Well first off, I'm only 17 years old in high school. My ex and I were together for about 17 months. He is my first love, he was something different from all the guys I've dated because I used to care so much about looks, but for him it was different. He's not the best looking guy out there, but I truly fell in love with him. We lost our virginity to each other around our 1 year, and we were so in love. I met all his family members and they love me, especially his mom. But I never really introduced him to my family officially as a boyfriend because they don't approve of boyfriends. Everything was pretty good, but we did have arguments and trust issues..

Before we were got together, we were just friends. We met back in freshmen in one of the classes and he said he liked me back then, but I didn't notice him at all. Then sophomore year came and we were both in a program called Academy of Business and Finance so we had at least 4 classes together up until now. We used to talk to each other about our boyfriend/girlfriend problems so he knew a lot about my past. He absolutely hated my past, and the type of guys I was with. Before him I was a really playful and flirty girl, but don't get me wrong, I WAS A CLEAN GIRL. Just enjoyed attention and having a lot of guy friends, but most of them used to like me. At one point, during an argument about that... he called me a slut. But he, too, was extremely friendly with girls. I didn't mind it before but towards the end of our relationship I got really jealous and suspicious. At one point, while he was in summer school.. I checked his Facebook because he was beginning to distant himself from me (I know that was a big mistake... ) and I seen the message he sent to one of the girls that I went to middle school with.. He was like eager to have her come to class with him and he asked for her number. Then another messaged sent to one of the first girl he had a crush on asking for her number and they were talking about how they were glad they admitted to each other how they used to like each other. I was so furious but he was too because I snooped around his privacy.. We got through that though.

Did I mention.. we're both joining the Navy? Well yeah we are. I felt like we were going to go through everything together even while in the Navy, but I guess not. After arguments settled down and things were pretty smooth sailing.. we got into our last argument as a couple and it was over something STUPID. The end of junior year, I approached a recruiter from the Marines because I liked the idea of it and I brought him along. He was pretty pleased, but he wanted to check out the Navy because he has an aunt from there. So he did, and then he brought me along. I was more than pleased to have checked it out. So they took us in, but my process of enlisting was much faster and easier because I had no doubt in my mind. On the other hand, he stalled for a bit because he claims that he wanted to talk to him aunt about it first. I'm already enlisted.. 3 months ago while he's still here struggling to get a job in the Navy. He stopped contacting the recruiters so they used me as the messenger to know what's up with him. I told him to contact the recruiters because they need to hear from him and what he wants to do. He was upset because his date of processing kept getting pushed back. One of the days I reminded him to talk to them, then he snapped at me telling me it's none of my business and I need to stay back. That really pissed me off considering that I was trying to help him get enlisted.. we ignored each other for two days. Then I gave in and texted him about his actions and he blamed it all on me. He told me that I chose the recruiters' side and he was mad that I was getting mad at him for it. I told him that I was not taking anyone's side nor was I mad. Then he started telling me how that triggered everything and he realized he doesn't want a girlfriend anymore. I was so damn confused because we got into so many arguments that were much bigger than this and now out of no where this small MISUNDERSTANDING broke us up.

I was devastated. I apologized for everything even though I felt in my heart that I didn't do anything wrong. He never really apologized for ANYTHING.. he's really stubborn. I am the one who always swallow my pride, put it down on the ground and apologize and beg him to forgive me even though it was not my fault. I begged for him back, I told him I would change. Even that I wouldn't dress a certain way because he didn't like the way I dress because guys always stare at me. When I got with him, I gave up all my friends. I lost them all because I tried to avoid the arguments over who I was hanging out with.. so my whole life was him. He told me he was to be close friends with me, but I insisted that we can still do "things" together if he wanted. I know that was a bad idea, but if that was the only way I can have him then I was going to take it.. We tried to be "best friends" for the first two weeks after the break up but it turned out all bad. I constantly stared at him in class, tried to talk to him and about what happened.. I would follow him during events because he said I can since we are friends. One day after a school event.. I walked him over to where he was getting picked up and he gave me a kiss on the cheek and a big hug.. That made everything feel so good. But the next day, I had a pretty bad melt down at school. The night before I had a huge fight with my sister which made me feel so lonely because no one else in my house talks to me, I don't have a relationship with my parents, grand parents or anyone else except my sister and now I lost that too. During class.. he apologized to me saying he's sorry for doing what he did yesterday and trying to lead me on. While I had already had so much pain in me with my family, him bringing that up reminded me how alone I am and I broke down. While I cried next to him (cause we sit next to each other) in class, I looked up and seen him laughing at me. I asked him why but he just kept laughing. My teacher sent me home that day and is referring me to a counselor now.. But anyway, that afterschool I called him up asking him why he was laughing at me and he told me that I'm pathetic and that I'm being a baby. He kept yelling at me on the phone.. and I just felt like dying inside. He told me he didn't love me anymore and that he'll never look back on us, but then again I kept trying to convince him that he's saying all those things out of anger and there's no way he could have just stopped loving me in 2 weeks. I finally asked him what role does he want me to play in his life and he told me he doesn't want me to leave his life and that we should stay friends. But it's extremely difficult to stay friends with him especially because I have 3 classes with him and 2 of which I sit next to him. He's so good at acting like everything is okay, like I mean nothing to him and that was happened between us doesn't affect him. I told him I'm going to cut my contact with him now because he's fkd up towards me, but I still want him back after everything he has done towards me. I was so good to him, I sacrificed so much for him.. I always bought him presents with my saved up lunch money, I bought him shoes, clothes and other things that are worth a lot. I would make lunch for me and him everyday so we can save money cause he usually don't eat lunch. I even did something (sexual) that I strongly disagreed with but I did it for him, he knew how much I hated it. Now I feel like I'm never enough for anyone..

Hey navygirll, totally understand your situation, its very close to what I went through with a few guys. My first love, the rebound committed boyfriend, then my ultimate love of my life.. I can tell you straight up, Im good when it comes to this kind of situation. I will be upfront withyou, just like I wasn't, your not emotionally stable, but on that note, its okay, most of us are not, but overall its due to circumstances where we put our heart too far on the line. I am going to try to keep this short, but its not a short answer truthfully, you may have questions. Your guy has gone into his mental head, he is blocking his heart completely and is unaware, that's the simple way to put it. He will NOT see you, the way he did or come to his senses until something kicks him in the rear and it will NOT be you. You can't do anymore, in fact anything more you do for him or request will be total backfire. What's good is, once he realizes he still loves you, he will remember all the good things you did, all the love and support, gifts and such. They ALWAYS do, IF you do it correctly.. So myadvice is STOP being emotionally upset in front of him, it puts his heart behind a big fat wall because he actually does NOT want to see you hurting, guys are VERY sensitive, more than girls, but they easily guard their hearts faster and much bigger walls. Also, Don't try to make him jealous or leave him, or cut off from him, don't do anything or say anything that would upset him IF he loved you. Believe he does, he does, but this is the kicker, IF you two are not meant to be, you won't ever be. The good news is, IF you are you can feel comfort knowing he won't drop you fromhis radar,ever! HE won't truly move on, if he does, it WILL be temporary and you have to deal with it. You don't stay close to him if girls are in his life, but you DO stay his friend. Remind yourself, if you are meant to be, truly soul mate loves, he's not gone, just gone emotionally for now. The only way to get a true love back is just what I said. Stick around in his life, caring about him, not showing your emotional upsets, don't bring guysin his face but dating others wouldn't hurt, just understand his jealousy may suddenly rear, it's a fine line overall, that's why even now its hard to make this short, so anyway, do what I said, it sometimes takes months even longer, like years for a guy to see his real love was, and if he didn't lose you, whenhe comes to his senses he will worship you. OK, take note, again, this is ONLY ONLY if you are really the right loves, your true life partner and love, if you feel a profound void and heartache, and such, it could be, don't give up, don't run away, don't confide in him, just be there in his life, happily caring about your relationship, but do show him space if he's with another. Most relationships that aren't meant to be, if he gets with a girl don't last more than a couple years, less, if they have you to come to and see you as more fun, more comfort, more understanding, more there for him! Hope this seems clear, it's a simplistic endeavor with tons of trust and patience, but if he's worth it and you are sure he's your true etc blah blah, it willl eventually work itself out. No more focusingon all the bad or what you had, just look at what you have now, just having your true love in your life, is a blessing, even if you aren't together, you should want him happy more than anything. Don't be a client, maid, counselor, recruiter to him,OK.. only what I already stated. Lastly, whew, yup a lot like I said goes into this, you need to find more enjoyment with who you are, the more you feel grateful for things like him, your health, your friends, the better but also the more you look into things/activities that will help you heal emotionally. Cause this experience you have gone through, and will go through if you choose, is very VERY hard, so you need to learn to meditate, or do yoga, or more conventional like just relax in a pool or a flower garden, you MUST learn to relax and re-center your internal chaos. You have a lot of trauma and it will screw up your relationship regardless, your goingto have issues with him, after you get together, etc. Last thing I can say is, see the future, you with him, happy, feeel it in the NOW, and often thank the higher source/God/universe whatever you want to call it, thank it already for that, that feeling, that image, if you can't imagine it, good sign its not he your supposed to be with, just a hint. Good Luck!

I honestly think you would be so much better in your life without the burden of trying to please an immature guy who is lost right now.

You have been so willing to keep him that you have lost yourself conceding to his every wish and whim, only to be left an emotional mess, and alone. Truthfully, though you may have gotten joy from his presence, look at the price you paid for it. Not nearly worth it to me, as you have no other relationships with anyone that can help you now. No not worth being isolated, and unsupported to keep a guy that has betrayed, and ridiculed you (thats what vampires do, suck all the life out of you so they can be satisfied).

There never was you, and him together, but just him with you following, and doing for him. But that's in the past and as hard as it will be to accept, your very difficult challenge is building your own life that makes you happy. You no longer have his burden to carry, and can now focus on what's important for you, like family, and friends, and activities that benefit you. You can rebuild yourself from the ground up, and be the person you want to be.

Its hard to see, given all the feelings of hurt, misery, and the pain of rejection, betrayal, and humiliation, but you will not only survive, but thrive, without his azz sitting on your back, making you as pathetic and unhealthy as he is. That's my advice, think only of your healing, and rebuilding, and getting to know the real you, and getting healthy, and able to do your thing and follow your path, and be happy with who you are by being who you want to be.

Leave him to drown in his own S****T, and don't let him drag you down. You are better than that, and deserve so much more than he has given you which amounts to nothing but pain, and unhealthy behavior.

You are free to get your dignity, and self respect back. Do it!!

First of all, don't look through anything, and it is not just because it's going to upset him but also because when you do anything you see WILL be negative, no matter if it was a friendly request of obtaining a friend's number of inviting someone out to eat and talk if they haven't done it, you WILL see it as something bad. Second, you never "get over" something like that because it creates scars and your lucky if he doesn't lose trust for you because of it, I just got out a relationship and I made this same mistake. Third, when someone breaks up with you it's really rare for them to do it just because of one reason unless it is as crucial as cheating or something of that sort, so don't think that you broke up because of that one single dumb thing, that was just the drop that made the water spill. Fourth, it is one thing to support someone and try to properly promote an action at someone by recommending something if you know that it is something good for that person, but being pushy only leads to him being annoyed at him and might even feel smothered by you or by your presence since now he knows that you are going to be acting a certain way. Fifth, be strong and don't bow down to the ones you love, if you messed up then of course apologize, but don't ever beg anyone for anything, not only is it extremely desperate (which no person likes), but it is also very disrespectful to yourself. Sixth, a break up should lead to something along of the lines of what the words mean "break-up" it means that you have to break apart for you to feel better about what has happened or at least to cool off from it, so give him his space if you want any sort of hope at getting back with him, friendships are achievable with an ex, but first the guidelines about the "ex" have to be put into effect. Lastly, you are dealing with a guy that is being extremely disrespectful to you and doesn't even appreciate the things you do for him, so why keep doing it? Get over him ASAP.

Look, I understand from personal experience and from friends going through the same thing that you are going through that you might be feeling like it is IMPOSSIBLE to see a future without the guy who took your virginity (cherry popper) and the first love of your life. And in fact, that is the only reason why you are still wanting to be this guy who is being a complete ******* to you (pardon the french). Stand up as a woman, put your foot down, and instead of wasting all of your energy at trying to get something back that is completely NOT worth it use that energy to better yourself and give yourself time to heal, (yes, TIME, because that is the ONLY healing factor, there is no shortcut, there is no easy way, and there is nothing you can do make it happen other than keeping yourself busy) and you will see a change in you in how you look at things. For starters, you will see that life without a person that doesn't deserve you is actually nice to have, and when you do meet someone in the future that appreciates the way you are, and your beauty, you will look back at this incident and say "How could I have been so blind?!". So, go out there and do your thing, if you are to commit your time in something in the future, make sure that is something that brings benefits you in some way and makes you a better person, not something that brings you down and keep your mood dragging through the floor wherever you go.

Good Luck,

Javi

I have already told my story on my last question.. but I'm just wondering what the actions of my ex could mean?

I started the No Contact thing with him, deleted him of my phone, emails and Facebook. But he got really furious and my friend told me he was dedicating a song called Puke by Eminem to me. I was so upset that he would even think about that so I broke the No contact... I told him he was immature for that because I have never once talked bad behind his back and he's over here publicly talking bad about me. Then he brings up that he could careless that I went out to go get wasted with my friends last Friday. I told him he was being a hypocrite because the first weekend we were broken up, he got wasted with his friends then the same day I went out to drink, he got wasted too with a bunch of his girl friends. He was getting mad at me for drinking with my friends when he was the one who got wasted twice in the row after breaking up with me. Then he threatened to expose pictures.

I don't understand why he is being so harsh towards me when I had done nothing wrong. I'm the one who was broken up with and even though I asked for him back he rejected me. I told him that me deleting him off my Facebook, phone, etc was so I can get over him completely and heal. He said it was bull**** and that it made him sick. Now he said he never wants to be my friend again ever, that I don't deserve a guy like him in my life. I stayed calm despite all those harsh things he said and I kept telling him that he was saying it out of anger. I told him that I will always be here for him unconditionally and will love him always because he was my first love. Then he asked back for his teddy bear that he gave me. I even dedicated the song "Never Gonna Be Alone" by Nickelback, as a song to show him that I will always want him in my life later on, but for now I need time to heal. Now I am back on the no contact.

I just don't understand it. He was the one who broke it off with me and he kept telling me to back off and now he's acting like so harsh. By the way, he's a guy with A LOT of pride and ego. He will not apologize for anything even though it's his fault and he's not the type to ask a girl back. I appreciate some point of views. THANKS!

Now he said he never wants to be my friend again ever, that I don't deserve a guy like him in my life.

He's spot on in my opinion. You don't need someone like him as a friend or in your life.

You made a great start with the No Contact, continue it. He broke it off with you thinking he had the upper hand and because he's the "I'm all that" type, you'd crawl back to him, where in fact, you've gone "whatever" and thrown it back in his face and continued what he started.

Kudos to you! If he wants stuff back, do it in trade of your pictures. And don't drop yourself to his level to go get wasted because of him, seriously.. is he really that worth it? Because if he's going to treat you like trash now there's no guarantees he'll treat you any differently in 5 / 10 / 15 years time.

So many many MANY more great men in the world.


... he's not the type to ask a girl back

Be sure not to be the type of girl to grovel for this guy back!

You should have ignored him and kept NC. He acted an idiot when you were together so what do you expect now? Right more of him being an idiot. DUH!! Ignore him and his ego, pride, immaturity, or whatever else HE suffers from. He has never understood your needs, and he never will, so don't expect him too, just don't let him drag you down to his level.

I've asked two questions here already about my ex-boyfriend. It's only been a few days since I started No Contact with him because he tried to blackmail me with exposing our "things" and dedicated nasty songs about me and talked behind my back. So I decided, I don't need that in my life but I forgave. I told him we can be friends later on when I'm ready. We do go to school together and have 3 classes together and every time someone brings up the topic of girlfriends, he goes out his way to react with a disgusted face or words. Now he wants me to go out with him and our mutual friends on Friday to go out to eat. I should keep my distance, right? I'm just starting to feel fine without him.

Yes, I would say keep a far distance from him. You said that he blackmailed you, dedicated nasty songs about about you and talked behind your back. Why would you want to be friends with this guy? That doesn't make any sense. And now you said he wants you to go out together with mutual friends? Sorry, not sure how old you are but since you said something about being in school together, have you told your parents, a teacher, counselor? Sounds like bulling and that should not being going on. That wrong and everyone knows it. Seriously, tell someone.

Well we're both joining the Navy, we have the same recruiter and I told him about it. I want to be his friend later once Im completely healed because I know he was doing those things out of anger and he was my first love. Thanks, I won't go with them

Your ex needs to handle is anger in a more mature way... don't know how he thinks he will ever make it in the navy with that attitude.
Do not put up with this selfish jerk... Yes, keep your distance! Funny how he expects you to go out with him after the way he has treated you.

After the break up, he blackmailed me, called me names, dedicated hurtful songs to me, etc. I deleted him off my Facebook, phone and everything else, but I do have him in 3 classes. I just ignore him though. I'm starting finally feeling good without him, but at our homecoming dance last Friday.. he went because he knew I was going. He stalked me throughout the whole night.. he kept trying to dance with me, I gave in and we ended up dancing the whole night. He said it made him miss me so much, but we were still not in good terms. He said maybe now I can add him on Facebook, but I said we have to talk about everything first before that happens. We did, he claims he wants to get back because he loves me, but he can't because he will never swallow his pride for anyone. He says he realize that he's losing a lot by that and that's why it hurts him so bad. Before the dance, he talked to my friends saying he doesn't even want to be with me, but he still cares a lot about me and he wants to be my only man as in he doesn't want me to find another guy. Before going out with him, I was a very popular and well known girl. A lot of guys liked me.. even the friends he met through me used to like me a lot, but I didn't give them a chance, I gave him a chance though. He was just an average guy who was kind of the class clown. My friend thinks he got really cocky after getting with me.

Anyway,
I'm getting fed up with his bullsh*t because I was so damn good to him. Didn't lack on any parts; I gave unconditional time, support, love, lust, material things, cooking for him, etc. I was so loyal to him, I barely talked to other guys even those that were just friends. Right when I'm getting through my healing process, he comes back trying to mess my progress.

But the true question is, do you think that people with too much pride eventually realizes their mistakes? Or that pride is too powerful? All I want from him now is to realize that he was a dumbass for losing a girl who treated him like a KING. I don't care anymore if he comes back, but I want him to realize and suffer a little bit of the pain he put me through.

You could save yourself a lot of typing and repeating by responding on the same thread, instead of starting new ones about the same thing. Helps with the confusion also-Thanks.

To answer your questions though, doesn't matter what he realizes anything or not because, you have no control over his dumb immature azz, and he may not know how stupid he is until he is old, and alone. Don't dwell on him, deal with your own anger, and frustration, because you have total control over yourself, and how you deal with your own feelings, unlike the dumb ***, who doesn't have a clue.

Me and my boyfriend are both joining the Navy and we ship out in July. He doesn't want to try out the long distance relationship, but I kind of do. We been together for about one year and a half, will be two years by May. I know I should be okay with it, that he wants to not worry about temptations when he travels, because I will be on a ship full of men in uniforms.. and meet tons of guys also. But I still want to try. But my question is.. should I wait to see if he wants to try or break up now to make things easier? He said he wasn't saying no right away to trying it out..

Whoa, slowdown, the last post you made it was all about how terrible he treated you, and how hard it was to let go and move on. Fill us in as to how you got back together, and are all lovey dovey again.