Im 15 and my boyfriend is 17 and we've been together for nearly a year and I want to do sexual stuff with him but I'm scared too... I'm self conscious about my body and think I'm fat and ugly and everything and I don't know what to do about it because I'm scared he won't like what I look like... I know I'm ready for all this but my body just makes me self conscious, what should I do?

You should be more scared of becoming pregnant more than him not liking what you look at,
Just wait till you are ready to be a mother and can support yourself.

No, clearly you are not ready for all this. Not even anywhere near ready. You're only 15. If you were something like 20 and 22, or 27 and 29, the age gap would be nothing. But at 15 and 17, it's clearly too much.

Are you ready for a child? Or dealing with an std? Or what if he leaves after you begin having sex with him? Are you ready for that?

And being sexual with him is not going to raise or help yourself esteem.

What yo need to be doing right now is focusing on learning to love yourself and you school work.

More importantly, you could be risking a jail sentence for your boyfriend as you are probably underage.

Is your boyfriend pressuring you?

No, he is not pressuring me its just something I want to do, and I'm 16 soon anyway

But its not something you SHOULD want to do. Especially not sexual intercourse. NO one should engage in sexual intercourse unless they are ready to have a child.

When I was 22 and having my first child... I thought I was pretty young to be having a baby. In the hospital, there was a 15 year old girl giving birth too. The scary thing about it was that my boyfriend of two years didn't want the baby, but I couldn't give it up. That was 28 years ago... I don't think you are ready for sex especially if you have a low self esteem and poor self image about your body. Being "sexy" starts with having good feelings about yourself and the only way to establish that would be to remain a virgin until you understand the complex emotions that will come with your boyfriend dumping you once he gets what he wants. Ask him this... "are you ready for marriage"? If the answer is no, then he's probably not ready to accept the consequences of you becoming pregnant, should you engage in intercourse. Also, can you confide in a female friend or relative, even your mother about your feelings. You should not have such confusing feelings about sex at this age. Talk to someone closer to you, who knows you well.

To answer your real question, you should be proud of the way you look and not doubt yourself. If you want to have a more sexual relationship with your boyfriend just make sure to be protected so you don't end up making a mistake.

It is very contradictory to say that you are ready for "more" when you have not gotten over the innate fears that all people in this world have, which is being self conscious. Look at things from a different perspective, you being ready for more is good, but it takes two people to have intimate relations. Now, do you think that if you both are ready and he actually wants to have sex with you that he would not enjoy how you look? If he didn't like the way you looking whether your tall, short, fat, or skinny, then he probably wouldn't be with you anyway. Unless this is an online relationship, then he already knows what you look like and if he has been mentioning sex then he obviously likes the way you look enough for him to want something more than a friendship with. I don't want to come off as someone who is pushing you to have sex, because I believe that the only person that decides that is you, and the person who you are with. But if you want to, then DO IT! And also, if you decide to do it please use protection as pregnancy and STD's are always a problem within our age group, use a condom even if you are sure that he doesn't have an STD, and if you are on birth control it is your choice and your risk because even though it is 99.9% efficient it only take the 0.01% for you to get pregnant.

Good Luck,

Javi

To answer your real question, you should be proud of the way you look and not doubt yourself. If you want to have a more sexual relationship with your boyfriend just make sure to be protected so you dont end up making a mistake.

Are you really encouraging or even condoning a 15 yr old to become sexually active? That is VERY imperfect advice! We don't do that here!


I don't want to come off as someone who is pushing you to have sex, because I believe that the only person that decides that is you, and the person who you are with. But if you want to, then DO IT!

You may not be "pushing it" but you are, at the least, condoning it. And that is irresponsible. You may "believe" that only the participants can decide, but the law says otherwise. The fact is that most teens are not emotionally prepared for the complications that becoming sexually active involves.

Sorry if you don't agree with me, 17 with 15 is not breaking the law, and I am not condoning it, I am just making sure that if she makes whatever choice she does, then it will be better to recommend to be careful about it, since it is her choice.

Information is better than telling her she doesn't have a choice about what to do with her own body, and I think we are entitled to our own recommendations on this forum, since it isn't a discussion. God Bless America.

Comment on ScottGem's post
Sorry if you don't agree with me, 17 with 15 is not breaking the law, and I am not condoning it, I am just making sure that if she makes whatever choice she does, then it will be better to recommend to be careful about it, since it is her choice.

Information is better than telling her she doesn't have a choice about what to do with her own body, and I think we are entitled to our own recommendations on this forum, since it isn't a discussion. God Bless America.

How do you know it isn't against the law? Without knowing where the OP lives you have no idea what the laws are that govern. The fact is that most places set 16 as the age of consent! Its one thing to recommend safe sex if she chooses that route, its another to condone that choice. That's what you did and that is irresponsible.

And yes she does have that choice, but that doesn't mean it would be the right choice, hence condoning that choice would, again, be irresponsible.

Yes you are entitled to your recommendations which is why I didn't give a negative comment. But that doesn't mean I can't label that recommendation as I see it. However, we pride ourselves on the quality of the advice we dispense here. And condoning teenage sex is not quality advice.

You are right that I don't know where the OP lives, but in the US, I believe that (and correct me if I'm wrong) there is a 36 month law that allows you to sleep with anyone within 36 months of age or less. So it wouldn't be illegal.

And again... I was not condoning it, if she wants to do it... it is simple, she WILL. So why fight it? Better to educate about risks and how to prevent bad things than to try to change her mind. Considering that she fells ready to do it already!

but in the US, I believe that (and correct me if I'm wrong) there is a 36 month law that allows you to sleep with anyone within 36 months of age or less. So it wouldn't be illegal.

You are wrong. Some states do have laws regarding the age gap, but the amount of the gap varies and not all states have such laws.


And again... I was not condoning it, if she wants to do it... it is simple, she WILL. So why fight it? Better to educate about risks and how to prevent bad things than to try to change her mind.


I believe that the only person that decides that is you, and the person who you are with. But if you want to, then DO IT!

Sorry, but both of the above quotes DO condone it! It IS better to fight it! Its better to say "this would be a mistake, but if you want to risk ruining your life then at least minimize the risks." One can educate without condoning. You aren't doing that.

But who are you to say what she can or can not do, if she feels she is ready then she may go ahead as long as she knows what might happen and stays protected, I am not saying it is right for her to do that now but its not your choice to make, its her own and all I advised is that if she were to do it, then to make sure the mistakes that could happen if she doesn't stay protected.

but who are you to say what she can or can not do, if she feels she is ready then she may go ahead as long as she knows what might happen and stays protected, i am not saying it is right for her to do that now but its not your choice to make, its her own and all i adviced is that if she were to do it, then to make sure the mistakes that could happen if she doesnt stay protected.

So, if she wants to commit murder, or rob a bank, would your advice be to go for it, if she feels she wants to than she should go ahead, as long as she knows what might happen? After all, it's her choice, right?

Just like murder, and robbery, there are laws about underage sex. In effect you're telling her that it's okay for her to break the law, that it's no big deal.

Are you all starting to realize why this is not good advice? She's 15, and it is not legal for her to be having sex!

On this site we never advise children to have sex. We counsel, we listen, we give them the facts, but we will do not encourage illegal activity.

Growing up as a teenager, you want to try more things going through puberty, its common for most teens to try sexual intercourse, that's why they use protection, because they are not ready for a child. Im not saying for her to go out and do this but if she were to decide to do such a thing, to understand she could end up having a child and to at least be safe.

If you are questioning ANYTHING about it, you are not ready! The way you feel about yourself will be in someone else's hands and that is not any position to put yourself in. Most girls your age are not ready to have sex. It is pressure, emotions, and responsibilities that you do not need to be dealing with right now. Please work on being happy with yourself. Hang out with your girlfriends and learn who you are and love yourself, inside and out! You do not need sex for that... you need healthy friendships!

Growing up as a teenager, you want to try more things going through puberty, its common for most teens to try sexual intercourse, thats why they use protection, because they are not ready for a child. Im not saying for her to go out and do this but if she were to decide to do such a thing, to understand she could end up having a child and to at least be safe.

There's no such thing as safe when it comes to sex. There are many members on this site that got pregnant even with 3 different forms of birth control. To say that using protection will prevent pregnancy is not accurate advice. Pregnancy can and does happen even with the best contraception.

The bottom line is this, she's 15, and in most states it's illegal for a 15 year old to have sex. Her boyfriend is 17, he could be charged with statutory rape, spend the rest of his life as a sex offender.

I guess my question is this. How much does she love her boyfriend? Does she love him enough not to put his life at risk? If she does, she'll wait. If she goes ahead with this anyway, not caring about the consequences to her and to her boyfriend, than she's definitely not mature enough to be a mother which means she's not mature enough to have sex.

Murder and sex are way 2 different things, I am aware that it is underaged. Im sure she's aware of that to, given saying that, she knows the consequences that may occur. Instead of everyone telling her not to do it, have you ever thought about her not listening to you? I don't disagree with you, but at least say if she decides to or not to be careful and safe about it.

Look, I hear that you are saying not all teenagers are going to listen to advice and we need to remind of safety. But I think what Alten and Scott are asking is that you be careful how you say things on here and the message you are giving across. The OP is asking for mature opinions, not the opinions her friends would be giving her, that is why she is on here. She is asking us as a mentor. So please respond in her best interest. Yes she may not listen, but at least you are helping her. She may need 20 messages that tell her to do the right thing... so lets support healthy boundaries. And you are trying to help, but careful of the message you are sending out. It did sound unhealthy and supportive of something that can ultimately hurt her. :( Do not get defensive about our recommendations. We are all here to help each other.

And if something is said that might be hurtful to someone, then we might say something. Just be careful. Thanks!! :)

It's a given that she should be safe if she decides to. I don't disagree with that, and I'm well aware that she probably won't listen to us, most teens don't listen to adults, they're bound and determined to make mistakes that could ruin their lives because they think they're mature enough to handle it.

Murder and sex are two different things, that wasn't my point. My point is that you're encouraging illegal behavior. Both have legal consequences. I will not tell this girl it's okay to have sex at her age, because it's not. There are certain lines the majority of people on this site will not cross.

In the end she'll do what she'll do, all I can do, all any of us can do, is give her the best advice we can. I don't think the best advice is telling her to do it. In fact, it's horrible advice.

but who are you to say what she can or can not do, if she feels she is ready then she may go ahead as long as she knows what might happen and stays protected, i am not saying it is right for her to do that now but its not your choice to make, its her own and all i adviced is that if she were to do it, then to make sure the mistakes that could happen if she doesnt stay protected.

Actually its NOT her choice. Until she is over the age of consent, she cannot legally make that choice. But even if it were her choice, that doesn't make it the right one. The problem is that your first post comes off condoning that she go ahead. Read my responses mmresd. I'm not saying what she can and can't do, I'm saying what she should and shouldn't do.

It is unfortunate that it is too common for teenagers to experiment with sex. That doesn't make it right! It means we should try to discourage it whenever we can. That's what you don't seem to get and what you aren't doing. The problem is not recommending using protection, the problem is condoning having sex. As I said previously, telling a teen it is the wrong choice but a even more wrong choice would be to do it without protection is the message, not the message you originally gave.

I honestly think you are too young to be having sex but if you want to that is your decision.
But
If you are uncomfortable with the way you look having sex with some one will not just boost your confidence. That should not be the reason for you to have sex. Sex is designed to reproduce not to boost your confidence in the way you look
So
Talk to him about it. Talk to your mother even. If you don't like something fix it. In a healthy way though.

i honestly think you are too young to be having sex but if you want to that is your decision.


Sorry that's wrong. If the child is under the age of consent then they are legally incapable of making that decision.