BlimeyLimey
Oct 25, 2010, 11:50 PM
I really need some form of honest opinion on this. Here we go:
Let me start by saying I am an unconditional lover. I watched my best friend and ex-fiance get married, because it would make them happy. I pushed another woman into the arms of a man she felt was better for her almost 3000 miles away from her. I have suffered immense emotional pain, but I still cannot bring myself to force someone I love to do something they don't want to do. And I never have. I love unconditionally, no matter what, even if it tears my heart out. With that in mind:
About three years, five months and 12 days ago, I started dating a wonderful woman. Our relationship was solid(We could talk about anything, made love like the sun burns hot, the world was our playground, ETC.. ) When she was sick with the flu, I spoon fed her soup, and took her to the ER. When her mom (Long story... ) kicked her out of the house, I moved her from her home to her friend's house, and stayed with her there as often as I could. When she felt bad about living with the friend, she moved with her aunt. Then to her uncle, and finally back home. I cared for her every bump of the way. Our main problem was about a year into it, when I had complications with a congenital heart defect. Doctors told me I had less than a year to live, and that there was nothing they could do. I traversed all over to find a doctor that could help with my heart, until I found a procedure which (If it worked.. ) could save my life. My condition was stable the entire time, I was never hospitalized and received mostly out-patient help. Thankfully the procedure took, and my life was saved. This took about four months.
In this four months I tried breaking it off with her multiple times,(Because I wouldn't be able to bear it if anything happened to her because I passed, and would rather have had her leave of her free will, rather than our relationship end because of my passing... ) and explained to her the situation. She called all over after me,(During the times when I would shut my phone off, just to try to get distance between us.) after a former best-friend (who had been trying to get into her pants the whole time... ) tried sowing seeds that I lied to her. When she couldn't find any proof,(Despite my invite to have her come meet with my doctor, which being in school she couldn't do.. ) she went to my mother who told her that I embellished my condition, which sent my girlfriend into a panic. She accused me of cheating and lying to her, and we fought on and off for months and months until eventually she broke up with me, and left me alone after four more months (total = eight.)
We didn't talk for about a month, and she randomly called me on accident and we started talking. We immediately re-sparked our relationship, which was immediate upon seeing one another again. The only obstacle was the fact she was seeing three other men. (Obviously she wasn't about to jump-back-in-the-saddle with me... ) All of which were seeing her only to have their carnal pleasures filled (Two of them broke it off after she wouldn't sleep with them... ) and the one she DID end up sleeping with lived with his gay father who he openly bashed about his sexual orientation and oftentimes lost his temper in public (A friend and my girlfriend were witness.). The entire time I was pushing her to do whatever made her happy. Which seemed to be with this man. When he would get angry she would call. I would talk to her, and picked her up when he dumped her at the side of a very busy, very dangerous road. She would not leave him for anything. Until he tried to force her to sleep with him.
Needless to say, after they broke up, he was dealt with. But she remained single for a while and I remained her retainer, best friend, and confidant. Recently we decided to get back together, and she refuses to believe against testimony from my family and friends that I was not with anyone during any point of the year and five months we were not 'together'. She also believes that I was lying about my medical condition, even though irrefutable proof has been presented and examined. We have not slept together in almost two years, five months, with varying amounts of intimacy. We're both in school, (I'm almost done.. ) and I really can't see my life without her, since she's been there through every event in the past.
Now:
-Am I crazy for sticking around this long? Is this time been a waste if after everything, I'm STILL here, and running her toothbrushes because she forgot hers at home, at 10PM? Should I maybe look elsewhere? Will my dedication be better rewarded by someone else?
-She constantly moves from being really close to pushing me far away. I understand her hesitance, but I really cannot take much more of the up-and-down game. I love her to death, but I swear to god the stress of never knowing if she's going to walk out is killing me, should I just go?
-I allow her to do whatever she wants (who wouldn't really... ) But when I decide I'm doing something, she gets angry and irate about it, almost attempting to leave, Should I continue to deal with this?
-I understand this next point, but allow me to re-iterate, I personally have had zero intimacy with anyone. Period. Male, Female, Monster, NOTHING. We've been making slow steps,(Kissing... ) but I feel like we should be further than we are. Am I wrong?
-We are both in school, and while I understand dedication to your schooling, she neglects meeting times during non-class times, or even appointments we both agree to make. I've often times been waiting for her for hours before I even get a text saying she won't be coming. She focuses on school so hard, and neglects me, yet does worse in school than I do... (She's An Enviro studies major, I'm in Medicine, with an equal workload.)
-We only communicate whenever it is convenient for her. I often do not text her first and instead wait for her to text me. I do not call her first, I usually wait for her to call me. Exceptions are when I get a break at mid-day, when I let her know that I love her, or a joke, to try to brighten the day. If she doesn't text me first, I never get a response. When we DO talk, it goes for hours on end. Is this natural, or should I just jog-on?
Let me start by saying I am an unconditional lover. I watched my best friend and ex-fiance get married, because it would make them happy. I pushed another woman into the arms of a man she felt was better for her almost 3000 miles away from her. I have suffered immense emotional pain, but I still cannot bring myself to force someone I love to do something they don't want to do. And I never have. I love unconditionally, no matter what, even if it tears my heart out. With that in mind:
About three years, five months and 12 days ago, I started dating a wonderful woman. Our relationship was solid(We could talk about anything, made love like the sun burns hot, the world was our playground, ETC.. ) When she was sick with the flu, I spoon fed her soup, and took her to the ER. When her mom (Long story... ) kicked her out of the house, I moved her from her home to her friend's house, and stayed with her there as often as I could. When she felt bad about living with the friend, she moved with her aunt. Then to her uncle, and finally back home. I cared for her every bump of the way. Our main problem was about a year into it, when I had complications with a congenital heart defect. Doctors told me I had less than a year to live, and that there was nothing they could do. I traversed all over to find a doctor that could help with my heart, until I found a procedure which (If it worked.. ) could save my life. My condition was stable the entire time, I was never hospitalized and received mostly out-patient help. Thankfully the procedure took, and my life was saved. This took about four months.
In this four months I tried breaking it off with her multiple times,(Because I wouldn't be able to bear it if anything happened to her because I passed, and would rather have had her leave of her free will, rather than our relationship end because of my passing... ) and explained to her the situation. She called all over after me,(During the times when I would shut my phone off, just to try to get distance between us.) after a former best-friend (who had been trying to get into her pants the whole time... ) tried sowing seeds that I lied to her. When she couldn't find any proof,(Despite my invite to have her come meet with my doctor, which being in school she couldn't do.. ) she went to my mother who told her that I embellished my condition, which sent my girlfriend into a panic. She accused me of cheating and lying to her, and we fought on and off for months and months until eventually she broke up with me, and left me alone after four more months (total = eight.)
We didn't talk for about a month, and she randomly called me on accident and we started talking. We immediately re-sparked our relationship, which was immediate upon seeing one another again. The only obstacle was the fact she was seeing three other men. (Obviously she wasn't about to jump-back-in-the-saddle with me... ) All of which were seeing her only to have their carnal pleasures filled (Two of them broke it off after she wouldn't sleep with them... ) and the one she DID end up sleeping with lived with his gay father who he openly bashed about his sexual orientation and oftentimes lost his temper in public (A friend and my girlfriend were witness.). The entire time I was pushing her to do whatever made her happy. Which seemed to be with this man. When he would get angry she would call. I would talk to her, and picked her up when he dumped her at the side of a very busy, very dangerous road. She would not leave him for anything. Until he tried to force her to sleep with him.
Needless to say, after they broke up, he was dealt with. But she remained single for a while and I remained her retainer, best friend, and confidant. Recently we decided to get back together, and she refuses to believe against testimony from my family and friends that I was not with anyone during any point of the year and five months we were not 'together'. She also believes that I was lying about my medical condition, even though irrefutable proof has been presented and examined. We have not slept together in almost two years, five months, with varying amounts of intimacy. We're both in school, (I'm almost done.. ) and I really can't see my life without her, since she's been there through every event in the past.
Now:
-Am I crazy for sticking around this long? Is this time been a waste if after everything, I'm STILL here, and running her toothbrushes because she forgot hers at home, at 10PM? Should I maybe look elsewhere? Will my dedication be better rewarded by someone else?
-She constantly moves from being really close to pushing me far away. I understand her hesitance, but I really cannot take much more of the up-and-down game. I love her to death, but I swear to god the stress of never knowing if she's going to walk out is killing me, should I just go?
-I allow her to do whatever she wants (who wouldn't really... ) But when I decide I'm doing something, she gets angry and irate about it, almost attempting to leave, Should I continue to deal with this?
-I understand this next point, but allow me to re-iterate, I personally have had zero intimacy with anyone. Period. Male, Female, Monster, NOTHING. We've been making slow steps,(Kissing... ) but I feel like we should be further than we are. Am I wrong?
-We are both in school, and while I understand dedication to your schooling, she neglects meeting times during non-class times, or even appointments we both agree to make. I've often times been waiting for her for hours before I even get a text saying she won't be coming. She focuses on school so hard, and neglects me, yet does worse in school than I do... (She's An Enviro studies major, I'm in Medicine, with an equal workload.)
-We only communicate whenever it is convenient for her. I often do not text her first and instead wait for her to text me. I do not call her first, I usually wait for her to call me. Exceptions are when I get a break at mid-day, when I let her know that I love her, or a joke, to try to brighten the day. If she doesn't text me first, I never get a response. When we DO talk, it goes for hours on end. Is this natural, or should I just jog-on?