I've never been in this situation before so I need to know if I am in the wrong.

I've know this girl for 7 years. J, for the purposes of this. Last summer I fell in love with her and I told her, nothing really came of it. She said she liked me though. We were always close friends and we got closer but that was it. This summer however, she told me she loved me. The only problem is I live in Ireland and she, in America. We see each other maybe twice a year for a couple weeks at a time. We know we love each other, and have both been in other relationships and realise this is something different. So every day since she left (July) she has told me she loves me. We I'm for hours on end every day and skype several time a week for hours at a time. And at the end of it we email everything the other missed while they were asleep.

Before she came to Ireland and fell in love with me, she had been kind of close with another guy, A. At first, when she came home again she said she was no longer interested in him. She just wanted me. Then she said she was lonely and confused about whether she should date him. I was taken aback. Long story short, it ends up with her saying she will only date him if I say she can. And she told me if I didn't 'let' her date him, she would resent me. I feel like a ****, like she's lonely and I could fix it if I wanted. After a couple days of this I got mad. I said that you can't have the two of us, it isn't fair. Things got weird then, she got weird, said she would be on her own forever and life wasn't worth it and all this. I was pretty taken aback and feeling selfish and scared I guess, I backpedaled. Now they are together the past 3 or so weeks. Because I told her I understood that she was lonely and needed someone there. She tried to console me, saying she loves me still and would leave him at the drop of a hat if I was there.

Since then there has been mini bust ups over this. I feel like **** every day cause my girl is with another guy. On the other hand she is far away. Am I being selfish? She says she is tired of me reacting like that. She told me to stop it, that we love each other and that's enough. Although, I am not enough for her... she needs another guy too.

And the whole time I am thinking, she even said it once, if the situation were reversed she would absolutely freak out.

I've had weird relationships but I am at a loss here. It might be too much to ask if anyone has been in a similar situation but I could sure use the advice.

She used emotional blackmail to get what she wanted,and now she has the other guy and you standing by for her next trip to ireland,sounds cushy for her,not so much for you.

My advice is let her go,she wants to be with someone else,saying she loves you does not make the words true,what do her actions say?

Walk away,start no contact,and start dating in your own country,you never know who you might meet in real time.

The first thing I am going to ask is how old you are and why she comes to Ireland twice a year? I ask because I am wondering how much longer her trips will be continuing if she is on family or work trips.

Second, you aren't going to like this advice, but I think you already know the answer.

Let her go. Relationships need Respect, Communications, Compromise, and Trust. Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) need those things in greater quantity than most relationships.

Communications are an open and honest sharing of thoughts, concerns, feelings, etc. It is listening to the other person like you want him/her to listen to you. It leads to Compromise. She is dictating not Communicating.

Compromise is two people working together to decide what is best for the relationship. It is give and take. She is taking and I doubt she would be as giving if you wanted to date another female.

Respect is accepting your partner as the person he/she is and not taking advantage of his her feelings to get what you want. Emotional blackmail shows she has no true respect for you, the relationship, or your feelings. She is using both of you for her needs without caring about the mess she is creating. That is not Respect.

Trust is believing that the person you let into your life (and heart) has the same desire to build a relationship with you. That he/she won't play games with other people just because the relationship isn't 'traditional' and it is more difficult to get needs met. She is playing games with both of you and destroying the Trust in both relationships.

I am not sure which one of you is the 'other man' because I don't think she was honest about the relationship with him when she came to Ireland last time. I think she can't stand being alone for very long and is enjoying having a male in every country.

Don't allow yourself to be manipulated and used by her. She may be a nice person, but her actions are not showing it. Being lonely is not an excuse to play around and hurt someone else.

Break it off and let yourself heal. Don't try to build a fantasy life with someone who can't handle reality.

In no way is this love, and your right, she is lonely, and needs this guy because you are not there.

This is a long distance relationship, but you have a female that cannot handle the distance, and why should she, since she only sees you for a few times a year. That's why you bow out gracefully, and get beyond this part time love/pen pal/computer thing you have involved yourself in. Of course its weird, and complicated, and going no where. Absence may be making your heart grow fonder but definitely not having that effect on hers since she choses to keep you for entertainment thrills and romance when she is in Ireland and wants to have a happy romance and attention the rest of the time.

Do the math, who is enjoying their life, and who isn't! That's right you have the short end of the stick, and need a life that you enjoy in Ireland. How old are you, and why does she visit your country so much?

Update won't work... I am 21, she's 20.

She comes over as part of a missions trip her church does to Ireland. I first met her there. Talk about an unusual start.

Your update ia all the more reason to follow the advice you received here. Your both too young to force yourselves to stick to something that you can't do. You're not being fair to yourself, so if the two of you want to be pen pals, maybe get together when she comes to town, that's fine someday, but first get over her and establish a life and relationships of your own. That's what she's doing, so open up your eyes and do what you need to do also.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that's just plain crazy.

I think she loves you as friend, and pal, but not for romance.

Three people in one relationship, just doesn't work.

That you told her you were okay with this, allows her to have her cake and eat it too. Why would you think that there is a future with someone who cheats with your approval. Why would you allow yourself to be so needy, that you would accept another man into the relationship, in order to keep a woman who has the morals of a gutter snake?

As long as you stick with her, you are stuck with her boyfriend too. I guess that works for some people, but if you are wanting a relationship with one person at a time, those two aren't it.