My ex girlfriend and I were together for about a year. In that year, I was writing my graduate thesis and did not devote enough time to her. This last July, we decided on a mutual breakup since we both felt we did not wantt he same things. About three weeks ago we ran into each other at a local bar. We started talking and decided to hang out. From that point on we were spending a lot of time together and are now back together. After spending all that time with her I am so much more in love with her now than I was in our last relationship. I am able to devote more time, and by doing so, I guess I have given her more of a chance.

Anyway, while we were not together, She had slept with two guys. Now I know I am the pot calling the kettle black when I say that it bothers me that she did that when I am guilty of sleeping with two girls. However, for some reason, it bothers me to hear that she did it. Even though I was doing my own thing this last summer, why I am feeling bothered by what she was doing? How can I move on from those feelings and have a loving relationship with her?

You are intelligent and insightful enough to realize that your feelings are unfair, so that's a huge first step. I would try to find someone else to talk to before you explore this more with her, so that recriminations don't appear when you don't want them to. I wonder if there was anything in your background that was a typical double standard of your parents' actions or how you were raised. Also ask yourself if you feel a need to have a sort of equal exchange of stories with her about the other 2 people. You know what you did; you don't know much about what she did, and vice versa? Ask yourself if this is wise or if it is best left as is, and if you do both decide to share, make sure it's done in a clearly predefined way and limit it to a few basic facts.
Jealousy can be something we drag along with us throughout all relationships, or it can arise when something isn't right in just one. Ask yourself if you have some feeling that she had more fun, or was more in love, or doesn't care about you currently as much as you do her. But those are recriminations, so keep them to yourself or in talks with someone other than her.

Well she seems equalliy in love with me as I am with her. She has no problem with what happened with me over the summer since we were not together. All of this is in my head. It is a hurdle I need to get over. I have no intention of breaking up with her. What should I do to overcome this feeling pf jealousy? Keep in mind it is not an intense feeling, but it is enough to make my mind wander a bit.

When your mind wanders, get up and bring it back, by focusing on reality. Feelings are normal to have, and the problem comes when you sit dwell on the thoughts that cause the feelings.

Keep you attention on the now, what you have in front of you, and those distracting, annoying thought, and feelings get pushed aside for what's real.

They can only grow if you keep feeding into them.

Again I'd suggest that you examine your life to look for a double standard. If you don't care to self analyze, then busy yourself with the happiness of being with her, until the jealousy is gone. Talking about it with her (I wouldn't, not now anyway) is about the only other option. What are you hoping to be told?

Talaniman,

You make a great point. At times I am my own worst enemy. When we are together it is great and nothing about the time we were not together comes up at all. Any stressing I have done has been on my own when I am not around her. I am wise enough to know not to bring it up... so I just need to be pointed in the right direction on how to deal with this.

Joypulv,

I am a wishful thinker. I would love to be told that she missed me the whole time. Reality is that when people break up, we tend to move on. However, I feel that there might be some small truth to her missing me if we are currently back together and enjoying our time together.

Joe,

I am pretty sure you sleeping with a couple of women bothered her. It appears both of you are wise enough not to choose to discuss each others encounters.So when you start getting those jealous feelings remember that you sure in the heck don't want to have explain why,what,who your encounters were with, most importantly WHY.
Don't let an emotion like jealousy get int the way of happiness.