I'm hoping to get some insight on something that has been eating me lately.

For the past two years I have worked with someone who I thought was a friend, up until a month ago that is. First off I'm a guy, and she's a girl. We are both in college. She is married with no kids. Ive always been "the smart kid", I have done things at my age that amaze people, designed IT infrastructure that seems like it was made by someone with years of experience. The last girlfriend I had was way back in Jr. High, simply because when I started high school I got a job and worked LOTS. I graduated with honors form HS and maintain a 4.0GPA in college. I received numerous job offers from my school, I turned them all down to stay at my current job. I was offered jobs by other companies, I turned them down to stay with her. All these so called "abilities" and I can't figure this out. I feel so stupid.

We didn't really see each other outside of work but that's more to do with school than anything else. We used to spend hours just talking to each other about our pasts(stupid things she did when she was younger, her family) and what is going on in each others lives, a lot of this was personal information. We used to always go for lunch together and spend more time talking. We would tell each other anything, a couple months ago she told me that she was at the point of a divorce with her husband, she said she was tired of him not being there, and that no else else knew about this yet. I responded with I'm sure everything will be fine. I always took her places outside of work that she needed to go, usually home or to go shopping. She always relied on me for help when she needed it, she would always ask for help and I had no problem providing it.

That was then... This is now:

I would be lying if I said I don't have feelings for her. I know she is married... I've tried to stop thinking about her in that way but I can't.

One day she came in in a bad mood. I asked to do something for me and everything went down hill. She started twisting my words around that I had said before to other coworkers. I asked her what was wrong. She replied with nothing, knowing that this wasn't true I said will you at least talk to me. Her reply was that I was crazy for thinking she would talk to me. I pressed further and that made things worse, she said I'm not your property. That hurt, I would never have thought such a thing. I tried apologizing for whatever I had done but to no avail, she said she belonged to her husband. Apologies she stated, were to personal.

The next day was just as bad, I asked if we could agree to start over. She again said nothing was wrong. She wouldn't even look at me when she was talking(she didn't say more than three words probably the entire day), and the rest of the day if I came and talked to someone near by she would go the opposite direction.

It was to the point where we both could not function in our positions, so I met with her. She started to say that we were never friends, she didn't want to talk outside of anything professional anymore, she thought everything I said before was a lie. She said it was all my fault, and that she needed her space. She said she didn't need me around to help her anymore. She wouldn't even shake my hand when we agreed we would work together. I was in tears after she left my office, I couldn't hold it in anymore. Over the course of one day I had lost someone who was so near and dear to me. My true feelings toward her made it feel worse. I haven't told her how I feel, or that I've cried many times over this. I think she knows though; deep down I know she knows. It hurts so bad because she has said she doesn't want to be with her husband, sometimes I wish this come true.

Since then things are not the same, there is awkward silences when I enter the same room as her. I don't know if I can trust her with information like I used to. At least she talks to me occasionally now, and is willing to take my help since it has been a few months since the fight. I asked her if things will ever go back to being the same, she didn't answer. I really don't know if things will ever be the same, I was ready to resign at one point over this. Things have gotten better over the past few months but I don't want better, I want to go back to being friends.

If I could go back in time and change one thing, this would be it. I have had hard times before but it doesn't matter, this has hurt me the most. I have trouble smiling now, I find myself analyzing the events in my mind over and over and over. I'm sure she's knows I am doing this, I told her I replay events all the time in my head.

I'm so hurt by this, if anyone has insight I would appreciate it.

You may be a really smart guy but knowing when to back off and leave things alone would be something good to learn. All you can see is your hurt and what you want but did you ever think that she may be hurting and has other things on her mind? Don't be selfish, be understanding by giving her space and not pressing her for what you want.

Yea, bro you need to back off. Never ever ever bring that day back up. Trust me. Let things ride out. You said the more time goes on the more she talks with you. If she is going to leave her relationship she is going to do it on her own terms. Maybe she was falling for you too and that is what was causing her marriage to fail? Maybe she realized that and that's why she blew up on you so bad. Your best bet is to just sit back and be there if she needs you. I wouldn't try to hold any conversation with her for a while. Let her talk to you. If you both had something then it's probably still there but if you really want to be her friend then let her go. She needs to work on her marriage.

If her marriage doesn't work out, don't expect to go flying in to her rescue either. When people split up from something big like that they don't need a quick rebound. They need a friend to be there for them and help them in their time of need. While working together if you both use to get along as friends. You can probably stay friends. Don't ask her to be friends it's just something you need to do over time. She needs to be able to trust you again even though you have pushed her to the point of putting her marriage in check. Like I said back off and just be there for her. What's the worst that can happen?

If you want to become her friend again you need to start slow but think back with your amazing brain about what things y'all use to enjoy doing as friends together at the "very" start. And that is where you start from. If she persists to blow you off then all you can do is back off. End of story.

And you could end up the smartist person that can get a good job. You start mixing romance, a married women in the work place, and you could find that you are black listed from any good company for years.