View Full Version : He is married 30 and I am 18, I still like him and want to be in touch, Confused, help.
confusedgirl1
Sep 20, 2010, 09:56 AM
I was 15 when I met him and he was 28. He is a married with even childreen , we have met in some occasion and then have been in touch through text and chat. In 3 years we have met about 8 times when he came near by me because of business.
Although he is married, he says he likes and acts so nice with me. He helps me in lot of things such as study and other things. I like him so much, sometimes considered him my lover and I am confused I donno what is between him and me.
When I was 16 he just kissed me once and we ended up having sex and then another time he had sex with me, he said he wants me and he always says that he wants me. We said good bye about 5 or 6 times and He still comes back after some time and says he wants me and I know he wants me sexually too.
What do you think, he really likes me ? Or he is just using me for sex ? Does he truly cares about me ? Will there be any problem if I be in touch with him ? I also feel bad that he is cheating on his wife and we are doing wrong thing. But he didn't force anything to me, it just happened but he also doesn't feel sorry for anything, I couldn't stop it either... what other opinion and suggestion do you have ? I donno I just wann be in touch with him and know how he is doing but what's wrong I still think him as a friend and I like him and care about him and I think he does too... please help I am so confused...
ScottGem
Sep 20, 2010, 09:58 AM
This guy is a predator and a pedophile. You need to report him to the police. End of story.
confusedgirl1
Sep 20, 2010, 10:08 AM
Please tell me more... h wasn't really 30 but around 28 when we first met... but now I guess he is 30..
confusedgirl1
Sep 20, 2010, 10:10 AM
He is so nice to me and he says he likes me and wants me...
Kitkat22
Sep 20, 2010, 10:25 AM
Yo know better than to get involved with someone at the age of fifteen. He is not for you. You apparently know there's something
Wrong in this relationship or you wouldn't have posted here.
Leave the man alone and when you date again, let it be someone your age. This man is sick!!
JudyKayTee
Sep 20, 2010, 10:46 AM
Everyone who wants to be intimate loves you and wants to be with you - he's married.
You would help him cheat on his wife?
Shame on you.
Are there no single guys in your area?
Cat1864
Sep 20, 2010, 11:23 AM
I was 15 when i met him and he was 28. He is a married with even childreen...
But he didn force anything to me, it just happend but he also doesnt feel sorry for anything,
At, 15/16 years of age, you were too young to fully understand how this man nearly twice your age used his experience to train you (groom) to believe what he wants you to believe. It is in his self-interest to have you believe that he is your friend and cares about you as more than a play toy. Unfortunately that is what you are. A doll for him to play with when it suits him. To put on a shelf when it doesn't.
Now, you are 18 and an adult. You can open your eyes and see the manipulation for what it is. You can take responsibility for helping him cheat on his wife and destroy the lives of his children (they always no more than parents want them to).
When you say goodbye, you can shut the door and lock it so that he can't worm his way back into your life.
Get rid of all means of contacting him. Accept no contact from him.
Get out and get involved in your own life. Make new friends. Learn new hobbies. Learn new skills that will stay with you for life. Let go of him and the fantasy. Allow yourself to heal. When you are ready and open to it, you will meet the person who is all of the things you think this male is and more. This person will be yours and you won't have to share him with a wife. You can build a future together based on mutual wants and needs.
Time to learn what a real relationship is like. Good luck.
answerme_tender
Sep 20, 2010, 11:31 AM
Think of it this way, when your daughter is 15yrs old would you want a 28yro man who happens to be married with children to think so little of your daughter as to have sex with her. I would certainly hope you said "NO" to that question. What this man did was a crime!! He has used a 15yro girl for SEX. All he has done is use you physically and emotionally.
If he will do this to you.. don't you think he might have or is doing this to some other young girl. He is nothing but molester,cheater,lier and will only use you till you finally wise up and realize you deserve better.
But now that you are 18yrs and if you continue to allow this to happen, then you are putting yourself in same category as he is. You are mature enough to understand that what he has done is illegal. What type of relationship do you want out of this, he will never leave his wife for you. He would have to admit what he has done, and he is never going to stand up to that one. Move on, find a man that is willing to have an open, loving,forever relationship with you.
Kitkat22
Sep 20, 2010, 11:53 AM
If you continue as you are, your life will be so full of unhappiness and regret, you'll wonder why you ever let this happen.
You can't undo what's been done, but you can go forward in a different direction.
ScottGem
Sep 20, 2010, 11:56 AM
First please don't use the Comments feature for follow-up questions. Use the Answer options instead.
Cat1864 and answerme_tender have given you good advice. There are laws to protect minors from people who can manipulate them. That's what this man did to you. It is ILLEGAL for a man to have sex with an underage minor. People who do that are called pedophiles.
This man is married (or says he is), he preyed on your sympathies to get into your pants and take advantage of you. He doesn't care about you, he only cares about fulfilling his sick fantasy of having sex with young girls.
Again, REPORT THIS TO THE POLICE!!
slapshot_oi
Sep 20, 2010, 12:09 PM
He is most definitely using you for sex.
Kitkat22
Sep 20, 2010, 12:54 PM
You are the other woman or "girl". You are always going to be. He is a sexual predator. If he goes to prison it's where he belongs. You know better. Remember this, "What goes round comes round", usually it's a little worse. His wife is the one I feel sorry for.
Homegirl 50
Sep 20, 2010, 02:10 PM
He used you for sex. The man gets off on children. Pretty soon you will be to old for him and he will pick up another teen.
You are old enough to realize this is wrong and this man is using you and cheating on his wife and kids.
Leave him alone. Tell him you want nothing else to do with him. He has messed up your life enough. Now that you are older and know better don't volunteer to continue to be used.
talaniman
Sep 20, 2010, 02:22 PM
What do you think, he really likes me ?
Sure he does, as a very well trained sex pet.
or he is just using me for sex ?
Absolutely
does he truly cares about me ?
Of course he has become attached to his sex pet as any dog owner would.
will there be any problem if I be in touch with him ?
Yes, bu staying in touch with him, you will want to remain his very well trained sex pet forever. That would work well for him, but NOT YOU!! You could never have your own life, your own happiness, nor your own healthy love with someone who really cares for you for who you are.
I also feel bad that he is cheating on his wife and we are doing wrong thing. But he didn't force anything to me, it just happened but he also doesn't feel sorry for anything, I couldn't stop it either...
If you are old enough to know what you're doing is wrong on so many levels, then you are old enough to cope with your feelings for this lying cheater and do what's right for yourself, and his wife and family, the true victims here, and disappear from his life and get your own.
what other opinion and suggestion do you have ?
Leave him alone and if you have a problem with that find someone to talk to, be it a parent, counselor, teacher, preacher, professional, or trusted older adult. As others have said he has taken advantage of you and trained you to be what he wants you to be. That was selfish, with no regard to you, and that makes him a predator as the others have said, and his only interest is to have a young piece of tail on the side when it suits him. No he is NOT a friend, but your captor, and its time to break free of his influence.
I donno I just want be in touch with him and know how he is doing but what's wrong I still think him as a friend and I like him and care about him and I think he does too... please help I am so confused...
Of course you are as he made sure your feelings of attachment and dependence are deep, but that goes to how well he trained your very young mind. You must break that influence and see things for they really are and what he is really doing to you, making you a love slave for him. Stop seeing him as a friend, and see him as an evil slave master, that you must escape from. Do so NOW, no matter what kind of BS to the contrary he gives you.
We all want love, but this ain't it, because he is a criminal of the worst kind, and probably has other slaves under his control.
Just Looking
Sep 20, 2010, 02:48 PM
Your question reminds me so much of one of my high school friends. She also got involved with a married man when she was 16 and he was 30. He took advantage of her. He was experienced, and knew how to seduce her and turn on the romance. She was a 16 year old looking for love. He was charming and good looking, and made promises he never intended to keep.
They were involved for 5 years. She would not listen to anything anyone said to her, and fell for all his lies. He broke up with her after 5 years when his wife got pregnant. Shocking – he told her they weren’t having sex. She even believed that. She had gone through high school and part of college not dating, missing all our dances and other activities, and being miserable. She went into a huge depression, dropped out of college for a year, and struggled to get her life together. It took a lot of support from her friends and family, and some counseling and anti-depressants for a while. She went back to college eventually, but it took several more years for her to really get better. She still has a distrust of men. And, guess what, he later started dating another young girl.
Don’t fall for his lies. Regain your independence and self-worth. Figure out what you want in life – Please don’t settle for this.
AnnaAikee
Sep 20, 2010, 03:46 PM
Dude he has a wife and a kid! Leave him alone, yes u like hime, but it would also suck to be on the other side of this. You need to leave him alone till he and his wife breake up, if they brake up then u can be together. But DO NOT have them brake up because of you. Think about the kid, how it could effect them. If this guy is doing this to his wife he could turn it around and do it to you.
LEAVE HIM ALONE at least FOR NOW!
Homegirl 50
Sep 20, 2010, 03:56 PM
She needs to leave him alone permanently.
He went after her when she was a child. He abused her and will continue to do so until she gets older and is no longer a teen. What he did was criminal. He is a creep and an adulterer
Cat1864
Sep 20, 2010, 04:06 PM
Confusedgirl, what country do you live in? Does he live in the same country as you or a different one?
DoulaLC
Sep 20, 2010, 04:09 PM
When will this end!! I can't understand why women allow themselves to fall for these situations. Just stop it!
No one, male or female, should allow themselves to be in a situation in the first place being that "friendly" with someone who is married. Sure, find them attractive, find them charming, find them funny, nothing wrong with that, but that's where it ends. It's not that hard to recognize if you start to have feelings and know when to draw the line. "It just happened"... what a crock!
I don't care if someone is 15 or 50, people know better!
Confusedgirl1... of course you are being used for sex. You probably aren't the only one he is using for sex either. He took advantage of you to be sure, but you are old enough to know better as well, so you carry some responsibility too.
Cut him off totally... stop falling for his lines of loving you, wanting you, and any other garbage he is feeding you. Why would you believe him? Do you think he would be honest with you when he has already proven himself to be a liar and a cheat to his own wife?
I apologize if this comes off as a bit harsh, but maybe if someone had set you straight three years ago you wouldn't be here feeling confused. Have some dignity for yourself.
I feel sorry for his wife and children. Now wise up and do what is right before it becomes even more of a mess!
YOU are the one with the power to make this right.
Fr_Chuck
Sep 20, 2010, 05:06 PM
Yes, you are just some fun free sex, most likely has several girls like you. And when you get a little order he will trade you for another younger one if he can fool someone else.
So you are 18 and if you are OK being a non paid hooker for a married man, what the heck, you are free to if you want to be. Personally you should at least get paid.
But of course he does not love his wife, she does not understand him and he would leave if it was not for the children right ?
Jake2008
Sep 20, 2010, 09:32 PM
I don't get the impression that you would ever report him to the police.
What you don't realize is that this isn't complicated at all. He manipulated and used you,sexually, which is exploitation and an abuse of him excercising power and control over you. You are too young, and obviously not mature enough, to understand the intent of his actions, and the resulting consequences of your own actions. That is why laws exist, because you are not emotionally mature enough to have a relationship with a man, and you are in need of protection when you are underage. Men that do what this man has done to you, is called pedophillia. And you are likely not the only underage female he has groomed to do exactly what you are doing with him.
You are nobody special to him, except for the fact that he uses you as a sexual object, by plying you with false statements, and flattery. And he has done this since your first underage kiss with him.
Your actions now, have to change. Not only is he a pedophille, he is also a cheating husband with children. Is this the type of man you wish to have a long term, healthy relationship with? If it is, keep on doing what you're doing, and I guarantee you, at some point a parent,or another interested adult, will report his activity, and you can visit him in jail where he belongs.
He is not going to stop pursuing you, as long as you put out. And as long as you put out, you run the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. If you trust a pedophile, keep on doing what you're doing, and ignore all advice, and continue with the risk taking behaviour.
Get yourself into counselling, speak with someone who can help you break this horrible bond you have with this 'man', and learn how to stand on your own two feet, and say 'NO'. Surely you can say no to what you are learning about this man. No to being his toy, no to being an adulterer, no to his lies, no to his cheating, no to his manipulating, no to his sorry excuses, and no to his phone calls, texts, and email.
If you are still not convinced that dating a pedophile is a really, really bad idea, do a little research online and see if you don't fit the profile of the exact type of person a pedophile looks for. Look for characteristics an behaviours of pedophiles, and see if his picture isn't next to the definitions.
You must end this.
aimee_tt
Sep 20, 2010, 09:47 PM
All that comes to my mind is I hope he doesn't have a daughter.
Get away from him he used a CHILD to have sex with him. Don't let him continue to use you.
Do you think he cares about you? The only thing he cares about you is the hole between your legs.
He loves you when he wants sex then when he gets sick of you he probably goes to visit the next child he is abusing. I feel for his wife. She is the one being cheated on and doesn't know her husband is sleeping with children.
Get away from him FAST! He is nothing but bad news.
Homegirl 50
Sep 21, 2010, 01:54 PM
This girl was taken advantage of by a much older man. In fact this piece of garbage should have gone to jail.
She is older now and hopefully will get a clue and leave him alone but to call her what you called her is just crude and out of place. You are to give advice not call her out of her name.