My brother and this girl (who became one of my close friends) have been going out for over two years. Its been a very emotional and rough time for all three of us because I often am dragged into the middle. From the start there was trouble. Her guardians didn't approve of my brother because he was about 4 years older than her, at the time she was about 16, anyway, they dealt with that for a long time. They often used my phone to text each other (which drove me up the wall, I was so ticked all the time) because her guardians would not allow her to talk to my brother- I know my brother is a very good guy- but they just didn't know.

Anyway my brother has always had a sickness, and he had to take an equivalent to chemotherapy to cure himself- this all happened while they were dating. It was very hard on both of them and their relationship, he was unable to think very well on it and stopped going to college, she tried to talk to him, but their conversations were very blah, not much too them. It was hard on me as well, because during this time they were still using my phone to communicate- and I never got to talk to my brother anymore. Me and him were really close before, but I was so angry because she got to talk to him at least, even if he didn't say anything worth while... I was constantly angry, and I channeled that anger at my brother- sadly because I was really angry with my friend, his girlfriend, as well.

So- he recently got off this treatment and is cured (months ago, but not a year so far) and he's still recovering in his mind. He plays video games a lot to ease the anxiety he feels and still takes some stuff for it. He's not the same person he used to be, and I know its really hard for him- I know people don't expect him to be the same, but he feels they do. And His girlfriend has been constantly angry at him, wanting more attention, angry if he doesn't reply to his text, when he calls her hours late every night. She's always unhappy with something about him. So he had been suggesting they take a break, she had broke up with him before but it only lasted a week or less and she was back talking to him! The reason was because she was trying to do the 'right thing' by not talking to him because her guardians still didn't want them talking. I was so angry, not because she broke up with him, but because she got back together with him! Why had she done that and just gone right back made me fume, but I didn't say much- I wanted them to make their own decisions. He was fine and adjusted to it, but then got anxiety worse after they got back together.

So here we are now, a few months later and he can't stand it anymore, I know that they are both unhappy. He's been suggesting a break and she refuses it, she literally freaks out every time he suggests it. So he finally says he's taking a break, and she won't accept it, she tells him he might as well break up with her. So he does.

She's so dumb... she tells me about all this bad stuff (nothing horrible like drugs but just bad things for her) she wants to do, and make out with random guys every night.. now that I think about it it makes me mad... anyway, then she starts texting my brother, she knows he doesn't want to talk to her yet but she keeps doing it! I told my brother not to respond, because its not healthy to talk to her now (it hasn't been a week since he broke up with her). I put up with it for a day, she told me she was texting him but he wasn't responding. I finally told her that I don't think they should talk- especially after breaking up- and they should give it some time. She disagreed and said something like "we're friends now" or something- just because he agreed in a text they would be friends. I disagree that (and I know he still wants to not talk for awhile) you should immediately talk after breaking up.

Just tonight she's been texting him, telling him she hates him. About the bad stuff she was talking about doing to herself. What can my brother do? He feels bad for her, he still cares about her! I feel like she's just doing this- out of anger and just so she can text him. I am so angry! I had to literally hold myself back from calling her up, and yelling profanities at her! What should I tell her? I want to talk to her very soon and set her straight, but I don't want to be mean and tear her apart. I think she's being self centered and putting herself first- when your supposed to put the other person first in a relationship. I'm tired of watching this crap happen to my brother. What should I say to her? What do you think I should do? I saw my brother, and he's just out of it, I know its affecting him horribly, just seeing him like that rekindled my anger and frustration- as her friend and his sister I feel like I'm going nuts.

I wouldn't recommend you speak with her. It's obvious that she loves him and she doesn't want to to let it go.

From what I understand he loves her but due to his condition he feels he is unable to provide the love and care that she wants. She figures lets wants to remain friends because at least there is a chance the can rebound.

The one person you can speak to is your brother. If this ex-girlfriend is creating a stressful situation he needs to cut off. He doesn't have to answer the phone or her text. I know you are trying to be protective of your brother but talking her is crossing the line.

What a triangle you are in and should remove yourself from it immediately. First their business shouldn't be your problem, and secondly your friendship with her only keeps her reminded of him.

Most of this I think is because your in the middle of two people who's time has come and gone and the emotional dust can never settle.

You are definitely on the wrong side of the fence and so get closer to your brother, and very much a lot less available to her, because she needs a reality check a lot worse than he does.

Get out of this, and get your own emotions under control, and maybe she can get her act together.

I would get your numbers changed, and make sure she doesn't get the new ones. Your brother needs stability,and people he can count on. He already has his own emotional drama to handle with getting well. Remember blood is thicker then water,stand by your brother. He probably needs you more then he will ever let on. Again, get numbers changed, let your parents know why you need to get them changed, so they have a heads up on what she is putting your brother through. Good luck

Your brother should take his break - he's been clear he needs it. The girlfriend should date someone her family approve of. That is critical to having a healthy relationship and probably has a lot to do with why she's not been as supportive as she should be - the relationship has been hidden and she can't share it with her family, and on top of it there's this major health situation going on. I think it's fair for you to be understanding that both of them have issues outside of the relationship that are impacting it harshly, and be sympathetic without being involved.

Be a sister, be a friend and let them have their own relationship separate from you as well. It's best not to take sides - as she is apparently 18 now she can date who she wants but she should stop lying about it to her family. Your brother should probably make having the relationship open a basic criteria for getting back with her if he chooses to do so.

If you can't be both friend and sister, your loyalty should be family first, but be careful - I've known so many people that get involved in other people's breakups and it's a mess when the couple gets back together - and no longer trust you!