I have trust issues and no matter who I date, I am suspicious and investigative. Long story short, I finally started dating a guy who I almost trusted. I would be suspicious, but always thought logically that he would never cheat on me. I truly felt he was always sincere, nice, genuine, and treated me well. He has always been a little insecure too--he would comment on how he thought I would "leave him for someone better." After a year of dating, I moved to another town, and he was planning on moving there a few months after me. After a few days of me being gone, he went to a party and got drunk. I came home and searched his apartment for evidence and found it. I acted completely insane in anger and did many things I shouldn't have done (to him and his apartment). When I finally calmed down and asked him what had happened, he told me it was really his friend who had had sex in the apartment with our condoms. I was hesitant to believe this, but chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. Two days ago (and a month of us being back together), after some pressing of the issue, he admitted that it was really him that had slept with the girl. He cried and said he was so stupid and didn't remember a lot of it. He said he was drunk (but how drunk? I know he wasn't blacked out). He said it was a mistake and that he felt horrible the past month for keeping this from me. He said he planned to tell me when I had calmed down and that he didn't tell me from the start because he knew I would leave him. After all of this--the lies, the hiding, the cheating, the making me feel bad for being suspicious and acting out--is there any hope at all for repairing this relationship? We were planning to get married and I just need to be sure before I decide to either throw my relationship away or try to work this out.

I have trust issues and no matter who I date, I am suspicious and investigative.



I have to be honest, work yourself out first. No marriage, or relationship will ever be healthy until you are.

Do that for yourself, by yourself. Need guidance in the right direction? Don't be ashamed to ask for help.

I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but was sincerely given for your happiness in the long run, sorry.

Ohh I forgot to mention that I have been attempting to do this by going to a councelor.

Keep up with the counseling to get to the bottom of your insecurities.

You were wrong to go through his things, but lets face it... he's a cheat. Don't blame yourself or the alcohol for his bad behavior. His desire to be with someone else was already there, the alcohol just made it easier.

His excuse of being drunk doesn't make it hurt any less right? It's a poor excuse, and it's just that... an excuse (a pitiful one at that).

I would definitely reconsider this relationship. With the insecurities you already have, you need a supportive man that instills confidence in you, not a man that cheats and makes you even more insecure.

Come on you know you deserve better then what that man has to offer. He didn't even let the bed get cold before he had another woman in it. Then he wasn't even man enough to own up to what he did.
Now lets also be honest enough to kow that you wear your "insecurities" on your sleeve. They are out there for any man to see and for any man to take advantage of. I was glad to hear you have decided to get counceling for this.
Most of us have had good and not so good relationships. Being hurt is never easy to swallow, but you pick yourself up and move on. Never leave your pride, nor your confidence. Those you take with you and those are the are just a couple of strenghths that our sleeves should show. Good luck

It would be difficult enough for an emotionally well adjusted person to bounce back from adversity, but for you it's going to take quite a bit of hard work. It's going to require that you turn this negative experience into a productive one. So with the problems you have with trust, the insecurities, anger etc, I have to agree with the others that you seek out or continue with counseling. Your boyfriend may have cheated and lied this one time, or this may be a sign of things to come. So for now, you are not healthy enough to even think about that issue, so put the marriage plans away until you are. Then and only then will you be able to weigh the pros and cons of entering into a marriage with your boyfriend, or any other man for that matter.

I agree with all the above.

Considering your issues, his insecurities (although I'd question that as he seems quite content with himself when it comes to so-called double-dipping), and the fact that cheating is a major obstacle in any relationship, this is going to be an uphill climb.

I don't care for his reasoning and excuses either, where's the originality? Standard excuse - drunk, was going to tell, won't happen again. Consider that if he is giving you the boiler plate answer that so many before him have tried, he is not truly sorry for what he did. I don't see that based on responses like this.

I'd think long and hard about your future with this man. You may be able to put a band-aid on it for the time being but given all your problems together this is bound to cause real problems in the future.