I haven't been on here in a while. I do believe it is time to get back on here and ask away
He is my situation:

I got out of the Air Force to be full time mom and wife and do all that great stuff at home while trying to go to school full time. I quickly realized that I was going to need help. My husband (still active duty) had got orders to move to South Carolina from DC. We moved and it seemed like as soon as I was just his "dependent" he became a different person. It was almost as if he thought he was better then me and I was just the wife.
South Carolina has a high unemployment rate and with my husband supposidly deploying overseas, we came to a MUTUAL agreement that I would move with our son to Texas so my parents could help me with my baby while I went to school and worked.

As any married couple we argued about dumb stuff and said mean things we didn't really feel. About 2 weeks after I moved to my parents house he just didn't call me as much, or ask how our son was doing. He finally one day said he hated me and that he was so glad that I was gone. He said that he had been miserable for the last 2 years of his life and that I was the laziest ***** in the world and all I want is his money.

Fast forward to current state. My husabnd went to rehab for abusing alcohol. Hates me guts SOOO bad for "never listening to him" and "being a lazy *****". He confessed that he had been dating a girl but it didn't work out. I told him WE ARE STILL MARRIED! Just because we are not living together doesn't mean we are divorced. He wants a divorce to act his age (23) and at the same time wants to dictate how I need to raise my son.

Now last night was my final straw. I have been patient and asking him, no begging him, to lets just start over fresh. That I would forgive him of all his crap and he would forgive me of all my nasty attitude. He told me you messed up you lost. Last night he kept calling me and when I would answer he would rudly say "where is david?" I told him he is busy.
To make it short, he ended up getting really made at me because I would not give the phone to our son (which he just turned 2 yrs old) and got REALLY drunk and said I am to blame for all his failures and blah blah blah. His Shirt (first sargent) came to talk to him in his apartment because I guess he was making comments on committing suicide.
I talked to his shirt and he assured me that he was going to make sure that he received help.

All of a sudden I get a text message from an unknown number. It is his little girlfriend. (she is 19 yrs olf by the way and legally married to another military memeber) she starts calling me ***** this ***** that leave kyle ( my husband) alone he doesn't want you. All this crap. I was curteous to her but then she txted me and said if I wanted to keep my son to go find a job. ( I am a full time student and I receive the 9/11 GI Bill) Money is no issue for now.
It is very apparent that my husband has been hanging around with the wrong crowd and doesn't care about anyone but himself but wants to fight with everyone. My husband was never this way. He started changing when I got out of the military.
I just want an outsiders perpective. What are your opinions? Could it be possibe that he is rebelling because he didn't REALLY want me to leave? I just don't know anymore

It appears you've been having brutal arguments since 2008. I would care very little about why he is doing what he is doing. I would care a lot about how his behavior is affecting both your child and you.

He's dating/seeing/having sex with other women. Can you live with that? Even if he stops the behavior right this minute, can you live with that?

I'd try counselling - both of you or you alone. Then I'd decide what I want for the rest of my life.

Then I'd think about what this is doing to your child.

Then I'd decide whether to leave or stay.

Regardless of who has been doing what to whom, I would not keep your (both your) son from talking with him. Saying your son's busy sent him into an angry tailspin and then suicidal thoughts. Promise him and yourself and your son that you won't stand it the way. Call him back ASAP and say that you will never manipulate any situation, no matter how awful between you two, by using your son as a pawn.

Her son is two years old.
He went into a tailspin because he abuses alcohol.
Her not allowing him to talk to him is not the problem.

I think you need to do some counseling yourself whether you stay with him or not. It does not seem as though he wants to be married. I would ask myself why you want to be with someone who treats you so poorly.

What? She isn't using the son a pawn. He's two years old. The mother doesn't want him talking to the father when the father is drunk. I see no problem with that. If not being allowed to speak on the phone causes the father to threaten suicide I wouldn't let the father speak to the son, either. I wouldn't allow my child to speak to the angry, suicidal, alcoholic "other" parent at any age.

Call him back and apologize?

This guy doesn't need a reason to go into a tailspin. Blaming his anger and tailspin and suicidal thoughts on the OP is simply - outrageous. You are blaming the victim.

Personal attack edited, thats what reddies are for.-T.

First of all, the OP isn't using the son as a pawn. He is a two year old. I wouldn't let my drunk husband speak with him either. She did the right thing. Did it make her husband more upset? Yes, but again she did what was in the best interest of her son.

She won't stand in the way? PFFT, she has been trying to be the adult in this whole situation, when clearly he isn't acting like an adult.

Lastly, how is SHE manipulating anything?

OP, I am very sorry for your situation, I really believe that he needs professional help, with is drinking, suicidal thoughts, and his anger.

For some reason or another, he has taken a bad turn, not quite sure as to why. However, this is something that I would be concerned about, not just for your sake, but the sake of this child.

You said that this has happened last night? Has he tried to reach you since then?


Personal attack edited, thats what reddies are for.-T.

You don't have a marriage, just a husband in name only. Remove yourself from this situation and let the courts handle the legal stuff, while you do your thing and be a good mom.


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriage/how-can-get-over-without-hurting-marrige-174098.html

Reading your other posts I think you both tried hard, but had a lot going against you. No excuse for his behavior though so don't tolerate it any longer.

This seems like a case where you want to save a sinking ship. I don’t know what is going through you husbands’ mind. I see that he is making a terrible mistake to push his family away, very sad actually.

I think you are looking for a reason for the behavior change, so you can offer some type of remedy to the situation. What are you willing to sacrifice to make this broken marriage work? Is it worth the well being of yourself and/or your child? What about your education? He asked you move back would?

In a loving relationship certain things never have to be sacrificed. If you want to save this ship HE needs to seek a counselor. Armed Service offers programs he can enter to work on being a better person perhaps will a little work he can become a person worth your time and more important your love.

Unfortunately, some men haven’t learn how to be good husbands and your husband is one of those men.

Are you sure that this guy is worth the work? What is it about him , beside being the child's father, that attracted you to him? Because from where I sit, it doesn't look like he's through being a drunken, immature, horn-dog, jacka$$ yet. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, being away from each other. He's showing his true colors.

What makes you think that he'would do anything differently when, and if, you two did get back together?

Is he, and his behavior, the type of influence that you want around your son on a full time basis?

Be careful of what you ask for.

Good luck.

Thank you all for the imput. Its nice to hear different perpective on this whole crazy mess.
My husband is currently seeking phyciatric help. He recognizes that he does have a problem and that he needs help.
Of course my son is my number one priority as well as his safety. I spoke with my husbands step father and asked what he thought of this situation. He believes that his immaturaty and lack of knowledge with what he really wants affects his way of processing things clearly. He expressed how much my husband has taken a turn for the worst and right now no matter what I do or say, or anyone for that matter, will be useless. First he needs to seek hepl and see what is triggering his behavior and fix it. His advice to me was to just leave him alone for a while and although I am getting the short end of the stick, to just be patient.
The reason I don't just say the hell with this guy, divorce him ,and move on is the simple fact that nothing in this world is easy.When I got married I made a promise to myself, to God and to my husband that it would be through thick and thin, for better or worse. I love hims very dearly not only because he is the father of my child, but also because I know that we are not over. I may sound naïve but until he thinks clearly and Truly knows what he wants, everything he does is just a reflction of his insecurity and immaturaty.
Im not saying that if he calls me today and says "baby I want you and I love you come back to me" that I will go and jump into bed with him and pretend that this never happened. If he decides to fix himself and wants to continue in our marriage we will be going through some MAJOR therapy. If he decideds that he doesn't then I will continue to be a good mother, finish school, and start my career and possibly join the military again.
I have learned that patient is key. Nothing can happen overnight and that I have to be the adult and take it day by day.

No he hasn't called me or made any contact since that day. That's is when I turned to his family for some guidance.

Sometimes I do feel that in theroy I have a husband but in realty its just the name. Thanks for your input.

thank you all for the imput. Its nice to hear different perpective on this whole crazy mess.
My husband is currently seeking phyciatric help. He recognizes that he does have a problem and that he needs help.
Of course my son is my number one priority as well as his safety. I spoke with my husbands step father and asked what he thought of this situation. He believes that his immaturaty and lack of knowledge with what he really wants affects his way of processing things clearly. He expressed how much my husband has taken a turn for the worst and right now no matter what I do or say, or anyone for that matter, will be useless. First he needs to seek hepl and see what is triggering his behavior and fix it. His advice to me was to just leave him alone for a while and although I am getting the short end of the stick, to just be patient.
The reason I dont just say the hell with this guy, divorce him ,and move on is the simple fact that nothing in this world is easy.When I got married I made a promise to myself, to God and to my husband that it would be through thick and thin, for better or worse. I love hims very dearly not only because he is the father of my child, but also because I know that we are not over. I may sound naive but until he thinks clearly and TRUELY knows what he wants, everything he does is just a reflction of his insecurity and immaturaty.
Im not saying that if he calls me today and says "baby I want you and I love you come back to me" that I will go and jump into bed with him and pretend that this never happend. If he decides to fix himself and wants to continue in our marriage we will be going through some MAJOR therapy. If he decideds that he doesnt then I will continue to be a good mother, finish school, and start my career and possibly join the military again.
I have learned that patient is key. Nothing can happen overnight and that I have to be the adult and take it day by day.



I really wish you the best of luk.

You seem like a smart woman, so I believe that you will make the right choices here for you and your litlle one.

Again, good luck.