Ok so I was in this 2 1/2 year relationship with this guy. It started about 5 years ago. The big problem in the relationship was age. I was still a minor and he, well, was 9 years older than me. That didn't seem to matter at first, I'd known him for several years prior as an acquaintance. He was in denial the entire time we were together, I think with himself. He didn't want to admit that he was in this legally questionable relationship and was afraid of being judged for it. I understood that and tried not to push the issue, but after being with him for a year I started to push him into making our relationship more "real" or just admitting it to his family. I never did just come out and say this bothering me instead I tried to push him with my actions, which in turn pushed him farther away. Eventually we broke up, it wasn't a mutual thing his sister accused me of stealing and while they had the family pow-wow lets persecute me he did absolutely nothing.

About a year and a half pass and I make no attempt to contact him, I kind of lost touch with the world in that year. I think being in a relationship for 2 1/2 years that was being denied by one person kind of messes with your head at any age. Well I started participating in the same "social group" I use that really loosely and inevitably we ran into each other (this is a year ago). He was seeing this other girl who was psycho possesive, she would barely let me speak to him. He started IMing me out of the blue complaining about the lack of sex in the relationship and how much of a bully his partner is. I just listened, while secretly I hoped they would break-up.

Even though I had, had other relationships over the year and a half or so I was so mad and jealous at him. We started haingong out more, helping each other out while participating in the "social group". Eventually he and his other partner broke up and I was secretly jumping for joy. Maybe this time he's want to try again with me with out age being a problem, but I was too afraid to make a move. I don't think I could have taken being rejected by him a second time.

Time once again passed and he started another relationship. This relationship has one major problem, she lives in another country. From what I can gather they really like/love each other, but they can't come to an agreement as to who would move... I'm assuming they're pretty serious. I don't understand why he all of the sudden he is reaching out to me telling me about this problem in the relationship. I still stupidly care and listen and give my advice. BUT really I want him to realize that the right person for him has been sitting right here only a short drive away.

So we've been Iming sporatically the last couple of weeks. Last night we chatted for about 3 hours, that's a long time. He confessed how horrible he felt about our break up. HE told me he has thought about me often the last couple of years. He also told me he was getting ready to tell everyone about our relationship the next month (when I would have turned 18). Now I kind of feel horrible because of the way I acted towards the end. At the same time I'm mad that he never told me of his plans. Things would have been different, at least on my end, if he had. I kind of have been in denial with myself at how much this relationship hurt me. I kind of buried the feelings and moved on.

Now I want to have an "adult" talk with him face-to-face,but I don't know what I want out of the talk. If he broke up with his current girl friend and he wanted me back, I think I would take him back, even after all this time. I want to tell him that, but at the same time I don't want to be that girl who wrecks relationships.

I son't know if I'm being selfish or not. I still believe deep down that the two of us are meant to be together. But now I am confused as to whether my current feelings for him are just a result of him telling me that stuff, or were they just buried deep. Then I have to wonder why he told me that. I do think I deserve the face-to-face "adult talk", but like I said earlier I don't know what I want to get out of it.

Any advice or experience is much appreciated!

Don't think that this started on the right foot.

Im sure he didn't mind having you, but refused to admit or feel good about it. Not honest, actually selfish.

And you weren't ready either for a serious relationship. Not sure if you are now or not.

As far as he goes, sounds like he's playing 2 women. Or whatever floats him at the time.

There's lots of red flags here:

"He didn't want to admit that he was in this legally questionable relationship"
"He started IMing me out of the blue complaining about the lack of sex in the relationship"
" If he broke up with his current girl friend and he wanted me back"

Hes just keeping his options open. Sounds like you were doing fine until you ran into him & started hanging out.

Don't hang out with an ex that has a girlfriend. Or anything else for that matter.

Move on from this. He used you & continues to.

Trying to be a friend and confidante to an ex that whatever you had was wrong or illegal has led you down a very confusing path that you have never healed from and you have had an agenda for a long time. Maybe he has too, but its time to end all that confusion, and let him live his life without you, and you him.

All this cat and mouse, soap opera intrigue has you confused, and making some selfish decisions that are not honest and open and you need to figure out your feelings before you jump into the unknown.

Waiting for some one to break up, is a fools game and a waste of time and a great distraction from other, better options and opportunities, that you cannot give full focus, and attention too.

That's a shame you need to change, before you make it worse for yourself, no matter what he is saying.

I agree that he is just keeping his options available. Remember when you needed him, he turned his back on you and he was already an adult when he did that!! Its hard to forget our first major love and its even harder when they put you in a position of feeling sorry for them. They know exactly how you feel for them and they use those feelings for themselves. Do you really think that he will step up to the plate this time, he has already had how many relationships right in front of your face and it doesn't seem to bother him at all, why===well because you are allowing him to use you and use you and use you!!
You sound like a very giving and loving person who will stick by and support the man you love. Its time to move on and find that special man, who will take those special qualities and cherish them and in return give those qualities back to you. You won't ever have to question if he will be there next to your side in the bad times, because you will just know it!! Good luck