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View Full Version : How do you let them know you don't want to be more then friends...


cialin
Sep 27, 2010, 09:09 PM
Well I met this guy just a few days ago at some college event, and he asked me if I wanted go out to eat with some friends and I declined because I had homework (he was in the same class as me). The next day a girl I didn't know asked me if I was sitting by anyone and if I wanted to sit by her, and I accepted, and I found myself sitting across from the same guy- we played a game of pool together after eating and we exchanged phone numbers and text each other over the weekend. Today we went to a on campus movie tonight, and then walked around campus and talked alone, he asked me if I was doing anything tomorrow as well... after all this (which has happened within less then a week) I realize that I really only see this guy as a friend, and I don't want to have problems later on... Am I wrong to think he's thinking of dating me later on? I'm really worried because he's a nice guy and I don't want to lead him on... I'm not a bold person either, What should I do? Its hard for me to decline invitations to hang out... I haven't known him that long either
I'm not used to being friends with guys either (I'm usually just sticking to my friends that are girls), I kind of just treat it like being friends with a girl, I suppose, so I don't feel anything but I don't mind hanging out...

NorthernNiceGuy
Sep 28, 2010, 12:01 AM
It sounds like he probably likes you (best guess answer). To me it would be best to just tell him, next time he calls you or however he contacts you just let him know; I can only be your friend. Even if he texts you just text him that back. You have only gone out with him a couple times and to me this doesn't require a face to face sit down.

And if you can't bring yourself to do this (some people just can't do it) you will have to distance yourself from him... Don't be available for hangouts and he will get the picture that you are not interested.

I know you don't want to hurt the guy, but unfortunately that's unavoidable. Trying to be "nice" by continuing to hangout with him will only lead him on and get you deeper and deeper involved,

Good luck!

Devorameira
Sep 28, 2010, 05:13 AM
You need to just tell him, as I would imagine he's thinking about you as a date, not a friend.

Since it's only been a week, I'm sure he's not developed strong feelings for you, so tell him now before he gets hopeful of a relationship.

cialin
Oct 7, 2010, 06:45 AM
Same guy in my earlier question-- I told him something like (in a text, I only knew him for a week) "Before we hang out much longer I don't want you to misunderstand-I just want to be friends with you" so I totally thought it would get the point across... but he wants to hang out pretty much every day. Plus he's making comments that make me think he really still thinks there's a high chance of something happening.. sigh.. and I know I feel nothing for this guy in that way- Its not like I sit waiting for his text, I don't get disappointed when he doesn't reply, or when we don't hang out, and I don't get excited before hanging out or anything. I've never got butterflies or any of that, plus I know I don't want a relationship right now, or with him.

My brother told me not to worry about it, since he's not in the dark anymore or anything- but that's not the problem, I'm not worried, I'm going to get annoyed, and will be more annoyed if he makes more comments that pertain to a relationship. I like spending a considerable time to myself- and he wants to be together every day! I know he probably just wants someone to hang out with, maybe still wants more than friendship yet but I really just want to be friends and maybe hang out oh 2 or 3 times a week instead of 6 times.

answerme_tender
Oct 7, 2010, 07:47 AM
If you have already been blunt and told him face to face that you want no other type of relationship with him but friends and he isn't getting the hint, why not stop hanging out with him for awhile. And if you choose to start hanging out with him again, just come out and tell him that you only like to go out with FRIENDS a couple times a week, and don't feel the need to have continuous contact even by phone more then that.

beachloverjohn
Oct 7, 2010, 07:53 AM
The answer is very simple. If he can't abide by your definition of "friends", then he can't be a friend. End of story.

He is only hanging out with you because he wants more from you then just a friend. So he really isn't a friend anyway. So tell him that there is no point in you two seeing each other at all, because you can't be what he wants, and he can't be what you want.

talaniman
Oct 7, 2010, 09:03 AM
I think you owe him, as well as yourself, the honest truth just as you feel it. Some guys don't take hints, especially nice ones.