So here goes just another break up story...

I was with my ex-girlfriend for 1 year and 9 months, we are both 27. We got along amazingly well, we did not really have similar personalities but definitely the same values, which to me was much more attractive and valuable. We both are very ambitious and have our lives pretty well laid out. We both have been in our share of relationships, we both have dated throughout our lives and felt very comfortable with the process. Just to throw this out there, we both have been cheated on as well in past relationships but have never been the "cheater". We rarely argue and in the less than handful of times that it was actually a fight, one of us went to bed, the other cooled off, and the next morning we were all cuddles and everything was sorted out. The #1 reason why we fought was usually in social settings with my friends, where she felt like I wasn't paying enough attention to her especially because she sometimes was the only girl.

2 Months ago we got into a fight for the above reasons, I was really fed up with the situation because quite frankly I spend all of my time with her and don't see my friends all that often. We went our separate ways that night, and the next morning I was headed out of town. We spoke for a few minutes and admitted to each other we needed a break. We went a day without talking, said we needed a bit more time, and the next day we talked about how much we wanted to make this work and sorted through the choices we need to make differently to avoid these kind of situations (not much of a break but a quick realization of what is important), we also discussed how things have gotten a bit consistent and that we may be taking our relationship for granted and we need to focus on not letting that be the case. We had talked about our future a bit but not extensively, we did very openly express how much we absolutely loved each other and had stronger feelings for each other than in either of our pasts. We both admitted we could clearly see a long term relationship developing even more so that it already had. During the last 2 months things have been very good, she started a new job that although refreshing was a HUGE stress factor on her, but we constantly talked about our days and would unwind together. We changed the way we socialize with my friends, and it was clear that she was my number 1 priority in those settings. Things were great, we were great, we spent some time with her family on a trip (I get along with her family extremely well), we planned a trip for ourselves, we were back to doing exciting things again with our free time and enjoying the comfort of each other during our down time. 2 weeks ago I was heading home from work and completely out of no where she says she wants to talk, she says she needs a break... she needs time and space to think about what she really wants because she is not sure right now. I give her just that, we do not talk/text/email for 5 days. At which point I felt like the limbo was absolutely killing me... so I called her and we talked for a bit, the result was that she wanted a full on break up. She said she wasn't sure about our relationship the way she was before, she said she thought I was putting in more effort than she was and she felt guilty, and she said she thought about our future and just wasn't sure if she sees it the way she did before. For the most part, I try and keep my diginity, tell her I will pack up her stuff and drop it off shortly, when we see each other there is a lot of emotions flying we kiss and hug and say goodbye. I asked her what happened and she said she didn't know, she just wasn't sure. October 3rd feels like the worst day of my life. I stay as strong as I can be, I do not call/text/email at all. A week later she sends me an email, forwarding a flight itinerary that I booked for us a few weeks later, "making sure I had a copy to cancel it, hope I have a good week", she knows very well that I have a copy but in response (about 8 hours later) I reply very indifferently... "it has been taken care of, thanks". We are almost at 2 weeks with no contact. I am struggling, I can not get her out of my mind, I stay very busy during the day at work, I go home and work out and do what I do throughout the week, over the weekend I went out with a bunch of friends both nights and even had a girl profess her a long crush on me. I am moving forward, but I want more than anything to get her back. What do I do, am I on the right track? I have had my share of long term relationships and have never felt this way before. I would do anything in the world for this girl, I was ready to marry her, just needed a bit more time for life to settle and enjoy more of each other. What on earth can I do? She has not attempted to call/text/email me. I wrote an email that I have not sent and may never send... asking for clarity on what happened. You don't just wake up one morning after a yr and nine months and decide, yeah I am just not that into anymore. Should I ever send this email, is it a lost cause. For a moment, many moments, I was suspicious of other motives, but friends reminded me that we spent way too much time together for anything else to be developing. In addition, a mutual friend told me that she still has up her fbook status(like that matters) and all of the pictures of us in her apartment and up in fbook(again not very clear on how much of any of this matters). To me the bottom line is that she said she doesn't want to be in this relationship, and has not called to rectify the situation, but I know that we have established something that most people spend their entire lives searching for. Do I give up? How do I know its time to try and get her back? I am very sorry that this is as long as it is, but if you have read this far, I would appreciate ANY help/advice at all. Thank you in advance.

To me the bottom line is that she said she doesn't want to be in this relationship, and has not called to rectify the situation, but I know that we have established something that most people spend their entire lives searching for. Do I give up? How do I know its time to try and get her back?

Sorry guy, she obviously doesn't feel the same as you do now. Things have changed, so you leave her alone to properly deal with your own feelings of loss (thats called healing, and it's a process that takes time), so you can put your life in a better perspective, and make some good adjustments to accept her change in feelings for you.

Even though all signs pointed to a loving, long lasting relationship, and both of you were on the same page for 19 months, suddenly there was an inexplicable plot change, and, everything changed.

But, there were unspoken thoughts going on, unspoken concerns, unspoken issues that didn't surface. And had there been all these things on the table, it may still have not amounted to enough substance to carry a relationship into the future.

There was probably nothing obvious that you did, that caused this, nor was there anything you could have done to change, or fix, how she felt. Most likely she realized that although she probably loved you, love was not enough.

The positive in this is that she was straight with you. She could have kept you hanging on and kept you in the dark about her doubts and feelings toward you and the relationship. She could have come back, and left again. Think of it as one clean break, not a series of fractures.

While that doesn't make it easier to understand, you may never have enough answers to really know what happened, because there may very well be no specific thing. She change, for whatever reason, and ended the relationship.

It is good that you are learning to accept that, and get on with your life by keeping busy, and getting out and doing things. Be grateful for these opportunities, which wouldn't have come your way had the relationship turned sour, and you had had children together. You aren't stuck forever with someone who doesn't love you, or want a relationship with you.

Maybe it is one of those 'je ne sais quois' moments, without finite meaning, that just is.

It takes two people to be in a committed relationship. You can't do anything that is going to permanently change whatever is going to happen naturally. There is no harm in sending the email. It might even make you feel better. Then you know you did everything you could. But after that it is a done deal. It sounds like she is not ready or a relationship. If that is the problem, all you can do is let it go. You can't have a great relationship with yourself. You probably don't want to hear this, but you have to move on if she does not respond. It doesn't matter how great someone is if they are not ready. There are other great people out there looking for a guy who can commit.

First I want to thank you guys for taking the time to respond to my post, especially with such genuine advice. Here is the deal, I don't want to be perceived as some pathetic needy guy that thinks this is the only girl out there. I have my sh** together, I am extremely driven, never have had issues finding someone, a great job, and an all-around good person. I give more than I take with everyone in my life, it is my personality and will ultimately be my downfall. Do I think this is the end of the world? No! Do I think she may be the "one"? Yes! I have not felt this way about anyone before and I have been in several relationships for this amount of time. I know that people change, and that things can change, but I am not an oblivious person, and things in our relationship were going very well. Lets assume she suddenly freaked out about the commitment (even though she was pushing the commitment based issues if they ever came up)... do I just give her the space she needs to figure it out? I do understand it takes two people giving an equal share of effort to build a long lasting relationship. I never felt like she was putting in less effort. The one thing we both said when we broke up was that we were each others best friend and we loved each other more than anything. If I had one chance at this, is the best solution to just stay away and let it play out? At no point do I make one last effort? I know I need to focus on healing, but I am finding myself having a very hard time staying on track when I don't know what the cause of problem is. I really do appreciate those of you who took the time to read about my problems.