mustangsunny
Oct 18, 2010, 01:11 PM
My daughter has never met her father. He was not there when she was born. My son, however, met him when we first dated-he was three at the time and so I doubt he remembers him. He is now 11 and my daughter is 7. So my problem is two fold. My son has no contact with his father who was emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. I have terminated his rights. But it bothers him more being with out a father than she has ever voiced.
Two years ago her father tracked me down via my parent's home. I've always maintained an unlisted number and since switched to cell phones only due to my son's father. So when he called me there it was quite a shock. We spoke a few times but I was just starting a relationship and at the time my daughter was only 4 and I did not think it was a good time for him to come into our lives. That and I was admittedly still very angry that he bailed on us. He emailed a few times he says but I don't remember ever seeing one until I got one from his late this past August. I emailed back. And we started talking on the phone. Surprisingly we are getting along great! Better than great!! I'm not angry anymore and admitted to feeling bad about stopping contact before. And I think we've both just grown up enough to realize that we can still make things work out for the best. We want the same things that we spoke about when I found out I was pregnant before he bailed. He explained that he bailed because of issues with his step father and abuse and has since gone through some thearpy and knows he's made some mistakes but desperately wants to make this work.
I have set some ground rules he has to meet before meeting her and he is fine with that. He isn't working right now so I said get a job. He sold his car, I said get a car. And he's rooming with a friend, I said get your own place. He is working on all those things and has some interviews lined up finally. So we are getting somewhere there. But I still don't know the best way to go about this.
My family has helped me raise both of my kids. When he contacted me a before my mom said whatever I choose to do they would support. But I know there is going to be some anger and resentment there. Like here comes this guy out of no where trying to take over you know? And what do I do about my son? This isn't going to be easy for him and I can't keep the fact that she gets to meet and be with her dad from him. Even though he wants to be just as much a part of my son's life as his daughter's.
We are also working on us, being a couple again and can we be a complete family. I think that we can. Admittedly I'm still leary of him leaving again, but I'm working to get past that as much as possible and he is working on proving I guess you could say that he doesn't want to loose us again. We have spent one night a week the past couple of weeks together and we are having such a great time. We are both much more open with each other than we ever were when we first met and we are having just an amazing time getting to know each other all over again.
Please, any opinions or advice would be great!! I know it's a lot going on in one question but I have no idea how to go about all of this.
Two years ago her father tracked me down via my parent's home. I've always maintained an unlisted number and since switched to cell phones only due to my son's father. So when he called me there it was quite a shock. We spoke a few times but I was just starting a relationship and at the time my daughter was only 4 and I did not think it was a good time for him to come into our lives. That and I was admittedly still very angry that he bailed on us. He emailed a few times he says but I don't remember ever seeing one until I got one from his late this past August. I emailed back. And we started talking on the phone. Surprisingly we are getting along great! Better than great!! I'm not angry anymore and admitted to feeling bad about stopping contact before. And I think we've both just grown up enough to realize that we can still make things work out for the best. We want the same things that we spoke about when I found out I was pregnant before he bailed. He explained that he bailed because of issues with his step father and abuse and has since gone through some thearpy and knows he's made some mistakes but desperately wants to make this work.
I have set some ground rules he has to meet before meeting her and he is fine with that. He isn't working right now so I said get a job. He sold his car, I said get a car. And he's rooming with a friend, I said get your own place. He is working on all those things and has some interviews lined up finally. So we are getting somewhere there. But I still don't know the best way to go about this.
My family has helped me raise both of my kids. When he contacted me a before my mom said whatever I choose to do they would support. But I know there is going to be some anger and resentment there. Like here comes this guy out of no where trying to take over you know? And what do I do about my son? This isn't going to be easy for him and I can't keep the fact that she gets to meet and be with her dad from him. Even though he wants to be just as much a part of my son's life as his daughter's.
We are also working on us, being a couple again and can we be a complete family. I think that we can. Admittedly I'm still leary of him leaving again, but I'm working to get past that as much as possible and he is working on proving I guess you could say that he doesn't want to loose us again. We have spent one night a week the past couple of weeks together and we are having such a great time. We are both much more open with each other than we ever were when we first met and we are having just an amazing time getting to know each other all over again.
Please, any opinions or advice would be great!! I know it's a lot going on in one question but I have no idea how to go about all of this.