I'm a 21 year old woman and I started to be friends with a guy a few years older than me online. We've known each other for about a month, mainly communicating through instant messaging since we live in different countries, an ocean apart. I want to get to know him better and considering trying to turn our relationship into a romantic one but one thing really bothers me:

He never initiates conversation.

Every couple of days or so I'll say hi and we'll IM for several hours at a time, we get along really well! I don't get why he won't contact me first though, if you like someone, even as friends, wouldn't you want to ask them how they're doing every once in awhile? We don't have to become more than friends but I feel like I'm bothering him.

I asked him about it and he said he thinks he'll be a bother for starting a conversation first. I don't really buy that and on second thought, was he trying to subtly tell me that I'm bothering him when I do it? I'm trying not to overthink things but I really like him a lot and want something to be done about this soon, lol.

What surprised me is the first day we started instant messaging, we got along so well, he even asked to talk on the phone with mics online! Strange because he doesn't seem so proactive now, it confuses me even more since he still IMs normally and with interest if I start the conversation first! Does he like me even a little bit or not?

Long distance relationships are hard, whether friendship or romantic. Especially harder when it is someone that you don't actually know and won't really have a chance to get to know since you are "an ocean apart". I mean, if there was a chance that he could come closer to you and be with you at least temporarily then something may happen between you two. If he is not giving you the necessary attention that you feel you need, then it might be because he has "real-life" things to be thinking about. Although the internet is great for keeping contact with someone, is hard to meet and actually getting to know someone through it. He might like you, but might not be really wanting to take this another level because HE CAN'T. At least not now.

Good Luck,

Javi

Its probably as he says, he doesn't want to bother you, and is shy, or he doesn't want an online thing, or he has things going on, or he doesn't want to lead you on, or, he wants to be pursued, or he knows nothing about you, and is afraid, or... there are so many endless possibilities.

Or he is a predator sizing up his victim. Be careful in the cyber world because whatever his reasons for his behavior, you are responsible for your safety.