I got married only a few months ago. Before we got married my husband told me he may I have a baby to another woman.
Though this woman was a lap dancer and did some pornography. He was engaged to her and came back one evening to find her in bed with another man while she was pregnant! He let her live in his house and paid the rent. He also told me that while she was pregnant she was receiving texts from different men.
My husband put a wedding photo on his profile on face book, and a couple of months later her Dad got in touch. He sent an email and photo of the kid who is now nearly 3 years old.
This girl has had numerous amounts of men in her life and continues pursuing different men . My husband has told me that she has been on strong anti depressants for a long time.
I'm really upset about this whole situation and really do not know what to do. I love children and feel really sorry for the child so it keeps praying on my mind. I have asked my husband what he wants to do and he says he can't get involved as the woman is unstable and will try and cause problems, both of his parents agree.
I have a lot running around in my mind. Why have they left it nearly 3 years to contact him? Why did they not ask for his name to be put on the birth certificate? And why have they come forward just when we have just got married?
Has anybody been in this situation before and what do you think is the best solution?

Has he thought about having the court order paternity testing? At least then you would know for sure.

IF it's his child it would be great for him to have a relationship with it. After all, you would be this child's step-mother.

I haven't been in that situation but I can answer the reason they came forward now. At some point (now?), she told her parents that the child is your husbands. One day she was bored, checked up on her ex, and saw the wedding photo on Facebook. She is not happy your husband has moved on with his life. She pointed out your husband's profile to her Dad and voilà! Or, it could be an even simpler explanation. Her jealousy pushed her to send the photo to your husband herself, pretending to be her father. It wasn't clear from what you wrote but, in the email, was there an actual claim that the child is your husband's? If not, that would be a big red flag to me.

You are a very caring person to be so concerned about a child that may or may not be your husband's. The fact is, she chose to leave your hub's name off the birth certificate. That could either mean she is positive the child is not your husband's, she is not sure the child is his or, she didn't want your husband to be involved in their lives at the time the child was born. I guess you need to ask yourself, if your husband took a paternity test and the child is found to be his, are you willing to step up to the plate and fight along side him for his right to visitation or custody? Do you want him to pay her child support if you can't get custody? From what you have written you do believe your husband's version of the kind of person this woman is. So, do you want this woman's life to be intertwined with yours for the next 18 or so years?

If you can't bring yourself to leave this situation alone as your husband has, and you are willing to go the distance with all this, then you should attempt to have one last discussion with your husband. Talk to him about taking the paternity test now to find out whether he is the child's parent, rather than wait until later when the child is old enough to search for the person he believes is his father. If your husband absolutely refuses and does not wish to discuss this any further, you need to respect that and drop it. You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. It will only create friction and strife in your marriage. Her timing of contacting your husband after the child is 3 years old is proof that she is attempting to create a disruption in your lives. By worrying about all this as you have been, you are allowing a stranger to control your life. Please don't give this woman that satisfaction. At some point down the road, this may resolve itself without any involvement from you. If she is as unstable as your husband claims, she very well may file for child support from your husband now. That will give him reason to take a paternity test.

It is sad that she picked your husband as the father of her 3 year old, among all the other men that could be the father. Perhaps it is because he is in a stable relationship, and appears as though he could be a source of income and/or support.

This woman's father sending you a photo of the child, was probably out of desperation. No doubt he and is wife continue to live with their daughter's drama, and now a child. In their eyes, if there is even a remote possibility you are the father, it could mean an easier life for them, financially.

I think the course of action, is no course of action. Do not contact, or respond in any way either to the mother of this child, or her parents. Assume that there is just as good a probablility that the baby is not his, as it is his, and let it go.

Should the mother step up, ask for a paternity test, and it is established that the baby is, indeed, his, that is another matter. But to go looking for answers now, without any proof, is a waste of time and money.

Until proven otherwise, considering the history of this woman, I would assume that your husband is not the father.

The 1st reply to Jake 2008,
Thank you for your reply. I completely agree with all the things you have said. It is really sad she has picked my husband as he is a nice guy. The first thing that went through my mind was the income/ support. When he met her he had a very good living and a nice house and car. Maybe this is his child or maybe she is after money.
When I met him he was in a very bad place, he had nearly had a nervous breakdown, after what he saw. He said when she was a few months pregnant she said she did not want it and started hitting her stomach really hard. I think there is a possibility she does not know who the father is and is maybe going for the safest bet. It has passed through my mind the parents need financial help, maybe she is not fit to look after the child!
My husband has gone with the approach of no contact. He thinks this woman is capable of anything and it could be more distressing for the child, as he thinks she would make it difficult. Before they split she already told his mother she would never see the child again!
I think you have given me very sound advice and I am going to try and let it go. Thank you

2nd response to JUST_ANOTHER_LEMING,
When my husband started dating her she said she could not have children.He was quite vulnerable as he had lost a close family member at the time and split from a long term relationship. She told him how they were meant to be and how when she was younger she had a tree at the bottom of her garden where she inscribed his full name (this rang a few bells when he told me this). She was in a desperate situation as she moved in with him within the first week. When he was dating her he said she had been living with someone else who had been paying her rent at the time. My husband lived in the city and she wanted a house in the country. A few weeks after she claimed to him she was pregnant. They had a very short relationship as they were only together 4 months. He kept finding texts on her phone from different men. This email is sent from her fathers email address and if it is her father responding he does not know what she was up to. My husband said he never told him.
When the child was born she was with another man and married him, they are now separated. She has been with a lot of men since that time as her Dad has commented in the email. She is dating someone now and the relationship is on and off according to her Dad. My husband is a good man and very supportive. As soon as she said she was pregnant they got engaged. He said he was physically sick when he caught her in bed with another man when she was pregnant. I would support my husband in what he wanted to do. He said if she was unable to look after the child or the child was in harm he would go for custody. The child is innocent and I feel very sorry for the situation. I would not want this woman to be entwined in my life or if I had children more to the point. From what I have been told it would be the last thing I wanted.
My husband does not want any contact, he says she will try to ruin our marriage. I feel it is a shame that the contact has been so close to when have got married. I spent a week with sleepless nights. Though you have given me the same advice my Mum has given to me and not let this woman ruin my marriage. If he has to do a paternity test we will deal with that when it comes. Thank you for your good advice.

We have talked about it. We have both thought about contact with the child, though the mother is very unstable.
My husband says as we have just got married he wants to leave it for the moment.

Just follow your husbands lead and deal with this together. No Contact with this female is the way to go, and the facts will soon come out. Don't let a dilly bar, or what she can do come between you is the important thing. He obviously wants nothing to do with her.