I have been with my now husband for 10 years married little over 4. We have 7 kids between us, 1 who isn't either one of ours but his ex wife's who had the child during their marriage, anyway I have ALWAYS been a wonderful step mom even to the child that is not my husband’s! I & my husband have been raising their son for over 6yrs now with NO help from his ex. The ex is constantly in our business, their kids are always telling her our business & telling her how much they hate me, how mean I am etc etc. My husband has always been a hard headed, straight to the point kind of guy, not always so sweet. Lately he has gotten so much worse, verbally he is getting out of control & he refuses to listen to how he is making me feel. He is always accusing me of cheating when I have been beyond faithful! We have a house together & a car (in his name) I have tried to work this out with him to get him to change his ways, to not call me out of name, to set his ex straight... But he refuses to, he tells me his way or the highway. I want to leave but am scared to be alone, I am not an ugly women, I have a wonderful job but have been so dependent on him that I wonder if I can do it alone! I only have messed up 1 time by lying to him about money, paid bills with a credit card he had but never did wrong with the card, he received all the statements to see that I paid bills nothing else! But he can’t get passed that, he has done way worse to me over the years!

Hello Concern,

I'm confused about something. You two have 7 children all together. 1 of which is neither his nor yours. This child is from another man and his ex? If so then how come the real parents aren't involved?

Is this the same ex that he does share some kids with?

I can see your frustrations here. I agree with you. It can get very annoying.

However, if a man said to me, "it's my way or the highway!" ooooh I would tell him where to go! I wouldn't tolerate that, and neither should you.

Have you tried counseling?

He, for some reason still feels as if his ex can have control and that's not fair for you or the children.

Staying with him because you are afraid to be alone is not a good reason to be with someone.

I agree. Why did you agree to this?

His ex? C'mon.

Plus you got with him knowing about this. Let it all happen.

Never worked it out before. Now after this long period of denial, non-communication & resolution, its come to a head.

I don't blame you. And, you have enough kids to worry about, but nip this now before it goes any further.

Yes, counseling is in order. Sounds like he's not willing, or wants to let his ex go. Geez. Even with being with you the whole time.
This kid isn't even his responsibility. Or yours. That's screwed up.

Its either you or his ex. Let him decide what he wants. If he doesn't change, split.

I wouldn't stand for this BS. Its making you miserable. Not happy.

Enigma1999 and vanheart really said it all.

Ask him to go to counseling. If he refuses, then you need to be seriously considering leaving.

Sounds to me like he's controlling and verbally abusing you. No woman should take any form of abuse from a man. Problem with abuse is that it almost never gets better - just worse.

It's most likely the verbal abuse has damaged yourself confidence and made you fearful of being alone. Don't allow him to keep you miserable for the rest of your life. Start working on making yourself happy today.

You need to be strong example for those kids! Show them that no one deserves to put up with verbal abuse to survive. If you are miserable how do you think those kids feel having to witness this abuse you are having to go through. I agree with other post please get some counceling, if he won't go then go yourself!! Let your mother instinct kick in and get some help if for no other reason but so those kids no longer have to be effected by this anymore. Good luck

@ Enigma1999, I have 3 children of my own he also has 3 children of his own (same women) the 7th child I am referring to is my husband’s EX WIFE that he has 3 children with. They were separated when she got preo with the child & my husband basically has been raising her since he & I got together, she was around 9months old. In 2/06 we took over custody of his & his ex's oldest son & have had him ever since except for 2 times that the ex wife tried to not give him back! She is an evil, hateful, manipulative, insecure person that is always worried about what is going on in our lives. She has also turned his 15 yr old daughter against us & he hasn't seen her but maybe a total of 10 days in the last yr. I have asked him to counseling several time he tells me he has no problem. I guess I can ask what I should do but I know what I need to do! Hard to walk away from 10 yrs.

I agree it is hard to walk away from 10 years and not to mention the bond you must have with the children.

Let me take this from a new direction. Ten years and seven kids. Do you guys take time to be alone? Are you having date nights or private time? That's a lot of responsibility having all those children but you need to remember each other also. Was is always like this? I am sure the ex was a problem from the start but how was he back then? Is it possible over time he just let it go to far and now this tension has become stronger with you both that it can't be broken? Once you let that distance come between you its easier to keep it growing then close the gap.

The ex wife has always been an issue from the 1st moment I met her. He allowed her to do, say and get what she wanted for the first 5 yrs we were together, he said easier then to fight with her. I just thought that over time she would grow up, move on & leave him alone. Now she just is turning his children against him, as she hates me therefore makes the children hate me & turn on dad. THe last straw was last week we took the 2 girls that are talking to him (yes even the child that is not his & this little girls dad pays $350 in child support) shopping for school clothes, bought them 4 outfits a piece (mind you my husband pays for HIS 2 girls $450 a month child support too) took them to dinner & then went home & told their mother that dad & I were fighting, that they were embarresed to be around me! I told him that was it & he neede to sit them down ages 12 & 10, & tell him how it's wrong & hurts! He refuses to, he's"scared" that he'll lose them too... are you serious so because you are scared they will turn on you because disapline/talk to them! He has always been hardheaded, times mean always his way but the verbal abuse has just been non stop for the last 2-3 months... calls me out of my name almost daily, I have never but 2 times called him a name! I have been a good women to him, I work fulltime, clean house, cook every night, take care of his children (he works most weekends they are with us) go to all the confernces, games, etc for the 17yr old son.. not even his real mother attends his games! The only child that we have full time is their oldest who is 17, so we do have a lot of time together.

If its only been a few months since the verbal abuse started it might not be to late to save this. I guess I have a big heart today and think if you work hard enough it will be OK.

How do your children treat him? Have you told him you thought of leaving him? This could hit home and make him start talking. Something has to be done with the children. The ex will always be there but the children need to learn respect and they need to understand the damage they are doing. I don't understand why he allows this to happen.

The first step is to respect yourself. It is hard to respect yourself sometimes if people have not respected you since childhood. People pick up on messages and then keep pushing the boundaries. Look at all the work you are doing and he has taken it all for granted and is insulting you more. Don't play this game. Very firmly and gently reset the boundaries.. one task at a time. Go away on a holiday so that your husband has to do some of those house chores for himself and then when you return.. let him do his own laundry, cook three times a week.. etc. You are working.. and even if you are not working.. sharing house chores is important. Children will respect you if you respect yourself. Any time you say something negative come your way, very clearly and firmly set it back. Don't let them take you for granted. They should be doing all their own chores and praise they way that you raised them. Praise yourself everyday in front of your husband and children as no one else will do it for you. Every morning.. say what a great cup of coffee you made, what an amazing job you did on the floors, if he asks for a second helping.. Invite people over who praise and admire you loudly.
Your husband is taking you for granted and not respecting you. Also buy yourself the most expensive things.. may be it is a personal fitness programme or a special course or something nice for yourself. Treat yourself well.. not like a slave or a dog.. they will learn how to treat you.

Good luck

Each of us have that fine line inside of us, and only we know when it has been crossed to point of no return. It's a terrible thing to be called by anything other then you name. Its sound that your husband has no control over his ex, nor his kids. Sound like the only control he enforces is trying to be a bully to you. Whatever you decide, it would still be beneficial for you to some type of counceling. Check with your employer see if they have sometype of benefit through them for some counceling. I wish the best for you and your family.

I don't think its unusual for a guy who is afraid of his ex, and his kids takes it out on the only one who will take his crap... YOU. Stand up for yourself, and when his behavior is bad, just leave a few times. You are a mature independent woman, and why should you be the only one who takes his crap.

When it gets to the point YOU feel is bad, remove yourself. Your kids are old enough to be independent and responsible, and he is old enough to miss you, and change, or lose you, the unappreciative b@st@rd.

Let them all deal with it while you take a break from there nonsense. The last time someone even hinted at "my way or the highway" I got to steppin'. So should you. I think not having established boundaries of good behavior for so long has come back to bite you in the butt, but you may as well start now, by drawing a line and daring him to cross it as enough, is really enough.

Enable bad behavior, expect more.

Thanks for all the words! I have made my mind up I am leaving, started packing last-night he hasn't spoke to me in 2 days, saw some of my packed boxes... still said nothing! His girls will be here tonight so I am going to get a few things off my chest & hold my head high! Thanks again!

Good for you.
You will thank yourself later. For standing up for yourself.

Don't let him suck you back in after with too late apologies.

Keep any mutual parental business with him now on a non-romantic level.