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ttyme
Sep 26, 2010, 08:17 AM
Just a random question that poped into my head... what are you opinions on remarrying after the death of a spouse? Or if you died would you want your spouse to remarry?
I googled this question and it seems women are less likely to remarry because they say it wouldn't be the same to remarry another guy. I feel like if I died and my spouse remarried, my space in their life and their love for me (and possibly in the lives of our children) would be replaced by someone else. And the memories my spouse had of me would just fade and my spouse would eventually grow to love their new partner more while I just become a memory. I also feel even if my spouse says they would still love me after I die, but they have remarried, it just wouldn't be the same because maybe those feelings they feel for me are there out of pity, or they feel like they should love me instead of choosing to.
So, what do other people think about this?

Jake2008
Sep 26, 2010, 08:43 AM
I wouldn't carry conditions to the great beyond, as to whether my living spouse could re-marry. It would be hard to enforce if you didn't want him to, and he did. Unless you have special powers and could shoot a couple of lightening bolts his way. :D

When one party dies, the marriage, relationship, etc. is over. There is nothing to stop the living, from living again.

Myself, yes, I would consider marrying again, or having a relationship again, only because it is not me that is dead, it would be my husband. Whether he wanted me to date/marry again, would be none of his business.

I would also expect that if I go first, he would be living too, and if that means finding love again, then more power to him.

JudyKayTee
Sep 26, 2010, 08:46 AM
Just an off the cuff question - how old are you?

I was widowed. I've remarried. That doesn't mean I loved my late husband any less or that I love my "present" husband any more.

My late husband and I had five years to discuss what he wanted, what I wanted, after he passed. It was his express wish (and he even left me a letter) that my life go on, that my life NOT end with his death, that I find love and happiness following his passing.

Will I always love him? Certainly. Will I always miss him? Yes. Does that mean I can't love someone else? No. I means that the heart is elastic and can love any number of people.

Would you want your spouse to live alone for the rest of his days and would you want your children raised by a single parent? I have 5 stepchildren, gifts from my marriages. (My husband was also widowed.)

You think that if your spouse remarried you would become just a memory following your death. If he DIDN'T remarry, what do you think you would become after his death if not just a memory? One way or the other, it's the same.

My late husband said that best tribute I could make to him was to move on and be happy. He did not want to see me alone.

I found that when I began dating (after 13 months) some people were shocked and didn't feel I had mourned long enough. I have no idea what "long enough" involves. There is no time frame that is standard. I found that widows and widowers understood - the criticism came from people who were never standing in my shoes.

I have no idea what "I also feel even if my spouse says they would still love me after I die, but they have remarried, it just wouldnt be the same becuase maybe those feelings they feel for me are there out of pity, or they feel like they should love me instead of choosing to." Please explain this sentence. Are you saying that after your death your husband would love you out of pity? What?

I'm interested in what other people have to say.

simoneaugie
Sep 26, 2010, 11:24 AM
I can not dictate or control another person's feelings for me whether I am alive or dead. If someone loves me, it's a bonus not my right.

Marriage aside, my girlfriends will probably still love me after I die but I would not want them to forgo all future friendships in deference to me. To want that would certainly mean that I did not love them and considered them my property.

Marriage is, to me, not a proof of ownership.

Devorameira
Sep 27, 2010, 06:42 AM
I can't imagine why anyone would not want their spouse to move on with their life and remarry. Your spouse deserves love and happiness in their life.

I personally wouldn't want my husband to sit around in depression simply thinking about me and never getting on with his life. I think it'd be selfish to tell someone they should never remarry.

answerme_tender
Sep 27, 2010, 01:13 PM
Lonliness is very harsh thing to condem someone to live with. We should love our spouse enough that to give our blessings to live a happy, full filling life. Isn't that what love is all about.

Fr_Chuck
Sep 27, 2010, 01:16 PM
I have been widowed twice and am remarried again. If my current wife out lives me I would hope she follows her heart and does remarry if that is what she wants. ** not that I have any plans to be gone soon.