https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/should-give-ex-more-time-should-move-281948.html

Entire story merged several times

I really don't get my ex. The story is posted above. For christmas eve he called me to wish me a merry christmas. I later called him again cause I just wanted to talk to him... no answer. He totally stopped calling me and ignores me now. 2 weeks before christmas he told me he wanted to meet up sometime in January (he was not really calling me either at that time) to talk about things... but why ignore me. Is he just trying to think about what he wants??
Its actually better for me cause... its sinking in that its over... but I just don't get him...

Maybe it's time to get a new boyfriend if he isn't acting right. Life is too short to be stress out. If communication isn't going well between the two of you how can you be together? It'll never work.

Same with my ex.

Found out she left me for her "new friends" and a "party life" when her parents are in the lower class section of the wealth distribution pyramid.

He should be thinking about what he wants. You broke up with him. The communication between you guys since you broke up is just confusing the two of you. Maybe he realized he made a mistake in talking to you after the breakup and now he's taking time for himself to heal, which is what you should both be doing. Don't worry about trying to get him. It would be another story if you two were still together. You both need space in order to move on, so try to stick with no contact.

After 8 years, I imagine its really tough on you both, and you both should not be contacting the other period. As you see how confusing any contact is at this time.

It will be a while before the emotional dust settles ( quite a while ), and this time is best spent regrouping, and building a balanced life, without the influence of the other.

Sounds like he is giving you MIXED SIGNALS that you are having a hard time reading.

I will advise you to just back off... and go NO CONTACT... and work on yourself for the time being...

You need this free time to yourself anyway...

I've just been thinking that when I left the relationship I felt empty/souless and now that I don't have him I want him back for the possibility of what if... "I gave him that second chance when he wanted it". Was that our chance of being happy together.

What hurts was when I left I really just needed time to think things over (cool off). But then within the few weeks of not speaking to him he bangs another girl give her flowers and everything... That hurts like hell. And who knows if he still talks to her.

Perhaps he read our advice on her, NO contact, you don't answer calls, if you get a voice mail delete it, if you get a email delete it and move on.

But a Merry Christmas is just that not anything more

Based on what you stated he's definitely sending off mixed feelings. He's confused and unsure as to whether he should be moving on. Also terrified of the possibility of doing so and than realizing that you were the one for him.

Yet neither of these are your concern. You already tried by calling him and you gave him the signs that you would want to get back together and work it out.

You left the door open for him now and clearly he is unsure so until he's knocking on that door and trying his best to kick it open because he realized he can not live with out you. Until than... its time for you to move on.

Move on in the sense of just accepted the situation as it is and just live your life and see what unfolds.

Since christmas day... 1 week so far with absolutely No Contact... with no expectations of him calling me. I sit back here and get so upset thinking about when I would speak to him a couple months after the breakup and he would compare me to his rebound girl... He said "she seems to be honest and I believe her" About her past relationships. I try not to think about these things but they come back and haunt me. And told me she makes him feel good.

He probably still sees her. I don't know how long it will last for. And it hurts. The last time I went to visit which was in early December I saw a cup holder with his and hers anitials on it marked with the date they first went on their date. Which was two weeks from when we broke up (during the summer). Yeah he really loves me me right?? And tells me "it nothing really".

8 Years and I feel like he has no remorse. I feel like he's almost glad we broke up.

Congratulation! One week down. It is a new year and time to move on. Be strong!

You are better off without him. Post here every day, or week if you have to, just keep up the NC. You are doing great. It is always most difficult this time of year. Keep moving forward! I am proud of you!

Yes Yes... so so difficult!! Oh believe me I will keep posting until you guys get sick of hearing me... LOL

That's good! It's one week now then the next thing you know it's a month.

There is a NC calendar under member discusions where other person post and support each other that is going through the same thing. That thread can help too so you should check it out or I can link it to you if you like to get you started.

What should I do? He's been calling and calling all day... I really want to work things out... But I really don't want to get hurt again. I was the one who broke up the relationship. I haven't called him back yet.

How can I know if he is sincere this time??

How do you know the intent of the call without even speaking to him?

Let him speak, listen to what he says. If you don't know the answer, tell him you will think about one and call him back when you have it.

How do you want to work things out without talking first? Telepathically?

Guys.. this has been going on for 5 months now and I've been the one trying to work things out!! Broke n/c once and it was heart breaking... He said he did a lot of thinking and wanted to talk... We met up and then after that completely ignored me and now he wants to call me and speak to me..?

This isn't fair to you. I would continue to ignore him and move on with your life. He obviously doesn't know what he wants, and cannot keep butting into your life whenever he thinks you may be moving on. Change your number and leave him in the past. The longer this continues, the less you can build a life without him in it.

That's what it seems like as if he's butting in... I mean if he really wanted to work things out he would have written me a letter or something... thats the way I see it...

4 threads merged

I can't take it. I broke up with my ex after 8 years. I talked to him and told him I wanted to work things out. I let him go meaning I didn't call him. Then he calls me saying he thinks of me and do I still think of him. He also asks me hypothetically if I would get back with him. But why when he doesn't want to try our relationship again. He won't give me an answer. Its like he's scared to lose me. What is it!!

I only answered him back and broke NO CONTACT because of the constent emails and phoning and messaging. I really thought he had thought about us. This Friday he wants to meet up. I don't whether to go and see him but not do anything.. I don't know what to do... I want to get back with him. Someone help me find a way.

You need to revive the communications between you two.
You have really answered your own question :-

" I want to get back with him. "

GO meet him.
You have nothing to lose.

Don't see him. Change your email, your number, and any other form of contact information he has knowledge of. By doing so, you erase all the confusion, false hope, and hurt.

Another merged thread!!!!

I promised myself that this time no matter what I will move on. No more answering the phone, deleting emails. It just confuses me as to why he can't seem to disconnect from me and not want to try our relationship again of 7-8 years. He starts by calling numerous amounts of time one day then the next week or two starts to disengage conversation for the purpose of calling. I know he talks to another girl. But I mean you should have read the email he sent me like two weeks ago saying how much he was thinking about me and stuff and how since I was blowing him off that I was making the choice for him. See Im guessing the "choice" meaning working things out. Is he scared of moving on? Should I try to keep a friendship to show him he can trust me again? I know deep down inside he still cares for me. He can't let go!! That's what's driving me crazy.

Did anyone ever tell you not to run head first into a brick wall??

Ignore him until he goes away.
Cuss him out and tell him leave you alone.

Change whatever you have to to stop contact and end this confusion and speculation.

If you can't do that, go back to him, and be miserable, until you figure out whether your in, or out!

Why are you putting up with his crap, don't you have better things to do?

Sorry to be harsh, but you keep asking the same things, and ignoring the responses you have been getting.

I know... Its hard for me. This is my first break up with someone who I've been with and loved for a long time. I do No Contact and for some reason I get suckered to respond back. I see what I'm doing to myself though. Enough is enough... Lol I know am banging my head into a brick wall. That was funny.

By the way why do my questions keep merging?

Same with my ex.

Found out she left me for her "new friends" and a "party life" when her parents are in the lower class section of the wealth distribution pyramid.

What does that have to do with anything?

Its just your personel relation ship.how can we people know about your relationship in b/w u and him... so my sugesstion is don't take anybodys advice or ideas bcoz it is just your personal life.. do what ever your mind say about him.. but just think once before you act.

It sounds like you're flattered by his attention but that's all. Just move one than. If you want and can be friends - good. If not - no.

By the way why do my questions keep merging?

Your posts get merged because its so confusing try to get the facts when someone has so many new posts about the same thing.

I just got to let this out. For all the times my ex came back to me saying he missed me and blah blah.. I now feel like he was missing the idea of me but in a sexual way. In Lust I guess. This hurts like hell. There are times where I ask myself if he would forgive me and come back after all we've been through, but at the same time I get so madd that I would never be able to forgive him for his selfishness and heartless soul.

When I broke up with him I did not give him false hope and didn't play these childish mind games. I told him straight out that I just needed some space.

I've managed somehow to hold back tears and see myself getting stronger as the days go on even though this post may not sound like it. This is where I come to to sulk... Sorry people.

There's no need to be mad, we all learn from mistakes, just completely cut him off...

I could honestly seeing my ex saying or thinking more or less the same things.

Same advice I'd give her if given the chance, Keep doing what you have been doing, you said yourself your stronger ^_^ No contact is also a big help.

In my case I got rid of most things collected throughout or relationship. The less things to remind me, the easier it was to remember WHY it ended, and why it shouldn't be repeated.

I just thought maybe since he was still lingering he was having doubts about not rekindling the relationship.

Anger is good, venting is great, now give us a good rant, and you will feel better. This is the place, and we do understand!

This morning I picked up my phone and what a surprise... three missed calls from my ex last night. Why does he do this when I told him to stop calling. Was he drunk? Anyway I just keep reminding myself of all the pain he caused me. I deleted his vm. I see myself really learning how to move on past this. Thanks for all of your support guys.:)

You did right. I am proud of you. Some of us ( I won't mention names), would have called back... well done

Urrg... an email too and more calls today!! What is up with this kid? Why does he always come back like this? I just keep deleting. Every time I see anything that has to do with him like the missd calls and emails... it gets me thinking again and I hate it!! It got to a point where I shut my phone off to end my worries.

You are doing the right things for yourself. The hardest part, keep doing it!

You could always change your phone number, or block his emails... or both...

Just a thought

I have a question about the NC rule.....Even though I'm ignoring and not speaking to my ex should i keep in contact with his family. They were a big part of my life. We all lived together for years. I feel like I'm being rude not talking to them too.

Sometimes too... I wonder if it was a good idea ignoring his last attempts to contact me if I wanted to work things out. But then I see the pattern of how things went each time NC was broke and so I guess that's why I'm continuing NC... 1 MONTH(THE LONGEST I'VE STAYED Committed TO NC)!! Trying to stay strong here... ;)

]I have a question about the NC rule.....Even though I'm ignoring and not speaking to my ex should i keep in contact with his family. They were a big part of my life. We all lived together for years. I feel like I'm being rude not talking to them too.
Sometimes too...I wonder if it was a good idea ignoring his last attempts to contact me if I wanted to work things out. But then I see the pattern of how things went each time NC was broke and so I guess thats why I'm continuing NC.....1 MONTH(THE LONGEST I'VE STAYED COMMITED TO NC)!!!!! Trying to stay strong here.....;)

No. That is his family. People come and go throughout your life... period. Talking to them would probably keep some sort of door open for false hope in your eyes. Cut ALL ties, at least for now. The possibility is always there in the future... but it isn't needed now. I am sure they understand.

When things like this happen, adjustments have to be made. It is just the natural flow of life... it isn't anything personal, as it is just, for now, in your best interests.

I agree with Kctiger... stuff happens and you make adjustments accordingly.

Perhaps a year down the road when you have completely shed him from yourself head and heart,you will be strong enough to have contact with the family,provided of course,he is no where in the picture.

You can speculate till the cows come home about what he wanted last contact but the bottom line is you would just be getting more of the same.The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

Stay strong,you are doing great. Keep a copy of these posts and you can have an online book.. How I survived NC :)
Its not easy,not everyone is strong enough to do it.
Pat yourself on the back! ;)

Guys I have another problem on my hands. I have a friend that keeps calling me but I don't want to talk with this person. The reason being because every time I do... the ex somehow is brought up and what has been going on over there. I mean I feel aweful totally ignoring this person but I wish to forget everything about the whole situation. And this friend just has a habit of talking about everone's business which I don't like either. Call after call... At home... my cell... I can't take it. This peron was there for me when I needed someone to talk to while I was in the process of breaking up... Any advice

Tell your friend how you feel. Ask them to respect the fact that you do not want to talk about your ex, and if they can't handle that, then you can't talk to them. Simple as that.

I said this already but info always seems to seep out. This person calls more than my ex when I first left him. Is this normal... geesh... again this morning at 8:00 called home and cell. I mean I don't know what it is my heart races each time I see that number

You need to tell this person to stop calling you. Be honest and say that it hurts you to bring up the past and that you're trying to move on with your life. Their frequent phone calls are not helping you do that.

And then stop. It's your choice to talk with her. It's your choice to pick up the phone. She isn't threatening your life or your family when she calls, she just calls. You decide if you want to talk to her.

I know its my choice. That's why I haven't picked up the phone!!
They called at least 15 times total today not including yesterday. I feel that there is a need or something that's itching for them to tell me... And I don't want to here it...
Its just annoying getting call after call... I mean wouldn't anyone just get the point. I just want to be left alone so all past feelings fade... 1 month in peace and now this...

Can you block the number? Some cell companies have the capability to block numbers. If you can't block, can you set a certain ring tone (i.e. silent! :) ) for when they call?

If worse comes to worst, change your number. Been there, done that, it's not fun, but it sure handles the situation!

Today I read a post about a woman who was involved in a violent relationship. And it basially reminded me of why I left my ex. I just don't understand after the way he treated me why I was still willing to reconcile things with him... I mean he would get into rages (whether if it was driving wrecklessly, smashing things, giving me dirty looks intentionally,) and then want me to be intimate with him like nothing ever happened. I look now and I was and sometimes am in great DENIAL. I just got to keep refreshing my memory. I sometimes think hearing about his rebound made me think things weren't that bad after all and could have given him that second chance when he wanted it. There is a lot that I miss but a lot that I DON'T AND NEVER WILL MISS. Do most relationships that end go though what I went through... I don't understand.

Hey everyone,
So its been 2 months of complete NC and so far so good! BUT... this past week I've been thinking a lot about him. I even brought myself down with tears. I haven't felt like this during the 2 months... so why now. Anyway, even though I miss I am able to reflect on why things worked out the way they did. And after all after 7 years, I did have a good reason to leave the way I did... It just hurts.. hurts a lot. What get me into tears is the way he handled the breakup with playing games and even tried to use me afterwards. Thank Goodness I didn't let it get too far. Anyway I just like hearing from you guys. Thank you all for being such a great support group :)

Two months of NC is great! Good for you. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done :)
But seven yrs.is a long time and you will inevitably have bad days that just turn your world upside down.
That is when you treat yourself extra kind.Splurge on a great dinner or invite a friend out to a club or buy those shoes that cost way too much!
Do something for you because you deserve it. You can now officially call yourself a survivor!!

7 years is a long time and there's a lot of history. I'm sure 7 years later you will still think about this relationship.

But you seem to be doing pretty well! Keep it up!

Yeah I know it will take time and I guess as I read other posts it gives me hope for the better...
Artlady, I feel like a damn near survived a coma. :p Now I'm just paralyzed waiting to walk again. And in seven years I don't intend to have any thought or feelings towards this and I'm striving for that day to come.

Do you think it's a guy ego thing... They can't handle someone breaking up with them so they turn vindictive towards you... As I think about things. He really turned the table around and blamed the problems of the break up on me. When for years I was the one trying to talk some sense into him!!!!
I know that I have a lot going on for myself and I have more good days than bad days. Its work in progress. AHYYAHYI(SIGH)

Well you guys are broken, he's not really part of your life anymore.

I'm sure that he was really skaken by the break up as well. He was with you for 7 years. Everyone handles breakups differently, I doubt that it is a guy thing.

Try not to worry about him anymore and focus on the things that are going for you!

yeah i know it will take time and i guess as i read other posts it gives me hope for the better....
Artlady, I feel like a damn near survived a coma. :p Now I'm just paralyzed waiting to walk again. And in seven years I don't intend to have any thought or feelings towards this and I'm striving for that day to come.

Do you think its a guy ego thing....They can't handle someone breaking up with them so they turn vindictive towards you.....As I think about things. He really turned the table around and blamed the problems of the break up on me. When for years I was the one trying to talk some sense into him!!!!
I know that I have alot going on for myself and I have more good days than bad days. Its work in progress. AHYYAHYI(SIGH)

I think we all have a different way of dealing with a break-up but very generally speaking I think women are more in touch with their feelings and tend to get sad whereas a guy gets angry.Anger is just a cover up for hurt or frustration.

Keep looking ahead,all the speculation in the world isn't going to change anything so just continue on and pretty soon those first steps will be over with and you will feel like putting on your dancing shoes :)

Yeah... you guys are right. I shouldn't be worrying about him either. My thoughts sometimes seem to wonder there at times. Got to focus... :rolleyes: :D

I am not sure you can gerneralize emotions of any sort towards one gender or the other. As a grieving process you go through all sorts of emotions. I went through anger, denial, sadness, etc. etc. throughout this process, sometimes all at once. It is the process of grief.

I found it better to handle this first class, so no bashing my ex, no holding her in contempt, none of that. Simply put, until I let go of my anger, I was doomed to live in a sad world, where, no matter how much I thought I was over her, I wasn't. Once you can let go, and smile at yourself once in awhile, you start to realize the true accomplishments of your journey.

There are still some days where I think about her more than I want to. I was actually running on the treadmill the other day when a song came on in my IPOD that reminded me of her, a lot, and I almost teared up. It made me realize, however, how much I have grown, as even though I got really sad, it just motivated me to run faster... a few months ago, I would have gone home and crawled into bed, with a box of tissues.

You are doing awesome! Just keep it up! You are on the home stretch of this process...

Kc... you're amazing budd:) Got into a serious game of flag football the other night with some friends which seemed to distract my mind pretty well. We just got to keep ourselves occupied. Heck, tomorrow, I may even head down to the beach...
I guess my parents are thinking of moving back up north again and it triggered my past with him. Its where me and my ex created our history. I'm trying to stablize myself, yet I find that I got to keep adjusting to change which is a little difficult at this time.

Lovestoned, I know how you feel.
You have to block anything that reminds you of the relationship. I know it's hard to forget 7 years. I had an 8 year relationship from 1993 to 2001. It took me at least a year or two to completely forget her. After 4 months I started a new relationship and it helped me forget. Yes somestimes we will hear a song or see a place which will trigger emotions. But if you can block the rest that can make you think of the past, do it.

Now I am trying to forget my recent breakup and it's hard as hell. That's why I am here, I was searching for answers in Google and I ended up here, which I am really gratefull. I see I am not alone in this turmoil, and it's helping me understand and accept that my breakup happened for a reason whether I like it or not, there is nothing I can do that will bring her back.

All I can do is focus on other stuff and just block any thoughts or emotions about her. She is probably not even thinking of me anymore, since it's easier for the dumper to forget and move on.
Why should I break my head like this if she does not care anymore?

No contact, block the thoughts, eliminate any hope of reconciliation, move on, ask the universe what you want, keep focus on that and work hard to get it.

Hey Hey Piran
Yeah its really tough. And thank goodness we were able to find this site!! Everyone here has gone through more or less the same situation so they can speak from experience. Hey but if you can read my original posts. I was given some great advice from some wonderful people and you can see just how hard it was for me to bring myself to where I stand today. Hurt but not desperate I guess you can say. Good Luck to you and Best of wishes

Hey guys so after all is said and done... he calls once more today and left a VM but I didn't check it and I didn't check my email either (usually he would leave me an email too)

I wish we could have worked on things but I don't know his intensions and I don't want to fall apart again.

2 months has been hard but I don't think its long enough to really see why things didn't work... Or maybe he just wants to mail me some of my belonging. Please I can't do this anymore. Should I check the vm and see what he said. After all I was the one who left.

The scary thing is the more I write this post the more it sound familiar:(

Depends what you want? Do you still care? Do you want to get back with him? If you don't then ignore everything. Don't respond.

Do you love him? Do you want him back in your life?

I do want us happily back... But every time I broke NC he went to telling me he misses me but doesn't want a relationship (This happened more than 5 times)... But wanted intamacy. And he was okay with giving me back my stuff. Took all my cloths out of his closet and everything. The very last time I spoke with him which was two months ago, he got me to call him back saying that I was making the decision for him by not speaking to him and wished me well and said I was a great girl. Then a few days go by we start talking and when I asked him if he wanted to work things out he said " we both made a new life for each other"

So why did he call me then numerous times? For nothing... Just to make sure I didn't move on and torture me the best way he new how to. Asking me questions like would I ever get back with him at stuff like that. I gave him every possible option and he turned down and made an excuse for each an every one. So he basically told me NO!!


And now he calls again...

And I don't want to get back just because he says its okay... I would like for us to make a mutual agreement on what needs to be worked on or else we will be back to square one. But I have a great feeling that it won't be so why am I even thinking about this... I guess I'm just venturing out my thoughts. Plus I think one needs more than 2 months of No Contact to reflect on what went wrong with a relationship of so long. All I now is that I tried... I tried my damn hardest.

It's always easy to go back to something you are comfortable with. I tend to think, however, life rewards us a bit more for going out and trying something totally new with a remade version of yourself. What is in the past is there to teach, what lies in the future is there to learn. (I know it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but just think about it) :)

The scary thing is the more I write this post the more it sound familiar
There is your answer right there.

If you start answering his calls and such ,you have just thrown away two months of hard work and suffering only to have to begin it again.

I know you are not a masochist so why would you put yourself through that?

I know the curiosity must be killing you and I suspect you will read the message but try not to respond.

Nothing has changed except that you are stronger and wiser and ready to have a quality of life you deserve.

Don't backtrack ,my dear,it's just wishful thinking that he has changed.

I do want us happily back......But everytime I broke NC he went to telling me he misses me but doesn't want a relationship (This happened more than 5 times)......But wanted intamacy. And he was okay with giving me back my stuff. Took all my cloths out of his closet and everything. The very last time I spoke with him which was two months ago, he got me to call him back saying that I was making the desicion for him by not speaking to him and wished me well and said I was a great girl. Then a few days go by we start talking and when I asked him if he wanted to work things out he said " we both made a new life for each other"

So why did he call me then numberous times? For nothing.....Just to make sure I didn't move on and torture me the best way he new how to. Asking me questions like would i ever get back with him at stuff like that. I gave him every possible option and he turned down and made an excuse for each an every one. So he basically told me NO!!!!


And now he calls again......

LoveStoned, this is not healthy. Looks to me like he is either trying to get back at you for ending the relationship or he just wants you for casual friends with benefits. When someone refuses a relationship with you, there's only one thing to do. IGNORE. NO CONTACT. Sometimes when people find committed relationships too complicated they change direction and want to try casual friend with benefits F*** Friends. Are you willing to fall into that zone? If you are like me and have self-respect and believe in relationships don't fall into that trap. It's only more mind games and then they will keep doing this until they meet their soulmate and will end up hurting you even more.

It's obvious that when a person answers something like this: " we both made a new life for each other" or '' I feel weird and don't have the same feelings anymore'' The passion and love they once had for you is gone. It hurts to hear this I know, I am living this right now since valentines. Use logic and block all emotions, you will have a more clear picture of what is going on. They are not willing to make any effort to come back, they want to test you to see how far you would go to get them back, is just an ego booster for them.
You said he was already talking to another girl on the phone. What more proof do you need? Do you want to accept that you can be replaced that easily? I would not accept that.In my case, I know I am unique and she won't find another like me, I cannot be replaced.

Say this to yourself, I am not replaceable because there is nobody else like me. You deserve a fresh start and to be with someone who really wants to be with you and be in love. He is still calling you cause he wants to keep control over you. Make sure you don't go with someone else. My ex wanted to stay friends because she wanted to have control over me because she thinks she can get back with me whenever she wants. It's a form of manipulation. Don't give him this power. Cut all strings and take the power back.

Hopefully these tips will help you. I know it's hard. It's week number 7 for me and I still get flashbacks. But I have respected the no contact rule, never text message her once, no phone calls, no e-mails, deleted her Facebook, blocked on msn. I have disappeared.
I have the power to do what I want now. She has no control on me. She had that in the relationship, but now it's gone. Freedom is awsome. Enjoy it. I know it's hard thinking we might not find another person like our ex, but be optimist, the more you see the future with an open positive outlook, the more you will attract good and positive people in your life. It's the law of attraction. The more people you will be around, the bigger the chances to meet a new partner. Take your time, is only been two months, spend quality time doing the things you love and make you happy by yourself, these are the best times to rediscover what you love about life and the things you neglected during those 7 years.

You going to be OK trust me, and I am going to be here for a while, because I am living the same situation. So I want to see all my friends here get better and tell me how they are improving their life. I want your feedback. ;)

He is still calling you cause he wants to keep control over you.
I know this all to well... our whole relationship revolved around him trying to control me. And no he will never find anyone like me. And in ways I feel like yeah he wants to keep me around just in case he can't find anyone else that can compare to me. Loser :D

He only left one message on my phone and I'm going to erase it... Why hear what he has to say... The thing is... I miss him but I know I CAN FIND SOMEONE BETTER. Its like I live and have lived in denial. FOR GOODNESS SAKE I BROKE UP WITH HIM BECAUSE I WAS NOT HAPPY for a very long time. I guess I gave him too many chances or gave myself false hope back then thinking things would change. He was disrespectful to me and towards my parents... whats wrong with me? :eek: And I won't even mention the worse cause its humiliating to even say. I know everything comes in time. Keep you guys posted on things. :)

There you go you are seeing the picture now. Unfortunately people don't change, If they really love you they will improve for you, but in the long run their bad habits won't change and they keep repeating the stuff that hurt you. I think we miss our ex's because we got used to their company and we got attached. Break that pattern and when you start missing, change channel, get yourself on a different frequency. Tune your mind into new positive thoughts, come here and start a thread or post a comment, write down all the bad things you endured. Is not fun I know, I feel the same, every day I do little steps to forget her.

You know I was depressed for 6 weeks. During these 6 weeks, I had a chance to stay in my room and not go out and spend money, I saved, I read a lot of articles on the net, I focused on what I want in a woman and what I will give her in return.
So I see only the good things about this break up. It Opened my eyes.

I also see the fact that I lost my job as a good thing, because I was not happy where I was working and it was very far from home. I will find a better job and a better relationship. This is my short term goal.

Don't see your break up as a wasted 7 years. See it as experience that will serve you in the future. You will not repeat the same mistakes. You will see the first signs if you not sure about a relationship a lot quicker.

We should'nt be a 2nd option or a plan B for anyone. ''He was disrespectful to me and towards my parents'' that is a serious crime in a relationship. No respect = ? No love. Love is built with respect. If your partner cannot demonstrate respect and takes you for granted, you have your answer. My ex did not respect me enough, no kidding she said she did'nt have the same feelings for me anymore, she could not respect me as much as I respected her. Maybe they not mature enough. Maybe one day they will realize what they had and regret it deeply.

Don't see your break up as a wasted 7 years. See it as experience that will serve you in the future. You will not repeat the same mistakes. You will see the first signs if you not sure about a relationship a lot quicker.

I don't see it as wasted years at all. I learned a whole lot from it. Believe me when I tell you this. I know now the first time a guy punches a whole through your wall a couple of months after you met... THERE'S A HUGE PROBLEM.

As I was erasing his VM just now it gave me the goose bumps. I heard his voice, "Yo!" and that was it. His tone wasn't sincere at all. Shook me a little but still got a smile on. And I'm kind of doing the things you're doing. Thinking about what it is that I truly want for myself and how I would like another relationship to be. Of course it won't happen over night. But just reflecting on things. I have people that would like to go on dates with me but I just don't know if I'm able to hold conversation with another like that just now. Its weird... I rather meet to be friends but not to talk about each other like that... I don't know this is a process... huh?

It's normal, your not ready to be in a relationship right now. I am feeling the same. We need to be comfortable with ourselves again and be happy with ourselves before we can go back in dating again. This is normal. I say to be more selective and picky in the future and don't settle for someone who has a bad attitude to begin with. Do some filtering. It's funny how nice they are in the first months and then you start to see their true colors.

I was in shock after 2 weeks we were together she gave me 2 ultimatums. I never met anyone in my life doing this so early in the relationship. These were signs I ignored or did'nt took seriously enough.

Once we were going to spend a day at the water parc with her family and just because I wanted to bring some food she called me a ''retard''. Saying that her family will bring the food. Was it a reason to insult me like this?

We should not tolerate people with bad attitude, never.

In my case, controlling behavior has been passed down within my ex's family so he will try this behavior again... I'm sure of it. (Its normal to him) I never got to hear much about his last relationship before ours; however, I did here things like she was crazy and that he bascially choked her once. So there we have it.

When we first met I was too young to understand what all this meant. Now I know and am wiser and aware of the red flaggs. Healthy people don't change their mannerism once their comfortable. Or at least worsen for that matter. And people who truley value you as a person will never speak down to you or threaten you or scare you but put your feelings into great consideration

Today I deleted my ex's familys email address's I should have taken them off a long time ago. I just don't need to see any familiar names and stuff. Forget the past... whats up with the new?!

We should never endure anyone's bad behavior, you did the right thing. A relationship should be sharing and mutual respect. Not power struggle or manipulation.

''And people who truley value you as a person will never speak down to you or threaten you or scare you but put your feelings into great consideration'' True that! She used a lot of speaking down to me, and threatened to break up many times with me if she did not get things her way.

With the new? Well moving on, one day at a time. Friday is hopefully the last time I see her.

Guys what is going on??
I feel like the break-up is still fresh but the thing is it happened in August!!!
:( Could it possibly be because I last talked to him about three months ago and maybe to me that was the final breakup? Maybe that was my final hope that I lost of us ever getting back together?? What am I doing wrong here. I 'm not rushing into a relationship. I go out when I can. I just don't get it. This is the most painful thing ever... I don't even think child birth could come close to this. I'm fine one day and then the next day I'm here posting a fr***** sobb story... UGGH.

Guys what is going on????
I feel like the break-up is still fresh but the thing is it happened in August!!!
:( Could it possibly be because I last talked to him about three months ago and maybe to me that was the final breakup?? Maybe that was my final hope that I lost of us ever getting back together??? What am I doing wrong here. I 'm not rushing into a relationship. I go out when I can. I just don't get it. This is the most painful thing ever....I don't even think child birth could come close to this. I'm fine one day and then the next day I'm here posting a fr***** sobb story....UGGH.

Your still healing, maybe its just taking longer than you thought. Maybe speaking to him 3months ago was your final closure andt this is why you are still hurting because it was the time to finally let go and move on.

No worries Lovestoned! Just carry on (like I do :cool:) and continue getting better. Sometimes emotions just hit and there is nothing you can do about them. You will get better. No one said you HAD to be over this in a certain amount of time. It takes how ever long it takes.

Missy that's just how I feel. I lost hope from making it a permanent choice to do NC. Its like for two months I was okay (still not over it) but okay and then I took a fall for the worse. Today I felt like it was just yesterday that I broke up with him... crying, isolating myself... you know that first initial feeling.

KC... how long ago was your situation?

Also, there's this other guy that wants to be more than friends with me but I told him over and over again that I'm still hurting from the last relationship. Its weird cause we just met and hung out once or twice. He expects me to call him as if we are dating. I told him we could be friends. I sensed that he got mad but hey it's a process that I need time for. Do you think maybe that we should back off each other. Its like I want to meet new people and all... but don't want a relationship with them... but they can't seem to understand. I'm just confused with how to go about life for the moment being. AND MISSING MY EX ALL AT THE SAME TIME. The thought about how he easily was able to be intimate with another right after me is killing me... I mean was I blind by the love that I had for him back then too? I remember all the lies he told me. And just things that I didn't pay much mind to which all comes to me now that he cheated on me. He lied about coming back from a trip he supposedly took for 2 weeks. (I heard he came back 1 1/2week earlier and lied that he came back one day ealier) He would end conversations on the phone when I got to close. (Maybe that's why he had the audacity to call me nieve.) Cause I believed all his lies. He was so worried about what I was doing or who I was with because of he was guilty of disloyalty himslf. Maybe he never cared for me and just got attached and that's why he hurted for a little while. Which comes to my conclusion that this is why he was able to try to talk to me while still talking to another girl.

I think it's a good thing that you have lost hope to get back with your ex, as this means you can fully move on.

The memories are still fresh in your mind, the break up has effected you emotionally, so it is expected for you to feel upset for sometime. Its not an easy process to go through.

Your doing the right thing with this guy that wants to date you, I was in the same situation a few months back. I was fresh out of a break up and this new guy wanted to be more than friends, in the end I blew him of totally because he didn't understand that I was not over my last realationship.

Im in NC with my ex, it been about 2months now, I'm happier that the first few weeks but I still hurt. There is times when I want to cry, the good memories are a downfall, there isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about him. And I know its going to take a lot longer to get him out of my system.

When you start to feel upset pick yourself up and do something, crying and insolating yourself will not help. Do something that you like and think positive. Be strong.

Why have hope to get back with an ex that treated us bad? Why repeat this agony over and over? They won't change, it's a pattern. Even if you reconciliate, they just going to be nice for a few weeks, a month tops. Then the arguments will start again and soon enough you are back in the same game. I prefer to be with a new partner.

In my case, I found a great woman this week, we had our first date yesterday and it was awsome. We went for coffee, and we clicked right away, then went for drinks and shared a great italian desert I made for her in my car listening to some music. Nothing complicated, just simple small things.

So now let me ask you, why be with someone that makes your life hell and plays with your head, when you can meet someone else that will love you for real and want to be with you. I am happy now, my ex is long gone and I have moved on. I know that if she wanted me back now, it would be a definite NO NO from my part, because the trust I had in her has been broken for good and will not risk being dumped again.

Lovestoned, do not be afraid of starting something with a new person. Better to start fresh then try to fix an old relationship. If you need more time, take the time you need, you will know when you are ready. I got tired of dwelling on past and having anger inside, it was just hurting me to the point I said enough is enough.

Start thinking in an optimist mindset and use the law of attraction to bring good in your life. You will start to see the light and you will get out of the dark side. I know it seems hard to do this without your ex, but you will be a lot happier.

Be strong! :-)

Maybe I needed to go out which I did last night... I had a great time with this new guy. But like you said Missy, its like he doesn't understand what I'm going through now. This guy is really super nice but I'm curious to know why he wants something right away. He does make me feel good... better than my ex ever did... but I just don't know. Yes, we did have a good time last night but since I feel the pressure of him wanting something to become more of this.. makes me feel like backing totally away too!
My intentions are to get to know people for who they are first rather than jumping into a romantic relationship to then come to a surprise... here are my true colors type thing.

And Piran your most definatley right. I just feel rejected... One thing I noticed though last night is that I sensed that this other guy felt like a million bucks being next to me while my ex on the other hand was like all into himself. This made me feel appreciated in so many ways. These are things I'm just learning and observing though. ;)

Maybe I needed to go out which I did last night.....I had a great time with this new guy. But like you said Missy, its like he doesn't understand what I'm going through now. This guy is really super nice but I'm curious to know why he wants something right away. He does make me feel good...better than my ex ever did...but I just dont know. Yes, we did have a good time last night but since I feel the pressure of him wanting something to become more of this.. makes me feel like backing totally away too!
My intentions are to get to know people for who they are first rather than jumping into a romantic relationship to then come to a surprise .....here are my true colors type thing.

And Piran your most definatley right. I just feel rejected...One thing I noticed though last night is that I sensed that this other guy felt like a million bucks being next to me while my ex on the other hand was like all into himself. This made me feel appreciated in so many ways. These are things I'm just learning and observing though. ;)

Then you have your answer, be with someone that appreciates you, rejection is an awful feeling and people who never got dumped don't know what it feels like until it happens to them. Then they will know how it hurts and think twice before doing it to someone else.
But guess what, after rejection, there is?. yes, Acceptance. Someone else will be there and accept you and cherish you just the way you are. And if you tell them how your ex treated you, they just won't believe it and ask you, ''why did you stay with that person?''
And you will say, love makes you blind, lol. Then once all emotions are gone you see the light and understand that you were in the dark.

Then you say, how could I be in the dark when I loved that person. Well simple, if you are the only one giving love and not receiving, hard to accept but we are in the dark and sinking deeper in a black hole. It will keep getting dark until one day, boom, the relationship is over. In the future I think we should open our eyes sooner and if we get a gut feeling to get out of there cause it's not healthy, well Just do it! Get out before the damage is done. A partner who is into himself like your ex was and my ex was, are called selfish self-centered individuals and accuse us of being too sensitive, but in reality they are the ones who are not '' in tune '' with their emotions and are careless and the proof is right there in their face THEY LOST US.

That rejection will fade, just because on man doesn't want you doesn't mean they all dont- as your new friend has proven, you are still wanted. I had to spread the rep piran is right.

Sounds like my ex too, selfish, self-centred individuals and accuse us of being to sensitive. Piran words are true they lost us. You sound like a nice lady and I'm sure the right one is waiting for you somewhere. Just give it more time

That rejection will fade, just becasue on man doesnt want you doesnt mean they all dont- as your new friend has proven, you are still wanted. I had to spread the rep piran is right.

sounds like my ex too, selfish, self-centred individuals and accuse us of being to sensitive. Piran words are true they lost us. You sound like a nice lady and im sure the right one is waiting for you somewhere. just give it more time

I isn't no lady, I am a man! Lol

I was responding to lovestoned :)

i was responding to lovestoned :)

Oh , lol
My bad
Thank god I feel a lot better now :-)
You just put a smile onmy face!

So guys and girls, I have a very good question for you guys.

What is the best revenge possible you can do for an ex that dumped you?

I believe someone has posted this before in these forums, but I just want to see some new opinions on this.

What is the best revenge to make you feel better?

Revenge is for losers.

The best "revenge" in my mind is to move on with your life and build a truly better life around you without that person in it. Do it for yourself though, as doing it just to get back at your ex gives them way too much power over you.

I think revenge on an ex is no good, I think KC is right. The best revenge is happiness with oneself and moving on to a bigger and brighter future.

Yeah there right. Revenge will only make you look spiteful. They will resect you more if you left with dignity. If they were being spiteful towards us... well they are the ones who will think back to how stupid and immature they really were for acting the way they did.

I swear I felt like my ex was looking for somehting for me to do or say to make him hate me. Maybe that's why he kept trying to come back for something.

I agree, showing you moved on without them and having happiness and met a new person and things are going well is a great way to show them that they dumping you just made your life better. Always see the good things from a bad situation. I won't call her or contact her to let her know I met someone. She will soon find out by Facebook or by friends.

Abit of topic I know, how you feeling today lovestoned?

I glad you didn't break down too much to break your NC by calling him. Your feelings ar nature and it is okay to cry. It helps to release all those build up emotions instead of keeping them. Besides that you seem to progressing well.

Good actually... I'm reaching my 3 months of NC on Friday.Thanks for asking Missy! :p
I try to be understanding about the whole thing. We were together since we were very young. So we don't know what it is like to be with anyone else. We both need to grow (in this case apart from one another) as much as it hurts but it's the truth. There are some things I need to work on as well. Even though I left I should have spoken up for what I believed in and not have backed down. Maybe that's why it got too out of control.
Time is key I can still see that I'm in the grieving stages... well I guess its where one day I'm okay maybe the next not okay type thing.

How's everyone else doing? :D

Glad your doing OK, I'm fine :).
Sometimes we need to do things even if it hurts us, for the best. I Hate the ups and downs of a break up. It's a pain. But the main thing is that You have acccepted the situation, and now your grieving for your loss, which is only naurtal.

Hey guys
My ex's birthday is around the corner and I don't know if I should call to say happy birthday? I don't want to do NC in an immature way.. what do you think?? :confused:
Then again I feel like he don't even deserve that after everything.

No, don't call him. Calling him will only set you back and you want to continue moving forward.

Hey guys
My ex's birthday is around the corner and I don't know if I should call to say happy birthday?? I don't want to do NC in an immature way.. what do you think???:confused:
Then again I feel like he don't even deserve that after everything.

Don't call, NC is NC, meaning birthday, xmas, easter, etc... My ex's birthday is coming too, early June, and I have decided I will not call because I am doing NC. Let's leave them alone and make them see how it is to be on their birthday without us. I am sure they won't call on our birthday either. If they do call, will you answer? Or just ignore...

Threads merged

Hey everyone...

I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I'm taking a little spill. I've partied, kept myself busy with work and school and found myself bursting into tears today. I've been fine...

I understand and realize we were not cut out for each other... I just feel like talking to him sometimes... I thought about calling him just to say hi, but I know Im not completely over him so I don't know if it will do me any good. I didn't call for is birthday, ignored his parents greeting emails. I feel like a mean heartless person.

The thing is that he was seeing this other girl while I was trying to fix what I had broken. That to me is heartless. He met her like two weeks after breaking up long term relationship almost marriage.

I think about how he's dealing with us not being together too... And I know that's not where my mind should be wondering but it happens.

On the nights when I do go out, that's when I THINK ABOUT HIM THE MOST!!!!!!
Than again how am I going to meet different people?

I'm a total mess right now. It hurt me to stay in the relationship and hurts me like hell to be living the breakup of it.

One contact is all it takes for you to lose months of progress.

Stay strong, you have been doing great and you are strong enough to make it through this.

No contact is what you need/needed to heal, no one will think that you are cold-hearted or mean. You have/had to do what is right to help you make it through this a stronger person.

Going out is difficult, you see couples and you want that companionship as well, but it isn't necessarily that you are missing your ex, but that relationship component to going out. Don't worry that will come in time.

Keep your head up and if drinking sets you back in your progress, then take some time off the drinking nights out. (Just a guess about the drinking)

Keep your head up and if drinking sets you back in your progress, then take some time off the drinking nights out. (Just a guess about the drinking)

Right about the drinking... I guess it lets your inner most feelings out. I just think if we were ever going to have a chance to work things out, how would we if we don't talk at all...

Alcohol is a depressant. Along with lower you inhibitions, if you are feeling blue it intensifies those feelings. Drinking may help pass the time, but it will also cause you to dwell and miss old times in your depressive state.

You have to wait until you are completely over someone before you can begin contact again... if you want to by that time. More often once you have completely cleared your head from the relationship, you are able to evaluate it on a objective scale and most often you see why the relationship failed. It is then when you can address whether those original problems have or can be corrected by both parties.

No contact is the right way to go, you can make it through this and when your mind is a little clearer, say tomorrow morning, you will be proud of yourself for fighting through and staying strong.

[QUOTE]
I feel like a mean heartless person.

You are not a mean and heartless person. You are LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF AT THE MOMENT AND THAT IS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO... If you weren't doing that, you might be acting heartless, but towards YOURSELF... and I don't think you deserve to be heartless towards yourself... because you are the best thing you can get for yourself!!



What I had broken.

I react very sensitive on such sentences. You look back and think it is your fault? Who broke up? Why?
It takes two people to break a relationship usually. So it is not your fault alone. Actually it is not about faults after all. It happened and that's it... I am a huge fan of FORGIVING YOURSELF.

Only if you can forgive yourself and take ownership of your past actions, you will be able to find peace. There are many many things that might went wrong in the past and it is hard to deal with them sometimes. This proverb sums it up nicely:

" You need to live life forwards but you are only able to understand it backwards.

Looking back in time with regret will make it much harder in the presence and future. It will prolong the ache. Looking back and realising that you acted in your best knowledge those days, with the best intentions, with a clear heart and maybe out of intuition is very important and healing. Knowing that this time there was nothing else you could do. You went down that road and it was for a certain reason. You will learn from that experience and do it different next time. Grow from this experience and I am sure you will!!

Do not regret... do not look back and don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself, use it wisely for the presence and be grateful to have learnt.

Hang in there, girl. It takes much longer than 5 months after such a serious long-term relationship to get over someone. Allow time to heal you and be patient with yourself and your feelings. Embrace you feelings and embrace yourself.

"Time is our dear friend... it does not heal all our wounds, but it will move the most severe pain out of focus. Allow it to happen...

There is no time limit to getting over someone. I'm the same as you are now and its been 7months. I know exactly how you feel and its horrible. But we have to keep our heads up and keep moving on.

You are not a mean and heartless person. NC is a tool you can use to take care of yourself when you're in pain. To not call on his brithday... well you need to take care of you.

Like Justwantfair said: one contact with him can really set you back months when it coems to progress.

As for the alcohol. Seriously, drinking when your all ready down will bring you further down, so if you feel that the alcohol keeps you back when it comes to progress, well then I suggest that you cut back on the nights out and find something ese that is fun and keep your mind busy.

As for NC in itself, even though you are still hurting after 5 months, then you need more time and that okay. We all go at our own speed.

As for meeting someone else; you'll be ready when your ready and right now your not.

Have you thought about joining any types of clubes or sports etc... that might be a good place to meet new people who share the same intersts as yourself...

[QUOTE=LoveStoned;1809771]


You are not a mean and heartless person. You are LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF AT THE MOMENT AND THAT IS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO... If you weren't doing that, you might be acting heartless, but towards YOURSELF... and I don't think you deserve to be heartless towards yourself... because you are the best thing you can get for yourself!!!



I react very sensitive on such sentences. You look back and think it is your fault? Who broke up? Why?
It takes two people to break a relationship usually. So it is not your fault alone. Actually it is not about faults after all. It happened and that's it... I am a huge fan of FORGIVING YOURSELF.

Only if you can forgive yourself and take ownership of your past actions, you will be able to find peace. There are many many things that might went wrong in the past and it is hard to deal with them sometimes. This proverb sums it up nicely:

" You need to live life forwards but you are only able to understand it backwards.

Looking back in time with regret will make it much harder in the presence and future. It will prolong the ache. Looking back and realising that you acted in your best knowledge those days, with the best intentions, with a clear heart and maybe out of intuition is very important and healing. Knowing that this time there was nothing else you could do. You went down that road and it was for a certain reason. You will learn from that experience and do it different next time. Grow from this experience and I am sure you will!!!

Do not regret... do not look back and don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself, use it wisely for the presence and be grateful to have learnt.

Hang in there, girl. It takes much longer than 5 months after such a serious long-term relationship to get over someone. Allow time to heal you and be patient with yourself and your feelings. Embrace you feelings and embrace yourself.

"Time is our dear friend... it does not heal all our wounds, but it will move the most severe pain out of focus. Allow it to happen...

I know things happened for the best... I just miss his company and how the relationship could have been if we could have just compromised with each other. And all along it was me who always wanted to keep trying (mentioned counceling and all that) until I couldn't take it any more... so I left. I later realized how broken hearted he was over it and felt bad. Then I guess he found someone else and put me on the back burner... I guess that's what hurt the most... But yes your right about understanding life backwards:o

You are not a mean and heartless person. NC is a tool you can use to take care of yourself when you're in pain. To not call on his brithday... well you need to take care of you.

like Justwantfair said: one contact with him can really set you back months when it coems to progress.

As for the alchol. Seriously, drinking when your all ready down will bring you further down, so if you feel that the alchol keeps you back when it comes to progress, well then I suggest that you cut back on the nights out and find something ese that is fun and keep your mind busy.

As for NC in itself, even though you are still hurting after 5 months, then you need more time and that okay. We all go at our own speed.

As for meeting someone else; you'll be ready when your ready and right now your not.

Have you thought about joining any types of clubes or sports etc.... that might be a good place to meet new people who share the same intersts as yourself....

I guess I'm hurting consciously and unconciously so yeah drinking at all will put me down. While I'm doing it I realize I'm trying my best to move on and have fun without him... but that's the thing... HE'S IN MY THOUGHTS WHEN IM TRYING TO GET OVER HIM! As for me calling him... I know this... We broke up in August... ever since then to January I was ttryingg to get fix things... It was waste of my time and prolonged my healing. I do go to the gym and hang out by the beach a lot... Believe me I try to have planns booked for weeks to come.

Hello everyone!! I haven't posted anything on here it seems like in ages... in a way I am proud of myself for doing so... 7 months with No Contact with my ex helped me so much and I thank all of U's for helping me stay strong through this. :)

Something happened today and I was in total shock!! He called and left a message. I didn't check it. I don't know if I want to check it? The last time he called was back in March and I did not return the call or hear his message for that matter.

The question I would like to ask is
WHY CONTACT YOUR EX IF NO CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED? WHY NOT JUST TAKE THE BREAKUP FOR WHAT IT IS IF BOTH UNDERSTAND IT IS BROKEN?

Why contact your ex if no children are involved? Why not just take the breakup for what it is if both understand it is broken?

Meh... some people just can't let go...

They don't know what's good for them and they aren't strong enough to break away for good. They let their emotions control them and that can be dangerous sometimes

Hello everyone!!! I haven't posted anything on here it seems like in ages....in a way I am proud of myself for doing so....7 months with No Contact with my ex helped me soo much and I thank all of U's for helping me stay strong through this. :)

Something happened today and I was in total shock!!!! He called and left a message. I didnt check it. I dont know if I want to check it? The last time he called was back in March and I did not return the call or hear his message for that matter.

The question I would like to ask is
WHY CONTACT YOUR EX IF NO CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED? WHY NOT JUST TAKE THE BREAKUP FOR WHAT IT IS IF BOTH UNDERSTAND IT IS BROKEN?


Hi Lovestoned! Nice to hear from you again !

In my opinion there is a good chance the girl he was with was a rebound, and now he is really missing you. I always said it, once they are done with the rebound, their pride and ego just collapses and they call you back. It took 7 months. Now is up to you if you want to give another chance and forgive or if you don't want to go back in the past.

Do you still have feelings? Mixed emotions? Or no emotions at all ?

How are you feeling? Do you feel like talking to him? Do you miss him?

Yeah I mean its been monnnths of NC and now he calls...

He may have been trying and trying not to contact you, but then he gave in. It happens... lots of people fall off the NC wagon, and its hard to get back on, but it's the right thing to do

That's like asking why dogs bark. They're hungry, they're mad, they're bored, they're dreaming, they're happy, they're threatened and because they can. I suppose you would have to ask each dog why it barks when it barks. Unless you have more details for us: like... you kicked it, it's a stray, just been neutered, needs to be neutered, it's in heat.

Hey Piran!! I'm good... just keeping myself busy with school and work... These past couple of weeks its been very exciting!! I reunited with some of my best friends from years ago...

But back to this whole ex thing... I don't know what the reason for the call was for? I didn't check the message.

And my feelings towards him have changed... I just have hurt so much through this I don't think I could ever put it past me...

I completely understand how you feel lovestoned.

It's hard to go back and pretend nothing happened, the pain is just too much.
I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive her. I am going to start dating again, I feel I am over her now, it's been 5 months, soon 6 months in a couple of weeks...

This time I will try to date italian women because we have same traditions and mentality.

Are you ready for dating again?

Okay guys so today is my Birthday and I am very Happy yet somewhat upset... Its like Im happy I've learned so much from life and so much from my past relationship but somehow I'm sad. I ignored my ex last call a few weeks ago but then am sad that he didn't call me for my birthday... I am so confused. Its not like I called him for his birthday... I don't want to go back into that relationship... so what is it.. :(


I guess I don't make any sense so I am just venting out my thoughts/feeling...

Hi lovestoned

first of all HAPPY Birthday!

Don't go back in circles. You've come a long way to road to recovery. Contacting him will just bring you back. Trust me I know I'm going through this myself right now and its been really hard.

You said you don't want him back anymore. Maybe deep inside somewhere beyond the hurt you still want him back. Perhaps you're just missing that special someone in your life but that person is definitely not the ex.

Wait patiently and love will soon be in your life once more. For now enjoy being single lol you can do what ever you want right now and plus you have lots of time for yourself.

^_^

Happy Birthday LS, and many more. Don't make a big deal out of your dissapointment with an ex, about missing your birthday. Be happy with the ones who didn't.

Enjoy it.

Happy B-Day! I know I won't be calling my ex on her birthday next week. She has plenty of people to wish her that and I will not be expecting a call from her on my birthday. Just the way of life! Enjoy and celebrate the good not the bad.

Happy Birthday Lovestoned! I didn't call my ex for her birthday and she won't be calling me either. Stick to NC.

I recently saw a few pics of her at her best friends birthday party and it gave me needles all over my body. Ugly feeling. I realize I have to stay away from all thoughts, including pictures.

Happy birthday once again and have a great week end LS!

Hi everyone,
It has been a year since I broke off from a long term relationship of 7 years. I still miss my ex. Sometimes I think its becasue I haven't been with anyone else after him. I'm focusing on my school work and all but at the same time I get sad thinking about if I will ever care for someone the way I cared for my ex. I think about calling him sometimes, but I don't. No contact has worked really well and eased away confusion. I think about the last times he tried contacting me again and that I didn't answer. I think to myself maybe I should have answered. I know I hurt him by ending things the way I did. But he also hurt me while we were together. And then to deal with him wanting me then not wanting me hurt even more after I was offering us another chance together.

I will admit this though... I'm still hurt but not as close as months ago when I couldn't even eat or cried myself to sleep every night.

Any suggestions? Should I call him back?

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow your entire story.

If you call him back, you will reset all the progress you've made and go back to square one. If you want to drag out this healing process even longer then go ahead, we can't stop you.

But if you want to heal, you need to completely block him out of your life and pretend as if he doesn't exist. Otherwise, you can't move on with your life.

Hey guys... I feel horrible... I don't know what to do anymore. I was with my ex for 8 years. Broke it off. Then wanted to work things out with my ex but then he wasn't sure of what he wanted thereafter. So I wrote him a letter not to contact me anymore. He tried calling me severl times but I ignored them all. It was going strong with NC. Now Its been 1 year since we've spoken. I cry and hope to one day get back together. Do I feel like this because I haven't been with anyone else? Today I looked at his myspace and didn't see much change. This was the first time browsing his page in a year. Should I call to catch up? I'm really hurting over him and wonder if he feels the same. Plus I changed my number so if he did contact me, he wouldn't be able to.

I would only pursue if you feel you're really over him. It's been a year, and I think it could honestly help to gain some perspective and insight into the possibility of a future.

IF you can be calm about it and not become an emotional wreck during or after (no matter what may be said).

This thread should be merged with your previous one.

And the advice from me is the same,stay no contact,and work on healing completely from your breakup.

How can I merge it? Anyway, its 50/50. I feel like calling him but then its like I see it as a weakness by giving up to call. But than again how will I ever no if we had a chance after having a year to think things through.


And gnomes, that's what scares me. I'm not completely over him. And who knows where my emotions will take me. If I do call or contact him I wouldn't even no where to begin. Just hey how are you. Its been so long. And he'll probably sense a motive behind th call.

I'm nervous about someone breaking NC when they are feeling like crap.

Hell, I'm nervous about someone starting a new relationship when they feel like crap... but with ex's... things can escalate so fast...

The power of NC is it removes conflict from your already conflicted mindset.

I don't believe NC needs to be forever... in fact, I'm willing to admit to using all kinds of different kinds of limited contact... but its more work, more risk...

So... what was wrong before? Why is it better now? Why are you in such a bad place right now?. and define that without it being about him...

One of the moderators or experts will probably merge your threads;the thing is to not start a new thread about the same situation,but to add to your first thread when you want more advice.:-)

I think you need to stop living in the past and start looking to your future,whilst making sure you keep busy,living in the present.

Don't stay stuck overthinking the what ifs.

You are nervous and you are scared that he will sense weakness.

Fear that he might actually see you as you are right now... that just seems to beg for a pause before deciding to engage him at all...

Very true KP. I know I can't hold a friendship with him now. If I was to try, it would be for a different motive. I have tried to move on. I've been doing so many fun things in life and it all boils down to... y am I still unhappy. I'm doing things I've always wanted to do that when I wasn't with him I couldn't do. I'm focused in school, I travel a lot, hang out with friends. Hosted TV shows. I'm stuck.

You'll remain stuck as long as you allow yourself to.

Moving on is a conscious decision we make and then we set about working on it.

I think you need to let go of your dreams of reconciling with him.

If you look at your life realistically,you'll find that you are in a good place.

Okay everyone... here is an update on things. So I unexpectedly came across speaking with my ex online. I made it really brief, But I wanted to say so much more. How you been stuff like that... His birthday is coming and I was wondering if I should open conversation.

Absolutely NOT! I don't know how you can unexpectedly run across someone online, I am not that savvy. What I do know is people and you my dear are struggling to adjust to life without him, and really do need to not have any contact with him, until you are a lot stronger than you are now. Whatever your doing online, stay away from it until you can deal with it better, even if it means skipping his birthday.

LS, I know how hard this is, but you really have to help yourself, and stick with strict NC!

Well it was really unintentionally... Someone hacked into my email account and sent everyone in my contacts an email.. So he replied to it thinking it came from me and so I explained what had happened and told him not to open it. That was it. But I guess I will skip his birthday... But my goodness... its been 2 years since we broke up and I'm just now starting to look at others with somewhat of an interest for them. It is so hard getting over someone you really cared for.

Yes it is. Doesn't take much to get old feelings stirred up. Heck between classmates.com, and high school reunion notices, I go through this all the time, thinking of the good old days of youth and romance and no worries >sigh<.

The sting of a break up fades in time and you can enjoy the memories and smile. Keep NC and you will.

I still think of my ex too sometimes and it's been almost 2 years since break up. But I met someone on April fool day. It will be 4 months on August 1st that we are together. She is amazing, we have a lot of chemistry and she is so much more affectionate and caring than my ex was. But I don't like to compare, all I can say is once you meet someone, the sting of the breakup fades away faster. But make sure you are over your ex.

Cheers!:D

Hey everyone. I have been in no contact with my ex for 2 years and out of no where he decides to email me with some news. And so I replied. He replies weeks later. What can be his intention by doing this? I'm not sure whether to do nc again or keep repling back... It was extremely hard for me to get over him.. Any suggestions :)

Stick with NC.

Guess you didn't learn anything after 2 years of NC.

What were you doing in the meantime?

Guess you got to start over.

No... I mean I've made great progress compared how I used to feel. Maybe because I haven't dated anyone since him that is why I'm finding it hard to just brush him off and forget about him...

He was fishing, he through out the line and hooked you. How did you feel waiting for those couple of weeks for his reply! He made sure he had control right away.
Do you really want to be his ego boost? Go back to "NO Contact".
Don't let him have any control in your life. Its always easy to remember to good times, but for some reason unknown to me, we always make good excuses to ourselves to cover up the bad ones!!

Yeah.. I guess your right... He initially contacted me for a really important reason yet I didn't have to know about it in a way but I was to nice of a person to just not comment on it.. Oh well back to NC here I go again... Thankx for your input :)

I was wondering the same thing after my ex contacted me and I found out the hard way. We started to talk again and trust me, it only gets worse (at least my ex was responding right away to my answers at the beginning) old feelings resurface and you let him fool you for a bit until you feel worse than after the breakup... then you start over.

I'm on my 2nd month of NC now and speaking to him again was the worst mistake I made after the breakup. Don't do the same. I agree with answerme_tender, he's checking if he has any control over you and it ends the same way most of the time : a one night stand at the "best" and you going back to 2 years ago. It's like you didn't make any progress if you let him get to you.

Protect yourself. Stick with NC. Good luck!

Listen lovestoned, I'm all for "no contact" too, and if he was really interested in seeing you again, there wouldn't be weeks between emails, and he wouldn't keep you guessing about what his intentions were. Biut you say you haven't dated in 2 years? Some guys might think you never got over them. Maybe that's what he thinks. But it doesn't matter, what does matter is that you should get back into the social scene. I'm sure you go out with your friends sometimes, just work on getting some dates. Then when an old flame contacts you out of the blue, you won't be in such a vulnerable position. But get out there and have some fun. You should be over this guy after 2 years, but no contact, as great as it is, is not enough.

Who knows what his intentions are for emailing you. So instead of disecting what he could possibily thinking, the question is, what are your intentions for responding? As long as you're ready to face the possible consequences of your own actions, regardless of his actions.

He doesn't have a clue that I still miss him. But I here you with the in between week emails... After an long term relationship I thought giving myself time to get over him was good.

I know what you mean about still missing your ex. But don't give in. Your doing the right thing about giving yourself time, but its been two years. It might be time to go out and start dating. Dating doesn't mean you have to get into any serious relationship, its just getting you back out there. Good luck