheater always a cheater is a false statement. Now I have never cheated on anyone and hopefully never will so can't be 100% sure but I do know that just because people have cheated for whatever reason they might not...sorrry...won't if its someone there really hard core about someone who they can't afford to lose because if they do there world is destroyed so just because someone cheated or made a mistake in there life doesn't mean they will always do it.

Have you ever made a mistake? but later stopped and never made that mistake again......I have and guess what Im sure you have too people can change its not easy but its possible and they will change if they really want to. Keyword IF.

The cheater statement was not aimed at you, it was aimed at this girl who has a fiancée and in my experience of men who have done this to me, they never change their spots. My ex is with another girl now and is doing to her what he did to me and he has a proceeding line of women before hand who is also did it too. But lets not loose site of the important thing here.

People come in to our lives all the time, some stay forver, some stay for a short period and some come and go. The reason they all come into our life is to help us out of a tricky situation, to teach us something about ourselves or about life, or to be there for us.

This girl obviously landed on your doorstep to teach something about life and about yourself. This is always a good thing and aids you in becoming a much better and stronger person (even though you were a great guy anyway) - but there is always room for everyone to improve on something as no one is perfect. This is why you don't regret it and on the other hand you have done nothing wrong anyway. She has made a mistake cheating on her fiancée and fingers crossed that she has learnt something out of all of this and hopefull will do the right thing by her fiancée and come clean. Staring a marriage based on lies or deception leaves only one thing - FALIURE!!

Your feelings are all mixed up because you have never done anything like this before and even though you don't feel bad about it - (which you don't need to anyway) you need to realise that this is a turning point for you and the only way to go now is forward - you are taking the first steps into shaping yourself as a person!!

That was the most interesting and straight forward thing I have ever read and well how very well written

Well it came to an end the enjoyment, the out of the blue activities and well she decided tonight that she's going to try to work things out with her fiancé and well were not going to be sleeping together obivisoly I can't say I didn't see it coming but there was a little hope I had of something else happening but I guess not, now I have to get on with my life but its tough because I really like the company and companion ship its not event the sex that matters it's the talk and the time spent together but now I have no one to share my life with and well Im the kind of guy who needs someone weather its just a really good friend or something more I just want a girl to hang out with. SO NOW WHAT DO I DO?

Whenever you get that "urge" just take a peek down at her finger and look at her ring. That's what I did, and found it to be kind of funny afterwards.

Yes you like & want the companionship and the closeness with someone - you do not want the girl. Why don't you just stop seeing this girl so much and get out there and meet other people. Find that certain special someone to have companionship & closeness with, someone who isavaliable and able to give you back what you give them.

that was the most interesting and straight forward thing I have ever read and well how very well written

Thanks - I am glad I was able to help. I am a very blunt and down to earth girl. I always tell things like it is. That's why my friends respect me so much and always come to me when they want an honest perspective or namely the truth.

If my friends look awful in somethig, I won't sit there and be polite and say "Yeah y look great mate" - I will be blunt and honest "You look terrible, seriously mate need to change that top".

That's just me, straight to the point and honest! I could never let my friends make a fool of themselves and they would not respect me for letting them either.

*this is more angled at an earlier post than it is at you, wrongful*

The only issue I have, and I guess its just my opinion, is the early posts that said you did nothing wrong, you're single and can sleep with whomever you want.

If you are willing to say that as long as you are not in a committed relationship you should be able to have sex with whomever you want, married, engaged, bf/gf... then that shows a lack of respect for the trust and honesty that comes with committment.

I know. It's the other person who made the commitment. You are aiding and abeting in a moral downfall. Unless they lied to you and deceived you, you are taking part in an act that is generally looked down upon. When people have a relationship like this for a long period is called being a mistress (sorry, don't know the guy term... maybe that's the key... the guy gets off easy? )

Look, I'm so not generally an uptight person when it comes to intimate relations. You have the freedom to do with your body as you wish... but don't act like a meaningful relationship is only to be respected and honored when it is yours. Just because someone else decides to do something that is morally corupt (cheat and lie to her fiancée by lack of admission) does not give anyone else a "free pass".

Do these actions hurt someone? Yes. They hurt the fiancée. it is a lie. Maybe the fiancée will never know. Then that means lies don't count if they're kept secret? Maybe the relationship is going to end anyway? OK... perfect. You still are treating another human being with disrespect and helping perpetuate a lie. So how long is it acceptable to perpetuate this lie? One day, a week, a year? When exactly does it become a bad way to live your life?

I'm not saying you're a morally bankrupt person, but please don't walk away from this thinking its just fine and good to go get a piece, regardless of the price some other person has to pay. Not a proud nor honorable way to be.

If this is what it took for her to not marry a guy she shouldn't... well, that's a silver lining... but it doesn't remove us from the responsibility of being decent people who should at least try not to do such things.

Your original post shows you're struggling a little.. and also in later posts its clear you're not comfortable with this being a mode of thinking... I think that's good. I just took exception to the "you did nothing wrong" statements early on...

Well this weekend I hung out with her just as friends we didn't do anything but the funny thing is when I was out with my other friends it seemed like she wanted me to be with her I think she misses me as weird as that sounds and well right now I have no idea what's going to happen but I will have an idea next weekend as she is going to tell her fianece so until then Im just going to stay on hold unless something's happens I think I'll just let life happen but when I know for sure then I might start searching again until then life will just run its course

If she is going to be honest with her fiancée and has said she wants to work things out with him, then I would not hold your breath. She has made her decision and even if her fiancée cannot handle what's she's done and decides to break things off thast does not mean she will fall into your arms and even if she does it will be for all the wrong reasons and more a rebound thing. You have to remember it does not matter who breaks off a relationship - the two people involved still have to adjust to not being together and adapt their lives.

I would not waste any time on this girl. Let her sort her life out and just get on with living your own. Life is too short to be dangling on a thread and to not where you stand. Just take control and move on!!

No u"re not a bad person, since she's engaged I think she should know better, so its not your fault, all I'll say is you should try to avoid this kind of thing next time. Have fun o.k

So a week ago I posted a post asking If I was a bad person, because I slept with someone else's fianece. She made the starting move and I declined but she kept trying and well I gave. Anyway the new, news is that we have still been hanging out and well the other day she said I LOVE YOU. She also said that she wasn't suppose to fall in love with me but she did and well she's telling her fiancé tomorrow as seeing as he's coming down to visit her. Now as for what's going to happen I have not a clue but I'm supprised she said I love you I thought I would crack first but I didn't and don't want to tell her I love you back until I know what exactly how I feel. I think its love but not 100% sure. All I know is it's a feeling I have never had before in my life. I would also like to note that seeing as I knew and know her for awhile or know her friends I know that this is not something she normally does nor has ever done in her life. What do you all think?

If you want to explore this relationship do so with open eyes.She cheated on a fiancée with you so I wouldn't rush headlong into anything on just a gut feeling (LUST). I personaly wouldn't believe a thing she says but I can tell you won't listen to that advice! So go slow and protect your heart and don't just give it away to be stomped on. YOUR choice.:cool: :eek:

Once a cheat always a cheat - just remember that. She cheated on her fiancé with you. She probably told her fiancé she loved him too (once upon a time) and still slept with you!!

HI,
Many say "I love you", and really don't even know the meaning of the words... it takes time to know if one really loves another. More time for some; like a couple of years. Less time for others, maybe months.
"Infatuation" seems to be the word for some, when they think it's love.
Give this some time, a few months, before you decide one way or another.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Is there more to the conversation? You said you two have been friends for a while-has it been years? Maybe she has loved you for a long time but never knew how to tell you...
Then again, some people really think they are in love with someone, and then as time goes on, they begin to realize that maybe they don't. Like the others are saying, just be careful and go slow with this one.

As I always say - once a cheater - always a cheater. I have never seen a cheater stop cheating. It's a gene built into them and they really show no remorse. I am sure she hasn't told she feels bad being with you because of her fiancée.

This is LUST AND SMITTEN... nothing more. Love takes MONTHS to grow.

You don't know this person.

I've known her since like grade 1

Yeah right. If you knew her well, you'd know not to get involved with her.

Let me guess... she's still engaged!

You're such the guy for her, that she's still engaged! The old I have to spare his feelings or I am confused or how about I don't know how tell him.

How about, maybe she used you?

She just told him tonight because he just came into town and I don't know the outcome yet I'll find out in the morning, but no matter what I don't think she used me and well if she did maybe there was a reason for it. Like a life lesson and its one I won't regret and definitely learned from, or maybe its more maybe she's breaking it off with him, maybe something might happen, maybe not you don't know and neither do I so don't assume anything. I learnt that the hard way. People change, don't assume the worst its not always like that in fact usually its no where near as bad as you think it is. And I did know her for as long as I can remember but that doesn't mean that I would stay away from her I liked her before and well maybe something told me to get involved. I believe everything happens for a reason so whatever reason this was for Im not sure but I will find out one day and until then why do you have to be so harsh. Look at it in a different light and think before you open up your moulth.

A lot of women want or need that one last fling - MEN AS WELL. Marriage is a lot bigger commitment than you think... people get scarred and run to the arms of the next person... and cheat. Seen it MANY times.

You've taken one side and keep defending this gal (a gal I wouldn't have ANYTHING to do withever) - the gal I suspect, and this why I am harsh, will break your heart. You're defend a liar and cheater - not good qualities you want in a relationship.

I suspect she gets married.

Why is it that everyone takes things the wrong way. Is it me or is it a common thing people do? And why do people do it man urg. Any answers?

And why is it girls always take there best friends side or there closer friend come on pick the side that is right or better yet stay out

I don't see the point in living however would never kill myself but really what's the point. Let me explain in my own words. Jokes, all jokes in one way or another are exactly the same. Your everday activities will never be different and in a sense may be different but the same type of things. We work to hard to make a dollar but unfortunitly the dollar doesn't go very far so we have to work harder to make two dollars. But yet again that still doesn't get you very far.

You always have to be scared of what you say because no matter how mean or nice it is to one person its trouble and well no one takes it the way it was meant or turns it into something else and makes you the worlds worst person. Really why live when its just bull **** that you have to live with. Problems everywhere, problems at the work place, with relationships, with everyday life.

However with all this said I love life and treasure it I just want to know the true meaning of it I want the perfect life and maybe Im living it who knows all I know is right now I want that perfect girl to go through all these fun, hard times with.

Like I said I do treasue life and will always but what's the true meaning behind it?

One more point or opinon I have is granted if life were perfect it would be very boring. Does that make sense?

It takes quite a bit of maturity to accept criticism graciously. It also takes a certain amount of self-esteem to be able to hear something you don't agree with and not automatically take it personally or lash out. Perhaps the people you associate with are not very mature yet (maturity comes with experience), or they have poor self-esteem.

However, it could also be something that you're doing... you might be saying things in a way that comes across as rude or insulting, and therefore people are taking it badly. Sometimes things are best left unsaid.

I would say people take their friends' sides because that is who they feel most loyal to, and they are showing or "proving" their friendship by siding with them. They may also be afraid to lose their friend if they don't defend them.

Everything I've said has been pretty general though; do you have a specific circumstance here that you're talking about? That might help you to get a better answer from people here on the forum.

We “take things the wrong way” when there is miscommunication.

Miscommunication can be caused when the sender provides incomplete, vague, or mixed messages. It also is greatly influenced by the receiver's perceptions, emotions, bias, and - as you mentioned - social pressures.

When someone takes you “the wrong way”, they are interpreting your message differently than you expected.

Words alone make up about 7% of our communication. The rest is vocal tone, body language, and other "stuff" that influences the communication. This is why e-mail and other “text only” inter-personal communication can be so frustrating - You have no idea whether the person is being playful and fun, or serious and insulting.

HI,
You said "everyone takes things the wrong way".
Some people do, because they hear what they want to hear, maybe not really listening to what you say.
A girl's "best friend" is someone she can talk with, anytime, about anything. Same goes for boys, too. Many think they like someone, then find out they don't; and start looking somewhere else.
The gossip that goes on between people, eventually becomes less and less, when they find someone they really care about. It will happen for you, so just give it some time.

Hi,
How old are you?
I am 64, married for the first time at 24, divorced after 7 yrs, then remarried now for 29 yrs.
Life is what you make it. It treats you the way you treat it. Your future depends on what you do now.
Make any sense?
Life is as wonderful and fun as you want it to be. Girls come and go as girlfriends, and one day, you will find the one that is just right for you.
I am not scared or afraid of what I say to others. I have a lot of friends, and treat them with respect, caring, love, understanding, and they treat me and my wife the same way. If they don't, then we aren't friends anymore... find new ones. You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please everyone all the time... that's a fact, and was stated by, I think, Abe Lincoln.
I don't really think that "life can be perfect"... it's what we make it. It's not what happens to me today, it's all in how I react to it. If I can do something about it, then I do it. If not, then move on to the next issue.
Learning about life takes awhile, with patience, and trying new things. Even some need "attitude adjustments", accepting new ways of doing things, before they get better.

... I want that perfect girl to go through all these fun, hard times with.

Loneliness can lead to depression. I understand that perfect is what seems right to you. But sometimes in life we have to compromise in order to make headway. Also, what seems right or perfect for us when young gradually changes with time. True, it's nice to have a good-looking girlfriend. But it's also nice to have one who has a good sense of humor, is patient, kind, trustworthy, and faithful. Sometimes these qualities are possessed by a girl whom you might not meet our physical preferences. At other times the ones that do are in love with themselves. In short, the full package is very rare. That's why a flexible attitude is very important. It provides us with more options.



What is the true meaning of life?

We add meaning to our lives by means of deciding and acting upon that decision. In short, we have the power to make life as interesting as boring as we choose to. A medical doctor finds meaning to life in his work. He studied and by studying created his own identity. Animals don't have that choice. For example, a lion is destined to be a lion and cannot choose to be anything else. We humans, however, do have a choice and it is that power to choose that makes us unique.



BTW


From a biblical standpoint the meaning of man's life is to do God's will.

Ecclesiastes 12

13 Now all has been heard;
Here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
For this is the whole duty of man.
NIV

Always give a person the benefit of the doubt BUT then again always keep your eyes wide open... don't be silly!

Why is it girls hate guys who are clingy but after dating for awhile are clingy themselves? What exactly do girls really consider clingy and do some misinterrput the saying? Is it a bad thing, and how can one stop?

Also why is it everyone today is in a mood? I went to sleep for about 3 hours woke up and well everyone was mad at something or other and Im apperently an *******. Man I'm lost, and need to find my path back to the big trail.

Easy bud. Things don't always work out the way we want them to, but somehow they seem to workout in a way... Im not sure how or why they do but... whatever. I would say I agree with you on a few things. Girls want a nice, caring guy that is blah blah blah, but they don't... Im going through the SAME THING. Don't worry about people being in "a mood" it happens to the best of us. You can stop by taking a step back and calming down your emotions for a min. You sound like a young guy (high school maybe?). You are doing VERY well though man. Just take things in stride. Don't push to hard, do your own thing for a little and make YOU happy. I don't think you can misinterpret "clingy". If you feel like you need to be around someone to be truly happy, thaen BAM... your clingy. Not a bad thing, everyone goes through it at one point or another, but if you woman is telling you this and you are still together, you have a chance to make it right. Just do your own thing, be your own person, and HAVE FUN!! Be true to her, and honest with what you are doing. You don't NEED anyone, you WANT them. You will do just fine bud, just take a step back (dont be a jerk) just be busy and find things to do. Best of luck to you!

Nice of advice. Thanks

I guess Iam young but definitely not in high school Im 20 next month. Im not currently with this girl in fact I well long story and that's another issue. I do feel that I need someone there all the time and maybe your right I don't need them I want them. But I get so lonely by myself and I just need more people to hang out with on a regular basis. Man life sucks, but it doesn't. Hey has anyone ever thought of doing something that would totally mess up your life but do it to in the long run save others even though you might die on the way? I don't think I could do it but I do think it would be interesting it's a long story if your interested I may explain

Also why is it everyone today is in a mood? I went to sleep for about 3 hours woke up and well everyone was mad at something or other and Im apperently an *******. Man I'm lost, and need to find my path back to the big trail.


Hello there!
Haven't read everything yet, and people are maybe moody. But MAD at something?
Well, I dddo have to take a closer loo!
Bye noe, and stay well,
Millie:)

I don't think I could do it but I do think it would be interesting its a long story if your interested I may explain

Please do!
Millie

Hi, Wrongful,
From your comments, you are 20 yrs old. Are you going to College? Have a job? What do you do all day long?
It's hard to give some suggestions without knowing any kind of daily routine. The best I can say without that information is to meet new people. Getting in a rut can happen, and only YOU can get yourself out of it.
Life is really "just one day at a time", making things happen. Take control, meet some new people, and start enjoying life, instead of letting it take control of you. I do wish you the best.

I work everyday. I guess you could say I started my career I have a good job and its secure and I make more then enough money I work from 7:30 to 4:30 mon-fri and well I love the work environment. I don't go to college one day might but not for years. So bascially all day I work sleep eat and whatever else happens.

I just got out of a serious relationship with my ex girfriend after over 3 years and now well I just need someone to hang out with like someone to care about or someone to be by myside for moral support. I need someone a friend to do something with. I feel empty is it because Im lonely and what would or could I do to solve this and get that empty feeling filled, any ideas. Its been nice lately I have been hanging out with this girl lately she's perfect someone I can hang out with someone I can talk to and someone who's going to be there for me the only problem is she's moving and she's engaged well she might be breaking the engagement off but she's still moving she likes me and I like her but nothing will happen I wish I could just find someone I could be good friends with someone who I can talk to and hang out with... Man Im lonely any ideas?

Easy man, It NATURAL. You were in a pretty long relationship, so its natural for you to feel like things are not right every now and then. Do you not have any friends you can hang out with? If not, then go out and meet some people. Maybe from work or something. Ive been single now for about 7 months and I get lonely now and then, but that's OK. You need to be conforitable alone BEFORE you get together with someone. Are you not the same person that posted the "clingy" thread? If so, this should be an eye opener. Im not trying to put you down or anything, just trying to help you see some things. DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE THAT IS ENGAGED!! She is not going to leave him for you, and if she does, will you really trust her not to do the same thing to you? Sounds like you LOVE attention from women, heck we all do. You need to calm yourself down a bit. How long have you been out of your relationship? I bet not long enough. It took me about 3 months or so to get comforitble with myself, but I did it, so can you. Also, from my experience, you never find someone when you look. Take it easy and just meet some new people, network. If not, you will be right back where you are now in no time.

I have friends but they were the same ones that my ex girlfriend had so they hang out with her and well you get the picture. About the whole trust thing if she did break up with her fiancé, the answer is yes and I have a logical reason for saying that answer. Here is my explanation, I used to believe that once a cheater always a cheater, until I realized that if I believed that then I would also have to believe that people couldn't change. Well people can change its hard and you have to want to, but it can be done. So with the whole trust thing if something did ever happen I would trust her, because I believe that she doesn't really love this guy because if she did she would never want to lose him or do anything that could possibly lose him. In other words I believe if someone loved someone so much no matter what of there history they wouldn't cheat. And well yea I would trust her I would have no reason not to. Right after she cheated she told him the next time she saw him. So I give her credit for that its not like she tried to hide it from him. I really respect that and because of the quality I could trust her because if something happened she would tell me the next time she saw me so yea.

HI,
Be thankful you are having issues with adjusting from losing a girlfriend; not a Divorce!
Calm down some, date other girls. Dating someone who is engaged is only adding more confusion. Meet some new girls.
After my first 7 yrs of marriage ended in Divorce, it took about a year to be ready for some "serious" dating again.
Give yourself some time, maybe a few months. Many of us like living with, or having someone. If it doesn't work out, then find someone else.
Best wishes.

Perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Just got to keep your chin up, stay busy and give yourself some time to get over your ex.

Soon you will find yourself again and find doing things on your own as an individual is not so bad. Once you are content with yourself and your life a special girl will come knocking when you least expect it.

At the moment you are just rebounding - give yourself some time, concetrate on keeping busy (your fav hobby etc) and things will get better.

I can't add a lot to the very good advice already given except to be patient and have fun!:cool: :)

Get a dog. ;)

Really. The unconditional love of a pet, and the time and effort required to take care of "another living creature" does a lot for a person. It helps with healing your soul, and filling the void of "need".

I guess it doesn't have to be a dog. A cat or bird or even fish can help you do the same thing.

For a single guy though, I think a dog is best because walking your dog in the park is an awesome way to meet women!

Staying at home, feeling lonely and lost will only lead to depression. Go out and meet new people, find a new club or social gathering and start new.

A pet is not a bad idea, but if you travel, make sure the neighbor that takes care of it is of the opposite sex and a likely candidate, it might get to be more than that of a pet-sitter. Most single people who watch you pets will get to learn about you and how you keep you 'home' while taking care of them, and just might surprise you with a warm welcome.

Good luck,and keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

Ok I posted about how me and my ex broke up after three years. Then I posted about how I was kind of hooking up with this girl who had a fianece, I know I shouldn't have. Now she moved away and well I'm all alone I need to make friends and take life slow but I need friends sooner then later because being alone sucks any ideas of ways to meet new people or to get the balls to start talking to random people without them thinking I'm a creep? Need help.

signed
Wrongful Hurtings

It sounds like you need time for yourself to re-discovery your inner self. Being alone should not equal lonliness, company is great but it should not be your source of fullfillment. Instead of going and making friends, I would suggest you take that time and do things that will be beneficial to your spirit and in this process you will make genuine friends. Do something you love, go and join a gym, or yoga classes, become coach, etc. whatever it is that gets you into your comfurt zone and helps you re-connect and discovery your inner self!

I'm told that a lot its not that I want someone seriours or anything I just want someone to hang out with doing things with, it is no fun by yourself and considently that reply is what every girl has told me but not every guy in fact I don't think a guy had said that at all. HMmmmmm

Hi dude, you need some friends huh? I don't know how old you are but get a hobby or two and your bound to meet new people, instead of sitting around looking jump in with both feet and partisapate. Go to a gym, or volunteer for a good cause. The list is endless if you really think about it, so just because your alone is no reason to be lonely!:cool: :eek:

You do sound very lonely.
But searching for girlfriends is not your answer.
How old are you?
Im sure you're old enough to go out, get a hobby like the others said above, and take life as it comes, sometimes when u search for something or someone it never happens.
TC

I'm not searching for a girlfriend just friends and I'm not sure of any hobbies to take part in any other ideas

I need a miracle... god will you help me. I need to find myself and not be so lonely well its just a cry for help, really means nothing just feeling well empty inside I guess. I need some friends

You have got to listen... DO SOMETHING... go join a gym, volunteer somewhere,anything, it will get you in tune with yourself and help you meet people at the same time. Don't be a baby.. ive got news for you, your not the only person volunerble too lonliness.. we all fall in at some time or another. But it is only with our own will and strength that we can pull ourselves out of it. Go OUT and find yourself and in the process you will meet many wonderful people! Don't feel sorry for yourself... it isn't going to help you.

Wrongful hurtings, I understand that you've recently posted a similar message. If you are lonely you should avoid isolating yourself. Think about what is best for you. Do not wait for other people to visit you or speak to you. Try to talk to people you meet in public or in breaks at work. Also, find groups of people where you hold a common interest. For example you can join activities that you are genuinely interested in and enjoy - societies or sports. Feeling lonely is normal, it will pass.

Not trying to be mean here, but you are clingy... From ALL of you threads I have read they SCREAM "I need someone to make me feel important". What you need is to get comforitable with #1... psssssssssssssst that means YOURSELF! You should be happy with yourself, and if you ever want someone to RESPECT you, that is what it is going to take. You are sooooooo young and have a TON to learn. You have some acceptance issues with yourself and need to solve them before you get into another relationship. PERIOD!

HI,
I do remember reading some of your other posts.
Have you "gotten out", to be with others?
New friends can be found anywhere; such as Church, Food Stores, volunteer for hospital work, nursing homes, library, etc.
I do agree with other answers about "get out" and be with people.
SMILE, SMILE, SMILE, will show you like yourself and others will like you, too.
Talk about others, not yourself, when you meet someone. LIsten to them, and they will like you for it. Best of luck.

You need to think more highly about yourself, boost your self-confidence and get out there and meet people.
Moping at home on your own is not going to help u find people and nor will god. If you truly believe in God - God will help you only if u believe and you have the strength to help yourself.
Be strong and get out there, and be confident and independent NOT clingy and that puts anyone male or female off.
Good luck

How old are you?
If you have posted your age before, I am sorry, I forgot.
You really need to get out, meet people, make friends.
Ever thought of volunteering at a hospital, nursing home, library, or such?
SMILE, then Smile more. It shows you like yourself, and will make friends. When you talk with someone, talk about THEM, not you.
You can make more friends in a month listening to them, than in a year with them listening to you.
If you are not sure about any hobbies, then find some! You have to take some steps, if you want to turn your life around. No one can do it for you.

Ok well interestings threads however I used to be fine doing things by myself and Im OK now I go out and go for walks on the beach etc. but I still feel like I just need a best friend not necssary a girl and not necessary a girlfriend just a good friend that's all Im looking for I can and don't mind doing things by myself but I like to do things not always alone and well I lost my friends because me and my ex had the same ones and they took her side so now Im friendless I think people are getting the wrong message that Im trying to portray

I still think the advice in the former posts is very good.
You describe your activities, you "keep your head above the water"- it's not easy to lose all your friends.
But, every post advised you to join activities where you'll have a chance to meet people, and make new friends.
I have no idea where you live, it might be a small place where you'll meet the people who used to be your friends.
It might not be an easy situation, but there will be other people around as well.
Try to get involved in a great variety of activities, and I also think that volunteering (among other things) will improve your feeling:doing something for others, helping others, will make you feel great about yourself
Good luck,
Millie
:)

Listen to everyone and join something... and as far as you losing friends.. I always like the saying "you can't loose something you never had" I hope I am not being harsh... but listen to all the posts, where all saying the same thing!

When nothing changes, it usually means we do the same thing over and over expecting different results. Its really another way to be a victim of yourself, as strange as that sounds, which is NOT really a victim at all. Please visit a critically ill children's ward soon, for your sake. I would be interested in what you learned.

Why is that. Girls are attracted to jerks I know why but don't understand it. Also why is it a girl will jump on a emotion but if they think about it and know what they want they stall and maybe not take any actions. I have another question, this is for girls. Do you just do something because its easy like for instance you like this guy but don't want to be with him forever sorry you love him and already agreed to marry him but you change your mind would you leave or stay with him just because its easier, if so WHY?

People want what they can't have. My guess is that you are coming across a bit too strong buddy. Girls like the jerks, but they never marry them. Im not sure how old you are, but maybe you need to go for some older women. I have come to realize that girls 21 and younger are INSANE (sorry ladies, but you are)... ok guys too. I am 24 now and won't go younger than 22 PERIOD. You need to calm yourself down a bit and start liking yourself again. As for question #2... I have no idea what you are talking about... sorry.

Everybody is an individual you can't judge like that.
Yes teenage girls may fall for jerks and jack the lads you know, I did when I was 17, but hey that was surely short lived. But then again are teenage boys nice? NO.
Its all the growing up phase. Thinking you're an adult will in actual fact your just a kid, really.
Im 27 and I don't look back on my teenage years and say I won't go under that than because life is all an experience and you learn from your own mistakes.

Same goes for teenage boy jeffatl ;)

LOL! I know... I know. It does take maturity to get past those things in life. Boys and girls. I like what you said about "learing from your mistakes". That is REALLY important to maturity. I ALSO think that's what our friend here needs to do. Don't just shrug off things that heppen to you in life, good and bad. Learn from the things you go through.

Why is that. Girls are attracted to jerks I know why but don't understand it. Also why is it a girl will jump on a emotion but if they think about it and know what they want they stall and maybe not take any actions. I have another question, this is for girls. Do you just do something because its easy like for instance you like this guy but don't want to be with him forever sorry you love him and already agreed to marry him but you change your mind would you leave or stay with him just because its easier, if so WHY?

How old are you?

Since I can't express my agreement with KRS unless writing a post, I might as well add the following:
We have to be VERY careful making general statements like these, "wrongful hurtings".
There girls too, attracted to manipulative men, like butterflies to candles,then turn out with broken hearts and burnt wings.
As for the other part of your question, this is not so clear to me: do you mean that they seem to get deeply involved with someone, and only then stop to think?
If so, this is also a very general observation. It might happen that a person is attracted by someone, and then when they know each other better they have 2nd thoughts, or shall we rather say, that when the 1st excitement wears out, other things become visible, and people begin to consider a wider range of aspects.
Again, this is true for both sexes.
Good luck,
Millie
:)

I do see a trend where girls seem to go through a phase where they want to date the "dangerous" man. I think they feel "cool" by doing this. Invariably they get hurt (hopefully only psychologically) and realize a nice guy who respects you is the way to go. Sadly some become single moms during this time.

Hi, wrongful,
You have some good answers.
Just like to add that many teens go through the same thing. I don't know your age, but it's normal for teens, as well as some a little older.
With some experience with dating, you will be able to see it right off, and don't be that concerned about it.
You can CHOOSE who you wish to date, then you can choose if you want to date the same girl again.
As for marriage, or thinking about it, many don't even think about marriage when they are dating. It's only after some months with the same girl that you might think about it. It also depends on age. Teens should not be getting married! There is still too much to learn, people to meet. I do wish you the best, and good luck. Be selective.

There should be a law that you must be at least 40 before you can be married and no shacking until 60. That would solve all these relationship problems! :cool: :eek:

There should be a law that you must be at least 40 before you can be married and no shacking until 60. that would solve all these relationship problems!!:cool: :eek:

Like it - though it would be a world full of frustrated people :p

Women DON'T LIKE jerks one bit, believe me. A lot of times the JERK comes ascross a good guy for the sex. BUT, woman like jerks because they know they won't hurt their feelings when they dump them - or won't care about the jerks feelings. She doesn't have to worry about him.

Women worry that they will hurt the 'nice guy' too easily... (which generally ISN'T true)... but the nice guy does too much and she feels she can't throw a hissy fit if she needs to.

Yea but then other problems would occur... I'm 20

Yea but then other problems would occur........I'm 20

What other problems?

I don't know about any other girls out there, but I know for myself that all I have ever wanted was for a guy to love me and for me to love him. I never find myself attracted to the "Jerk" type, but somehow all the guys I date end up becoming a jerk. I don't go out of my way looking for a "jerk" they just seem to find me. So maybe girls aren't so much attracted to jerks as they just seem to accidenty fall in love with guys who seem nice in the beginning and then end up changing along the way. And as for the second question, I, myself, would never marry a guy that I did not love even if it was easier than ending it. Hope that helps. Goodluck!

Well I don't know the answer but I can say that I am one of these stupid girls!I am 20.I was fell in love with a jerk who was married and had a daughter and was 21 years older than me!but I closed my eyes and thaghut he is my reall love!
After a short time his wife underestod that I am her husband's girl friend and called me and menaced me!Finally I decided to stop this dating!With a broken hurt!
When I think a about my past I can't undrestand why I was fell in love this man!There wasn't any commen thing between us!But I loved him and liked he touch me,kiss me and say I love you!Now I am sure if he said I love you he was right!But he was saying it to my lips and body not me!
After all I think I love him because he exaclly said the distences which I loved to here!He has self confidence and tried to show me I can prop him!
I knew that I won't marry him but I was sure he is my love in whole my life!even I get marry with some one else!Any way now I am really sorry for myself!

Well, many of my friends, have informed me that this is the reason why many of my girlfriends left me. Generally they were all in their early 20's (I am 25) and were still in this "stage", I guess you could call it. I know many people on here, have related this to teenagers, but all the girls that I had experiences with were in their 20's. This is not to say that it isn't still a maturity issue, and that perhaps they have yet to really realize the value of love and a good guy, and I myself have never understood why they want the jerks. In my relationships, it has usually come down to it being a problem that I was willing to stick it out through thick and thin, and that no matter what, I was always going to be willing to work through things.

I am going to take a stab as for why they go for the jerks. I have heard many opinions from people, similar to some of the comments on here, that women want what they can't have. The jerk is usually the cocky, arrogant type, who think they are too good for people, and often they are very popular. And we all know how popularity can play a major role as well. Much like girls going for the high school quarterback, they want to have "the best". So that is what is appealing to them. They are in an energetic stage I guess, where they want a challenge, and when they wind up with a decent guy, they move on to another challenge. Another side I think is that if they are not mature enough to see and appreciate the love a good guy has to offer, then they decide they don't want to make an effort and therefore want to leave for a jerk, who won't care whether she says she loves him or not, or even really care about much of what she does, because he is too caught up in his own world. I guess in the first situation, women eventually get tired of challenging themselves, and then realize they want the nice guy, and in the second situation, they get tired of not being cared about, or they get hurt, and then they realize the value of a nice loving guy? Am I on the right path here?

Someone on here said that jerks are what women go after, but they don't wind up marrying them or staying with them long, and I guess maybe that is because they get hurt so much by them? Or maybe they realize how nice it felt to have the nice guy that was always there for them, and always reminding them how beautiful they are, whereas the jerks are not?

Someone on here said that jerks are what women go after, but they don't wind up marrying them or staying with them long, and I guess maybe that is because they get hurt so much by them? Or maybe they realize how nice it felt to have the nice guy that was always there for them, and always reminding them how beautiful they are, whereas the jerks are not?

Girls don't end up staying with jerks because, well, they're jerks! The bottom line is guys like that are phony, they have the tough-guy mentality but cry to their girlfriends in private. You know that saying that the loudest one in the room is the weakest? That's those jerks. As soon as the girl realizes that, she'll settle for the stable, strong, nice-guy. Unfortunately for us men, most women don't come to that realization until about 24, sometimes later.

On that note, start dating older women.